₦airaland Forum

I need help urgently.

I am met a lady, who's in her late 30s , early this year. She told me she was engaged but d engagement broke up.

She & her mum had been disturbing me to come introduce myself. This I was dragging feet to do. Couple of weeks back, My girl reluctantly broke d news dt she actually did marriage: church and court wedding; but was frustrated out of the marriage by her father in law & her husband. According to her, d marriage lasted only 3yrs, with no child, as they hardly had sex throughout their stay together.


She said he has remarried already but without proper divorce. I insist proper divorce must take place b4 I go ahead with her, as Bible and law stipulate. But she & her mum see nothing wrong in re- marrying without court dissolution of her subsisting marriage.

Her mum sounds good & though every woman with their own weaknesses and headache, she's not bad, either, for a wife, especially with little patience for her. But I'm still holding out dt her subsisting marriage must be properly dissolved but she said either of them cannot afford divorce fees & d stress.

Pls, Can I go ahead and marry her like dt? I'm in my early 40s; very minimal relationship experience, no child, & never married before.

I don't know if I'm at the right age to advice you, but this screams desperation coupled with the lie about broken engagement in the first place...

Good marriage has no manual, but bad marriage has familiar pattern and sign from the beginning..
This is showing signs of the later...
Whatever you do,I wish you goodluck sir

Chaiii…why do people like to complicate their lives like this? Oga, is there no single lady without baggage for you to date and marry? After waiting this long to get married, you want to enter into a “situationship”.

You're already 40 years old.
You didn’t mention how old she is.
You didn’t mention your financial status either.
Those are important details if you want a meaningful answer.

eniolorunfe:
Chaiii…why do people like to complicate their lives like this? Oga, is there no single lady without baggage for you to date and marry? After waiting this long to get married, you want to enter into a “situationship”.

She first used dt word on me saying I am showing my true color dt I was never serious with her

eniorisha:
I need help urgently.

I am met a lady, who's in her late 30s , early this year. She told me she was engaged but d engagement broke up.

She & her mum had been disturbing me to come introduce myself. This I was dragging feet to do. Couple of weeks back, My girl reluctantly broke d news dt she actually did marriage: church and court wedding; but was frustrated out of the marriage by her father in law & her husband. According to her, d marriage lasted only 3yrs, with no child, as they hardly had sex throughout their stay together.


She said he has remarried already but without proper divorce. I insist proper divorce must take place b4 I go ahead with her, as Bible and law stipulate. But she & her mum see nothing wrong in re- marrying without court dissolution of her subsisting marriage.

Her mum sounds good & though every woman with their own weaknesses and headache, she's not bad, either, for a wife, especially with little patience for her. But I'm still holding out dt her subsisting marriage must be properly dissolved but she said either of them cannot afford divorce fees & d stress.

Pls, Can I go ahead and marry her like dt? I'm in my early 40s; very minimal relationship experience, no child, & never married before.

I see manipulation here, your girl and her mum are trying to manipulate you emotionally. There’s likely more to this story than they’re letting on. The fact that she was reluctant at first to tell you about her marriage, church and court wedding—shows that something is being hidden. That’s a red flag.

Marriage, both legally and spiritually, is a serious matter. If she is still legally married (even if separated), then by law and biblical standards, she's still bound to another man. Telling you that the divorce is too stressful or costly is not a valid excuse. If they truly value the future with you, they would be willing to do the right thing no matter how difficult it seems.

It’s also worth asking: Why did her marriage fall apart so badly? Why is the father-in-law the one who “frustrated” her out of the marriage? These are not small matters, and rushing into something without proper clarity could be dangerous for you emotionally, spiritually, and even legally.

goran3310:
You're already 40 years old.
You didn’t mention how old she is.
You didn’t mention your financial status either.
Those are important details if you want a meaningful answer.

I mentioned it. She's approaching 38. I'm d one helping her in my own little way. She's a graduate and working though, but never enough being single and living alone

@Dominique
@Sissy3.

Could you move it to front page for a large audience?

eniorisha:
I mentioned it. She's approaching 38. I'm d one helping her in my own little way. She's a graduate and working though, but never enough being single and living alone

Why do you even want a woman like that?
Can she even get pregnant at that age?
You're already too old yourself for a first child.

Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get her pregnant first — because realistically, that’s the only real reason you need a woman.
Then, once she gets pregnant, you two can deal with the issue of her previous marriage.

You’re both too old for a first child. There’s no time to waste.
What was she doing until the age of 38?

Make the child.
If she can’t get pregnant — you don’t need her.

eniorisha:
She first used dt word on me saying I am showing my true color dt I was never serious with her

Which word? Anyways, you can see red flags everywhere but it seems you still want to chook your head. So many things are not adding up - you know it but, you don’t want to follow your instincts and walk away.

Let me call Nlfpmod for you because this is grown folks conversation, and I'm not qualified to chime in. HOWEVER! If someone is already married you can not marry them. That's common sense. It's an illegal marriage and it won't be blessed by God.

Double0h7:
Let me call Nlfpmod for you because this is grown folks conversation, and I'm not qualified to chime in. HOWEVER! If someone is already married you can not marry them. That's common sense. It's an illegal marriage and it won't be blessed by God.

You dig it right 👍
I know some antichrist are coming to antagonize this

Double0h7:
Let me call Nlfpmod for you because this is grown folks conversation, and I'm not qualified to chime in. HOWEVER! If someone is already married you can not marry them. That's common sense. It's an illegal marriage and it won't be blessed by God.

@Nlfpmod

Meanwhile, Prophet Moses & Apostle Paul take a liberal position about divorce. To me, marrying a good divorcee may not be too bad , if all issues are properly thrashed.

For d legal front, after all , man already moved on with another woman. My girl is saying he approved she moves on too!

So, will their be consequences later, or possibility of d man coming back for her, as no proper dissolution in d first place?

Dexy4yah:
If you love her then go head and marry her.
She’s in her late 30s…if I’m in her shoes i will be desperate too especially when i see the right man.
Some men are fun of blaming ladies for everything here….separation from her previous marriage doesn’t mean she is the bad person…some men are beast and not supposed to get married.
Many couples today got seperated without all this paper stuff or going to court and all that.
OP ride on…

She said d father in law, who's fetish & diabolical said shortly after d wedding, that she & his son are not spiritually compatible; that he'd kill both of them should they continue. She further said, d in-law called her mum to come and take her daughter b4 they harm her....

If she truly wants to be with you and start a clean life, she will do the right thing and get legally divorced.
Until then,don’t marry her!

goran3310:
You're already 40 years old.
You didn’t mention how old she is.
You didn’t mention your financial status either.
Those are important details if you want a meaningful answer.

That lady is still legally married as far as am concerned
So all these won't be necessary for now

eniorisha:
She said d father in law, who's fetish & diabolical said shortly after d wedding, that she & his son are not spiritually compatible; that he'd kill both of them should they continue. She further said, d in-law called her mum to come and take her daughter b4 they harm her....

Is she d only single lady in the world? Lemme be honest with you. Leave that lady and find someone else. With all these stories, you may like mostly regret marrying her.

Forget about marrying her. Look elsewhere

eniorisha:
@Nlfp.mod

Meanwhile, Prophet Moses & Apostle Paul take a liberal position about divorce. To me, marrying a good divorcee may not be too bad , if all issues are properly thrashed.

For d legal front, after all , man already moved on with another woman. My girl is saying he approved she moves on too!

So, will their be consequences later, or possibility of d man coming back for her, as no proper dissolution in d first place?

She is not a divorcee though. There's nothing wrong marrying a woman who is divorced. You want to marry a woman who is married. She will have 2 husbands. If you ever want to grow financially, go abroad, or anything inheritance then this will pose a problem. That man can legally claim any homes and business she's attached to.

This isn't cos play. God does not allow a woman to have two husbands. The legalities and technicalities are a real thing!

You're 40 years old and you don't understand this?
I'm starting to think you created this thread for engagement sake and you ain’t serious at all.

Solofresh2:
If she truly wants to be with you and start a clean life, she will do the right thing and get legally divorced.
Until then,don’t marry her!

She cannot afford it. A bloody private school teacher!

ambassadorgozie:
Is she d only single lady in the world? Lemme be honest with you. Leave that lady and find someone else. With all these stories, you may like mostly regret marrying her.

Forget about marrying her. Look elsewhere

It's a little hard as I av limited love experience. This will be my concrete first relationship shock!

Then, my fear is, what if d next I'll meet is potentially worse? Ogbanje, gen Z, pretenders, evil & irresponsible women full everywhere.

Double0h7:
She is not a divorcee though. There's nothing wrong marrying a woman who is divorced. You want to marry a woman who is married. She will have 2 husbands. If you ever want to grow financially, go abroad, or anything inheritance then this will pose a problem. That man can legally claim any homes and business she's attached to.

This isn't cos play. God does not allow a woman to have two husbands. The legalities and technicalities are a real thing!

You're 40 years old and you don't understand this?
I'm starting to think you created this thread for engagement sake and you ain’t serious at all.

Engagement? Check my account. I hardly engage at all. My account is about 12yrs old. I don't chase clout. The issue is I really I don't get to meet women romantically like dt & time is fast ticking. It's not really my fault, like dt

eniorisha:
Engagement? Check my account. I hardly engage at all. My account is about 12yrs old. I don't chase clout. The issue is I really I don't get to meet women romantically like dt & time is fast ticking. It's not really my fault, like dt

Then just keep her as your baby mother. Isn't bigamy illegal where you live. So, you can't do a court wedding, and you can't do a church wedding so maybe just do traditional rites and start living together. You can be together but your marriage won't be legally recognised. No one is saying you can't be together but just understand she can never be your legal wife.

eniorisha:
She cannot afford it. A bloody private school teacher!

Then you pay for it since you want it so bad. Its not that complicated or expensive unless the her current husband contests it (refuses to divorce her). I have a feeling she isn't telling you the full truth. She already lied to you so how many more lies is she hiding?

eniorisha:
I need help urgently.

I am met a lady, who's in her late 30s , early this year. She told me she was engaged but d engagement broke up.

She & her mum had been disturbing me to come introduce myself. This I was dragging feet to do. Couple of weeks back, My girl reluctantly broke d news dt she actually did marriage: church and court wedding; but was frustrated out of the marriage by her father in law & her husband. According to her, d marriage lasted only 3yrs, with no child, as they hardly had sex throughout their stay together.


She said he has remarried already but without proper divorce. I insist proper divorce must take place b4 I go ahead with her, as Bible and law stipulate. But she & her mum see nothing wrong in re- marrying without court dissolution of her subsisting marriage.

Her mum sounds good & though every woman with their own weaknesses and headache, she's not bad, either, for a wife, especially with little patience for her. But I'm still holding out dt her subsisting marriage must be properly dissolved but she said either of them cannot afford divorce fees & d stress.

Pls, Can I go ahead and marry her like dt? I'm in my early 40s; very minimal relationship experience, no child, & never married before.

The cost of a divorce in Nigeria can vary significantly, but generally ranges from NGN 1,000,000 to NGN 2,000,000 for a standard, uncontested divorce where both parties reside in Nigeria. If one party is located abroad and requires virtual court appearances, the cost can increase to $1,500 to $3,000 USD. Contested divorces, involving disputes over property or child custody, can cost significantly more, potentially reaching NGN 2,000,000 to NGN 3,000,000 or even higher, especially if a Senior Advocate of Nigeria is involved.

Since they don't see anything need for a proper divorce. Then tell them you don't want a proper marriage yet. You guys should live separately while you are verbally married but without any formal marriage or even family gathering.

Firstly, ask yourself what matters the most to you in marriage between 1. Sex 2. Children 3. Companionship.

Obviously you won't enjoy the first one because whenever a woman tells you her ex didn't have sex with her frequently in her last relationship, believe me it is because she's not good on bed and women can hide that shit. When I mean being good on bed, it doesn't mean the sex style, mostly it has to do with their libido and Virgina dryness. You will definitely experience what her ex-husband experienced.

Also, if having children is very important to you , then I will advise that you take this divorce thing to your own advantage which is by insisting on pregnancy before any formality. You guys should continue living separately while attempting to get pregnant. And once she's pregnant insist that the pregnancy must pass the second trimester before any formality or before she can formally move in as husband and wife.

If sex and children are not your problem and all you want is companionship. Then Go ahead with marrying her without any proper divorce paper, you guys can start the divorce paperwork while you are living together. It will also be better you start the paperwork before she moves in, just start the process or file for it at least , because apparently she will be too reluctant to make the move once she get comfortable in your house. And there might still be somethings they are not telling you, It's not so expensive to do divorce if the separation was mutual.

If all the odds did not favor you, leave the relationship asap, don't marry someone out of pity , if you have any doubt in your mind don't do it. There are too many single ladies out there , she will only cry for few months and move on, but if you proceed and there's an issue during your journey , you will cry forever.

Oboy don't start what you can't finish.


Don’t marry a woman that is still legally married.

If she can't afford the fees, then she is dead broke and at your age, I don't think you need a woman who will totally depend on you for everything.

See you are giving excuses that age is not on your side, but what will happen to you if you marry this lady, you will wish you were single.

If indeed you love her, help her process the divorce papers
Carryout a fertility test for both of you.
Run other test.

You don't Marry out of pity. You must be discerning enough to know that this is your God given wife.

Lastly, follow your instinct.
Only you know what you saw.
We can only comment based on what you have written here.

Don't go, you'll regret it later,run for your life.

Sorry, but to me I have few pints here.
1= there is no marriage in Nigeria (be it white wedding or court wedding) that he (the groom) won't pay bride price. If the man didn't pay a dime for her bride price, that means the lady was giving out fr free. Even if the man paid everything, until that bride price is returned, the woman is still married to him, white wedding or no white wedding, court wedding or no court wedding.


2= to me I feel the lady is not telling you the complete story, she's desperate again.

3= a desperate woman already pestering you to come see her people, ho ho ho brother be wise

4= her mum is good only because her daughter is out and rejected by her previous marriage. She's using all godly form to make it look like a saint . Once her daughter is in into a new home, then you will see what others saw.

5= have you conducted spiritual, physical, emotional, mentality, financial, educational, family background etc of that said lady? E get why

Bro if the weight is too much, bail yourself out now it not late.

U wan

Use your hands


Buy trouble

OP U go get sense by force


If U no run very fast while

U still can

eniorisha:
@Nlfpmod

Meanwhile, Prophet Moses & Apostle Paul take a liberal position about divorce. To me, marrying a good divorcee may not be too bad , if all issues are properly thrashed.

For d legal front, after all , man already moved on with another woman. My girl is saying he approved she moves on too!

So, will their be consequences later, or possibility of d man coming back for her, as no proper dissolution in d first place?

What if the man accuses her of bigamy as she isn't divorced.

goran3310:
Why do you even want a woman like that?
Can she even get pregnant at that age?
You're already too old yourself for a first child.

Maybe it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get her pregnant first — because realistically, that’s the only real reason you need a woman.
Then, once she gets pregnant, you two can deal with the issue of her previous marriage.

You’re both too old for a first child. There’s no time to waste.
What was she doing until the age of 38?

Make the child.
If she can’t get pregnant — you don’t need her.

Please follow this advice op, you'll thank your future self. That lady has past her prime.

Don't be emotional when it comes to issues like this, you'll be the one to bear the burnt.