₦airaland Forum

Why not marry someone younger?
You'll regret this decision someday.
Remove sentiment and attachment and use logic

Double0h7:
Then you pay for it since you want it so bad. Its not that complicated or expensive unless the her current husband contests it (refuses to divorce her). I have a feeling she isn't telling you the full truth. She already lied to you so how many more lies is she hiding?

Both of us are private school teachers. Even if I can afford it, I'm not ready to go dt way of paying. Even biblically, it's d man dt ought to initiate divorce, as Moses and Apostle Paul put it.

Tolu2024:
The cost of a divorce in Nigeria can vary significantly, but generally ranges from NGN 1,000,000 to NGN 2,000,000 for a standard, uncontested divorce where both parties reside in Nigeria. If one party is located abroad and requires virtual court appearances, the cost can increase to $1,500 to $3,000 USD. Contested divorces, involving disputes over property or child custody, can cost significantly more, potentially reaching NGN 2,000,000 to NGN 3,000,000 or even higher, especially if a Senior Advocate of Nigeria is involved.

She even told me it's from N400k after she discussed with some specialists in d matter.

We both are in Nigeria & her husband fully consent she moves on. But my fear is there still some hidden things & what lies ahead is uncertain

koladata:
Since they don't see anything need for a proper divorce. Then tell them you don't want a proper marriage yet. You guys should live separately while you are verbally married but without any formal marriage or even family gathering.

Firstly, ask yourself what matters the most to you in marriage between 1. Sex 2. Children 3. Companionship.


Sex, children, companionship, partnership, etc. But overall, with this her pending issue
Obviously you won't enjoy the first one because whenever a woman tells you her ex didn't have sex with her frequently in her last relationship, believe me it is because she's not good on bed and women can hide that shit. When I mean being good on bed, it doesn't mean the sex style, mostly it has to do with their libido and Virgina dryness. You will definitely experience what her ex-husband experienced.

Also, if having children is very important to you , then I will advise that you take this divorce thing to your own advantage which is by insisting on pregnancy before any formality. You guys should continue living separately while attempting to get pregnant. And once she's pregnant insist that the pregnancy must pass the second trimester before any formality or before she can formally move in as husband and wife.

If sex and children are not your problem and all you want is companionship. Then Go ahead with marrying her without any proper divorce paper, you guys can start the divorce paperwork while you are living together. It will also be better you start the paperwork before she moves in, just start the process or file for it at least , because apparently she will be too reluctant to make the move once she get comfortable in your house. And there might still be somethings they are not telling you, It's not so expensive to do divorce if the separation was mutual.

If all the odds did not favor you, leave the relationship asap, don't marry someone out of pity , if you have any doubt in your mind don't do it. There are too many single ladies out there , she will only cry for few months and move on, but if you proceed and there's an issue during your journey , you will cry forever.

Sex , children, companionship, partnership etc. But overall with this her pending issue about her previous marriage, in all these & more, I can only rate her 25%

Not to be a kill joy, but my instinct is telling me you'll regret this ship

Take heed.

goran3310:
You're already 40 years old.
You didn’t mention how old she is.
You didn’t mention your financial status either.
Those are important details if you want a meaningful answer.

This has nothing to do with question he ask

marlow1962:
Sorry, but to me I have few pints here.
1= there is no marriage in Nigeria (be it white wedding or court wedding) that he (the groom) won't pay bride price. If the man didn't pay a dime for her bride price, that means the lady was giving out fr free. Even if the man paid everything, until that bride price is returned, the woman is still married to him, white wedding or no white wedding, court wedding or no court wedding.


2= to me I feel the lady is not telling you the complete story, she's desperate again.

3= a desperate woman already pestering you to come see her people, ho ho ho brother be wise

4= her mum is good only because her daughter is out and rejected by her previous marriage. She's using all godly form to make it look like a saint . Once her daughter is in into a new home, then you will see what others saw.

5= have you conducted spiritual, physical, emotional, mentality, financial, educational, family background etc of that said lady? E get why

Bro if the weight is too much, bail yourself out now it not late.

It's normal for both mum and she to be desperate now. She's 38, & first child of a widow, meanwhile her mum's still waiting for her first grand child in her 60s.

Then, not all women who have bad marriages are bad. Some are just unlucky.

I actually wanted to know what others saw but no access to d man nor anyone close to d marriage.

No much check. But all they want with all this baggage, is just come introduce myself & do d needful

My brother some men are bad , lets be since and some women can be very unfortunate so the best thing to do is to leave

eniorisha:
Sex , children, companionship, partnership etc. But overall with this her pending issue about her previous marriage, in all these & more, I can only rate her 25%

Esthered:
What if the man accuses her of bigamy as she isn't divorced.

My fear even if she has all I need in a woman

She physically passed her prime judging her age. But who knows God's plans for every human? I think everyone is entitled to being happy, especially if she's not really d architect of her misfortune. I only assume this based on d cock and bull story she and her mom tell me o

eniorisha:
It's a little hard as I av limited love experience. This will be my concrete first relationship shock!

Then, my fear is, what if d next I'll meet is potentially worse? Ogbanje, gen Z, pretenders, evil & irresponsible women full everywhere.

Let me tell you this; you're definitely going to regret it if you marry that woman.

There are 25 year old single women everywhere, but you choose to marry a 38 year old with divorce baggage? You will learn the hard way if you don't use your head now.

Qatar2022:
This has nothing to do with question he ask

The questions are relevant. She's almost 38. That age raises question about her fertility, especially if I favor having as many children as 4. So, dt age, except God's involved, will struggle for 2 sef!

Then, my financial status is a determinant, to some extent too. If I'm bouyant enough, I can haughtily initiate & pay for d divorce.

eniorisha:
The questions are relevant. She's almost 38. That age raises question about her fertility, especially if I favor having as many children as 4. So, dt age, except God's involved, will struggle for 2 sef!

Then, my financial status is a determinant, to some extent too. If I'm bouyant enough, I can haughtily initiate & pay for d divorce.

Having four children is a serious undertaking if you're starting in your 40s.
You have to keep in mind that it's your responsibility to guide them through life — to raise them into real people.

By the time your oldest child turns 25, the youngest might be 18 or 19, and you’ll already be around 65.
Maybe it's wiser to consider having just two children — you started late.

As for her... that's even more uncertain.
If you're serious about her, then start working on having children literally from this very day.

Children grow up very slowly, while we age very quickly.
That’s a real issue.
And as for her divorce — that's just a technical matter you’ll resolve along the way.

If you now start looking for another, younger woman, you're going to lose even more time.
You have to take that into account as well.

eniorisha:
I need help urgently.

I am met a lady, who's in her late 30s , early this year. She told me she was engaged but d engagement broke up.

She & her mum had been disturbing me to come introduce myself. This I was dragging feet to do. Couple of weeks back, My girl reluctantly broke d news dt she actually did marriage: church and court wedding; but was frustrated out of the marriage by her father in law & her husband. According to her, d marriage lasted only 3yrs, with no child, as they hardly had sex throughout their stay together.


She said he has remarried already but without proper divorce. I insist proper divorce must take place b4 I go ahead with her, as Bible and law stipulate. But she & her mum see nothing wrong in re- marrying without court dissolution of her subsisting marriage.

Her mum sounds good & though every woman with their own weaknesses and headache, she's not bad, either, for a wife, especially with little patience for her. But I'm still holding out dt her subsisting marriage must be properly dissolved but she said either of them cannot afford divorce fees & d stress.

Pls, Can I go ahead and marry her like dt? I'm in my early 40s; very minimal relationship experience, no child, & never married before.

I would consider you not to give it a trial as you would regret your actions of not having a patience with someone that has never been married before, there r still some single ladies out there that won't give you all this to stress you r putting yourself through, l will advice you disengage with whatever you are having with them right now and run for your life, if not you will soon find yourself in deep problem

eniorisha:
She first used dt word on me saying I am showing my true color dt I was never serious with her

I weep for you in advance sir.

U didn't see normal girl with no useless story to marry? It is someone who has been used and reused, couple with the fact she's a liar and a manipulator desperate to get married.

My prayers are with you

Why are you inviting trouble and pains into your life .. Run o bro.

Exceed15:
Why are you inviting trouble and pains into your life .. Run o bro.

This guy is under a serious pressure from the lady and family ,even with all the Red flags he will still go on with marriage no amount of advice we give him he won't listen

goran3310:
Having four children is a serious undertaking if you're starting in your 40s.
You have to keep in mind that it's your responsibility to guide them through life — to raise them into real people.

By the time your oldest child turns 25, the youngest might be 18 or 19, and you’ll already be around 65.
Maybe it's wiser to consider having just two children — you started late.

As for her... that's even more uncertain.
If you're serious about her, then start working on having children literally from this very day.

Children grow up very slowly, while we age very quickly.
That’s a real issue.
And as for her divorce — that's just a technical matter you’ll resolve along the way.

If you now start looking for another, younger woman, you're going to lose even more time.
You have to take that into account as well.

I am cool growing old as my coming children are growing up. I will make provisions for them now for my retiring ages . So I nurse no fear about being 70 and my last born is still in the primary school


Yes, u nailed it about starting all over again, especially for someone like me , who's so socially awkward & somehow physically and romantically repelling to ladies, especially for committed relationship.. As a matter of fact, this is my very first concrete committed relationship. Imagine starting all over again

Who knows when next I'll get another one!

Love conquers all.
Go and do your background check about her marriage and if it wasn't her fault and you love her, why not?

eniorisha:
I am cool growing old as my coming children are growing up. I will make provisions for them now for my retiring ages . So I nurse no fear about being 70 and my last born is still in the primary school


Yes, u nailed it about starting all over again, especially for someone like me , who's so socially awkward & somehow physically and romantically repelling to ladies, especially for committed relationship.. As a matter of fact, this is my very first concrete committed relationship. Imagine starting all over again

Who knows when next I'll get another one!

In that case, log out of the forum and get to work.
Not tomorrow. Today.

Abi na juju them use tie u like this?... Hmmmm

Egbon my prayer for you is that Almighty God will disgrace all your enemies in Jesus name. Amen.

Concerning the lady in question my advice is this; take part of the money you intend to pay for the marriage, go get a local female dog, name her Patience. Trust me you will have a peaceful life free of drama.

Chinny024:
Abi na juju them use tie u like this?... Hmmmm

You too dey see wetin I dey see so? 😂
I don’t even understand why he’s seeking advice, because from all the comments he’s been dropping, it’s obvious say he don already make up his mind. E be like say he just dey look for who go validate wetin he don already decide. At this point, advice no even get weight again — he go still do wetin dey his mind.

eniorisha:
Couple of weeks back, My girl reluctantly broke d news dt she actually did marriage: church and court wedding

Na exactly for this part wey I stop to read.
O boy dem don use your cranium dey drink Maltina.

Ibkay32:
You too dey see wetin I dey see so? 😂
I don’t even understand why he’s seeking advice, because from all the comments he’s been dropping, it’s obvious say he don already make up his mind. E be like say he just dey look for who go validate wetin he don already decide. At this point, advice no even get weight again — he go still do wetin dey his mind.

Well, congratulations to him..Cos hmmmm..

Esthered:
Love conquers all.
Go and do your background check about her marriage and if it wasn't her fault and you love her, why not?

Guy weh I no know? No way I could check anything for background. Except God expressly tell me to continue, I'm getting over it gradually. In fact, there have been some subtle red flags, ordinarily dt shld not coms from dt a woman of her age range, seeking real commitment, but I was just ignoring them, as I feel it's high time I stopped waiting for a blameless perfect woman or I remain single boy boy forever.

Truth be told, I'm socially awkward to av a rich pool of single ladies to choose from. That's y it appears as if I'm jazzed or over simpping dey worry me. 😀

AllBlack:
Na exactly for this part wey I stop to read.
O boy dem don use your cranium dey drink Maltina.

Who knows, she's out to seek fresh happiness. Who will hear dt at d onset, & not run away?

eniorisha:
Guy weh I no know? No way I could check anything for background. Except God expressly tell me to continue, I'm getting over it gradually. In fact, there have been some subtle red flags, ordinarily dt shld not coms from dt a woman of her age range, seeking real commitment, but I was just ignoring them, as I feel it's high time I stopped waiting for a blameless perfect woman or I remain single boy boy forever.

Truth be told, I'm socially awkward to av a rich pool of single ladies to choose from. That's y it appears as if I'm jazzed or over simpping dey worry me. 😀

You're very funny.
All the best in your decision making.

eniorisha:
I need help urgently.

I am met a lady, who's in her late 30s , early this year. She told me she was engaged but d engagement broke up.

She & her mum had been disturbing me to come introduce myself. This I was dragging feet to do. Couple of weeks back, My girl reluctantly broke d news dt she actually did marriage: church and court wedding; but was frustrated out of the marriage by her father in law & her husband. According to her, d marriage lasted only 3yrs, with no child, as they hardly had sex throughout their stay together.


She said he has remarried already but without proper divorce. I insist proper divorce must take place b4 I go ahead with her, as Bible and law stipulate. But she & her mum see nothing wrong in re- marrying without court dissolution of her subsisting marriage.

Her mum sounds good & though every woman with their own weaknesses and headache, she's not bad, either, for a wife, especially with little patience for her. But I'm still holding out dt her subsisting marriage must be properly dissolved but she said either of them cannot afford divorce fees & d stress.

Pls, Can I go ahead and marry her like dt? I'm in my early 40s; very minimal relationship experience, no child, & never married before.

Run o!
No let the rightful owner slam you with law suit for Adultery with his legal wife o