ErnestNc:
This is a continuation to this thread I opened formerly
https://www.nairaland.com/8607122/experience-dating-older-single-mother
For those who didn't follow the previous thread. I had gotten myself entangled with a dismissive avoidant single mother of a 13yr old, who is 4yrs older than I am.
She got pregnant, aborted it. Realised she's been sleeping with multiple male friends she calls "babe". "Babe" to her is a generic term used to refer to all of her friends, both male and female.
It was a messy break up being an empath who has an anxious attachment. I've been trying to heal my attachment style ever since this event, and I've embarked on some self help road map.
Read on different attachment styles here
https://www.helpguide.org/relationships/social-connection/attachment-and-adult-relationships
POST BREAK UP
" I guess I've been looked down upon and taken for granted. Hence the mistreatment"
I said to myself. I had lost my 6figures teaching gig+ job due to the break up effect . It wasn't gonna be sustainable after all.
I needed an upgrade . With the current economic hardship, taking out more than half a million for a technical training isn't that promising. "What if I don't get a better offer after using such money?" .
I took out 700k out of my fair lock and paid for the training anyways. Omo my acct don dey red , if I no get this job e don be... I exclaimed . I've always wanted to be a big boy someday, and I don't think I'd accomplish that while teaching. I think trying is better than not trying at all.
Whilst I was on this skill development program, single mom was still trying to bread crumb me despite having given up on the relationship
.
Yes, I deserve the insults that should come in the comment section, but I entertained her fakeness. Yes, she had a plan to wrap me in, knowing I had embarked on that technical training we've been banking on. And I played along knowing she would break out of character soon. But how soon? I couldn't tell.
Myself , being self aware, i have been making research as touching my type of attachment style and hers. why was i always anxious to fix up things regardless of whose fault it was that caused any disagreement, and why she always doesn't want to resolve issues or talk about emotions or admit faults? All these led to me reading up on attachment theory
In BED WITH THE DEVIL
Armed with knowledge , I knew it was a dicey attempt to play house with her. Overwhelmed by the flashes that came with muscle memory, each time we collided, my testosterone spiked. The sight of her melons and the warm cuddling eroded my reasoning. During our first meeting behind close doors, I could hear her breathing heavily from a distance . What happened after is a story for another day
It was all lovey and dovey. " Is she really buying this ? " I thought to myself. we both weren't really into it, cuz how on earth would I be taking her back after what I already know about her promiscuous lifestyle ?
And why would she be so pretentious , acting lovely, despite the insults and name calling i threw at her out of anger and frustration?
Regardless, we both apologized to each other and agreed to let things slide. But I knew it deep down that someone was gonna break out of character and this honey moon phase would be over soon.
The UnVeiling
During the reconciliation, single mom said she was only teasing me about sleeping with several men during our argument.
She didn't come back home from work one day, not knowing I was at her house when I did put a call across and she said she was home. Lol . Turns out she was out being straffed by one of her "babe" .
Having her spare key, I slept in and left quietly in the morning. I stood far off from her gate unnoticed, and lo, a beautiful lady with a big nyansh highlighted from a highlander jeep. Yes it was single mom. I never confronted but took note.
Knowing that single mom was always dismissive she wondered why I was so calm and less reactive, but later on, I would jokingly ask her if those times we had those issues, she really had threesomes and would tease her if it was good. We laughed about it but I was pained .
" Am I falling again ? " I asked myself. I became disturbed by her dismissiveness. She would annoyingly deflect during serious conversations. Most times dismiss my concerns and shut down like I was talking to a stone..
I noticed strange calls, inconsistent closure from work, it was even worse than before .. Hahaha. What she did next was unbelievable
THe Baecation
Some of you might be thinking i planned a vacation with single mom. Lol , let's find out . At this point I was already losing my game . It's barely 3 weeks since we reconciled .
Being a stvpid nice guy, I was about to break out of character and tell her straight up she's been tripping again . I called single mom to meet up at night , but she wasn't sounding alright from the phone. She was panting like someone who took a run or a long walk. Hahaha . You guessed right. I didn't have to think twice. I cut the call and said I was coming over. lo, she wasn't around.
Single mom is so busy that she would barely leave her fashion work for second to go be with me or anyone for a moment. It turned out she was flown out of the city for a friend's burial and would be returning 6days later .
I asked why? But the burial was yesterday (Saturday) . It's over already, what's the extra 5days for? Her response was that she had to console a grieving friend and he promised to take her clubbing and she wants to rest from work too. Was this what you abandoned ur work , ur child u were meant to visit and me , for? Then I was hit with "You thought I had forgotten how u insulted my womanhood and called me a whhóre. I will never forgive you".
Yea I guess I was right after all. Goodbye love. U're never gonna change.
Why didn't you cheat on her before breaking up, and let her feel the pain too. Anyday she sleeps out and you know she goes for runz use her place do orgy. 🤣 E vex me sha.... |
