Kutey:

Because everyone here wants to bash women and wives, as if the she should carry herself and the 4 kids and leave n4ked because she wasn't working while her millionaire husband keeps the lot.
Whats about me? I have replied about me when that d1ckhead said i need someone to fund my lifestyle. I don't.

You have nearly 9 pages of people calling wives biatches, golddiggers and saying the most awful things and you come and focus on the one person that says marriage is a partnership and when dissolved whatever has been earned during will be equally shared. That's what UK courts believe and I agree. If you are not happy with the laws of the land then leave, simples. I know a typical African man will be happy to live in a society were women have no rights or value at all, unfortunately for u guys it does not work like that elsewhere. Deal with it.

chiozor:

by the way Kutey please who among the sex needs marriage more

pro01:

You must be kidding if you expect these vacuous parasites to respond directly to pertinent questions in bold above. Whenever they see that they've been defeated by superior reasoning and logic, they always resort to sentimental arguments and beating about the bush. I would be over-joyed to see them respond directly to the above issues - but then I know that would never happen.

BTW, no one here is denying what the UK/Western laws stipulate with regard to divorce settlement; what we are questioning is the SENSE and JUSTICE behind the laws. Laws are made for Man, Man was not made for the law. The fact that something is legal does not necessarily make it right. At some point, it was legal to buy and sell fellow human beings as slaves. The fact that it was the law didn't make it right. Going by the foolish responses of the foolish women on this thread, laws should be left alone simply because they are laws. If that were the case you'd all probably be slaves today - serving the intimate needs of your white masters while your male counterparts would be sweating it out on rubber plantations.

Sagamite:

You are a cretin! And that should be confirmed when queensmith is praising you and confirming you are saying what she would have said.

dare2think:

Lol, that got me laughing hard! Now you are making me feel awkward for quoting such a beautiful line!

Seriously, the purpose of the UK law system is to act as a safeguarding mechanism against a history of women abuse. Honestly, the motives are genuine and responsible. However, just like any other policy, there will be some that will not benefit from such laws. Numerous hardworking Men have been negatively affected by such in ways that have relegated them to mental asylums.

An unfaithful wife with children for instance, have all the odds in her favour, to keep the house and the children ,with some change as well (with the woman bringing lovers to the same house). Cases like this is what I  believe sagamite and co are crying foul for! There seems to be no recourse for the jilted man who might have reached an agreement with his then wife to be a stay at home mom for the benefit of 'their' kids.

Domestic disputes are very complicated and requires a lot of emotionality. I subscribe to the law forcing the father pay money towards the children, and if it means the man paying for the rent his children are living in, its  fair. What is not fair is when the court dont put into considerations the earning capabilities of the man.

Whichever the case, the system is a lot better than 9ger where men have their ways and subject loads of women and kids to years of hardship. We all know this happen. As with the uk law, a lot of insincere women have abused the mechansim created to support them but what can men do? Nothing! but hope to be with a conscientious and respectable woman who will keep her dignity even when it all falls down.

In short, these laws are meant to safeguard against irresponsible men, unfortunately some responsible men have been caught
in-between.

dare2think:

Lol, that got me laughing hard! Now you are making me feel awkward for quoting such a beautiful line!

Seriously, the purpose of the UK law system is to act as a safeguarding mechanism against a history of women abuse. Honestly, the motives are genuine and responsible. However, just like any other policy, there will be some that will not benefit from such laws. Numerous hardworking Men have been negatively affected by such in ways that have relegated them to mental asylums.

An unfaithful wife with children for instance, have all the odds in her favour, to keep the house and the children ,with some change as well (with the woman bringing lovers to the same house). Cases like this is what I  believe sagamite and co are crying foul for! There seems to be no recourse for the jilted man who might have reached an agreement with his then wife to be a stay at home mom for the benefit of 'their' kids.

Domestic disputes are very complicated and requires a lot of emotionality. I subscribe to the law forcing the father pay money towards the children, and if it means the man paying for the rent his children are living in, its  fair. What is not fair is when the court dont put into considerations the earning capabilities of the man.

Whichever the case, the system is a lot better than 9ger where men have their ways and subject loads of women and kids to years of hardship. We all know this happen. As with the uk law, a lot of insincere women have abused the mechansim created to support them but what can men do? Nothing! but hope to be with a conscientious and respectable woman who will keep her dignity even when it all falls down.

In short, these laws are meant to safeguard against irresponsible men, unfortunately some responsible men have been caught
in-between.

Claus:

I completely agree with the bolded bit. The laws in Naija leave women susceptible to too much abuse. A balancing act where one party doesn't have an unfair advantage over the other is the ideal.

Claus:

Regarding the UK laws, one will only get sympathy from 2 groups of women:

1) those whose male relatives (brother, cousin, son) have been  negatively affected;
2) those who fall in love with (and even decide to marry) divorced men and can see first hand the financial strain imposed on those men.

queensmith:

Soo true. Soo long as the point of these laws are understood it isnt difficult appreaciating them.
I would hate to even think of what women are going through in Nigeria with no such laws. In the uk you dont even have to be married to be paying child support, it's deducted nicely from your paycheck before you know it!

dare2think:

She allegedly demanded £1,000 a day on top of maintainance for Emily, 10, and Tom, eight and for their mansion and holiday home in France.

He had been travelling from London back up North to spend time with the children.
The star also claimed her demands were so steep, he was forced to lay off 43 staff from his gyms and property empire


Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2107990/Dragons-Den-star-Duncan-Bannatyne-quietly-divorces-second-wife-Joanne-McCue-years.html#ixzz1nrx9Tg1q


Women!!!!!   

I hail thee

Awon iya mi osho ron ga

denzel2009:

Lmao, Duncan Bannantyne don enter one chance.

Ok why does she need 2 houses?

TV01:

Sagamite,

If the laws are moronic and women illogical (i.e. unpredictable and therefore untrustworthy – you’ve said that much at least), IMO marriage simply becomes a non-option.

I for one would never have married if I felt that to be the case for both these aspects (law/women).

Sagamite:

First of all, lets have some clarity on this before I even read the rest.

Are you saying, in your view, that these are not the case?

TV01:

Please read in full.

1. is the law unbalanced - for the most part I agree. But the law is not for those that get it right, as it won't be in play.
2. are women illogical - for the most part I agree. But find one that is not and marry her.

I personally "viewed" - apologies for making it sound transactional  - over 250 women before I found the one. And all but a handful were illogical, unpredictable, immature, unprepared, lacked understanding etc. etc (ok, 1 or 2 simply didn't fancy me. They were classified as "loco"  ). Call it what you will.

However, I speak as a man. There are men out there, that are brutal, uncaring, insensitive, immature, unprepared and lack understanding etc. etc.

Neither gender can prosper withought proper marriage.

Best
TV

TV01:

Sagamite,

If the laws are moronic and women illogical (i.e. unpredictable and therefore untrustworthy – you’ve said that much at least), IMO marriage simply becomes a non-option.

I for one would never have married if I felt that to be the case for both these aspects (law/women).

TV01:

I recall from another thread saying - for those men that want to marry - something along the lines of the following;

1. Prepare yourself
2. Find a woman who is equally prepared and shares (or jointly develop) your aspirations and vision for the union
3. Get married.

If you can’t trust someone (and how can you if you consider their behavior illogical and unpredictable) you can’t satisfy those three rules. Marriage ceases to be an option.

TV01:

If you can, then you have the issue of the law (being an Bottom, or at least unbalanced - and to an extent I agree here). However, the law ceases to be in effect, when you inure your marriage from it and do not require recourse to it.

TV01:

Marriage as a transaction can never work or it simply becomes something else entirely.

A man can always refuse to marry a woman who is not wealthier than him. And wealthier to the extent that a breakup means that he will not lose out in the “transaction”. It still misses the point though.

To do away with or re-engineer marriage because of the potential downside if it breaks up is ultimately a loss for society as a whole.

TV01:

The key is a return to “proper marriage”. The courts did not institute marriage, neither can they fix it. The problem is in the first instance, peoples understanding, approach and expectations. Fix that and the issues, pertinently the divorce one will be exceptions.

TV01:

I understand the historical unbalance that has left many women at the mercy of hostile men, but I don’t see the solution being for the imbalance to be swung the other way. Apart from the fact that the prevailing air of PC’ness and other lobbies will militate against it, I don’t even believe a legal fix is possible.

The legal thingy is not even my main point. Gender wars – by whatever means – will not benefit either side or society as a whole. My thrust is for men and women to be properly raised to understand and embrace the marriage union.

Taking one aspect – divorce – of marriages that fail and focusing on the unfairness of the legislation around that will not give us a solution.

All it will do it entrench a mindset of us against them, breed increasing hostility and take us further away from regaining the true essence of marriage

Believe me, I have seen the tragedy of acrimonious and messy divorces up close and the triggering issues are never the law. Even if divorce laws were perfect, is divorce end-game?


Best
TV

TV01:

I personally "viewed" - apologies for making it sound transactional  - over 250 women before I found the one.

ileobatojo:


I personally "viewed" - apologies for making it sound transactional  - over 250 women before I found the one.

Sagamite:

You are wrong.

Marriage can be an option with firm clarity of where you stand and based on the response you get from the person that wants you to marry them.

Anecdotally, maybe over 95% of women are illogical and unpredictable and yet about only 50% of marriages in the West fail and maybe another 30% are unhappily still married.

Despite women being largely unpredictable, there can be adaptations and/or containment men can engage in that can make marriage work. As I said, you take them the way they are and do the best you can.

Hence, you are emphatically wrong in your conclusion. The human psyche is way too complex for you to be so dismissive by coming up with such simplistic conclusion that because of A and B, then marriage is no option.

Sagamite:

Then secondly, you got your tail in a twist when you said: I for one would never have married if I felt that to be the case for both these aspects (law/women).

You have confirmed you feel that way from your last post and, if I recall correctly, you are married.

Stop using populist, illogical arguments please.

Sagamite:

There is "another way" you know.

Non-real men like me, can come, dictate what they want with logical clarity and ensure they get it and have a happy marriage.

Maybe your second point caters for that without you knowing, maybe it does not. That is what I call: shares (or jointly develop) your aspirations and vision for the union.

So, again, you are emphatically wrong.

Sagamite:

This, I have to be frank here, is ABSOLUTELY delusional.

You are going to "inure" (oyinbo, baba nla grammar) your marriage from it. How? By wishful thinking?

What guarantee do you have when it comes to it, she cannot decide to seek divorce and enforce the letter of the law. Because you "wish" she would not or because you think you know everything about her purely based on the "lets impress each other" courtship you hard?

So if there was a divorce, and she says she wants you to fund her lifestyle, what are you going to do? You will tell the Judge:

"My Lord, these laws don't apply to us because we are innocuous, inured, inoculated and innerpatticent of innopioucity of innerpurity from the law?"

Let me correct you: Faith is not air-tight and logical!

Don't use faith as an argument.

Inure in Yoruba means light. This your inure must be from NEPA!

Wake up! Marriage is already something else in the West due to the laws.

Dreaming it is not, will not stop it from being something else.

Sagamite:

See cretins coming here to argue CONFIDENTLY someone deserves $21m they never worked for and you are thinking society is still the same.

Society is already at loss.

Honestly, I am not being rude, this is utter delusional tosh except you can find a way where your "proper marriage" will not be subject to the laws of the land that guides marriage. A real, practical way, not wishful thinking or faith. Something airtight!

Secondly, you are yet to come up with what actions, apart from wishful thinking, you will take to influence and change the philosophical ecosystem that shapes people's behaviours and beliefs (understand, approach and expectations). Behaviours and beliefs that is now rampart amongst majority of delusional modern women that think being married entitles them to half and who are yet to adapt to the relationship rebalance which their financial freedom gives them.

TV, this is fanciful air.

As one of my friends was told in Lagos when he was giving consulting gimmicks for a proposal: "Oga, show me the practicals".

TV01:

I don't see how I can be wrong, as you are essentially echoing my "Find the one that shares your aspirations" theme here?
If the facts say that 95% of JAMB applicants fail, will you decide not to go to uni or determine to be amongst the 5% that do?

Having said that if the law is 100% anti and women are 100% bad, than I insist that marriage becomes unworkable and therefore not viable. I don't agree that there's no work around. On a personal note, I resolved not to marry if I couldn't find the one.

TV01:

Yes, I am "blissfully" married and would not have gotten married if I hadn't found the right one. The law was not a consideration. Not illogical, not populist. Personal. Surely my position is now clear?

TV01:

You can't unilaterlly "dictate" and expect a bilaterally "happy" marriage. Faulty thinking, and predisposes the union to issues. Careful.

I've more than clarified my points. If the law is 100% bad and women 95% unmarriageable, find one of the 5%. If it's 100% bad both ways, forget it. I would've.

And no, I am not wrong sir, I am living it  .

TV01:

1. Inure by agreement. Not wishful thinking.
2. What gaurantees do you have about anything? Life is a risk. But I have been as dilligent as I feel I can be. And I am happy to proceed and give it my all on that basis.
3. No "Impress each other courtship" 0! Could see it when we first met, was pretty sure after 1 "date". Shared my heart, dreams and vision over a few months - also conducting due dilligence and presenting it to our families. Easy peasy. otherwise I would have walked.
4. No divorce. We took vows. I simply can't see it. Expectations were sky high, but if anything they have been exceeded. But to answer your question. I will always seek the best for our children. I won't contest a thing. All I have is already hers. If she thinks she can do better elsewhere. I will take responsibility for choosing one of the 95% and keep moving.
5. Although faith was a part of my journey, I have not called on that here, do not make it dogma for marriage and it doesn't obviate the practical aspects. Righten up yourself, find the right person, marry in the right way. Faith for me lends it a fullness, but the practicals you called for remain unchanged.

TV01:

1. You misunderstand the essence of genuine marriage. All I have is hers, regardless of what she has or contributes.
2. Money does not underpin or singularly drive the dynamic of marriage. It's sacrificial and it's sharing.
3. Societies loss is the warping of marriage and the "jaundicing" of gender interactions as demonstrated by your position.
4. The law did not determine Whom I married or our vision for our marriage. Sod the law.
5. I am not marrying the whole of society and have no wish to alter the philosophical ecosystem. My business is with my mindset and my wifes mindset. Ensuring they are aligned.
6. I have said money does not singularly underpin or act as the main driver in proper marriage

Sir, please ditch the cynicism, the fear and the adversarial mindset. Understand that marriage is not just about you and your dictates. Be bold. A protector and providor. Find a woman who will cherish that and you, then throw down like only the Ijebu can.

I am so rooting for you (And I dey London 0! 

Best
TV

Kutey:

OMG  are you guys for fu<king real!! you have been on the forum posting bul1shit all day Don't you have jobs and lives to live? Lol

I have answered all your questions. Whether you are satisfied with the answers or not does not concern me.
She has been used to a certain standard of life and she shall continue to. Why not? She probably married for genuine reasons and that is reflected in the years spent together and children born.

Men NEED marriage way more than women do. Married men are healthier, live longer and are generally more happy. A woman (and a lot do) can decide to have children and actually enjoy them without someone telling her when and how to see them and have a guy on the side. They find that double the amount of women regret who they married than men.

Look at this idiots thinking they are doing a woman a favor by marrying them? Getting into it for all the wrong reason because they already think they are superior because the have a pen1s.
Nigeria is such a backward society, if it wasn't why are you here? go back to your father land.
They make women believe they have to marry marry marry and that's what makes it easy to make the wrong choice. Societies are very very different. In Nigeria its all about ticking boxes,young tick, tall, tick rich, tick, educated tick. Of course you should have standards but marriage is way more than that. Yes you can argue in the west they have higher divorce rates but in Nigeria most women live in ABSOLUTE misery but society has made them believe they need to be Mrs so desperately that they have to stay no matter what.

Who need marriage most? what are the benefits of marriage for a woman apart from religion and society acceptance in some countries?
She has to cook 3 meals a day unless she is a bad wife. She has to go through the trauma of childbirth and make sure (because she is God) she produces male children, if female its her fault. She has to have s3x as much as possible because if he cheats its her fault. She has to be ready to give up her career and be home carer or she is not submissive, who does she expect to bring up her children? On top of that she has to be ready to lose all if her husband is no more satisfied or has found a replacement. Then she can go empty handed back to her parent house where she starts from square one only that this time no one wants her because she is a burden and has baggage. This is what Nigerian men wish for their daughters and sisters.

A man comes home to 3 meals, a tidy home, available sex and children. Has nothing to lose. So look at your fool1sh question again and answer for yourself.

IF YOU DO NOT LIKE THE COUNTRY GO BACK TO YOUR VILLAGE, CAPISC? Everything that has been earnt during the matrimony will and shall be divided equally  simples.

And SAGAMITE you are still and will certainly remain a knobhead

Neither gender can prosper withought proper marriage.

dayokanu:

^^ Any venture can only be worth it based on what you contribute into it.

If you and your husband start a joint business You deserve every single Kobo from the business or split it 50-50

I know a couple both lawyers who have a law firm, In case of divorce the wife deserves every single kobo

But your husband was doing his own business you were working as an accountant somewhere, Now tell me what you contributed to his wealth

Or worst still a wife who was a housewife and wants 21m

How many of her working mates made 21m in their career or what has she invested to make 21m

dayokanu:

^^ Any venture can only be worth it based on what you contribute into it.

dayokanu:


How many women would consent to a childless marriage.

Kutey:

OMG are you guys for fu<king real!! you have been on the forum posting bul1shit all day Don't you have jobs and lives to live? Lol

I have answered all your questions. Whether you are satisfied with the answers or not does not concern me.
She has been used to a certain standard of life and she shall continue to. Why not? She probably married for genuine reasons and that is reflected in the years spent together and children born.

Men NEED marriage way more than women do. Married men are healthier, live longer and are generally more happy. A woman (and a lot do) can decide to have children and actually enjoy them without someone telling her when and how to see them and have a guy on the side. They find that double the amount of women regret who they married than men.

Look at this idiots thinking they are doing a woman a favor by marrying them? Getting into it for all the wrong reason because they already think they are superior because the have a pen1s.
Nigeria is such a backward society, if it wasn't why are you here? go back to your father land.
They make women believe they have to marry marry marry and that's what makes it easy to make the wrong choice. Societies are very very different. In Nigeria its all about ticking boxes,young tick, tall, tick rich, tick, educated tick. Of course you should have standards but marriage is way more than that. Yes you can argue in the west they have higher divorce rates but in Nigeria most women live in ABSOLUTE misery but society has made them believe they need to be Mrs so desperately that they have to stay no matter what.

Who need marriage most? what are the benefits of marriage for a woman apart from religion and society acceptance in some countries?
She has to cook 3 meals a day unless she is a bad wife. She has to go through the trauma of childbirth and make sure (because she is God) she produces male children, if female its her fault. She has to have s3x as much as possible because if he cheats its her fault. She has to be ready to give up her career and be home carer or she is not submissive, who does she expect to bring up her children? On top of that she has to be ready to lose all if her husband is no more satisfied or has found a replacement. Then she can go empty handed back to her parent house where she starts from square one only that this time no one wants her because she is a burden and has baggage. This is what Nigerian men wish for their daughters and sisters.

A man comes home to 3 meals, a tidy home, available sex and children. Has nothing to lose. So look at your fool1sh question again and answer for yourself.

IF YOU DO NOT LIKE THE COUNTRY GO BACK TO YOUR VILLAGE, CAPISC? Everything that has been earnt during the matrimony will and shall be divided equally simples.

And SAGAMITE you are still and will certainly remain a knobhead