chaircover:

At 20 this boy will probably live with you for the next 5 or so years before he gets married himself.

You have a choice; you can live like cat and mouse and gradually go mad from constant strife and erode your marriage or you can do what I do and that is to befried all my husbands aburos. I am so friendly with them that they will feel uncomfortable doing any wrong. Of course they are decent people to start with. They all have nicknames and I joke, play and tease them a lot and I tell you that they all more than happy to do things and bend backwards for me.

They tell me things that they wouldnt even tell their brother and I also seriously advise them. They are like my own brothers. They are not going anywhere so I have a choice on whether to embrace them and we live in peace and see them as welcome additions or I push them away and the day I need them they are not there for me too.

No one is perfect and there will be a few people that will drive you to distraction, but I came to understand that they are family and they are going no where just as a few people in my family probably drive my own husband cray too 

Please be wise. Whatever you sow in the early years of your marriage will be reaped later on.

I know of a girl in your situation whose husband was living with 3 kid siblings and she was married into the house. She took the "I am the wife and oga in this house" stance and the marriage broke up within 11 months. She was the one who moved out last last. The siblings and the husband have all remarried and living their lives while she is still looking for Mr Right all these years later.

Jemibee:

I don't envy u one bit. I knw what it's like to have that feeling of being in another person's house. It's ur husband i blame and not you or even the in-law.

Your hubby should have made sure every1 understood his role in the house. And for those saying household chores are strictly meant for women, UNE LIE OOO!! If you've ever lived outside 9ja, like some of us, you'd know that in the developped world, everyone contributes as much as he can either financially or physically.

My advice is that you call an educated/respectable old inlaw of yours and narrate the story. They'll give you sugestions as to how to manage this crisis. Your marriage is too young for u to be dealing with inlaws and their wahala. And if it doesnt work out, u'll have to choose to either live unhappy for as long as it'd last or return back to 9ja. He'll come for u when he's ready and when d coast is clear if not, u probably weren't meant to be togeda.

ayodele123:

Quote from enkoby
''I cannot believe this. why in this world will my husband's younger brother come to my house and expect his elder brother's wife to wash his dishes? my gawd!! this is amazing. my gawd!! i am still screaming. I stay with my husband's nephew and initially, he will walk into the kitchen, dish his food, eat up and dump his plate for me in the sink. of course i called him to order and told him to make sure he washes up his plates after eating, and since then he has never tried to leave his plates for me in the sink. pls note that i dont expect anyone to do my dishes or my husband's dishes, but if you must eat my food, then u must wash [/b]YOUR PLATE!!! [b] I can never wash plates for a 20yr old simply because he is my husband's brother. infact, leaving his plates for me is disrespectful, if i am married to his ELDER BROTHER!!!

@enkoby
  You are right but you see, we are funny people in this part of the world. in this age of civilisation many of us are still very backward in our orientation all in the name of culture and tradition still seeing a wife as a servant.
A younger sister of mine, married to a Bini was in a similar situation many years ago in 1994. She was already a graduate at the time and her husband too is not an illiterate. She married into a highly educated Bini family, but who still clung to their traditional beliefs. Her husband was not in Nigeria at the time, so she was residing with her mother-in-law on a temporary basis.
She would wash plates for her inlaws, many of them adolescents in primary & secondary school who were old enough to wash their own plates. One day she rebelled, stopped washing the plates. It backfired as she was sent packing by her mother-in-law. Our parents had to settle it and she returned there because my parents considered it a shame on our family to see their daughter sacked from her matrimonial home. The following year,she joined her husband in Australia and she's been free from all that in-law wahala since.Though her situation and the poster's are not exactly the same, the point am making is that an in-law should respect his brother's wife.
Within 2 months of my marriage in 1997, i accomodated a male cousin of mine who had an accomodation problem. He was a graduate, working class but a bachelor. He would poo poo in the toilet and expect my wife to go flush it! There was water in the home and all he had to do was to press the WC handle. Insult, no be so? My wife refused to do it and i(not my wife) sent him away eventually. He regards us as an enemy till date but that's his cup of tea anyway. He is married now with several kids. Educated illiterates in these parts

skirmish:

I am going through the same thing, although my brother-in-law is not rude(he wouldn't dare). He does not clean after himself, leaves his unwashed plates in the sink, does nothing to help out of his own volition. It is not very easy to deal with issues of this sensitive nature. My brothers can't even try that, the way I'd call them to order will make them change their minds about coming to my house. But then, I can't do that with my In-laws!

There goes your argument of "handling him like your biological brother''. Goodnews is, I'm ready to be patient and ignore his attitude (it is not easy though), but he wont stay with us forever

You ended well so I will say less
If you were to think like the poster, wont you also say you want to go back to your father's house cos your bro in-law doesnt clean? The poster is really really immature .

Infact, for the poster's husband not to want to hear her talk, shows that she is a nagger. She probably nags about everything. Many married ladies will talk and talk till they talk away their marriage or life. My people say. . .ile oko, ile eko ni. . .your husband's house is a training school. So dont expect to get what you used to get in your father's house.

Sorry to say, the poster is not due for marriage! She was only moved by her age, the ceremony and the ring!