To all u guys (Migines, Iwajay, Freezy, Na wa, Kronkykay, Tope, Origin) who go around nairaland chasing my daughters (Aiphie, Clemcykul, Mimiko, Ennyluv, Rubie), I think you need to print this an keep it in your wallet.

Rule 1
If you pull into my driveway and honk, you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.


Rule 2
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter’s body, I’ll remove them.


Rule 3
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please do not take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete IDIOTS!!

Still I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise:

You may come to the door with your Tommy Hilfiger underwear showing and your trousers ten sizes big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my hammer and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist


Rule 4
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I AM THE BARRIER and I WILL KILL YOU!!!!


Rule 5
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics and other issues of the day. PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is: “EARLY”


Rule 6
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.

If you make her cry, I will make you cry.


Rule 7
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting Aso Rock.

Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?


Rule 8
The following places are not appropriate for date with my daughter;

Places where there are beds, sofas or anything softer than a stool.
Places where there is darkness.
Places where there is dancing, holding of hands or happiness.
Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to introduce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, t-shirts or anything other than overalls, a sweater and a goose down parker – zipped up to her throat.

Movies with strong romantic or sexual themes are to be avoided. Movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks’ homes are better.



Rule 9
DO NOT LIE TO ME. I may appear potbellied, bald, middle-aged and dimwitted. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have only one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

I have a shotgun, a shovel and 5 acres behind my house. Do not trifle with me.



Rule 10
BE AFRAID!!! VERY AFRAID!! It takes little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Apapa. When my intuition starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home.

As soon as you pull into the driveway, you should exit the car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, and then return to your car.

There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

i heard before ,
but thanks for reminding Mingines and co

If those are the rules, then screw your daughters. Cos i would break all of them like my saying (RULES ARE MADE TO BE BROKEN.).

Well u dont want my daughters then!

No you'll give her to me when i come with loads of army, airforce, navy, C.I.A, F.B.I, british intelligence, cops. I'll see whether yot woun't release her.

Aha! caught yah, Rule 4 proves that you're gay and the last line in rule6 attests to it. You love making younger guys cry aight? Bloody F**t.

Rule2, never mind, I'd not touch them in front of you. I'd let them do the touching and take over when we're out.

For Rule8, I'd rather do horror movies with your daughters coz it'd make them cling fast to me. Good one pal.

[quote][/quote] from iwajay.
Aha! caught yah, Rule 4 proves that you're gay and the last line in rule6 attests to it. You love making younger guys cry aight? Bloody F**t.

Rule2, never mind, I'd not touch them in front of you. I'd let them do the touching and take over when we're out.

For Rule8, I'd rather do horror movies with your daughters because it'd make them cling fast to me. Good one pal.
thanks for telling him.

Since you guys wanna play smart and decieve my daughters, i think the best way to package the rules is to have my gun wen u come to the house.

then u'll behave urselves. _{my daughters are not responding. Abi d rules harsh?}

Sorry ol' man, ur daughters are getting their groove on with us and they're too busy to read what Daddy Ituen sent.

Tell them papa, tell them
I especially liked rule num 7

@Iwajay
Na lie. He's got obedient daughters u know

thanks darlyn

i know u wont let me down _{*still not convinced*}

By the time i arrive at your house crusing in an executive coach with escort front and back, airforce raining in the sky. Then i'll see whether you woun't welcome me as your inlaw.

Aiphie baby, why not tell Daddy what we did a few hours ago?
Bout rule7, tell him your experience in the hallway with me. you liked it didn't u?

lawddyyy father iteun u dont even know the sex of ur children am a guy, boy, mannnnn i say mannn HABA!

Thanks for caring for ur daughters anyway, @iwajay i bow small for u, @tope i trust my popsie

once u land wid all ur entourage he'll come out smiling and he'll ask u if he can clean ur shoes

Clem, so Ituen is now a cobbler

clemcykul:

lawddyyy father iteun u don't even know the sex of your children am a guy, boy, mannnnn i say mannn HABA!

Thanks for caring for your daughters anyway, @iwajay i bow small for u, @tope i trust my popsie

once u land wid all your entourage he'll come out smiling and he'll ask u if he can clean your shoes

Hey, neva embarrass ur pop especially not in public

iwajay:

Aiphie baby, why not tell Daddy what we did a few hours ago?
Bout rule7, tell him your experience in the hallway with me. you liked it didn't u?

O.Y.O

Aiphie, don't deny your feelings, it would always be there. It's ok for you to be silent but do not deny what you always look 4ward to.

@Clem,

wen i and ur mum filled ur birth certificate, we looked below n saw no balls. Now u defy me n say ur male child.

@guys

cant wait to see u at my house.

ituen no sabi say i don Bleep all him daughters

All of them except Aiphie coz she was with me.

Ituen *shakes hand in agreement* i knew some few cash would let you break. Okay bring out all your daughter's i am taking all out on a date. *hand's ituen a check of 100,000 naira* *ituen collect's it and shakes him in agreement. Ituen calls his daughter's out*. (so much for bribery and corruption).

_{takes d money.} let me talk to my daughters about it

*finished talking to his daughter's and tells me to bring them whenever i like* *I LEAD THE DAUGHTER'S INTO THE CAR AND CRUISE OFF WITH THEM.

hwy sjuolf tryea brtye

This is an English forum. Dont speak ur native jargon here

ituen:

This is an English forum. Dont speak your native jargon here

don't mind him ,
he thought he was among da natives

If ne one gave me this rules, i'll just say "the n go Bleep ur daughters"

Thats why i'll keep my gubn n look out 4 u

And wa'chu g0nna do wid it? Poke urself in the . . . . U know where.

This is serious. i think i shld start shooting practice _{wit ur pic on the wall of my daughter's room}