Hey everyone, i need help, how do i tell my boyfriend that i am no longer interested in the relationship, he is such a nice guy, and i dont want to hurt him, but i cant continue like this. I've tried bringing it up before, but he got so upset, i had to tell him i was kidding. Do i just continue, and wait for him to do something wrong or just end it now and risk hurting him.

theres isnt a way to break to break with someone nicely,

u can go and do something wrong am sure he would want out when you do
ex--cheat on him with his best friend, brother etc)

or you can just tell him its over without anyone getting hurt,

Hei free, dats sound raw now, my dear let us know the problem why u want 2 quit this guy before i will tell u wat 2 do.

Be honest, open and straight to the point.
State why you want out of the relationship and remind the other person that it is not any one person's fault. (Unless one of you cheated/domestic violence in the relationship)
Have respect for yourself and that person so don't use it as an opportunity to diminish their spirit.
If you think that there is something they can work on then say it Constructively
e.g. "Sometimes you're too controlling and that was a real hinderance to our relationship."
Instead of
"You're always in my motherf***** face, let me breathe dammit!"

Remember that you're not obliged to stay if there is nothing keeping you there.

breaking up wiv him might be very difficult if the guy has done pratically everything to please you but if you want out you'll have to be firm, even though he gets upset and stand by your word, explain why the relationship cant work anymore and break it to him gently very gently.

Cell Phone
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Hunnie, you are already hurting him BADLY now. This is even worse than if you break up with him bluntly. You are pushing him forward by making him think you still 'love' him. You are trying not to hurt him, while what you've successful done without him knowing is "hurting" him.

I think it'll be better you just tell him that "it's not him, it's you". U can't do this any longer. Break up with him now, no matter how blunt. There's no nice way of telling someone you are tired of them. No nice way.

@hot-angel u've said it all.
just be honest with the guy

You can't eat your cake and have it too.  You can't break up with him, and not hurt him.  That's an oxymoron.

In a nutshell, when you're ready to move on, find somebody else, then deliver the bad news.  He'll reel in agony for a few days/weeks.  But eventually, he'll get a grip and move on.

oasis:

In a nutshell, when you're ready to move on, find somebody else, then deliver the bad news.

hunnie that is sooo wrong. You'll hurt him more. You don't have to find somebody else before you tell him u don't want him anymore. Just tell him as it is, then when you are done, u can find someone else. If you get a new man, and then break up with him, it's like you've moved on even before you broke up with him, which in my dictionary, is not such a nice thing to do.

Just speak ur mind straight up, "i don tire 4 this relationship"

hunnie that is sooo wrong. You'll hurt him more. You don't have to find somebody else before you tell him u don't want him anymore. Just tell him as it is, then when you are done, u can find someone else. If you get a new man, and then break up with him, it's like you've moved on even before you broke up with him, which in my dictionary, is not such a nice thing to do.

Finding someone else b4, as opposed to after breakup, tells him you're serious. And of course, he'll have the new boyfriend to contend with if he decides to play the fool.

Find someone else first.

I don't know if you saw the topic, but she said she wants to do this "nicely". So yeah, finding a boyfriend first is not NICE.

I don't know if you saw the topic, but she said she wants to do this "nicely". So yeah, finding a boyfriend first is not NICE.

I don't know if you saw the replies.

So yeah, there's no NICE way to break up.

But there's a not soo mean way to break up.

OK I agree.

But, hey, it's the most effective I know of.

With another boy by her side, her message to the ex would be unequivocal.

Tell him he was so happy before he met you. Now you guys are upset all the time, And you need time to fix yourself you are selfish, , you are whatever, he would want to talk, be nice. He would go home cry, and call you. Be nice. Be firm. say No. don't go back out of pity and guilt.

just don't give him any it's not me its you stupid cliche, a girl said this to me 2 years ago. I'm still freaking mad when i replay that moment and the way she smiled afterward like she got something off her chest!. If you are going to leave, I wont beg you to stay. But please don't give me "its not you its me" cliche line. I deserve better!. be creative dammit!

send him a message on the cell phone or tell him you need a break to think.

Hit the nail on the head, u cannot climb a pepper tree - u can only go around it, Dont give mixed messages, be very brief and direct

I believe every action with good reasons and good excuses is prefarable.call him and tell him why he should believe you,then he will understand better instead of beating about the bush.There is no little sin.A SIN IS A SIN.

I suggest u practice OPEN RELATIONSHIP like Will Smith and Jada.
This way,both parties will be free to date or have sex with other people without regarding it as sexual infidelity.

Dont create problems 4 other ladies dat will meet him, after u might have left.

this sounds a bit funny, i mean the bit when you said you had to tell him you were just kidding because he got angry i think you need to be firm with you decision, i dont think he would like to be with a girl who has no feelings for him, it would be in his own interest to take it as it is, you need to be nice and gentle but firm goodluck

Honesty is the best policy!

It's better to be hated for what you are then to be love for what you are not!!!!!!!!!

true

yea you are right.   Honesty is the best policy.

well sense you are wanting to be nice you must still care about him. you should not lower yourself and go out on him or anything of that sort. ask him out for a lunch or other dry meeting place and just come out and tell him that you do not think your lifes are going the same direction and you think that it would be best if you ended the relationship. dont argue or start the blame game that only dirtys the memories you have of the person. if you try and end it by email, phone or other inpersonal way it will not finalize the relationship. also be true to yourself. dont carry on the thing just because you know it will hurt him/you to end it.

thanks alot guys, really appreciate the help, but i am still dreading it. i dont have any reason to give him other than i have no feelings for him. i dont want him getting upset like the other time.

Re: How To Break Up Nicely
« #26 on: March 27, 2006, 11:47 AM »

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well sense you are wanting to be nice you must still care about him. you should not lower yourself and go out on him or anything of that sort. ask him out for a lunch or other dry meeting place and just come out and tell him that you do not think your lifes are going the same direction and you think that it would be best if you ended the relationship. don't argue or start the blame game that only dirtys the memories you have of the person. if you try and end it by email, phone or other inpersonal way it will not finalize the relationship. also be true to yourself. don't carry on the thing just because you know it will hurt him/you to end it.

Great advice.

Did you read this thread?
https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-2053.0.html

come to think of it, i think no matter how nice you are aba it, it's still gonna hurt cuz a break-up is a break-up no matter how U go aba it

Invite him for a serious talk and spill it. To be nice, do this with tact. To be effective, remain firm to let him know you are damn serious. If you do this, you will break off nicely (although he will pass though some emotional pains. Don't worry he will get over it in time.) Anything short of this, you will still break-off in time; but I assure you it will not be nicely.