hi nairalanders,
I wuld like to know why men always find it easier to get custody of the children than women. Recently my stepmother had an issue like this. The man she was married to b4 my dad gave her a lot of tough time in that he was very neglectful didnt take care of her and the children, left her in his family house to go thru all sorts of humilation while he slept in hotels with girls. He decided to travel out of the country and thruout the time he was planning tthis, his wife and children where nt told meanwhile his family members knew only for him to come home a day to the time he was leaving to tell them. Can u beat that. Whenever he came home he stays in the hotel and comes just once to see them. He later married a white chick over there. When she culdnt take it again she left the family home and started staying alone. Years later she meet my dad n they got married and moved to our home (wit her 2 boys). Now yrs later their father want the children back and she has refused cos all the whle she single handedly raised them without support frm him. But people keep telling her she cant win the battle cos in nigeria here the children belong to the father. So what do u think any chances of her getting those boys.

That is 100% falsehood. The man doesn't stand a chance in court. Most people think their native custom is law, lie. Any small boy can impregnate a woman but not every man can father a child. If the woman in question can prove that the so called man abandoned his family's duty and obligations, then she has a good chance. But this will be difficult because most likely, this while, she never reported her plight to the necessary authority, making the case "your word against mine". This is one problem with nigerian women. They wait till the sh.it hits the fan before coming out to voice their frustrations.

@OP
it is all down to the WELFARE OF THESE KIDS, nothing else. if it will be the best interest of these kids to be with daddy, then thats where they will go (and vice versa).

MRbrownJAY: @OP
it is all down to the WELFARE OF THESE KIDS, nothing else. if it will be the best interest of these kids to be with daddy, then thats where they will go (and vice versa).

but this so called father abandoned these kids all this while! What has changed? Money does not come into this issue cause the man has to pay for child support anyway. All that is needed is for the woman to prove that the man abandoned his family and this to be backed by the welfare authority.

E nice: but this so called father abandoned these kids all this while! What has changed? Money does not come into this issue cause the man has to pay for child support anyway. All that is needed is for the woman to prove that the man abandoned his family and this to be backed by the welfare authority.

many men abandon their kids for a reason or the other, that shouldnt be a death sentence or a reason to say that he IS a bad father FOREVER. maybe he was bad but now has changed, shouldnt he therefore have a right to custody over his children, if he is better suited than their mom to raise them in a safe/secure environment?

MRbrownJAY:

many men abandon their kids for a reason or the other, that shouldnt be a death sentence or a reason to say that he IS a bad father FOREVER. maybe he was bad but now has changed, shouldnt he therefore have a right to custody over his children, if he is better suited than their mom to raise them in a safe/secure environment?

puts his hand at akimbo, looks down and shakes his head. A man leaves his children to frolic with other women and to be cared for by who? armed robbers, pimps, prostitutes, and all other societal evils? He comes back to say forgive me! Do you know time wasted cannot be recovered? What you sow is what you will reap. He enjoyed the 5 minutes s.ex and didn't want anything to do with the aftermath. Now he say he wants custody! guy be serious. Money has nothing to do with this issue cause the man can pay child support.

^^whatever a person did in the past shouldnt be a reason to punish them for the rest of their lives. many are too young or immature to understand the consequences of their actions, and therefore should be forgiven (have you ever heard of forgiveness?)....... the fact that you would stop this man caring for these kids at ALL COSTS (due to bitterness), instead of focusing on their welfare FIRST, is wrong!

MRbrownJAY: ^^whatever a person did in the past shouldnt be a reason to punish them for the rest of their lives. many are too young or immature to understand the consequences of their actions, and therefore should be forgiven (have you ever heard of forgiveness?)....... the fact that you would stop this man caring for these kids at ALL COSTS (due to bitterness), instead of focusing on their welfare FIRST, is wrong!

If that is the case, all men should abandon their family responsibilities,go into the world, have fun and after many years come back to be accepted with open hands. Fatherhood is earned. It does not necessary mean you should be financially ok but you should be there at the formative age of the child.

MRbrownJAY:

many men abandon their kids for a reason or the other, that shouldnt be a death sentence or a reason to say that he IS a bad father FOREVER. maybe he was bad but now has changed, shouldnt he therefore have a right to custody over his children, if he is better suited than their mom to raise them in a safe/secure environment?

So if custody is given to their dad simply becos he has come to his senses. What happens to their mother who has toiled endlessly to bring them this far.

E nice: If that is the case, all men should abandon their family responsibilities,go into the world, have fun and after many years come back to be accepted with open hands. Fatherhood is earned. It does not necessary mean you should be financially ok but you should be there at the formative age of the child.

what you wrote above is simply showing your vindictive nature instead of FOCUSING ON THE CHILDREN'S WELFARE. again, just because someone made a mistake in the past, shouldnt be a reason to persecute AND dismiss them forever. everyone can be forgiven, even murderers. the fact that people like you do not want to forgive and rather have a child suffer to make a rather silly point is just

whatever this man did, he will always remain their BIOLOGICAL FATHER.

jumsnarol: So if custody is given to their dad simply becos he has come to his senses. What happens to their mother who has toiled endlessly to bring them this far.

custody should only be given to dad if he is better suited to care for the kids at that particular time, no other reason! would you rather that these kids suffer simply because their mother is bitter towards their dad?

what do you expect for the mother, a medal? compensation for her hard work? you are making this issue like a competition with a winner and a loser, wake up! its only about the kids welfare, nothing else.

Because they molest the children better than the women. Was that too hard to figure out?

MRbrownJAY:

what you wrote above is simply showing your vindictive nature instead of FOCUSING ON THE CHILDREN'S WELFARE. again, just because someone made a mistake in the past, shouldnt be a reason to persecute AND dismiss them forever. everyone can be forgiven, even murderers. the fact that people like you do not want to forgive and rather have a child suffer to make a rather silly point is just

whatever this man did, he will always remain their BIOLOGICAL FATHER.



custody should only be given to dad if he is better suited to care for the kids at that particular time, no other reason! would you rather that these kids suffer simply because their mother is bitter towards their dad?

what do you expect for the mother, a medal? compensation for her hard work? you are making this issue like a competition with a winner and a loser, wake up! its only about the kids welfare, nothing else.

you lack reasoning. May be you think love comes overnight. Wish you the best.

@ poster,
I dont know about the laws reagarding this in Nigeria. But one thing I will say. If the father has decided he wants to SINCERELY have a RESPONSIBLE relationship with his children again, then: They can work out a visitation schedule for him to see his kids but he must respect the foundation and home that the mother built for the kids all these years.It would be selfish for him to just take these children away from their home and mother, who was the one who made the COMMITMENT to raise the kids 24 7. It is no small feat. It is unfair to play the biological wild card at his personal convienience. He must spend the time to build a relationship and maybe even say THANKS to the mother for doing what she did to raise the kids.

E nice: you lack reasoning. May be you think love comes overnight. Wish you the best.

why would you automatically assume that the father doesnt love his children? lol! as we can clearly see by what the OP wrote, he may have had many problems with HER but he came to see his kids back then (even if not often), so i can conclude that the problem was NOT the kids but the r/ship he had with their mothers.


@Talina
dont you think that it would be selfish for a mother to stand in the way of her children's welfare, simply because of BITTERNESS towards her ex?!

as i said earlier, it is all down to the CHILDREN'S WELFARE FIRST, nothing else. just the bound they share with their mother shouldnt be a reason to have them stay with her, regardless of their welfare. any CARING parent would surely understand that.

it definitely aint a straight issue like:"she raised them so he cant have their custody", even the kids opinion matters in this issue (if they are above 12).

^^^ Im not sure what you are saying. Yes, the welfare of the kids comes first and putting aside personal bitterness is a must in regards to that. Children are not pawns. This is why I said that if the man seriously wants to have a relationship with his kids then he has visitation rights.And yes, the kids opinions definatly matter when they are old enough. The custody issue is not a straight issue like you said, parents can also share custody,BUT in the posters case, it sounds like the mother was doing a good job and committed herself all those years,etc etc what I said before. If youve ever been a full time parent and dedicate most of your life to your children, under the circumstances of the poster, it would be wrong and devistating to uproot the children just because the man suddenly wants them. Im not explaining myself well but trying.He should respect that and build a relationship with his kids on his own. One day, if the kids are happy with their relationship with their father, then they may choose to live with him. These things take time.

It is difficult to say which parent a child should go, but I would select a parent that can provide stability on a greater scale.

E nice: you lack reasoning. May be you think love comes overnight. Wish you the best.

lol. I learned not to argue with him from another thread.

talina: ^^^ Im not sure what you are saying. Yes, the welfare of the kids comes first and putting aside personal bitterness is a must in regards to that. Children are not pawns. This is why I said that if the man seriously wants to have a relationship with his kids then he has visitation rights.And yes, the kids opinions definatly matter when they are old enough. The custody issue is not a straight issue like you said, parents can also share custody,BUT in the posters case, it sounds like the mother was doing a good job and committed herself all those years,etc etc what I said before. If youve ever been a full time parent and dedicate most of your life to your children, under the circumstances of the poster, it would be wrong and devistating to uproot the children just because the man suddenly wants them. Im not explaining myself well but trying.He should respect that and build a relationship with his kids on his own. One day, if the kids are happy with their relationship with their father, then they may choose to live with him. These things take time.

sista Talina, first of all the question you should have asked the OP is:" WHY is this woman against their father having the custody of these kids?"

second, being a full time parent has absolutely nothing to do with the welfare of the children...... and how can you assess that she did a great job as a parent? are all parents automatically good because they stay home with the kids?! lol!
is it because she has a home, or that she has remarried? the fact that she dedicated all the previous yrs to her children is irrelevant here. you think like a bitter woman, if you believe that since she was there for them BEFORE, she is automatically better suited for them NOW. many children are abused and neglected by their own parents, wake up!

again, THE WELFARE of the children is what is important here, NOTHING ELSE. so it doesnt matter what the mother did all these yrs, it doesnt matter if the kids move home/city, only their wellbeing matters. if you are quick to label the mother better suited to care for their welfare, without knowing anything about the wellbeing of the kids then we are clearly talking of different things here.

btw funny how you have already concluded that A) the father hasnt got any contact with his kids (when the OP clearly wrote that he met his kids every time he was in the country) and B) that the kids dont want to live with him, lol.

i think i shld say this , if we are looking at the monetary aspect of taking care of the kids. Both parent are well suited to do this. My step mum is equally loaded. I stll think the woman shld have custody in this case becos no other woman can love and care for her children like she wuld and we all know that the father will only take them for another woman to care for. So wat are we saying here.

MRbrownJAY:

sista Talina, first of all the question you should have asked the OP is:" WHY is this woman against their father having the custody of these kids?"

second, being a full time parent has absolutely nothing to do with the welfare of the children...... and how can you assess that she did a great job as a parent? are all parents automatically good because they stay home with the kids?! lol!
is it because she has a home, or that she has remarried? the fact that she dedicated all the previous yrs to her children is irrelevant here. you think like a bitter woman, if you believe that since she was there for them BEFORE, she is automatically better suited for them NOW. many children are abused and neglected by their own parents, wake up!

again, THE WELFARE of the children is what is important here, NOTHING ELSE. so it doesnt matter what the mother did all these yrs, it doesnt matter if the kids move home/city, only their wellbeing matters. if you are quick to label the mother better suited to care for their welfare, without knowing anything about the wellbeing of the kids then we are clearly talking of different things here.

btw funny how you have already concluded that A) the father hasnt got any contact with his kids (when the OP clearly wrote that he met his kids every time he was in the country) and B) that the kids dont want to live with him, lol.

MBJ, I am referring to the welfare of the children. And what the mother did all those years and the relationship she built with her children DOES matter. Its beyond me why you would just write that off.Im assuming from the poster that she does her job as mother so I approached this as that.Do not label me as bitter, come on! Everything I said was about the welfare of the chilren, and allowing a road back for any father who sincerely wants that. I said visitation schedule, to make it a regular and legal thing. The poster said the husband neglected and did not take care of his family before. Would you hand your kids blindly over to him if he hadnt now shown that he was serious and responsible?? The poster clearly said the husband neglected the family and NOT the mother.So Im not being quick to label, Im just going by what the poster said. This may be why the mother would not just hand over the kids and give him custody! We are debating on not enough information MBJ, if you are saying that maybe the mother is not a good mother.

^^^sista, if we are debating while not having enough information then shouldnt you say that the welfare of the kids is what is important here (like i do), instead of saying that the mother should get the children bla bla?! lol.
you're already quick to give custody of these children to their mother, without an hint of information/proof about their well being etc, yet you claim NOT to be bias? bwaaaah!

anyway, lets close this issue with the same statement i have been saying all along: ONLY THE CHILDREN WELFARE MATTERS HERE.

^^^ Bro ( ) , What I meant was if you are looking at what the poster said through the eyes of only a bitter woman and maybe not a good mother, instead of a mother looking out for only the welfare of her children, then it changes the response.And you know how I interpreted it based on the posters info. So that being said, if you want to end this, based on lack of info,then agreed..... bottom line is the welfare of the children.

@MRbrown: after reading ur post, i had to go back n check ur sex. i have seen d struggle single mothers go thru to raise up their kids after d husband throws them out or abandon them. i m not sayin some mothers re not irresponsible or bad, but i don't think it is right for a woman to have struggled to bring up d kids n suddenly the man 'repents' n wants them back! if d man is truly sorry, he would want to establish a relationship wit his kids first through visits witout hurtin d mother. it only shows that d man is still thinking selfishly!

the so called father is asking for custody of the children now because his whitee wife cannot have issues for him. It is an ego thing. He does not really love the children. The day his whitee wife gives birth to a child, hmm, those black kids will become slaves so fast they wouldn't know what hit them, or they would be sent out like street beggars.

Only in nigeria that a man will do shits, toil with his wife and children and come back to have cutody of children.