omosexy1: A man would not forgive a cheating wife because sex is emotional to women and physical to men. Sex is like food to men (eat and clean mouth). @kambili190 - you know a single immature lady by her words. Over and over, men have posted on this forum that all Men cheats or rather are polygamous in nature. If you think your own case would be different I only wish you the best in your fantasy land. However, you can differentiate a matured woman on how she handles a cheating husband. If you decide to leave your husband because he cheated on you, and you move to husband No 2, No 2 will also cheat and what will you do, move to husband No 3? The probability of a man not cheating on his wife is very low. So a woman should be prepared for the AHA moment when it happens. Her reaction will either correct the issue or destroy it entirely. It is her own decision. Please people should not bring spirituality even Pastors cheat too - abi una no dey see am

omosexy: if I am immature because I don't accept cheating, then let it be so. I prefer to be immature then to share a bed with a liar whose pen.is has taken control over his brain. whatever these men post here are like, I also know men who are different. if it is my destiny to move from husband to husband then let it be. I'd rather prefer to be a single mum then deal with STD and a liar who is not strong enough to keep his promise.

if you don't value marriage, don't marry! very simple.
and if a woman leaves her husband because he cheated on her, then it is HIM who destroyed the marraige NOT her. adultery is a sin.

of course, you will disagree ... for reasons known

busybee24: So what I gather from here is that there are a vast majority of Nigerian men who cheat and feel that is acceptable and also that the woman should forgive their cheating behinds because all men do.. Note to self and others around... see one and run for the hills.... smh..
whats the point of marriage then? why not remain single and Bleep around?? and this is the institution they bundle females into as soon as possible.
its no wonder women are getting reticent about the whole marriage issue..

misery- check
std and sti's- check
infidelity- check

now who in their right mind wont want to sign up??

well said

@ Guys on the thread I agree completely with Omogbonya and her reasoning. Marriage is a serious business and u cannot just divorce a man cos he cheated once or twice instead find ways to solve the problem and pray for him. But that by no means implies that cheating is a RIGHT and that all women shld accept it. Instead of sitting here on this thread and calling women who cannot accept cheating immature why dont u channel all that energy into disciplning ur brain so dat it can actually function when ur d.ick sees another woman? I agree with forgiving a man who has cheated and is sorry but a man who blivs its acceptable and a right to cheat is a wimp and shld not be married in the first place much less forgiving. Ladies pls shine ur eye o. Once a playa always a playa. Dem no dey change

busybee24: Honestly i think that behavior calls for divorce. I dont care what stupid traditions are in place. sleep with another woman= UNACCEPTABLE and then bring back something = HEAVEN FORBID. thats the day i kick you out

Don't make me laugh.

bonna4u:
Don't make me laugh.

Laugh away.. that still doesn't change what i have said... what does your laughing have to do with anything?? typical mulish behavior.. laughing with nothing to say..

Before i got married i zero 'ed my mind that 99% of all married men are cheats, its part of them, its in their blood and they think its their right to cheat. Don't get me wrong, i had this notion because if it eventually happens to me i won't be too shocked or go crazy and besides it may not even happen. Meanwhile i prayed like mad that God should protect him from falling into the hands of "evil" ladies......... but it appears my prayers were not answered as he had girlfriends all over, opened a badoo.com account to looks for more girls, started dating the girl in the next compound and even spent our first ever (and last) valentine with a girl he met on badoo. I jokingly advised him to always use condom cos of STDs but am not saying he should cheat (was only trying to protect myself). All these were happening about six months after we were married. When i eventually discovered his extra marital affairs (up to 4 different girls at the same period), i was hurt and worse still was few weeks pregnant. He has this terrible mentality that its absurd for a man to apologise to a woman and so never apologised (no matter what he did, he would never apologise and never did, instead i will be the one apologising just for peace to reign and for the marriage to continue) but rather boasted about his escapades.
I personally don't think its wise for a lady to walk out of her marriage over unfaithfulness cos some of the men realise what they have done and puts an end to the extra affair and apologises to their wives. But some like my ex husband brags about it and even rubs it on your face (he would use my laptop to chat with the badoo girls and make meeting arrangements with them and forget to sign out) even though the marriage is extremely young.

The fears of all ladies with cheating husbands is STDs especially HIV, Hepatitis and other deadly diseases. Quite alot of women have died from AIDS given to them by their husbands. So does it mean marriage to a cheating man is a death sentence? We live this life just once, marriage is supposed to be a blessing to the lives of those involved but some men who can't control their wandering d.i.c.ks makes it impossible for most ladies to enjoy their marriage. Rather they will spend all the time praying for God to change their spouse, they spend time thinking, crying and some end up finding succor in the arms of another man cos their husband is busy loving another woman.
It hurts when husbands cheat on their wives especially when the wife is pregnant. If your wife isn't good enough in bed to your liking, why don't you teach her and help her improve? If you don't teach her, who will?
Is it possible this philandering thing is inherited? My grand dad (paternal) never cheated on his wife, my dad has never ever cheated on my mum, i can boldly say that am 97% sure that my uncles don't cheat on their wives. But my ex husband's dad (he is late) has close to 30 children (polygamous marriage and extra marital affairs).
Perhaps upbringing plays a major role in this case. May God help us.

kambili190:

you haven't answered my question. but let me answer yours: my decision would depend on the situation. like you said: was it the first time? how long has it been going on? was it an affair or a one night stand? what's his explanation? what did I do that made it happen and so on? to err is human, to forgive is divine. HOWEVER: this does not mean that I have to take every sh.t! I want a man and not a player. playing is for boys, my opinion. and if I can't trust my husband, what kind of marriage is it then? not a good one.

I didn't say, eye for an eye. eye for an eye would mean that she cheats too. I would never advise anyone to do this.

now: you say that women cheat when something is missing! wrong! not all women. women like men cheat for different reasons. there are women in nearly perfect marriages who don't miss anything and cheat.

you say that women by nature find it easier to forgive. are you serious? who says so? it is not that they forgive easier, it's that they are either expected to do so or that they have no other choice. some women remain with their husbands after cheating for different reasons and pretend to have forgiven and forgotten but the damage in their hearts will stay forever. in other words: they put up with the cheating and that's it.

you have no idea what many women feel like. if you think that it's not hard for a woman to deal with some IMAGES of their husbands and other women, then you really have no idea.

like you said: a lot has to be taken into account. in this point I agree. but remember (if you like it or not), women suffer a lot from cheating. you can call the police if your husband abuses you physically and then visit a doctor but to cure a broken heart, if you as a woman loved your man so very much, is a very hard, long an exhausting process. some women never recover. God give them strength.

at the end of the day, I believe that it could be so much better if men stopped acting like their women can forgive easily. no, they can't. they are very sensitive, emotional beings. treat them right. especially if you have a good, devoted, caring and loving wife. if you can't, don't marry.

WOW! Well said.!!! Glad for women like u.

kambili190:

omosexy: if I am immature because I don't accept cheating, then let it be so. I prefer to be immature then to share a bed with a liar whose pen.is has taken control over his brain. whatever these men post here are like, I also know men who are different. if it is my destiny to move from husband to husband then let it be. I'd rather prefer to be a single mum then deal with STD and a liar who is not strong enough to keep his promise.

if you don't value marriage, don't marry! very simple.
and if a woman leaves her husband because he cheated on her, then it is HIM who destroyed the marraige NOT her. adultery is a sin.

of course, you will disagree ... for reasons known

Hmmm! GBAM!

@mogbomoya: I am very pleased wt ur level of maturity. D way u handled dat issue will bring any sane man to his knees.
Most men dat cheat hv naggin n bad wives at home. Ladies shud always learn to communicate properly wt their huby/dress attractv for their huby as it wil hlp to reduce dis cheatin problm. Husbands shud always try to avoid late nite wt d guys n rememba they hv a lovin wife waitin for dem at home

obasijoy: @mogbomoya I'm sorry to say this to you, this is just the beginning of your problem. Do you think that it was his first time of doing that? Just ten weeks pregnant, your marriage must be a young one too. If you want don't stop him now if not he must be doing it and be pleading always. DON'T WORRY WHEN HE WILL MEET THOSE SWEET, SEXY, SUCKING D*CK BABES that will turn his brain upside down, he may even abandon you and your baby. *God forbid oooo * please don't come and open a thread here for us telling us how your hubby abandon you b/c of one babe like that. Talking out of experience ooooooo

I don't get you! So what are u preaching? That she should go ahead and divorce right, you must be a scientific counsellor to say that. What has happened to the forgiveness in you? A problem identified can be solved together by the couples. they have to sit down and mutually find solution to it that's what is called a working marriage and neither seperation nor divorce can solve the problem. Please always be patient when deciding on matters like this.

It seems like sex doesn't even last that long so I don't know why some men are willing to risk their marriage to put their manhood inside some skank especially with all these diseases nowadays.

@busybee:

I agree. Cheating=divorce for me as well. The reason why men continue to cheat is b/c they know every time they can sweet talk their way back. We make it too easy for them. How may men will take their wife or even girlfriend back if she cheats on them? This is why if a girl has the opportunity to become financially independent she should take advantage of that b/c men are not reliable. I would rather be a healthy and alive single mom and live for my kids than die from and STD my man gave me from sleeping with some bich. When you die, it's your loss and your children's loss. He will continue on his life with another woman and your children will have to live with a stepmother who might make life hell for your kids. I say f*** that. If more women started to take a stance against cheating, men will change their bahavior. You have to SHOW him how you want to be treated. By forgiving him for cheating, you show him that you tolerate it. YOU show him what you are going to take and not take from the beginning of the relationship. You need to have a backbone. Luckily I live in the U.S. so I will make sure to do a legal mariage.

I once was talking to a guy who was interested in me for marriage that I had to decline b/c I was not ready at the time (I was only 19 and not done with college) and there were things I didn't like about him. We had a conversation where I mentioned that cheating is the dealbreaker for me in a relationship and he sounded really surprised to hear that. He was like "really"? So I guess he assumed like many girls I would easily take him back after that. It also made me think he probably is a cheater. Most men cheat b/c they know you will still stay put.

@ luckgames:

If your wife cheated on you with another man would you consider working it out?

I must add something to this conversation.

Why do women accept anyone in their bad or as an affair who is married or in a relationship? These same women cry out the loudest when they are cheated on.

If men are easily to be tempted then it is our job not to tempt married men. If you decide to do so, know that the same can happen to you in your marriage.

BlueBarbie:

WOW! Well said.!!! Glad for women like u.

thank you! glad to hear that

A lot women put up with the cheaitng b/c they cannot leave the man. Many women, especially in non-Western countries are usually financially dependent on the man so have no choice but to stay in the marriage. They don't always stay b/c they forgive him, they stay b/c they CAN'T leave. In Africa especially, it is hard to get a divorce from your husband. Gosh, talking about these things make me not want to get married. If it wasn't for children, I wouldn't get married.

kambili190: I must add something to this conversation.

Why do women accept anyone in their bad or as an affair who is married or in a relationship? These same women cry out the loudest when they are cheated on.

If men are easily to be tempted then it is our job not to tempt married men. If you decide to do so, know that the same can happen to you in your marriage.

EXACTLY. There are a lot of harlots out there who keep going after other women's husbands, especially if he has money. In alot of the cases the men do not go after the women, it is the women coming after them. There are a lot of secretaries who wear certain things or use juju to get their wealthy boss' attention. Many female coworkers are very flirtatious. We as women play a big part in how we are treated. Men cheat b/c we ALLOW them to. Women control how much sex men get. Men can cheat b/c there are biches who will wilingly sleep with a married man and women who will take the cheater back. Men can only get sex if we let them.

That is so true that women who go after other women's husbands tend to shout the loudest when it happens to them. I know a woman who is a 2nd wife, yet she was so shocked until they had to put her in the hospital when she found out her husband got a 3rd wife. She forgot she made the first wife go through that same pain when she was marrying her husband. I have so much hatred for women who go after others' husbands b/c they ruin people's homes. Even if the couple stays together, the pain and mistrust will always be there. You will leave a wound in their marriage.

nene1:

EXACTLY. There are a lot of harlots out there who keep going after other women's husbands, especially if he has money. In alot of the cases the men do not go after the women, it is the women coming after them. There are a lot of secretaries who wear certain things or use juju to get their wealthy boss' attention. Many female coworkers are very flirtatious. We as women play a big part in how we are treated. Men cheat b/c we ALLOW them to. Women control how much sex men get. Men can cheat b/c there are biches who will wilingly sleep with a married man and women who will take the cheater back. Men can only get sex if we let them.

That is so true that women who go after other women's husbands tend to shout the loudest when it happens to them. I know a woman who is a 2nd wife, yet she was so shocked until they had to put her in the hospital when she found out her husband got a 3rd wife. She forgot she made the first wife go through that same pain when she was marrying her husband. I have so much hatred for women who go after others' husbands b/c they ruin people's homes. Even if the couple stays together, the pain and mistrust will always be there. You will leave a wound in their marriage.

nene, you point at some very interesting aspects

1. "women control how much sex men get" an elderly lady once told me that back in the days a woman could show her anger by not sleeping with her husband when SHE was angry but today it's no longer possible because there are so many "easy" girls out there, who are willing to give men whatever very quickly. I guess our grandmothers were much smarter. I am very much in favour of women having their right and freedom, education, financial independence but it is more than obvious that many women mistake progress with lack of decency. not only they behave like men and chase after men like little boys after girls but they also disrespect other ladies and their marriage.

2. I have often heard of second wives complaining about their husband getting a 3rd wife. what can I say? justice may come in small steps but it comes one day.

nene1: A lot women put up with the cheaitng b/c they cannot leave the man. Many women, especially in non-Western countries are usually financially dependent on the man so have no choice but to stay in the marriage. They don't always stay b/c they forgive him, they stay b/c they CAN'T leave. In Africa especially, it is hard to get a divorce from your husband. Gosh, talking about these things make me not want to get married. If it wasn't for children, I wouldn't get married.

exactly! most women don't forgive they put up with it.

don't think like that of marriage. sometimes it works and is a blessing and sometimes it isn't.

hope, you'll have a loving husband one day who will treat you like a queen. just be careful when you make your choice.

@ Lenny: I am glad to see men like that stil exist lol...I think the bad men get more attention than the good. Usually if you love someone, you will be too occupied with them to notice anyone else. The first time I saw my Dad cook was when my mom was pregnant. He was excited especially since he was the 1st boy. My cousin's husband wouldn't even let her walk down the stairs when she was pregnant. He would have a fit when he saw her do any chores.

Why do men like to act single becz Mrs is pregnant?

1. They are insensitive.
2. They feel insecure.
3. They do not value or uphold the marriage vows.
4. Fear of the unknown.
5. They are lustful.
6. They are greedy -coveting what is not theirs.
7. Lack of knowledge on pregnancy.


There is no excuse for cheating because humans are not wild animals.Animals don't make vows before God and the community.
Try to appreciate what you got married to.Help her become better.Don't run away from her because her tummy is increasing in size.
You can still enjoy sex up to the 8th month with your wife!.You just learn how to do it.

Well for the women.Do not neglect ur self and start looking like youv just come from the market when you are around him.
Look good,smell good,wear nice dresses not sheets.Just look good and stay sober.Involve him in the stages of the pregnancy.
Some women's attitudes during pregnancy chase their husbands away.
And please take care of those crazy cravings.Communicate with him so he doesnt find his dirty socks eaten.

kalufelix: @op ..And u expect me nat 2 screw for like 7months or so....like seriously?? *sighs n leaves d thread*

If you cannot control yourself, then never get married and commit to a woman. Besides, you can still have sex with a pregant woman. I think it is the later stages you can't do much. Anyway, that is my guess.

@ mogboymoya:

I can understand why you forgave him though I am someone who doesn't tolerate cheating. Plus it sounds like your husband only kiassed her and didn't actually have sex with her. Yes sometimes it is the other woman who seduces him. The thing is humans are not perfect and you cannot resist temptation 100% of the time no matter how pious you are. I would not forgive him if HE was the one who PURPOSELY sought out other woman. If it happened that she was flashing herself in his face and he gave in and before he realized it was too late, then maybe i could live with that However, if he does it AGAIN than I cannot forgive him as he should have learned his lesson the first time and know who to avoid such shameless females.

There are some women who want to destroy your marriage so they can get the man so you have to weigh all the pros and cons and the situation as to WHY he cheated before deciding whether to divorce him or stay. Some women out there are major biches and a lot of the time it is them who come after the man. However, i would expect the man to distance that female and cut off conntact with her if she starts to become inappropriate. I think a married man should limit his contact with the opposite sex in order to avoid falling into temptation. Don't meet that woman at work alone or in an area where it is easy for you to be intimate with that person. I would expect my husband to AVOID situations that could lead him to temptation.

silentlywild: I know Men say they like to still be free after marriage but, didnt they make those promises infront of the pastor to stay by their woman for better or for worse. Why is it that once the wife is pregnant they start looking at the next thing in a skirt(Man or Women).If the roles were reversed you expect the woman to sit with you and possibly feed you soup to get you better.

Isnt the Woman carrying the baby that you both planted in her....STOP being selfish and PLS if you have to play out of Marriage, put a rubber on it...Dnt pass on some random disease on ur wife because you want some 5mins fun....

Hmm.

My cousin has full blown AIDS and the wife just found out she has the virus..It is now she wants a divorce, after signing her death warrant!! Who will take care of their two daughters? . I blame her for marrying my coz who has an oscar for cheating just cos he had money. He never deserved a wife.

all d guys seemed to ve disappeared as kambili 190 n co marshalled dier pts! sis, i'm proud that some women stil reason like u al! d truth is dat any man not ready to be faithful to a single woman should not bother to marry! d world is now 'civilized', u could ve one or two baby mammas. afteral, 2face is a beautiful example! if u want sex, patronise lovepeedlers or have se.xm.ates! as for d women who believe dat men re naturally polygamous, i don't know where u got dat from, as least NOT from d Bible! it's b'cos men know that they'll be forgiven/tolerated that's y dey cheat. al those talkin of forgiveness, y can't d man b faithful? @OP: it's b'cos such men re irresponsible, care less for their wives n re very selfish. a man that cheats on u doesn't love/respect u expect he was sorely tempted or jazzed!