Hello. I am hoping to get some advice on a problem that has been on my mind for a while.

For years my mother who is a legal practitioner has been maltreating her houseboy. I know how she usually is with her house helps but when I learnt the extent of this I felt I had to speak out especially as she is takes her Christian faith seriously; I felt something was wrong. She would strip him and rub pepper on his naked body and force him to sleep with the pepper on his body without the fan on in what is more or less a mosquito infested storage room; force salt down his throat; give him spoilt food to eat; ask him to lie down on the floor facing the ground and jump up and land on his head/kick him around etc. This is besides the fact that on a daily basis she slaps him, knocks his head etc. When I first learnt about this I cried to her and begged her to stop.

He is very hard-working and does every single household chore. Wakes up at 5am and goes to bed 11pm on a good day. He can be very forgetful and dull atimes although I believe a lot of his actions are because he's scared of an angry reaction. I returned home for xmas last year only to find out the same treatment was still going on and this got me really upset and I quarrelled with my mum and told her her actions towards him are one of wickedness. I have a daughter myself and would not like her to speak to me the way I did to my mum, I admit. However I am so disappointed in her and felt pushed to tell her what her actions really are. She obviously wasn't happy with me and has cut me and my family off. I sense that she doesn't want much to do with me anymore. My siblings however see what she does (she actually does a lot of it in their presence but never in front of me); They don't intervene and so in good terms with her. They know what she does is wrong but somehow they can ignore. I on the other hand can't seem to ignore.

Since she has decided to not pick my calls anymore I have decided to write her a letter to apologise for the way I spoke to her cos I really do feel bad about that...however does that mean I like my siblings will turn a blind eye to all these just to get along with her? I still feel it's wrong to treat any human being or even animal that way. I know our relationship can never go back to the way it used to.

Advice please.

Wow. The details of the torture she mets out to the houseboy was so hard to read. So sad. I wonder why he has not run away.

Anyway, you are doing the right thing by speaking up against child abuse. You should not turn a blind eye to that no matter what happens. Since you said she takes her 'Christian faith very seriously', a tactic that might work might be to go through her pastor under the guise of him helping you both to reconcile. That way you can discuss what she's doing to the poor boy to him (of course you have to tell the pastor what caused the fight ) and maybe he can get her to stop it as well as bring you both together. Kill 2 birds with one stone.

ileobatojo: Wow. The details of the torture she mets out to the houseboy was so hard to read. So sad. I wonder why he has not run away.

Anyway, you are doing the right thing by speaking up against child abuse. You should not turn a blind eye to that no matter what happens. Since you said she takes her 'Christian faith very seriously', a tactic that might work might be to go through her pastor under the guise of him helping you both to reconcile. That way you can discuss what she's doing to the poor boy to him (of course you have to tell the pastor what caused the fight ) and maybe he can get her to stop it as well as bring you both together. Kill 2 birds with one stone.

I have absolute zero faith in almost all Nigerian pastors. They always side with whoever pays the largest tithes. But it's worth a try. Some women only listen to their pastors.

@ OP, although your intentions were pure and praiseworthy, I think you erred by reprimanding your mother rudely. Regardless of what she did, she is still your mother and there are better and more effective ways to reprimand one's mum. What you must do is swallow your pride and go beg your Mum in person. Kneel down, hold on to her legs and genuinely ask for forgiveness. She's your mum! She'll forgive you.

After reconciling with your Mum, you need to get the support of your siblings. Don't be confrontational. Just approach them individually with wisdom and express your concerns directly to them. Tell them your pastor had a vision and in that vision he saw your mother in front of a firing squad because she killed a small boy. You know your siblings best; do whatever it takes to get them to see what's wrong with the current situation.

Once one or more of your siblings are on the same page with you, you need to go back to your mum with humility and love to re-express your concerns properly. She's sowing serious bad karma by maltreating a helpless boy! You don't want your entire family paying for her sins for generations.

hairsistaz: Hello. I am hoping to get some advice on a problem that has been on my mind for a while.

For years my mother who is a legal practitioner has been maltreating her houseboy. I know how she usually is with her house helps but when I learnt the extent of this I felt I had to speak out especially as she is takes her Christian faith seriously; I felt something was wrong. She would strip him and rub pepper on his naked body and force him to sleep with the pepper on his body without the fan on in what is more or less a mosquito infested storage room; force salt down his throat; give him spoilt food to eat; ask him to lie down on the floor facing the ground and jump up and land on his head/kick him around etc. This is besides the fact that on a daily basis she slaps him, knocks his head etc. When I first learnt about this I cried to her and begged her to stop.

He is very hard-working and does every single household chore. Wakes up at 5am and goes to bed 11pm on a good day. He can be very forgetful and dull atimes although I believe a lot of his actions are because he's scared of an angry reaction. I returned home for xmas last year only to find out the same treatment was still going on and this got me really upset and I quarrelled with my mum and told her her actions towards him are one of wickedness. I have a daughter myself and would not like her to speak to me the way I did to my mum, I admit. However I am so disappointed in her and felt pushed to tell her what her actions really are. She obviously wasn't happy with me and has cut me and my family off. I sense that she doesn't want much to do with me anymore. My siblings however see what she does (she actually does a lot of it in their presence but never in front of me); They don't intervene and so in good terms with her. They know what she does is wrong but somehow they can ignore. I on the other hand can't seem to ignore.

Since she has decided to not pick my calls anymore I have decided to write her a letter to apologise for the way I spoke to her cos I really do feel bad about that...however does that mean I like my siblings will turn a blind eye to all these just to get along with her? I still feel it's wrong to treat any human being or even animal that way. I know our relationship can never go back to the way it used to.

Advice please.

how old is the boy? Does ur mum understand that it is a criminal offence under the child rights act for her to treat anyone the way u just described above? If i had details of where ur mum resides, i'l have her arrested. As for u reconciling with ur mum, i don't have anything to say but y shod a 'mother' treat another person's child so badly. Some pple can be so heartless and yet they think that their prayers will be answered by God? Nonsense!

Doesnt your Mom know that the boy can just die the next time she throws a 'small' slap on his face, and she would be headlines news for 'the sun newspaper?
I dont subscribe to telling the church yet, i'd advice you try to make your siblings understand the danger of what your mom is doing. Try to win one, two or all of them to your side then you guys will then face her. How will you 'shape' your mouth when telling the Pastor the evil and iniquity his Saintlooking member commits? Your mom will curse you if you do that.
Again, can you help that poor boy escape?

Hello all. Thanks for all the responses they have really been helpful. Like I said I intend to write her a letter because for one she won't talk to me and secondly I fear talking to her about the matter might only escalate it.

Generally she never believes anything she does is wrong and will stand her ground and argue that she is right even at the most obvious wrong-doing. This attitude has made her loose the closest of her brothers and sisters (they haven't spoken for years) so I can see things going that way that's why I think the letter will be the best option and then I can hope for a reply.

Believe me I am really sad that things had to degenerate to the level of me talking to her that way but I have seen her act towards vulnerable people in ways which I don't think is right before God and man but at the time I was really young and vulnerable myself however I spoke out or tried to help these people. It was more or less the same treatment she gave me and I always ended up begging her.

I have asked this houseboy to return to his parents in the village and have promised to send him money for a business but he's too scared he cannot escape for too long (my mum and his dad are 2nd cousins) so the only option now is for her to stop or send her back himself...when I asked her to send him back her reply was that he belongs to her and she will decide when he goes back.

I really don't want to have to report her to anyone except she reports me and then make me respond to the person as she's popular in the area I live and she works for the government. I don't want to be the cause of whatever may happen if people outside hear about this.

I believe in Karma, things happening for a reason etc. I am Christian but I won't say my faith is as strong as a lot of people. I don't believe that just going to church every sunday makes you a good Christian. Both my sisters have not been very fortunate in marriage and it breaks my heart to think that this could be Karma. I am very happily married and couldn't be with a better husband. I love my life and this issue is the only thing that I think about and become sad. I don't ever want to accept wickedness and begin to receive God's punishment.

Thanks for all the replies; I really appreciate them...please keep them coming.

OP, Looks like your mom is a sadist, an evil one at that. How can you say a fellow being "belongs" to you and feels its ok to behave any which way you desire just coz you provide him food and shelter ?!What shocked me was the 'jumping on top of his head' part Too much of WWF !I hate to say this, but I hope this boy is not being s3xually abused You haven't mentioned anything about your father. If he's around, why don't you try speaking to him? You know, if I were you, I'd have tactfully begged monster momma to allow me to take the houseboy to my matrimonial home under the pretence of not getting trustworthy househelps and then rescue him from that hell. This boy too baffles me. Why isn't he trying to inform his folks of what he is going through. How much ever poor you are, no parents would want their child to go through all of these. IMO, what has happened has happened, between you and your mom. For now, leave it the way it is. If you go around begging and pleading, you'll be cementing her belief that she is not doing anything wrong. Your mother has not spoken to her own siblings for years and so I think she doesn't believe in forgetting and forgiving. Maybe you can go ahead with your plan of writing a letter, but in all probability that is not going to change her attitude. Just be patient and "HOPE" time will heal everything and if there is an iota of remorse, she'll accept you back.

OP, I don't envy your situation at all. Mothers are sacred BUT she has to be stopped somehow. I suggest you apologize to her and get someone who can begin to attempt to talk sense into her. I doubt it will work though; it is unfortunate but people like your mum will only stop when they encounter superior force. That is when you see them crying, denying and begging all at the same time. They are not sorry, they are only sorry they got caught.

Forget your siblings, they are already compromised when your mother is involved.

Na wao.OP while i commend your trying to help the boy but i gotta point this out ; asking the boy to leave and promising him biz wont help,the boy has heard such lines before(probably from your mother) and see where it landed him.And that notion that your mom would seek him out is FALSE.You,just like your siblings are just scared but the question is "if it were your own child with your mom doing same things,won't you find a way to take your child to safety?"
You wanna help that boy?Write a detailed but annonymous letter to office of the public defender or get the shop/biz in another town,drive to your mom's place in a taxi when no one is around and take the boy out.
Sorry but im not so bothered about the 'reconciling with mom" part of your story.Someones child is been tortured like a salve.You can apologise for your rude behaviour later but for now,Get that boy out before Gods long arm consumes someone.

Smilenw: OP, Looks like your mom is a sadist, an evil one at that. How can you say a fellow being "belongs" to you and feels its ok to behave any which way you desire just coz you provide him food and shelter ?!What shocked me was the 'jumping on top of his head' part Too much of WWF !I hate to say this, but I hope this boy is not being s3xually abused You haven't mentioned anything about your father. If he's around, why don't you try speaking to him? You know, if I were you, I'd have tactfully begged monster momma to allow me to take the houseboy to my matrimonial home under the pretence of not getting trustworthy househelps and then rescue him from that hell. This boy too baffles me. Why isn't he trying to inform his folks of what he is going through. How much ever poor you are, no parents would want their child to go through all of these. IMO, what has happened has happened, between you and your mom. For now, leave it the way it is. If you go around begging and pleading, you'll be cementing her belief that she is not doing anything wrong. Your mother has not spoken to her own siblings for years and so I think she doesn't believe in forgetting and forgiving. Maybe you can go ahead with your plan of writing a letter, but in all probability that is not going to change her attitude. Just be patient and "HOPE" time will heal everything and if there is an iota of remorse, she'll accept you back.

My dad is around but that is another story altogether. He can talk but that only leads to a big fight. This situation actually brought my dad and I closer. As a kid he was hardly around due to work and other distractions that come with being a wealthy, stylish and goodlooking man. My mum always has nasty things to say about him (a lot of which I have come to discover are not true or just exaggerated) and up till fairly recently I really disliked him. Money-wise things for him are now the exact opposite so he doesn't really have a say in anything she does these days cos she now feeds him and she never misses an opportunity to put him in his place. I have manage to build a relationship with him and though he has his flaws he's the wisest person in my life and gives very good advice. He is the only one I can talk to about how I feel cos he gets it. He tells me not to worry but to keep trying to talk to her even if she ignores me. I'm really happy to be getting responses from here cos around me only my dad and my husband seem to understand my pain.

ifyalways: Na wao.OP while i commend your trying to help the boy but i gotta point this out ; asking the boy to leave and promising him biz wont help,the boy has heard such lines before(probably from your mother) and see where it landed him.And that notion that your mom would seek him out is FALSE.You,just like your siblings are just scared but the question is "if it were your own child with your mom doing same things,won't you find a way to take your child to safety?"
You wanna help that boy?Write a detailed but annonymous letter to office of the public defender or get the shop/biz in another town,drive to your mom's place in a taxi when no one is around and take the boy out.
Sorry but im not so bothered about the 'reconciling with mom" part of your story.Someones child is been tortured like a salve.You can apologise for your rude behaviour later but for now,Get that boy out before Gods long arm consumes someone.

I have thought about this before but I'm scared of what the impact would be. Unfortunately I live abroad...ideally I would have liked to take him from her but that requires visa etc.

How old is the boy?Does he have a phone or is there a way you can speak to him directly wihout ur mom or siblings knowledge?What of his parents?
You can send an email or place a phone call to the social/welfare office of their state of origin but my fear is this,if its not lagos,abuja,enugu and rivers states then the welfare/social service might not lift a finger.
Can u get a trusted and matured friend here in naija to help?Well,if all fails,you can just send the boy a reasonably sum discreetly.That should make give him the needed "push" to go.Na real wao.

How old is the boy?Does he have a phone or is there a way you can speak to him directly wihout ur mom or siblings knowledge?What of his parents?
You can send an email or place a phone call to the social/welfare office in their state of residence but my fear is this,if its not lagos,abuja,enugu and rivers states then the welfare/social service might not lift a finger.
Can u get a trusted and matured friend here in naija to help?Well,if all fails,you can just send the boy a reasonably sum discreetly.That should make give him the needed "push" to go.Na real wao.

chaircover:

in As I so much believe in what she did/doing is wrong, I will call her bluff and hold my ground & let her carry on not talking to me if that is what she chooses.

Worked wonders for me a few years ago. My own mother offended me and untop of that was proving right, she was actually going to send me slap via the phone. .I told her to her kindly that she had to apologise to me, the woman being a very stubborn woman like me did not bulge, hung up that day with anger but not before telling her that my talking to her again will depend on if she apologises. Anyways after a few days I started feeling bad tried to call her but couldn't get through so rang my father instead, her phone's battery had gone dead and she was charging it. Anyways I ended up not speaking to her again and I just said pheww time to show some tough love. So whenever my father rung me up, I would never ask of her or how she was doing even though it killed me. I would call my father at night and speak to him without speaking to her, my dad will be like "Your mum is here, do you wanna talk to her?" whenever he asked me that question I would just hang up. This went on for sometime and when she realized that I wasn't going to throw in the towel, she rung me up and I ignored the call and gbam she sent me a message, "I will be visiting in 2 weeks, I love you". Oh boy, my heart began to race like someone who was in AF, that woman has never told me she loves me IN WORDS .The day we trashed the whole situation, it was like two lions refusing to admit to their mistakes after a while she gave up and said, Ok I'm sorry and I was like "ehen now you are talking, come on now let me greet you properly".

Since then I have never had such issues with her.

OP, I hope my story helps you. MY Opinion? Ignore her completely.

ifyalways: How old is the boy?Does he have a phone or is there a way you can speak to him directly wihout ur mom or siblings knowledge?What of his parents?
You can send an email or place a phone call to the social/welfare office of their state of origin but my fear is this,if its not lagos,abuja,enugu and rivers states then the welfare/social service might not lift a finger.
Can u get a trusted and matured friend here in naija to help?Well,if all fails,you can just send the boy a reasonably sum discreetly.That should make give him the needed "push" to go.Na real wao.

He started living with her when he was about 18yrs old so should be around 23 or 24...though he is very short and looks younger. He used to have a phone and that's how I found out about all this. He called me internationally and told me and I could tell he was really scared. He asked me not to call him back etc. I have given him money in the past for emergencies but she saw it with him and accused him of being a thief. I have had to ask my best friend who lives closeby to please take him in if he ever runs to her and have asked him to run to her house if he ever feels like his life is at stake. I feel he will never leave except she releases him. She accuses him of making me and her quarrel...telling him that she can tell that he likes it. His father tells him to endure as he is very poor and can't send him to school or feed him. In the past she has refused buying his school uniform even as she knew he was being beaten in school for not coming in the appropriate uniform. I had to send my brother money to get him the uniform. I have tried! I am close to tears as I type. It's just so sad.

hairsistaz:

He started living with her when he was about 18yrs old so should be around 23 or 24...though he is very short and looks younger. He used to have a phone and that's how I found out about all this. He called me internationally and told me and I could tell he was really scared. He asked me not to call him back etc. I have given him money in the past for emergencies but she saw it with him and accused him of being a thief. I have had to ask my best friend who lives closeby to please take him in if he ever runs to her and have asked him to run to her house if he ever feels like his life is at stake. I feel he will never leave except she releases him. She accuses him to making me and her quarrel...telling him that she can tell that he likes it. His father tells him to endure as he is very poor and can't send him to school or feed him. In the past she has denied to buy him school uniform even as she knew he was being beaten in school for not coming in the appropriate uniform. I had to send my brother money to get him the uniform. I have tried! I am close to tears as I type. It's just so sad.

Sorry but your mum is a witch. Never seen a heartless woman like that in my life. Does she know that the life she lives might hinder her kids?

jennykadry:

Worked wonders for me a few years ago. My own mother offended me and untop of that was proving right, she was actually going to send me slap via the phone. .I told her to her kindly that she had to apologise to me, the woman being a very stubborn woman like me did not bulge, hung up that day with anger but not before telling her that my talking to her again will depend on if she apologises. Anyways after a few days I started feeling bad tried to call her but couldn't get through so rang my father instead, her phone's battery had gone dead and she was charging it. Anyways I ended up not speaking to her again and I just said pheww time to show some tough love. So whenever my father rung me up, I would never ask of her or how she was doing even though it killed me. I would call my father at night and speak to him without speaking to her, my dad will be like "Your mum is here, do you wanna talk to her?" whenever he asked me that question I would just hang up. This went on for sometime and when she realized that I wasn't going to throw in the towel, she rung me up and I ignored the call and gbam she sent me a message, "I will be visiting in 2 weeks, I love you". Oh boy, my heart began to race like someone who was in AF, that woman has never told me she loves me IN WORDS .The day we trashed the whole situation, it was like two lions refusing to admit to their mistakes after a while she gave up and said, Ok I'm sorry and I was like "ehen now you are talking, come on now let me greet you properly".

Since then I have never had such issues with her.

OP, I hope my story helps you. MY Opinion? Ignore her completely.

I like your post cos that sounds like me and my mum. Everyone else just agrees with her but I stand my ground. She found a man for my elder sister and advised her to marry him. My sister regrets this now after having kids cos they are so different. We all went to the best of schools home and abroad and the man's educational background is still uncertain to me. She tried it with me..asking me to get married to someone that didn't even attend university and is a trader...I didn't even answer her.

Honestly sometimes I feel like I should ignore however as a mum to a little girl myself I don't want to have the same experience with my daughter. That really is my main fear. I just want to do the right thing cos we are supposed to honour our parents right? I would really like to hear from you cos it seems like our personalities are alike!

This is very depressing,i cant even concentrate on the amu m ji n'aka before.
If the boy could call you then hes reaching out for help.So his parents are so poor that they would rather have him dead?I rebuke poverty!!!
Have you thought of giving ur friend money to help rescue the boy?Perhaps you should call the boy and discuss an escape plan with him.He might have ideas but fear and trust issues(if i were him,i wont trust u totally) is still drawing him back.And theres still the welfare/social service option though the best route would have been u removing the boy directly.
May God give u ideas and the strenght and grace to carry it through.That boy is in my prayers.

ifyalways: This is very depressing,i cant even concentrate on the amu m ji n'aka before.
If the boy could call you then hes reaching out for help.So his parents are so poor that they would rather have him dead?I rebuke poverty!!!
Have you thought of giving ur friend money to help rescue the boy?Perhaps you should call the boy and discuss an escape plan with him.He might have ideas but fear and trust issues(if i were him,i wont trust u totally) is still drawing him back.And theres still the welfare/social service option though the best route would have been u removing the boy directly.
May God give u ideas and the strenght and grace to carry it through.That boy is in my prayers.

The problem with him running is he has no where to run to. He has asked me several times if I will ever relocate and has said he would like me to take him. My bestfriend can accommodate him if he runs to her and I can always send her money for his needs. That's the best I can do. I really don't know what else. His dad tells him to endure and try to be sharper so she won't need to beat him so much but I have seen her get angry with him and I can say there is nothing he does that will stop her. She'll send him on 2 errands at a time and get angry that he ignored one. It doesn't make sense at all.

Trust me, if my mum did half of what your mum did, I would have dismothered her . I went to the same school with two of our maids. I remember the day my mum smacked me so bad because she over heard one of our maids then call me "Aunty". I think I was about 13 or 14 then. Her reason for smacking me was she expected me to tell the maid not to call me aunty but I didn't. My father walked these girls down the aisle on their wedding their day, my mum was the mother of the day on each and every occasion mind you they asked her to be, she did not volunteer. Truthfully though she can be stubborn but not wicked. None of us have ever been stranded and I know part of it could be as a result of the way my mum welcomed people into her home.

I saw a girl in 2010 about 16 yrs old, an orphan who wants to study medicine. I told my mum I felt a connection with that girl cos she was just too smart and had this huge appetite to study and the first thing my mother said to me after finding out so much about the girl was "Adopt her(if your husband agrees)and take care of her, I mean take her with you. Such brain should not be wasted". She had issues of smacking us all when we were kids like every mother did but not like this biko.

Forget about your mum's issue until the boy's own is settled.

Why do u even want to reconcile to someone like that even if the person is your mum?

jennykadry: Trust me, if my mum did half of what your mum did, I would have dismothered her . I went to the same school with two of our maids. I remember the day my mum smacked me so bad because she over heard one of our maids then call me "Aunty". I think I was about 13 or 14 then. Her reason for smacking me was she expected me to tell the maid not to call me aunty but I didn't. My father walked these girls down the aisle on their wedding their day, my mum was the mother of the day on each and every occasion mind you they asked her to be, she did not volunteer. Truthfully though she can be stubborn but not wicked. None of us have ever been stranded and I know part of it could be as a result of the way my mum welcomed people into her home.

I saw a girl in 2010 about 16 yrs old, an orphan who wants to study medicine. I told my mum I felt a connection with that girl cos she was just too smart and had this huge appetite to study and the first thing my mother said to me after finding out so much about the girl was "Adopt her(if your husband agrees)and take care of her, I mean take her with you. Such brain should not be wasted". She had issues of smacking us all when we were kids like every mother did but not like this biko.

You are very lucky to have such a mum. I wish I had that.

I'm glad I'm not the only one that felt I will not apologize while reading the thread. I don't believe in all these over-pampering of mothers and 'you only have one mother' tales.
@OP
Where's your dad? Or her husband?

@poster

I can only imagine how you feel.
However honestly speaking, I think its time that someone stood up to her, she seems to have gotten away with a lot for so long.You have made your stand,stay firm on it.She has to be made to see that she is doing wrong!
Unfortunately the young man is an adult,who basically can make the decision to walk away anytime he wants.He doesnt have to go back to his parents,but I'm pretty sure that he realises he has nothing else going for him in the outside world. Does he have any skills, besides, being a houseboy?
See if you can get through to him,try and build up some confidence on what he wants to do in life,work with him along that line and save towards it.It has to be break and make for him,however how small.He just needs to have something going for him on the outside world.
As for your mother,only she can decide to stop,but you can make her see reason.
One thing I know for sure,is that everytime that poor soul cries out in pain, questions God as to why he was born,every time he sheds tears due to what she's done to him,she is taking one step near to Hell.
There is a song that goes:
'I was cold,I was hungry
were you there? were you there?
I was tired,I was thirsty
were you there? were you there?
and the creed and the colour
and the name doesnt matter
were you there? were you there?'

we should try to see Jesus in every soul that needs help and kindness,when we can
especially as it was given to us in the first place
Be strong.let her be the one to break and see reason
you might just be preventing something bad from happening in the future
if the poor boy dies because of her would you be reaching out to comfort her then?
your action now might be the stitch in time that saves nine
God be your strength and your direction
Amen

toyemz: @poster

I can only imagine how you feel.
However honestly speaking, I think its time that someone stood up to her, she seems to have gotten away with a lot for so long.You have made your stand,stay firm on it.She has to be made to see that she is doing wrong!
Unfortunately the young man is an adult,who basically can make the decision to walk away anytime he wants.He doesnt have to go back to his parents,but I'm pretty sure that he realises he has nothing else going for him in the outside world. Does he have any skills, besides, being a houseboy?
See if you can get through to him,try and build up some confidence on what he wants to do in life,work with him along that line and save towards it.It has to be break and make for him,however how small.He just needs to have something going for him on the outside world.
As for your mother,only she can decide to stop,but you can make her see reason.
One thing I know for sure,is that everytime that poor soul cries out in pain, questions God as to why he was born,every time he sheds tears due to what she's done to him,she is taking one step near to Hell.
There is a song that goes:
'I was cold,I was hungry
were you there? were you there?
I was tired,I was thirsty
were you there? were you there?
and the creed and the colour
and the name doesnt matter
were you there? were you there?'

we should try to see Jesus in every soul that needs help and kindness,when we can
especially as it was given to us in the first place
Be strong.let her be the one to break and see reason
you might just be preventing something bad from happening in the future
if the poor boy dies because of her would you be reaching out to comfort her then?
your action now might be the stitch in time that saves nine
God be your strength and your direction
Amen

Thanks for your post. It really touched me. I feel the only way I can really help is when I relocate which could be in 2 - 3 years time! I have discussed him leaving to his parent's and finding a trade etc but the father keeps asking him to stay and even threatens to kill him if he comes back (I think this is an empty threat though..I think the real reason is cos my mum sends him money from time to time). My husband will support anything I do but says I should just ignore her for now and see how it goes.

This is modern day slavery, wickedness of the highest order
@0p: if he's 23/24yrs as u said, then he's no longer a child. In that case u should not be talking about getting him to go live with someone else but finding a way to make him become independent. What level of education does he have? Is it possible for u to make arrangements(financial & otherwise) for him to go learn a skill or something? Encourage him to leave ur mom & go back to his father's house, from there he can be going to the skill aquisition centre.
I think his greatest problem is fear really(fear of ur mom & his future), it has paralyzed him completely. 'cos i can't possibly think of what your mom will do to him if he decides to leave.

As 4 ur mom...let me reserve my comment

hairsistaz: Hello all. Thanks for all the responses they have really been helpful. Like I said I intend to write her a letter because for one she won't talk to me and secondly I fear talking to her about the matter might only escalate it.

Generally she never believes anything she does is wrong and will stand her ground and argue that she is right even at the most obvious wrong-doing. This attitude has made her loose the closest of her brothers and sisters (they haven't spoken for years) so I can see things going that way that's why I think the letter will be the best option and then I can hope for a reply.

Believe me I am really sad that things had to degenerate to the level of me talking to her that way but I have seen her act towards vulnerable people in ways which I don't think is right before God and man but at the time I was really young and vulnerable myself however I spoke out or tried to help these people. It was more or less the same treatment she gave me and I always ended up begging her.

I have asked this houseboy to return to his parents in the village and have promised to send him money for a business but he's too scared he cannot escape for too long (my mum and his dad are 2nd cousins) so the only option now is for her to stop or send her back himself...when I asked her to send him back her reply was that he belongs to her and she will decide when he goes back.

I really don't want to have to report her to anyone except she reports me and then make me respond to the person as she's popular in the area I live and she works for the government. I don't want to be the cause of whatever may happen if people outside hear about this.

I believe in Karma, things happening for a reason etc. I am Christian but I won't say my faith is as strong as a lot of people. I don't believe that just going to church every sunday makes you a good Christian. Both my sisters have not been very fortunate in marriage and it breaks my heart to think that this could be Karma. I am very happily married and couldn't be with a better husband. I love my life and this issue is the only thing that I think about and become sad. I don't ever want to accept wickedness and begin to receive God's punishment.

Thanks for all the replies; I really appreciate them...please keep them coming.

Did you say your mom takes her "christian faith" seriously? Apparently she never read how God asks us to treat our bondservants?
Your mom is wicked, vengeful, malicious and a religious hypocrite. She needs prayers.

Really, dia are times and stages in life when parents especially mothers behave in such a way that one may be forced to talk to them as if they are one's children, not by nagging or abusing them or even shouting at them , but telling that the right things to do,( I dont know if this is scientifically proven but I guess as they grow older, they tend to believe like children), and I must confess u did the right thing by confronting her. She shouldnt be annoyed u confronted her cos she never brought her up in the manner she is treating the boy, that boy is also a son to someone and no matter what circumstances has brought the guy, he is still someone's son. The fact that u wrote an apology letter, to me, is a lso a big step, shows you are well brought up, but that doesnt mean u shud ignore the evil she is doing. What she is doing is enough to make her go to HELL , if truly she believes in christ o, and hell and heaven sha. I think, my dear, what u need do is , maybe tell an elderly person in ur family who can talk to her, or talk to ur siblings and make them see reasons. If dia is a w ay u can contact the parent of the boy, so that they can come pick him, u may even make it look as if, u are tired of the boy and the parent should come pick him up cos he is not making ur mum happy, just do something to get the boy out of the house, cos the way I see it, that boy may die in the hand of ur mum, and if that happens and mum is either sentence to llife imprisonment or death, that stigma will always be on u and u will forever feel guilty, pls dear do something quick

@ hairsistaz
I appreciate ur concern towards the boy. Pls do try as much as u can to get d boy out fm ur mum's house, so she won't kill him one day (d punishment is too hard, no matter what d boy must 've done). Tears almost roll out from my eyes.

Ur siblings doesn't talk because ur mum is still feeding dem.

bia, just reading your mother's story makes me appreciate mine so so much more. Infact sef i'm leaving work in 1hr to go help her cook the special chicken she requested.
Chei! May God deliver us from evil. If not for grace so we too would be treated like this poor boy.

If all you are saying is true. Then am sorry, but your mum has mental, anger, emotional and psychological problems. The fact that she cannot see what evil she is doing shows this. She is even potentially damaging a generation. She has psychologically damaged that boy for life. The question you should be asking here is how to get her help at Aro, and also the boy help at counselling, to rehabilitate him. Trust me, the curse she is placing on you and your generation unborn,is immense. To cleanse yourself and family of this wickedness and karma, its best you take the boy out of the situation and help him. Should he die one day in her care, your whole family will be thoroughly shamed. It only takes him being hit in the wrong place, or just his spirit giving up on life. Wow, what a very sadistic bi*tch. Try and find a mature woman for this your mum that can punch her eyes out. Try not to take your kids or anyone's kids near such a person. Did your father run away? And are you all girl kids? Am saying this because she may be taking out her anger against men on this boy.