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In Dire Need Of Honest Advice - Family - Nairaland

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your honest advice to This Young Family / Dilemma - Candid And Honest Advice Needed / I Need Your Help And Honest Advice (2) (3) (4)

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In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by Nobody: 9:02pm On May 18, 2012
i'm sorry if i'm posting this in the wrong section but i'm not exactly sure what category my post falls under. the moderator can move this to the appropriate thread. all i need is honest advice.i'm in my early twenties and a student abroad. prior to my leaving Nigeria, my sponsor promised me Heaven and Earth. i never had any cause to doubt him as he's family and really close to me, not to mention he could afford to pay my way through school abroad.. or so i thought. shortly after i left, he stopped picking my calls and at one point told me not to call him again. i later learnt he had fight with my dad, who is his brother. he took it out on me. i'm yet to hear from him. I've had to move out of my apartment, squatting with a friend at the moment, broke. i was a student in one of the federal universities in Nigeria until said uncle pulled me out because he felt the incessant strikes and system of education wasn't too good. i'm now faced with a dilemma. do i go back to Nigeria, where's there's nothing left for me? where i have to start the long, tedious jamb, post UME journey or do i stay here? hoping it'll get better? that somehow, i'll hear from my uncle? as it is, i owe my school what amounts to 1.2 million naira, give or take. my boyfriend back home wants to pay that AND have me back home by Christmas for a formal introduction. i'm not sure i want to get married now. i love him but i feel it'll hold me back, that getting married to him will slow me down. how do i combine school with a long distance marriage? on the other hand, there's a way out with him.
what do i do? what do you guys think? i think my problems are 2. school wahala and relationship wahala. i would really appreciate hearing your vews. please. i'm sure it'll go a long way. thanks.
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by SisiKill1: 9:12pm On May 18, 2012
Where are your parents in all of this?
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by Nobody: 9:48pm On May 18, 2012
They are in Nigeria. I should have mentioned that. They are not financially buoyant. Can't afford it. And no, they haven't heard from my uncle, either
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by coogar: 9:51pm On May 18, 2012
ms.anon:
i'm sorry if i'm posting this in the wrong section but i'm not exactly sure what category my post falls under. the moderator can move this to the appropriate thread. all i need is honest advice.i'm in my early twenties and a student abroad. prior to my leaving Nigeria, my sponsor promised me Heaven and Earth. i never had any cause to doubt him as he's family and really close to me, not to mention he could afford to pay my way through school abroad.. or so i thought. shortly after i left, he stopped picking my calls and at one point told me not to call him again. i later learnt he had fight with my dad, who is his brother. he took it out on me. i'm yet to hear from him. I've had to move out of my apartment, squatting with a friend at the moment, broke. i was a student in one of the federal universities in Nigeria until said uncle pulled me out because he felt the incessant strikes and system of education wasn't too good. i'm now faced with a dilemma. do i go back to Nigeria, where's there's nothing left for me? where i have to start the long, tedious jamb, post UME journey or do i stay here? hoping it'll get better? that somehow, i'll hear from my uncle? as it is, i owe my school what amounts to 1.2 million naira, give or take. my boyfriend back home wants to pay that AND have me back home by Christmas for a formal introduction. i'm not sure i want to get married now. i love him but i feel it'll hold me back, that getting married to him will slow me down. how do i combine school with a long distance marriage? on the other hand, there's a way out with him.
what do i do? what do you guys think? i think my problems are 2. school wahala and relationship wahala. i would really appreciate hearing your vews. please. i'm sure it'll go a long way. thanks.

suspend your academics for a year and find a job!
you would save enough in one year if you're prudent.
your boyfriend can take a chill pill for now....if he's so
itchy' let him get himself a visa to visit you.

good luck!

1 Like

Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by ifyalways(f): 11:01pm On May 18, 2012
^Well said Coogar.
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by armyofone(f): 11:31pm On May 18, 2012
you might want to talk to your student advisor and international student office.
continue to persuade your guy to pay the debt.
research banks, interest rate is high but possible to get a loan.

try everything possible before you make that decision to go back.
stay well and strong.
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by coogar: 11:37pm On May 18, 2012
armyofone: you might want to talk to your student advisor and international student office.
continue to persuade your guy to pay the debt.
research banks, interest rate is high but possible to get a loan.

try everything possible before you make that decision to go back.
stay well and strong.

bloody scrounger!

continue to persuade the guy to pay? i bet if the roles
were reversed, you would say the guy is a loser.

armyofone, i pray you wake up as a full grown man tomorrow.
a 2-inch slinky between your legs and hairy chest to boot! grin
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by armyofone(f): 11:50pm On May 18, 2012
Cougar, you will pay for me if i'm in a bad financial situation wink tongue

choi! shebi the guy already promised to pay, or did you miss that part?

well, i hate shaving my pretty hairy leg grin
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by coogar: 11:53pm On May 18, 2012
armyofone: Cougar

choi! shebi the guy already promised to pay, or did you miss that part?

he could be bragging. if he wanted to pay, he would
have sent the money already. international fee is not
beans!


well, i hate shaving my pretty hairy leg grin

wait till you become esau and you would love shaving. grin
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by spikesC(m): 11:54pm On May 18, 2012
Hmmm, one thing good about foriegn schools is that you can suspend your academics and still return back where you were. Just do so for a year, work very hard and focus on school success. Forget the boyfriend stuff, if he wanna help ya, he would do. For your uncle, i wouldn't say spit on him, he's tried but shouldn't have done what he did, though, we don't actually know what the problem it is between them. Remember, they're brothers, it must be a very deep problem. But just send him a mail or message, a hearty one. Something to get him thinking, make him solely believe you're suffering there. Then, don't call again.

On the long run, maybe a few months up, send his a thank you text and good wishes. I tell you, that will flog his heart greater than koboko. Good luck to you sha

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Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by armyofone(f): 11:57pm On May 18, 2012
ummmm, that's why the OP should work on that undecided grin.
i will tell him to pay the debt and once that is done, i will be buying my ticket home.
home ko grin
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by armyofone(f): 11:59pm On May 18, 2012
Spike,
LOA not always allowed for international student unless in serious situation, you don't always get that luxury.
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by spikesC(m): 12:11am On May 19, 2012
armyofone: Spike,
LOA not always allowed for international student unless in serious situation, you don't always get that luxury.
Sorry eeh, i no what you mean. The embassy statement that u must be reported as being in school every year or else you'll be deported. Remember, you dnt get the permission from embassy, but from the school. So they allow you, keep you in check like being in parole and still sends the embassy reports that yes, you're in school. Get your info right or meet the right people
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by 2mch(m): 12:13am On May 19, 2012
You are not a sharp person at all.Why did you leave Nigeria at all? At someone else's expense and you lack the ability to think or help yourself? Most Nigerian kids are too spoilt to live abroad. Even with school fees paid sometimes you have to get a job to supplement your parents/guardians income. So your uncle was expected to give you money for food, clothes and essentials? First go to your international office and tell them your guardian has stopped paying your school fees because of a falling out in your family. Tell them you are willing to continue schooling, and the school may make a financial arrangement with you on how to pay your school fees installmentally. They will also give you something you can use to work off campus to help make ends meet. Also look out for scholarships that can help you reduce your school fees. If you think you can marry the guy, borrow the money from him and pay the school fees to ease your burden. Pay him back, so that you are not obligated to marry. If all these options fail, join the army. They will sort you out. Never for once believe you can travel abroad and people owe you anything. You have to fight and work hard for yourself. Otherwise you find yourself in trouble. Don't postpone school for 1yr. You will lose your status. Travelling abroad may look good from the outside looking in, but be prepared to work harder that you can ever work in your life if you want to earn a good living

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Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by dayokanu(m): 12:14am On May 19, 2012
Call your dad and ask what he wants you to do

The marriage whatever forget about that first.

An international student cant get any loan unless secured by a citizen.

And your chances of getting a job outside of school is very limited since I assume you dont have papers.
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by SisiKill1: 12:57am On May 19, 2012
dayokanu: Call your dad and ask what he wants you to do

The marriage whatever forget about that first.

An international student cant get any loan unless secured by a citizen.

And your chances of getting a job outside of school is very limited since I assume you dont have papers.

Seconded!!

@OP
Call your parents and ask them what you should do.



2mch: You are not a sharp person at all.Why did you leave Nigeria at all? At someone else's expense and you lack the ability to think or help yourself? Most Nigerian kids are too spoilt to live abroad. Even with school fees paid sometimes you have to get a job to supplement your parents/guardians income. So your uncle was expected to give you money for food, clothes and essentials? First go to your international office and tell them your guardian has stopped paying your school fees because of a falling out in your family. Tell them you are willing to continue schooling, and the school may make a financial arrangement with you on how to pay your school fees installmentally. They will also give you something you can use to work off campus to help make ends meet. Also look out for scholarships that can help you reduce your school fees. If you think you can marry the guy, borrow the money from him and pay the school fees to ease your burden. Pay him back, so that you are not obligated to marry. If all these options fail, join the army. They will sort you out. Never for once believe you can travel abroad and people owe you anything. You have to fight and work hard for yourself. Otherwise you find yourself in trouble. Don't postpone school for 1yr. You will lose your status. Travelling abroad may look good from the outside looking in, but be prepared to work harder that you can ever work in your life if you want to earn a good living
So unneccesary! undecided

You don't know what transpired between her and the uncle or what he promised her.

The man is obviously a petty SOB or he won't take his anger out on the child of the person he is angry with. It's too bad the fight with her dad didn't happen before she left Naija. undecided
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by armyofone(f): 2:24am On May 19, 2012
i wouldn't have accumulated such high bills. that's like more than a semester amt already. each semester, they carry over, add tax, late fees etc. my sch will suspend you/no sign up for class till you pay for last semester. i don't know how you got to that amount.
my question is why accumulate so much? once you smell trouble in the 1st semester, start looking for alternative, talk to your advisor (everyone has one), and cut your expenses such as living in dorms and eating 24meal plans ewww i so loathe that.

em you can't enter any soja by the way. Either citizen or gc to enter into the forces.
SemperFi

in this bad economy, which job will she get outside to safe enough to go to sch? una sef undecided
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by moremi2008(m): 5:12am On May 19, 2012
Are you in a US school or a UK school? Your options might depend on the country you're based in. If you are in the US, then your options are rather slim and you might have to take a leave of absence. If you have really stellar grades and your school likes you, they might give you a scholarship to ease the burden. If all else fail, you might be able to get your international student office to do a hardship filing for you (although I doubt that your situation would qualify as a "hardship"wink. Whatever happens, know that this isn't the end of the world. You're a smart and bright lady and where there is a will, there is a way. Whether your uncle assists you or not, you are going to achieve whatever God has determined you will achieve. If this means coming back to Nigeria to start all over again, then so be it! Please keep us updated on your situation.
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by OYINBOGOJU(m): 5:40am On May 19, 2012
armyofone: you might want to talk to your student advisor and international student office.
continue to persuade your guy to pay the debt.
research banks, interest rate is high but possible to get a loan.

try everything possible before you make that decision to go back.
stay well and strong.

See Parasite

You want her to continue collecting his money without addressing the issue of introduction or marriage.

Typical Nigerian woman,they will never let good man go unsratched.


Back to the topic.

Take off from school,get your a job for a year and you will save enough to keep you going
Never give up on your education
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by Johndoe100(m): 6:10am On May 19, 2012
@OP
You need to be very careful before accepting any suggestion here. Your bobo has agreed to pay a 1 million naira debt and marry you, but you are being asked toi go and find the money by yourself? Only a fool leaves a certainty for an uncertainty. Look if you were told when you were in Nigeria to go abroad and find the money to pay school fees before you attented classes would you be there now? Every thing we decide to do is a function of our resources, everyone here has denigrated your bobo, I will ask you to do just one thing. Sit down and go through everyone you know in your life and see if you can come up with just 3 of them that is ready to part with 1 million naira for you. This is your reality.
If you are wise you will talk to your bobo about your future, you would not be the first young lady to be sponsored by her husband. Don't let the advisers here mislead you, when you are poor options are limited, making the best use of those options is what matters, but the sad truth is that mostly poor people do not become rich, 99.9% of the time they stay poor. If paying school fees etc was so simple, there would be masses of people trooping to do it.

2 Likes

Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by Nobody: 7:35am On May 19, 2012
What do you want? Do you want to stay there and school or can you afford to come back home and start all over.? If your man pays for you obviously you have accepted his proposal. Have you discussed the situation with your parents? What is their opinion on this. Even if your boyfriend loans you the money this time, what about subsequent ones? Are u up to the task of hussling for the rest of your days in school. Look into all the opportunities available to you there. IMO this is the worst that will happen when you come back home, you go to one of the private uni's.
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by Nobody: 7:53am On May 19, 2012
Thanks for your comments. I would look into letting the school authorities know that my sponsor is not capable of paying my fees anymore. The 1.2 mil isn't accumulated debt but the other part of my fees. I'm not from a wealthy home like I stated earlier, really focused and an A student. I've always managed to live and spend like the money came from my father's sweat. Also, my boyfriend doesn't have the money per se at the moment. He's expecting some contracts and is quite optimistic that he'll be able to pay the debt and subsequent tuition. Thanks for the replies. Any input at all is appreciated. I'm at the point where I want to make a decision and I'm weighing my options. Thanks, guys.
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by moremi2008(m): 8:09am On May 19, 2012
ms.anon:
Thanks for your comments. I would look into letting the school authorities know that my sponsor is not capable of paying my fees anymore. The 1.2 mil isn't accumulated debt but the other part of my fees. I'm not from a wealthy home like I stated earlier, really focused and an A student. I've always managed to live and spend like the money came from my father's sweat. Also, my boyfriend doesn't have the money per se at the moment. He's expecting some contracts and is quite optimistic that he'll be able to pay the debt and subsequent tuition. Thanks for the replies. Any input at all is appreciated. I'm at the point where I want to make a decision and I'm weighing my options. Thanks, guys.

Just don't rush into marriage because your BF wants to pay your fees!
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by sluvy4tune(m): 9:36am On May 19, 2012
coogar:

suspend your academics for a year and find a job!
you would save enough in one year if you're prudent.
your boyfriend can take a chill pill for now....if he's so
itchy' let him get himself a visa to visit you.

good luck!
best advice ever-----U must stay strong
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by spikesC(m): 11:55am On May 19, 2012
armyofone: em you can't enter any soja by the way. Either citizen or gc to enter into the forces.
SemperFi

in this bad economy, which job will she get outside to safe enough to go to sch? una sef undecided

Where do you get your info self undecided anybody who's given student visa is also allowed work permit. And work permit allows you to join the army,chai,na wa o.
For the job, that is highly possible.

@OP; am not advising you join the army but it is just an option. I hear they pay well with other benefits and yes, you don't even have to go to war. grin grin
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by armyofone(f): 6:57pm On May 19, 2012
lol
Work permit mean you can join the military? grin grin grin I won't go further lipsrsealed.
Military chic for life cheesy cheesy
cheesy
SemperFI

spikes C:

Where do you get your info self undecided anybody who's given student visa is also allowed work permit. And work permit allows you to join the army,chai,na wa o.
For the job, that is highly possible.

For real? oh grin

@OP; am not advising you join the army but it is just an option. I hear they pay well with other benefits and yes, you don't even have to go to war. grin grin
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by armyofone(f): 7:01pm On May 19, 2012
OYINBOGOJU:

See Parasite

You want her to continue collecting his money without addressing the issue of introduction or marriage.

Typical Nigerian woman,they will never let good man go unsratched.


Back to the topic.

Take off from school,get your a job for a year and you will save enough to keep you going
Never give up on your education

Oluwa mi o grin tongue grin
kai, na gaji fa shocked
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by Nobody: 8:00pm On May 19, 2012
join the military? erm. cheesy i'e actually considered transferring to any of the European countries. say, France, Germany. its quite cheap there but the language barrier is something to consider. for now, i'll talk to my school authorities to see if i can take a year off school. i'll keep you guys posted. feel free to let me know if you think of anything. I'm in the UK. anybody that's familiar with their system of education and knows what would make it a bit easier for me here should please let me know.
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by Nobody: 2:08pm On Jun 14, 2012
UPDATE...
I listened to what you guys said and i spoke to my school, i can complete the semester but i won't see my results until i pay this semester fees that i'm owing. on the other hand, my boyfriend was able to get the £4,500 but we are contemplating me going to Europe to study as its way cheaper than England. Things are looking up for me, right? I'm not so sure about that. The truth is i depended so much on my uncle . After God, it was him and he did what he did. I could be pushing drugs or prostituting and he doesn't care. Now from depending on my uncle to my boyfriend, a guy i'm not yet married to isn't something i would want to do. Do i have a choice? i think i do. I could go back to Nigeria where i know i won't have to almost die from depression wondering how i would pay my fees. The question is do i want to do that. Maybe i'm over analyzing things or just being overly careful.

My boyfriend is from a learned home and the first thing his elder sister said was that he didn't see a working class lady, its an undergraduate. I didn't meet his family before i traveled even though he knew i wouldn't be around for sometime. He didn't propose. I stayed outside when he had to go see his relative once. I know he loves me but with what i know, is it wise for me to practically put my future in his hands cos that's exactly what i'll be doing if i agree to go to Europe. I guess at this point it's a question of trust. This second i'm typing this, taking my fate into my own hands and going back to Nigeria doesn't sound so bad. Living like this, with constant fear, anxiety, insomnia isn't it. I hope it gets better.
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by 2mch(m): 3:32pm On Jun 14, 2012
Good news that you found a temporary solution. Now think of what you are good at. What are you really good at? Did you check in your school for scholarships or teaching assistant jobs? It is summer now in England. Use that time to do something for yourself, and try to earn your school fees. Think about what you can do. Is it teaching or tutoring? Baking? Sewing? Think of something lucrative you can do with your hands. If your school doesnt have scholarship i suggest you transfer to a school that does and will offer you such opportunity. Goodluck. Quitting is not the best you can do for yourself. So many have found themselves in your situation and have humbled themselves to work in Mc Donalds. I dont think you are the hustler type sha, you just want to quit. With your attitude you can only survive in Nigeria where you are given everything
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by moremi2008(m): 5:52pm On Jun 14, 2012
This boyfriend that couldn't introduce you to his family is the same one advising you to move to Europe? Please approach cautiously. This is how young, naive girls get sold into prostitution. Don't put yourself in a desperate situation all because you want to stay abroad by force.
Re: In Dire Need Of Honest Advice by P406: 8:48pm On Jun 14, 2012
If you are not sure about being with him then please don't take
his money.I can see you are raising issues about your relationship that gives me an
impression that you want to bail out on him.Be sure about your motive.Then i have two questions for you,
1. how do you feel about your BF?
2. Are you having an affair in the UK?

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