Am not asking you to stay with him am just thinking loud.
The man will not change then he has no respect for black people.
I know many of his kind

patsy782 (f)
Posts: 15

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  Is This Marriage Really Worth It?
« on: November 21, 2007, 10:55 AM » 

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I find your responces really helpful , and here's my story .I have been married to this guy for the past  13 months and am telling you its been like a short trip to hell, my husband has a daughter with his x-wife,which is absolutely ok with me,i don't object it, but does this really mean that they can have long conversations on the phone,[/b]that i have to be seeing the woman almost three times a week in my house(not shortly i mean,for 1-2hrs);and sometimes seeing them driving around,just the two of them to accomplish some businesses, which i don't really know and i just don't know if i can trust them.

Above all she attends all the family meetings and celebrations, i always feel really bad having to sit with this woman under the same roof, and as much as am jealous, the feeling of being disrespected surpasses it.

I've talked to my husband concerning this but he is always like[b],"we are only doing it for the kid and furthermore i want us to be one family:you, her ,the daughter and me"

For heavens sake,i've never dreamt of being a second wife,but i do feel that this is his plan.

Am no longer sexually attracted to him,my entire feelings towards him have changed,and each and every attempt of conversation ends up in arguments.

He calls me names sometimes,He says he can't trust me since i look really nice,and that every time i go to work,school or sometimes just for a stroll or shopping in the city,i get bleeped.

I don't have my freedom at all,i can't visit my friends or even talk freely on the phone because he thinks am talking about him,

May be the cultural differences plays a role here since he's white and am black, I've tried everything to make the marriage work but am slowly coming to the end,

Guys,do you really think that there is a future in the marriage, kindly help

No, your marriage cannot work because of the way you are feeling. I do not understand why you got married in the first place.  Not to bring up a racial bais--but the instances of black women marrying white men--have never been successful world wide.  Look around you. Or take a survey.  It is easier for a "black man" to please a "white" woman--and vice veras, than for a "black woman" to please a "white man" and vice versa--unless you are from Edo State. ---Just Kidding! But just use your imagination for a minute!

So sister, keep a-stepping and find you a another--and please do not make the same mistake twice!   Thank God you do not have any child by this man.  You really would have been miserable exponentially speaking--to the higest power!!!!

Please get out fast!  I frankly do not understand the type of orientation you have whereby you definitely have missed the first lessons of maintaining a successful marriage------NEVER GO OR STAY WHERE YOU ARE NOT WANTED!

Honey, when you see the hand writing on the wall--please do not ask "who wrote it"!  The wisest thing to do is the [b]"READ THE MESSAGE"![/b]In this case you have read the messages and you recognize the hand writings on the wall.  So what is your problem?


No body is worth that kind of attention from you.  So get a-stepping I say and learn to put your own happiness first! This dude has decided that his ex-wife beat you hands down---in several areas.  It is only a matter of time before this dude leaves you.  Unless he is plotting to kill you for insurance money with his ex-wifey! White people do not hang around people for nothing--so be very careful/  Go watch you some forensic science clips!

I say move!  And move fast if you love yourself.  And please learn to recognize when you are needy as opposed to when you are in love! Might just cost you your life.

Needy--getting in a relationship for the wrong reasons
Being in love--getting in a relationship for the right reasons!

Nothing in between!

@patsy782,

i know how u feel about this situation,i am also with a white man that has kids from his previous marriage to be honest it was'nt easy at all with his ex-wife

it's obvious that his ex is trying to get back to him and using his child as an excuse and she will be using anything she can to destroy your marriage and try to make ur husband trust her more than u,she might even be telling him that because your younger that you only married him for money and she is the only one that truelly love's him and he will start believing her and start getting intimate again with her.

and she will try to make ur life with him difficult,if you want your marriage to work try talking to him about limiting the closeness he has with his ex cos his life is with u,him and his child not his ex and try to make him understand how u feel .as sometimes when they had a good relationship with there ex ,they dont realise the boundaries after divorce or seperation.

be patient and give him time to come to his senses and try to get involved in everything his doing with his ex and child as u will limit them from the closenest when ur there.

because even if she re-marry to someone else ,she can still do the same thing that she is doing now it's obvious that she is jealous of u with him and want to get him back

if ur husband dont listern after talking to him,dont ask for divorce but seperate for a while ,then if he really love's u ,he will beg u to come back during this period that he is desperate to have u back use the opportunity and give him conditions on the kind of relationship he should only have with his ex .

as i think his is confused at present but he love's u.

dont let any single african girls get too close to u and your husband as they are only out to destroy people's marriage and relationship .

i personally wont ask u to get divorce unless u dont wont the marriage anymore.

if im in ur shoe now i will fight to keep my marriage .as weither ur married to black or white there are times when u will
have difficulties in ur relationship and u should work it out not walk away from it.
cheers,
Evept

'Evept ' God bless you. You hit the nail on the head,

don't let any single african girls get too close to u and your husband as they are only out to destroy people's marriage and relationship

That is very wrong, I mean when will we start to see that been African does not mean been negative in thinking, I personally have not advised her either to leave or stay, only she can make that decision and ONLY SHE will take the consequences of her decisions. It is very wrong to label anyone be it African or European negative.

Since you are in the United States take your husband to watch the movie "Why Did I get Married" by Tyler Perry. You should find your answer there although none of the couples is inter racial . After the movies have a discussion with your husband about what u feel right now.

@ FBS ,
dont get me wrong,experince is the best teacher so i know what im talking about especially from nigerian girls.

@Blackcat ,
im sure u agree with me since ur also in interracial relationship .lol

I think u should take it easy with him. try your best to talk to him in a condusive environment and talk to him.

don't get me wrong,experince is the best teacher so i know what im talking about especially from nigerian girls.

@Evept, and who told you that only Nigerians girls do that? a beg I know what I'm saying, Not all Nigerians girls are the same.

hmmmmmmmmmmmm, thgis is a pathetic story, and such stories make me get scared of marriage the more, they pretend to be real but after the marriage they tend to show their true colour, all u need do is prayyyyyyyyy, but with the way things are going, they are pushing u aside bit by bit, b4 u know it , she will pack to ur matrimonial home, and one more thing , she has a greater advantage over u and another thing u have taken lots of shit, and this mite even be a spiritual matter sefffff

This marriage has probably broken down by now.

Wetin you sef find go meet oyinbo? You no see all the correct naija bobos wey full everywhere?

Oju e a ja

Check yourself, before you wreck yourself and find yourself all by yourself.

Get a divorce sharply. He's clearly not yet over his ex

Any marriage is redeemable, IF ,