am not married so will my opinion count?
here is what i think though. have you asked yourself on what basis would you marry this man? and why his earlier marriage didn't work out. can you still live with yourself if you get married and along the line, you realize thats not really what you want with this man? then again u say u might break his heart if a single guy comes along and you dig the bro. methinks that suggest that your head is muddled as to why u getting married. is it a single guy you want who may/may not guarantee you what you want or someone who truly cares for you and willing toe share his life with you.

moffy2:
I find it hard to love this man. People tell me i will grow to love him, but my worry is, what if a single guy comes along, will i not break his heart?

if u dont love him, move on and stop wasting his tym. About growing to love him, there's no guar
antee. But u can def live with him if u want to. I think your happiness should be the ultimate.

moffy2:
i met this divorcee in January 2010, though i was hoping to get a single guy , but the single guy i got along the line was the father of my child who irresponsible.

i still hope i will get a single guy but am scared of falling into wrong hands.
I find it hard to love this man. People tell me i will grow to love him, but my worry is, what if a single guy comes along, will i not break his heart?

lol it never stops to baffle me how single moms (especially those who are in that position based on their own poor choices) all want single men. Why? You dont want to be saddled with another woman's child but expect the single guy to be over the moon playing daddy to another id[i]i[/i]ots child?

I read this on a colleague's FB page yesterday - if a man isnt man enough to make you his wife then neither should you allow him to make you a mother. Should have thought about that my dear.

Brace yourself, I'm about to detach emotion and hit you real hard.

*Forget pastors and their derivatives. They will make you miserable. In the end, you'd gloomily settle for a pyrrhic victory.

*Do not marry this man (the young man), he is a thief & far from being a father figure. Also, with him (the divorcee), ceteris paribus, u're likely to be a widow in 20yrs.

*Forget about marriage. If you want more children, look for an intelligent & responsible (maybe gullible) single male to impregnate you. If your libido is high and you loathe fornication, get yourself a Love Machine.

*Build your career. Working real hard to attain great heights would definitely take your mind off your rather unfortunate past and cast your thoughts toward a glorious future.

*Spend quality time with your daughter. Hence, she is to be your companion and confidant.

.

In an ideal world, the answer would be no because both of you sound desperate. Never get married to someone you do not love because "the rest of your life" is a very very long time! The fact that he's divorced is not that relevant per se but him rushing into marriage and you not loving him?

What will happen if a year from now, the father of your child has a change of heart and now wants you and your child in his life? Are you sure that you'll be able to resist him and say "no" when you know fully well that your current life with a man you do not love is not rosy?

On the other hand, if you have nothing going for you like beauty, money, and/or career then your chances of finding your “perfect man”, if there’s ever such a thing, might be deem in Nigeria. Then the realist in me will say that you should go ahead.

I don't really see why this issue should be difficult for u to decide upon. You had a boyfriend, he got u pregnant & ran away, now another mature minded dude who s ready to show u more love & affection is on the pipeline and you come to NL crying that u don't want to marry a guy jst cos he s older than u & a divorcee after all the argonizing experince u'v gone through in the hands of a "fresh blood". My dear, you already know what's good for you. Cari ur tongue count ur teeth. Were ire gi guo eze gi onu!

Op, are u a christian? If yes, read Matt 5:32. To save u d stress, i'll write it out, "But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery."
I wish u all d best.

I lived abroad u don' t know the situation of ur baby daddy he may eventually come for u wait and be prayerful . Don' t mind others that say u might not get a single guy with God all things are possible.

You are in your mid thirties with a child waiting for single man to come and 1. accept another mans child and 2. manage your old and expired puzzy? Are you in Nigeria?
Please marry the guy that wants you, you go wait tire for Naija O!

Take your time and never marry who u don't love, green card/ been an american is good, but I promise you, that alone cannot give you happiness and joy in marriage, and who told you that some single guy don't go for ladies with a child, I once fell for a lady like that who has a child and I don't have a child and we both live in the state, its just that her family stopped us. Pls, take care of your baby, refocus on your life and keep achieving, not unless you a failure, you will meet that right single guy who will luv u& ur daugther like a queen&princess one day, just trust in God...

@poster. I'll advise u to wait patiently. I know 'an aunt' with ur kind of story- almost exactly the same scenario as yours except that he left Nigeria while 'aunt' was still pregnant. He came back after 9 yrs (inspite of all d rumours that he was married with kids) and took both mother and son away with him. She married a divorcee a year b4 the guy's return. She dumped the divorcee n followed her guy. Today, she has other kids for him, all of d same father and based abroad. So wait, take care of ur daughter and focus on ur biz or career.

ayandee: @poster. I'll advise u to wait patiently. I know 'an aunt' with ur kind of story- almost exactly the same scenario as yours except that he left Nigeria while 'aunt' was still pregnant. He came back after 9 yrs (inspite of all d rumours that he was married with kids) and took both mother and son away with him. She married a divorcee a year b4 the guy's return. She dumped the divorcee n followed her guy. Today, she has other kids for him, all of d same father and based abroad. So wait, take care of ur daughter and focus on ur biz or career.

How absolutely wicked.

She married a divorcee a year b4 the guy's return. She dumped the divorcee n followed her guy.

the guy don get name be that.

divorced twice, second time through no fault of his own.

wonder what led to the first divorce.

this world sha, lord have mercy.

moffy2: My case is a bit similar to this Story, that's why i decided to start a new thread. In my own case am a single mum.

My boyfriend left for US last year when i was 3 months pregnant. I sold my investment in the money market and one of my plots to send him abroad. He promised to get in touch as soon as he settled down, he got in touch few times and that's all.

After he left, i discovered that he took 6 pieces of my jewelries and sold them. I got to know this through the chats he had with his friend on my blackberry before he traveled.i asked him when i discovered and he couldn't deny it. My family is totally against him.

He has not been responsible for our child. I have been the one taking care of all responsibilities even before he traveled and up till now

i met this divorcee in January 2010, though i was hoping to get a single guy , but the single guy i got along the line was the father of my child who irresponsible. He filed for me last year not knowing that i was pregnant. When he sent the forms for me to fill, i refused and he was angry that i made him waste money.

i didn't really like this man because he is 20yrs older than me. I Am in my mid 30s, he loves me so much that when he head that i gave birth this year and heard what i was going through he felt bad and he still wants to marry me.

He is not based in Nigeria, and he has decided to file for me and my child, if am really interested to marry him.In the case of his children, they are based in the States and the first child has been calling to ask about my baby,because her father told her about us. She is even planning to come to Nigeria for summer and asked if she could stay with me.

Their mother has remarried since and they were divorced over 10yrs ago. He told me that he brought a woman in some years back only for the woman to dump him and bring her husband/bf in later. So he is trying to be careful again.

i still hope i will get a single guy but am scared of falling into wrong hands.
I find it hard to love this man. People tell me i will grow to love him, but my worry is, what if a single guy comes along, will i not break his heart?

i am single and in nairaland.dont search any 4da

ayandee: @poster. I'll advise u to wait patiently. I know 'an aunt' with ur kind of story- almost exactly the same scenario as yours except that he left Nigeria while 'aunt' was still pregnant. He came back after 9 yrs (inspite of all d rumours that he was married with kids) and took both mother and son away with him. She married a divorcee a year b4 the guy's return. She dumped the divorcee n followed her guy. Today, she has other kids for him, all of d same father and based abroad. So wait, take care of ur daughter and focus on ur biz or career.

u no read ha post ne?she is 30menopause and u want those ovas 2 waste.

@poster, the answer is simply this-NOBODY should marry someone they dont like/love!!

It doesnt matter whether you are a single parent, a divorcee, physically challenged, financially crippled etc, marrying someone out of desperation is signing urself to a lifetime of misery.
Dont listen to all those telling u what ur chances are of getting married they are not Jehovah they dont know ur future.
Just thank God that someone is interested in u already, ask Him to send u ur own husband& expect Him to come through for you.

However dont shortchange urself by thinking it has to be a single never been married man,(older men can be yummy, trust me) just expect someone u can love.
Cheers

davidylan:

lol it never stops to baffle me how single moms (especially those who are in that position based on their own poor choices) all want single men. Why? You dont want to be saddled with another woman's child but expect the single guy to be over the moon playing daddy to another id[i]i[/i]ots child?

I read this on a colleague's FB page yesterday - if a man isnt man enough to make you his wife then neither should you allow him to make you a mother. Should have thought about that my dear.

Erm Mr.Unidiot, bear in mind that there are baby daddies who would love more than anything to be married to their baby mamas who rather be out and about grabbing money from all over the place than be stuck with a broke arse. Bear in mind sir. Otherwise I'm cool with your post.

i just hope single and/or young ladies are learning to keep their legs closed, after reading these various horror stories that abound on nl.


are you seeing glimpses of a future which, God willing, can be avoided and may people not knowingly walk into a lion's mouth is my prayer.

Please be careful taking advice from these young girls with minimal life experience. You are at least 35yrs old with a child and you're still holding-out for a single guy. What are you? Stuupid? Please don't set yourself up for disappointment or for falling into the trap of another useless guy who'll promise you marriage, steal from you and then dump you. At your age, the very best single guys are already gone. The remaining good ones will be looking to marry younger. All that's left for older ladies are the very, very worst ones.

Having said this, you should look carefully before committing to this older man. You have said a couple of things that are positive signals. He wanted to marry you before you got pregnant and his love for you has not diminished since he discovered your changed situation. This is a good sign because it means the guy really likes you. Other guys would have run away the moment you got pregnant for another man. You also mention that his children know about you and his first child wants to come spend time with you. This is also a good sign. You should spend time with this girl when she arrives and try to find out more about this man's first marriage and why it failed.

Overall, chances are slim that you will find an ideal, perfect marital situation (because you yourself are not an ideal, perfect candidate). You need to draw near to God now, more than ever. You might ultimately have to take a long leap of faith in this situation. The worst case scenario is that you marry this guy and it doesn't work out. Even in the worse case scenario, you'll probably have one or two more kids and will have established firm footing in the US. Your worse case scenario looks better than the current situation of many people advising you not to marry this man. Just a thought. Good luck!

now, having said all that, i think the op's story is a lie, as is typical here.

After he left, i discovered that he took 6 pieces of my jewelries and sold them

didnt you lift this from that k soul story?

the wife said he took her jewelry.

fresh_dude: Erm Mr.Unidiot, bear in mind that there are baby daddies who would love more than anything to be married to their baby mamas who rather be out and about grabbing money from all over the place than be stuck with a broke arse. Bear in mind sir. Otherwise I'm cool with your post.

What was your point?

moremi2008: Please be careful taking advice from these young girls with minimal life experience. You are at least 35yrs old with a child and you're still holding-out for a single guy. What are you? Stuupid? Please don't set yourself up for disappointment or for falling into the trap of another useless guy who'll promise you marriage, steal from you and then dump you. At your age, the very best single guys are already gone. The remaining good ones will be looking to marry younger. All that's left for older ladies are the very, very worst ones.

Having said this, you should look carefully before committing to this older man. You have said a couple of things that are positive signals. He wanted to marry you before you got pregnant and his love for you has not diminished since he discovered your changed situation. This is a good sign because it means the guy really likes you. Other guys would have run away the moment you got pregnant for another man. You also mention that his children know about you and his first child wants to come spend time with you. This is also a good sign. You should spend time with this girl when she arrives and try to find out more about this man's first marriage and why it failed.

Overall, chances are slim that you will find an ideal, perfect marital situation (because you yourself are not an ideal, perfect candidate). You need to draw near to God now, more than ever. You might ultimately have to take a long leap of faith in this situation. The worst case scenario is that you marry this guy and it doesn't work out. Even in the worse case scenario, you'll probably have one or two more kids and will have established firm footing in the US. Your worse case scenario looks better than the current situation of many people advising you not to marry this man. Just a thought. Good luck!

The man is at least 55, its more like he has limited choices himself and would not mind a single mom. If he were 35 he would have run too.

being older doesnt mean a man will be a good husband.

i think the elephant in the room here is property, or inheritance.

same rationale behind young guys and their grandma's agemate, or whatever weirdness one sees these days.

@cc,well said..u just spoke my mind @Op,look well this time,b4 sayin yes to any guy...all that glitters are not gold...av it in mind any honest guy, wit good intention,will luv u...weda u av a child or not..do not allow insecurerity...drive u to anoda unhappy relationship...look very well this time my dear just marry ur child 4 nw.all the best.

durobraham: @poster, the answer is simply this-NOBODY should marry someone they dont like/love!!

It doesnt matter whether you are a single parent, a divorcee, physically challenged, financially crippled etc, marrying someone out of desperation is signing urself to a lifetime of misery.
Dont listen to all those telling u what ur chances are of getting married they are not Jehovah they dont know ur future.
Just thank God that someone is interested in u already, ask Him to send u ur own husband& expect Him to come through for you.

However dont shortchange urself by thinking it has to be a single never been married man,(older men can be yummy, trust me) just expect someone u can love.
Cheers

Well said

So many people are marring unequally yoked partners. Be careful of your choice before you make it.

The bible says "HE who finds a wife finds a good thing" Let him find you. Stop searching for him because you won't pick the best for yourself.

Good Luck.

Love is not a feeling but a choice you made. The bible say Man love your wife. it is telling you to make the decision to love the woman. we misplaced it when you think it is feeling. Make the choice to Love him and you will see how easy it will be to go along with him.

Were you married to ur daughters father? If yes, you dont have to bother marrying again cause that will be a sin to God(ADULTERY). But if no, yet you cant marry this man because He is a divorced man and the bible says anyone that marries a divorcee is committing adultery. I will advice you to repent from ur sin and turn to the lord for mercy cause he alone knows the best for us. He manufactured us so he knows what is best for us. In prayers make ur supplication made known to him, he will direct ur path. Read matt 5:31

What is it with women and marriage sef? Must you marry by fire by force?
@that age, even without a child, it is a bit hard to find a single guy o. Even a single guy of 40 will want to marry below 30.

*dhtml:
What is it with women and marriage sef? Must you marry by fire by force?
@that age, even without a child, it is a bit hard to find a single guy o. Even a single guy of 40 will want to marry below 30.

Abeg, tell them oh! Some people are just daft! Imagine asking a 35+yrs old woman with a child to wait for a single man to come marry her! Hahahahahaha!!!!! Pure foolishness! A woman that does that must be very willing to risk being a single mum for the rest of her life! She go wait tire!

I felt since it's d man's first daughter, dat's coming for summer. Let her stay with u from dey u'll be able to get the truth of the matter.

What I know is dat ladies would be d first to kick against their dad remarrying but for her to accept that means the fault might not be from d man.

If he can established u in yankee, I mean go ahead and settle ur life dey. Even if he dies as some commented u've something to fall back to.

Am a single mum though ve a single guy who's interested but ve neva let him know my investment. I pretend like I don't ve d coins but I do. They are so many things I stated at the beginning of the relationship e.g. no intimacy till after marriage and I stick to it etc....... Once bitten twice shy. From day one, I had told him I've a son who's 4yrs and he knows him.

My dear, let both u state rules & regulations dat u both will abide to or else show him d road out. I don't believe in all what dis ppl are saying, d probability of getting to a single guy is hard. Each and every one of us destiny is in God's hand.

In all, I will advise u "FOLLOW UR MIND". [/b]if ur mind says single guy u'll definitely get one even if he 2yrs younger dan u. U CAN STILL MARRY A SINGLE GUY.

[b]JUST BE WISE Try to avoid the excessive u had with the former guy, he will respect etc.

pls pls pls my dear DON'T marry this man cos he loves u too much for u to break his heart. From all indications u don't love and undeniably prefer a single man or at least a less older man. If u marry him u'll still not be happy cos thats not whatt u want. Wait forr urr heart desire

brito: Do u go to church? Meet your Pastor for counselling and prayers.
Its not proper to get married to a divorcee, its not scriptural. seek proper advice
before jumping in. You may regret later in your life. "LATE" is better than "TOO LATE"

Not proper to marry a divorcee? So if someone gets divorced they need to live in sin? Or not have intimate relations until they die? This is the sort of stuff that makes divorcees and single mums second class citizens.