Dear nairalanders, please i need your advice over this issue.  i met a guy who was in need of accommodation in the area where i reside, i decided 2 assist him secure one, at the end he was thankful and we became friends, not lovers cause he asked 4 that but i made it known to him i wasn't ready 4 that. he tried forcing sex on me once, i got mad at him, he apologised and pleaded he doesn't want 2 lose me that we should remain friends as i wanted.  but last week when i was at his house, he assaulted me sexually while i was asleep. i woke up to find his fingers in me. i flared up n called him names, he said he was sorry i told him he would pay for assaulting me. i feel so very sad n disappointed. please i need your advice on what to do.

@poster
U really do not need any piece of advice on this matter. Thank your stars he's still saner than several others who'd
ensure u do not leave that house the same way you came. Right now, do what is most convenient: give him all the
radius you'd give the devil himself.

I await the day you women will actually do the right thing when it comes to sexual assault and RAISE HELL!!
Know that this thing is rampant because you folks choose to keep mute 'bout it. Your keeping mute only further encourages the perpetrators and endangers other women like yourselves. Stop being decieved and cowed by a seemingly insensitive society. Women are actually finding their way to top positions where they can influence things in your favor if we menfolk seem passive. I repeat please start making life intolerable for them. It's happening in South Africa, it can happen here. Let's not allow it to degenerate to the point where 1 woman is raped every minute as was their case before you act.

Bolarge:

@poster
You really do not need any piece of advice on this matter. Thank your stars he's still saner than several others who'd
ensure u do not leave that house the same way you came. Right now, do what is most convenient: give him all the
radius you'd give the devil himself.

I await the day you women will actually do the right thing when it comes to sexual assault and RAISE HELL!!
Know that this thing is rampant because you folks choose to keep mute 'bout it. Your keeping mute only further encourages the perpetrators and endangers other women like yourselves. Stop being decieved and cowed by a seemingly insensitive society. Women are actually finding their way to top positions where they can influence things in your favor if we menfolk seem passive. I repeat please start making life intolerable for them. It's happening in South Africa, it can happen here. Let's not allow it to degenerate to the point where 1 woman is raped every minute as was their case before you act.

very true talk my brother!!!

@poster dem don talk every thing finish. long and short na God save you say he neva go pass as he go. if ya like ya self, no even near him shadow again, or na wahala u dey find be dat o!!! ^{fly wey no hear word na him day follow dead bodi enter grave}

@ koolsay

its not as u think, i told him clearly i didnt want any intimacy n he seemed to understand and pleaded with me over his attitude, he made be believe beyond doubts that he is sorry and wld neva try it anymore. i guess i trust ppl easily thats the problem.

@ Bolarge

thanks for your comments but i am not keeping mum on this dats y i brought it here, i want info on how best to take him up, cos i told him he wld pay for assaulting me.

@amababy
sorry if you thot me a bit harsh. i take back the harsh words. but please it is obvious you cant trust him AT ALL. please i dont wanna feel bad if he does anything worse to you; thats why i said all tht. i hope you'd understand from my IM messages.

a guy tried to force u into sex once nd u still go ahead and sleep at his housethat sounds like consent to me.

You need a dictionary, my dear. This was an error of judgment on her part, but it doesn't excuse his action.
Imagine a thief saying he tried to steal before and they didn't kill him so he thought he had consent to steal!

Thank God for ur life and run from him. next time think well b4 sleeping in a guys house, ok?

@ rockie

apology accepted .

@ seun

thanks for understanding my plight, i tot he meant it when he sed he was sorry n wld neva try it again. well neva knew he was lying. but i need suggestions on how to take him up, as in the right organisation to report this case, cos i want him to learn his lessons n stop abusing women henceforth.

amababy:

@ rockie

apology accepted .

thanks. can we be friends again? i'm still o YIM. i'll really appreciate it._{holding ma breath waiting for your response}

Wonders they say, shall neva end. A guy once tried to assault you? and you still went to sleep in his house? come on, give me a break!

hey amababy,

no assault here, you went to his house, and then you chose to sleep,listen to yourself, what proof on earth have you that this isnt mutual consent, well i do not think there is any organisation a case like this will run to. still searching though.

just keep the guy at LEG length, armslength will be too short.

why go to bed in such a dangerous arena without wearing your PPE( personal protective equipments) example, a very tight JEANS.

Sorry abt my judging you as well before reading all the threads, but i will advice you to stay away from this guy in future as he cant be trusted!

Ama,

Ignore the opinions of the Neanderthals on this board.

What the guy did to you was despicable and actually amounts
to a criminal offence for which he could well serve jail time or at the
minimum get a fine and conviction.

Different societies have differing ways of dealing with such offences.
It is not clear where the offence actually took place, if you are in the west
(i.e USA or Europe) all you would need to do is report it to the police and
in most cases the law would take its course.

In Nigeria however, it is different. The attitude is that of what a lot of
posters here have exhibited. Can you imagine walking into a Nigerian
police station to report the assault. I bet you will get laughed at and
asked things like; "wetin you go find dia?" . Even to convince members
of you own family may be an uphill task. In short you will probably feel humiliated
and even more angry if nothing comes of it.

My advice to you is to put it down to experience, be thankful it wasn't worse,
stay well clear of the guy and don't in future be so trusting of men and people in general.
Sorry if this is not the solution you really wanted to hear.

The pity of it is the guy is obviously very brazen and possibly a dangerous sexual
predator, I pray no other innocent female falls into his clutches.

Posted on: Today at 02:10:40 PMPosted by: zheroes  
Insert Quote
hey amababy,

no assault here, you went to his house, and then you chose to sleep,listen to yourself, what proof on earth have you that this isnt mutual consent, well i do not think there is any organisation a case like this will run to. still searching though.

just keep the guy at LEG length, armslength will be too short.

why go to bed in such a dangerous arena without wearing your PPE( personal protective equipments) example, a very tight JEANS

@ zheroes

do u sincerely think if i consented i wld waste my time n energy coming here to complain? i wld risk telling dis in public not minding who reads it? look dont excuse his act, on woteva grounds. u shd hav asked me to throw more light on d incidence of going to his house. i bet u wont b shocked if u found out dis same person ate my food, slept in my own apartment wen he was still out of accommodation? we were more like brother n sister, dats y i believed n trusted  him. and are u on d other hand saying its wrong to forgive ppl n believe them wen they seek ur forgiveness n trust? TELL ME PLS!

@ ZOR,

you hit the nail on the head.

A lot of good people have said it all.

Girl, take this as a good lesson and next time, don't visit such a guy and how could you have made the mistake of falling asleep at his place?!

What if this guy had raped you? Be careful girl, watch your back and visit only guys you totally trust or you have something going with.

@ VOR

thanks for ur comments, the location is Delta state, Nigeria.  i trusted and believed that he was neva going to repeat it. i feel like not trusting anyone again.

no, thats not what am saying, the truth is a guy that has feelings for a girl most certainly would try something stupid atleast the first time, but  like you said it seems you guys are now just friends so if the guy was matured enough based on what you have said he should have had more control of himself, you believed him anyway, but my advice is if you must stay in a guys house please subsequently be well protected.

really sorry about everything, unfortunately such things are not regarded in nigeria.

take care

we will take you by ur word!!!!!!!

Good luck & thank ur star

no, thats not what am saying, the truth is a guy that has feelings for a girl most certainly would try something stupid atleast the first time, but  like you said it seems you guys are now just friends so if the guy was matured enough based on what you have said he should have had more control of himself, you believed him anyway, but my advice is if you must stay in a guys house please subsequently be well protected.

really sorry about everything, unfortunately such things are not regarded in nigeria.

take care

As my fellow nairalanders has written, keep away from him. I do not think there's any organization handling this kind of matter in Nigeria, which is a pity. What I can say is--if it's possible for you --to write to New Dawn on Ten with Funmi Iyanda. I have watched her program on youtube and she's vociferous on issues as this (this is not an advertisement, I'm just a concerned individual).

And our minister of women affairs, what does she actually do?

the nature of nigerian society is such that , unless you are the daughter of a soldier , police officer or big man, you are unlikely to get any sort of justice.

this leaves tha application of paranoia as the only option in protecting yourself.

back in school i had a platonic friend, a very cute chick who had grown up in Unilag. the girl was very sharp. she never once visited me in my room, in spite of the fact that i regularly visited her. back then , i was very pissed off at that. but i have a much better understanding now - as a gal , you can never really tell with a guy. i read a book once - 'makes me wanna holla'. a true auto biography, it chronicled the life of a young black man in america. it described among other things, the gang rapes the author and his friends had participated in. more often than not, it invloved the victim paying the guy a visit, ane things going downhill from there.

as a woman in Nigeria, you should NEVER visit a guy alone - unless you have made up your mind that you intend to get it on. the saving grace in the poster's experience is that the fellow was not bold enough to go all the way. the funny thing is - even guys who don't molest their visitors may do something on a slightly more disgraceful scale - they may tell their friends everyone that they hammered their visitor.

my cousin in unilag told me that girls know never to enter a car with a central lock.

@ poster, to be very frank, allowing yourself to be alone with the guy after the first incident was STUPID.

fortunately, nothing came out of it. i sincerely hope you do not make such mistakes in future.