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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Romance / Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! (3220 Views)
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Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Deedee49(f): 11:57am On Jun 22, 2012 |
I've heard people say its not possible for a gal and a guy to be just friends. But i'm sayin a big NO to dat, cos i have friends who are guys. And my best friend is a guy! And there is NO STRING ATTACHED!!! Some people have given us a period of time to fall in love wit each oda,but dat neva happened becos he's now married and we're still friends! I need to share views on dis. His wife doesn't mind dat we're friends, but people around us tink its wrong becos he's now married. What do u advise? N.B: Mature contributions only pls! No be by force to comment! Thank u! |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Yorisb: 12:43pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
Well, if ur relationship with him(married or otherwise) is, indeed, platonic then u should not be persuaded of aught. Fcck all with what peeps say/think! 1 Like |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by slimyem: 12:49pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
as long as the wife understands your friendship,other people can like to fcck-off and away!! Btw,i have a friend like yours.he isnt married though but is about to and his fiancee is cool with me and the kinda relationship i have with her boo! 2 Likes |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Nobody: 1:22pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
It's wrong. Except you want to lie to yourself and keep lying to yourself, there is no way a guy and a lady will remain friends for so long without feelings developing. Making it more wrong is the fact that he is a married man, and his wife should be his best friend and not you. For the fact that you are here asking this question also shows that your conscience tells you, you are wrong. And you are here to get contrary opinions so that you can put your conscience at rest. But factually, when your conscience tells you to back off, pls back off, else, it would stop nudging you even in seemingly small matters. The wife may say she has no problems with it, but that's not an approval for you to continue, cos one day, when her husband reduces the attention on her, the first suspect is you, and when that happens, "sorry" is your name. Do you have plans of getting married? Do you plan to make your future husband your best friend, or will you stick to another married man? If that happens, you two would only be fooling no one but yourselves. There's nothing like happily ever after in marriage, so problems are bound to arise. A wise man or woman who loves his partner and his marriage, would seek those holes where problems could creep in from and what? And close them! Realize that there are some things that has to come to an end, he is your best friend, yes, but it could cause problems. People are talking, and that's not because they are poke nosing, but because they are concerned and may have been in such a situation themselves. . . Do not disregard the voice of reason! 13 Likes |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Idowuogbo(f): 1:27pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
^so get ready to bounce o! |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Nobody: 1:37pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
Idowuogbo: ^so get ready to bounce o!why? |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Deedee49(f): 2:03pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
sexkillz: It's wrong. U knw, u could be right, but i dont agree wit u. On d contrary, i'm not here to put my conscience at ease. In my heart of hearts, i know there's notin oda dan friendship btw us. And d only reason why i'm sharin dis on nairaland is becos, i want to hear d opinion of people who neither knw me, nor d said guy in person. I want a totally objective point of view! I could ignore wat everyone is sayin and keep bin frnds wit him, but d conscience i have is wats makin me ask questions. Also, before he got married we both agreed dat we'd have to cut down on our closeness, since someone else is comin into our lives, and dats how it is. He gives his wife his undivided attention, while makin sure, i get my share of his attention, every once in a while. I'd neva do anytin to jeopardize his marriage, cos i plan to get married some day too! With all said and done, i done plan to stop bin his friend anytime soon because some people can't just mind their business, except there be oda reasons! |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by tpia5: 2:11pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
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Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Nobody: 2:24pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
Deedee49: A married man owes you NO SHARE of his attention, to the point of MAKING SURE you receive yours. What nonsense! The guy is just confused. You cannot say you are not here to put your conscience at ease, and then again, you say the conscience you have is making you ask questions. . . That is some pure undiluted discombobulated ramblings! If you know something is right, you DO NOT ask if it's wrong. . . If you have no intentions, can you say the same about him? What if he develops intentions? And don't you tell me he cannot develop intentions, because he is human as well. So what will you do when he develops feelings for you? What will you do when you get married ? And your husband refuses the friendship with this guy? What will you do or how will you feel if your husband's best friend is another woman? I could learn from you, so pls answer. 5 Likes |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Idowuogbo(f): 2:33pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
sexkillz: why? Cos we cant b bbf's anymore after i |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Nobody: 2:39pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
Idowuogbo:I know, but Till then. . . i could even get before you. |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Tyche(m): 2:41pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
For me Op, @sexkillz has said it all, except you want to continue living in denial. |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Basildon1(m): 2:49pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
The wife doesnt mind cos she's a SMART woman that understands that it is better not to make an enemy of you. You on the other hand seems content to think her calmness is acceptance. You are setting yourself up for a royal embarassment! Best of luck |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by ijebabe: 3:07pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
I agree with killz when he says in a marriage the wife is supposed to be the best friend (even though that is not always the case these days). Once you're married your priorities change and the lifestyle you led when you were dating has to change to include your spouse. We can't all maintain the same kind of friendships we had with the opposite sex when marriage is in effect. I am not saying you are doing anything wrong by being his friend and I am glad you guys understood the change your relationship would take from the beginning, but you would have to distance urself a little bit more from him because your statement "while makin sure, i get my share of his attention" shows you're possessive over him. It's not ur fault as you guys have been that way with each other for a long time but it has to be kept in check so that there are no issues in the future between you and his wife. If he doesn't call you in 2-3 weeks do you call him upset demanding why you haven't heard from him all the while? Your relationship with him now doesn't seem like an issue, I'm only speaking about what may result in the future if something goes wrong. |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Beync(f): 3:24pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
Op just take a breath for a minute and listen to ur heart. What does it tell u? U r just friends, nothing after all. But he is just a human, u both are not immune against fleshly desires. Be sincere to urself that u will be 100percent comfortable tomorrow when another spinster becomes ur husband's best friend, tell us u wouldn't get to start wondering what will happen if intense emotional feelings arise due to the closeness. my dear, play safe no be only with condom u hear? My husband cannot be another woman's best friend but my best friend. |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Rocktation(f): 3:34pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
Deedee49: And there is NO STRING ATTACHED!!! But of cos, this is always the case.....until the strings become attached. The reality that s-exual attraction could enter the equation in a cross-sex relationship uninvited, is always lurking in the background. Why, a simple platonic hug could instantaneously take on a more amorous meaning, at any given point in time. However, the participants' strengths of stoutness to elude such awkward happenings, is all that really counts. For everyone is actually free to choose who they want to like and however they want to as well. |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by RantiFadahunsi: 3:37pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
There is something called emotional adultery....definitely applies here. And most physical adultery starts from here |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Nobody: 3:38pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
@OP some ADULT men out there are still fighting and trying to control the tiger in their pants, and therefore these men CANNOT have female friends. not all men are like that, but this school of thought is for the WEAK ones out there. |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by tpia5: 3:56pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
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Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Deedee49(f): 4:24pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
tpia@: Well, in my line of study, embellishment sells anything! Try convincing me d topic isn't d reason why u read d thread! |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Deedee49(f): 4:27pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
sexkillz: Where i was born and grew up in (Finland), is a world where friendship with d opposite sex is not a big deal. So if my husband's best friend is a gal, i'd simply befriend her. I dont knw how tinz work out where u're frm. 1 Like |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Deedee49(f): 4:32pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
ijebabe: I agree with killz when he says in a marriage the wife is supposed to be the best friend (even though that is not always the case these days). Once you're married your priorities change and the lifestyle you led when you were dating has to change to include your spouse. We can't all maintain the same kind of friendships we had with the opposite sex when marriage is in effect. I admire ur maturity after reading ur post. U might be right dat i am possesive over him, and dis might be cos we've bin in each odas life for abt 18yrs!!! I must confess dat at d early stage, we kind of dated for 1 month, but it didnt work out,and 16yrs after dat we are still friends. But since he got married last year, he's moved to d States,so we dont even see. All we do is chat on phone and call. And i'm their first child's Godmother! Anyway, tanx for ur post! If i wasn't before, now i'll definitely put it in check! |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Deedee49(f): 4:35pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
tpia@: U might wanna read dis thread again from the very beginning! And i tink i understand people with ur train of tot! There are actually people out there who have good intentions, and just because some don't, doesn't mean u categorise everyone under it! Kapish?! |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by slimyem: 4:38pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
smh@everyone screaming a NO STRINGS ATTACHED relationship cannot exist between a male a female! Smh seriously @ your dirty mind,self-control issues and fear of slipping up ultimately! Smh@the usual nairaland style of somebody posts something and others thumbs up after without any personal conviction of theirs just to avoid being bashed! What would you say about friendships that have existed for as long as ten,twenty years between opposite sexes,with NO STRINGS WHATSOEVER ATTACHED and with both parties in unthreatened and happy marriages till date? What would you say? I'm sure your lips would be so widened it'll make your whole face scare the hell out of a new born child. Smh! |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Deedee49(f): 4:50pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
slimyem: smh@everyone screaming a NO STRINGS ATTACHED relationship cannot exist between a male a female! So in essence,wat are u saying?! |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Nobody: 4:59pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
Deedee49: |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Nobody: 5:12pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
Deedee49: this is too shallow even for you 2 Likes |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Deedee49(f): 5:35pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
joeydozzy: Too bad! Wat a waste! |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by mimicue(f): 7:06pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
Its inappropriate, in a marriage keeping close friends can most certainly damage that trust how will u feel if when u get married and anoda woman is doing bestfriend wiv ur husband.. Ur supposed to be ur husband bestfriend not sb else ... Buh if u feel its fine to still be frnds wiv him and u know u don't av feeling for himm don't av private chit chats or emails. If u hang out wiv him invite his friend or any oda significant frnds as well.. U may believe its mostly ok because u don't understand mans mind and their way of thinking what seems innocent to u may more likely be diff in amans mind u can be what feels a close friendly relationship for many yrs and neva know what's in his mind even though is now married is not an exemption... Jst reduce ur bestie ish cos hez now married and his wife shld be his bestfriend its very rong |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by Nobody: 7:09pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
^^^^the fact that you see another woman as "best friend" automatically, says a lot about your insecurities. shouldnt you TRUST your partner? shouldnt you believe in his strong will and determination? if you need to keep women away from your man (due to some unseen issues) then the problem is really YOU! |
Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by tpia5: 7:11pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
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Re: Her Husband Is My Best Friend! Is Dat Wrong?!!! by tpia5: 7:13pm On Jun 22, 2012 |
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