We have known each other for 13 years first as friends, we were separated by distance, but then we met again and started dating with the intention of marriage, from the first time he informed his parents of me, they disapproved because they did not want some one from my state, I tried to break it off then but he insisted I hold on strong, which I did because the love I feel for him is strong.

After dating six months after various arguments and disputes, he recently broke up with me, because his parents insisted they will not support his relationship with me, it has been very hurtful for me, because I still love him and he loves me also. I met someone who has been very nice to me and has promised to take care of me, but I am afraid to move on with this new guy because first I still love my ex, he is the one I would like to be the faather of my children, he is the one I want to wake up to see evryday. I really dont know what to do.

My ex and I cry everytime we talk, because the love is still strong but he says I deserve btter than inlaws who will not accept me. He is from Ekiti and I am from Ijebu. He wants me to still keep in touch with him but I cant because it hurts too much, I really still want to be with him, Is there anything I can do so I can marry the man I love, the romeo of my dreams, lol

nairalanders please help me

This story is quite touching and true cos i ve been there.
I used to have this galfriend from Ijebu, i am from Ondo state, we were so much in love, liked each other like a brother would a sister, the closeness and love was just too strong.
my parent opposed the affair, thou not strongly, the major problem was her dad. This man used to be on good talking and greeting terms with me until he got to know i am from Ondo. The hatred he now had for was second to non.
He called me one day on told me to stop coming to His house to see his daughter! He equally gave same matching order to the daughter, as in, he doesnt want to see us togerther.
It got so bad that we had to meet far away from where we both stay discreetly. we couldnt take it anymore and we had to part amicable. we still talk every now and then despite the fact that shes married now. Her hubby even knows abt me.
I have an uncle who married an Ijebu lady, they have been married since 1975, yet my extended family never embraced her as a daughter inlaw. She has no friend within our family, i mean the older generation. Its so bad, that if we are going to my home town for a family occasion, she packs all she needs - food and even water for the period she will be there, the distrust is that bad.

@ poster,
except u guys are ready to sacrifice and cut ties with family for love sake until they come to terms with ur being together, its better to part amicable.

@all
What is it with Ijebu and Ondo/Ekiti? y d hatred/

toyboy,

thanks for your response, it really helped me confirm my decision, i have since walked away but he wants me to come back, even though nothin as changed, i am now in a relationship wit another man who is showing me the meaning of love,


as to why the hatred exists, i truly do not know,

@ topic i feel for you

its 2008 meeeeeeeen! ethnicity and tribe issues should not hinder peeps anymore

toy boy:


@ poster,
except u guys are ready to sacrifice and cut ties with family for love sake until they come to terms with your being together, its better to part amicable.

word! if i was in the same situation the above is what i would do.

toy boy:



@all
What is it with Ijebu and Ondo/Ekiti? y d hatred/

really cant say jare ! they say: you fear what you don't know or understand most!
should we call this trend rivalry or pure ignorance?

@ ikamefa

really i dont know wht to call it, but i knw ijebu girs always hv tht problem, a girlfriend of mine had d same problem, the only difference is tht is she and then fiance lied to his parents tht she is a lagosian before she could be accepted, after 6 years of courtship they finally told them the truth, and since the parents had gotten toknow her they accepted her, but thts the length they had to go through in order for them to be married today,

this life is just funny, i did all the research i could to see if there is a history of war between ekiti/ondo and ijebu/abeokuta people, because this ignorance and hatred has fostered hatred and encouraged enough heartbreak,

well as they say life goes on,

thanks to all who have contributed,

i wonder sometimes
whats wrong with us
y the inter-marrying probs?

can't we just b ONE!!!!
it should start from U and I
what will u tell your children to do
because of what has happened to u.
it starts with our generation.
and from nairaland forumites!!!

miss reese:

He is from Ekiti and I am from Ijebu.

Ijebu!!!.

i am from Ekiti state, actually there's this wierd thing btw Ekiti/Ondo and the ijebus.its like it doesn't realy work out. i used to hav an Aunt that married an Ijebu man,though she's late now, the marriage was traumatic which eventually led 2 her death. the hatred has just being there.

stay with the old guy, aye ti yi his parents should go n jump if they dont like u wat rubbish , pele girl

When u marry an african man, u marry the whole family. Its a t6ugh decision.

omogenaija

thanks for the advice, i am seriously considering it,

willy*2

wht do u mean ijebu,

loveme

there is no such thing i believe that is just a superstition, i know of couples that have intermarried within both cultures whose marriages are workin out great, as with any relationship there are always ups and downs, which everyone has to work thru, this why every young couple in love need the support of their parents to encourage and advice them, with tht i promise u all marriages will work out for the best

miss reese:

willy*2

wht do u mean ijebu,

I mean, an Ijebu is always an Ijebu

I'm also from Ekiti and believe me, its been a problem all over. I'm speaking from experience. A lot of Ijebus and Ekiti people are usually attracted to each other initially but then when they marry, problems arise. Ekitis are known for their temper and stubborness, Ijebus are known for their cunningness and pretence. And these factors have affected couples from these states. A few are successful but most of the time, parents who want whats best for their kids would stop such romance. But, we shouldn't always stereotype. Its just like the case of Nigerians being corrupt and yet we know that not everyone is corrupt and its just a few that do it to tarnish our name so is this case.

It is well my sister but know that you don't marry a man alone but his family inclusive. Pray to God and have faith.

Miss Reese,

Was your guy really and truly ready to marry you? Was the love he had for you deep enough to withstand shock and tremors? If his love for you was deep enough, he would have gone the whole hog and married you.

Look parents are human beings. By the time you get other friends, elders, church members, pastors, neighbours etc., to appeal to them, they would change their minds. Pray hard about it, as well. Or are you saying God cannot change their minds or quench the opposition? By the time they see how determined the guy is, to win you over, stand by you and care for you, they would have a change of heart. Other couples have gone through more serious objections from their family, yet they have prevailed at the end of the day, and things worked out. The problem is that these days, people are ready to throw in the towel at the first sign of opposition, which is sad. I know a couple whose parents objected to their wedding initially, on similar grounds. At the end of the day, after much appeals, the families came round. Now, they attend our church and have been married for almost 40 years! It took them two years to get parental consent. I know too many people would have called it quits after 3 months of opposition to their relationship.

Look, what is most important, is for you to marry whom God has chosen for you.

It is also extremely important for you to study the character of the person you are dating. Can his love for you withstand the storm of life? What did your boyfriend do, to change the minds of his parents before throwing in the towel?

Look, I have seen some folks from Akure/Ondo/Ekiti/Akoko married to Ijebu people, and their marriages worked out. I have also seen some couples from these areas get married, and things didn't work out between them. At the end of the day, what caused their differences was not their sub-tribal differences, but several other factors e.g incompatibility, lack of understanding, poor finances etc. People can come from the same ethnic group, speak the same dialect and yet, their marraiges can still crash. Or haven't you seen it happening before?

When a woman marries a man, yes, she marries the whole family. But she also has to do some work to get into their good books, and get them to accept her. Don't forget that to them, she is an unknown entity, and they may be afraid that she has come to take their son from them. So with prayers, understanding, respect and courtesy, she can win them over to her side, and establish a bond with them.

Forget the Ijebu-Ekiti hostility. Pray instead for a man who loves you enough to stand by you, through thick & thin. From what you have written, you have already gotten another guy. I hope things work out well for you both.

@ laudate

your post was very insightful and i truly believe that you are a mature and reasonable person who will be able to withstand the pressures that come through in life.

the part i never mentioned was the boy came back realising he had made a mistake but was still unable to make a commitment due to the opposition he faced from his parents and as such I was unwilling to participate in such a relationship.

He did try to garner support from his uncle whose son is married to an Ijebu girl, he also called in his pastor and friends of his parents to try to convince them, i never actually met the parents, so i know it was not based on my personality that they reached the decision to oppose our friendship. Even his last three relationships were with ijebu girls and they broke up due to the opposition he faced from his parents.

His dad is actually a bit cool about it but his mom is more obstinate, as always i am determined to marry the man who loves me and can fight/protect for me which i believe women should watch out for in a partner.

so yes laudate he did show signs of love but i guess he wasnt able to convince his parents and as in our african culture you marry not just the husband but his family that atmosphere was just to negative for me

@opelovely
marriages break up regardless of ijebu or ekiti, it is not just based on compatibility issues it is also based on the support you receive from a man's family in every situation.

the first foundation in every relationship is faith - belief in christ, second is mutual love and understanding, third is positive undisputed family support i know some people are wondering why i have not mentioned money, money is highly important but can not compare to what i have listed.

i really just feel parents should be more supportive of their children's choice, after all they made theirs.

miss reese:

so yes laudate he did show signs of love but i guess he wasnt able to convince his parents and as in our african culture you marry not just the husband but his family that atmosphere was just to negative for me

marriages break up regardless of ijebu or ekiti, it is not just based on compatibility issues it is also based on the support you receive from a man's family in every situation.

the first foundation in every relationship is faith - belief in christ, second is mutual love and understanding, third is positive undisputed family support i know some people are wondering why i have not mentioned money, money is highly important but can not compare to what i have listed.

i really just feel parents should be more supportive of their children's choice, after all they made theirs.

Yes. . . .family support is important, but the truth is that (like respect), it has to be earned. The most important thing that I can see from what you have written here, is that your guy was weak, and couldn't defend you against his family. If he had been able to stand up to them, then I'd have said you should go ahead and that eventually they would come round.

I have a Yoruba friend who is married to an Urhobo girl. When he introduced her to his family, there was some initial opposition. His mother told him bluntly that as a Yoruba boy brought up in lagos, was he trying to say that he couldn't find any girl from his area in the South-west? Anyway, the guy told them point blank that the urhobo girl was his choice, and he was the one going to live with her, not them. He also made it clear that he was prepared to wait as long as it took to get their consent, but that he wouldn't marry any other woman. Eventually they gave in. For the first 3 years after the wedding, his mum didn't even talk to the girl.

The girl still showed them a lot of respect, and never even mentioned the cold shoulder she got from the guy's mum. One day, the girl went to the market and bought a wide range of baby food for the guy's mum, who had to nurse the baby left behind, by the guy's elder sister. That single gesture touched the woman's heart and she called the girl, and started praying for her and crying over the phone. She confessed that she had been won over by the girl's humility and cool behaviour.

Now they are the best of friends. Am not saying this approach would work in all cases, but people should realise that getting the support of a man's family is not automatic. So they should be prepared to meet them half-way by working to earn their approval.

She confessed that she had been won over by the girl's humility and cool behaviour.

Actually, she was won over by the baby food. Remember, "that single gesture touched the woman's heart"

@ Seun

lol, baby food,

@ laudate

i guess you are right, he was weak, one needs a strong man in that instance, i was watching the movie by omotola called my story, it ws very revealing in the sense that the man stood by the woman through it all, he gave her all his love and support, i guess i should retitle my thread to he wasnt tht into me, cuz when a man is in love he will do anything to keep his woman,

thanks to all who have contributed, i will surely update as necessary,

At this time and age?

i feel you and i guess you v been given enough good advices already,thank GOD that even though my dad is a disciplinarian it doesnt extend to choices in marriage,i have a large family and theres calaba inlaw,delta in law ondo e.t.c and im sure if this happened to me ill simply say she is pregnant and that ll be it because nobody will tell me to leave her then lol

like someone asked,what is it with ijebus that almost the whole yorubas shy away or bluntly run away from?even though my dad accepted a calabar in law and others,the only person he has rejected was my elder sister's choice of a man from ijebu and thats been the one and nly time he has ever done that

Ekitis are known for their temper and stubborness, Ijebus are known for their cunningness and pretence.

opelovely, pleeaaaaaaaaase would you be kind to show me the data of how many Ekitis are stubborn and have tempers or how many Ijebus that are cunning. Please let's not stereotype people and lump them into the same category just because of the ten or so people you've met from both tribes (or that you've simply heard about) tend to have this characteristics.

Are you an Ijebukiti girl?

miss reese:

We have known each other for 13 years first as friends, we were separated by distance, but then we met again and started dating with the intention of marriage, from the first time he informed his parents of me, they disapproved because they did not want some one from my state, I tried to break it off then but he insisted I hold on strong, which I did because the love I feel for him is strong.

After dating six months after various arguments and disputes, he recently broke up with me, because his parents insisted they will not support his relationship with me, it has been very hurtful for me, because I still love him and he loves me also. I met someone who has been very nice to me and has promised to take care of me, but I am afraid to move on with this new guy because first I still love my ex, he is the one I would like to be the faather of my children, he is the one I want to wake up to see evryday. I really dont know what to do.

My ex and I cry everytime we talk, because the love is still strong but he says I deserve btter than inlaws who will not accept me. He is from Ekiti and I am from Ijebu. He wants me to still keep in touch with him but I cant because it hurts too much, I really still want to be with him, Is there anything I can do so I can marry the man I love, the romeo of my dreams, lol

nairalanders please help me

What you can do is to break all ties with him and move on with your Life.
Am an Ekiti Man and we are generally known to stick with what we want all times(which is what some describe as being stubborn or aggressive).
if your ex can't stand up to his family by sticking to you as his choice then either he doesnt really want you or he isn't man enough.
Either ways, you are better off him.

davidif:

opelovely, pleeaaaaaaaaase would you be kind to show me the data of how many Ekitis are stubborn and have tempers or how many Ijebus that are cunning. Please let's not stereotype people and lump them into the same category just because of the ten or so people you've met from both tribes (or that you've simply heard about) tend to have this characteristics.

Plz tell him o
We're very peaceful and loving bunch

IFELEKE:

What you can do is to break all ties with him and move on with your Life.
[b]Am an Ekiti Man and we are generally known to stick with what we want all times(which is what some describe as being stubborn or aggressive).[/b]if your ex can't stand up to his family by sticking to you as his choice then either he doesnt really want you or he isn't man enough.
Either ways, you are better off him.

See this one
Oh ok, so na Ekiti men dey get temper and stubborness, ok, motigbo.

I'm from Ondo state and happily married to a wonderful Ijebu lady. Though our decision to get married was met with some oppositions from my family, God gave us victory cos we carried Him along

I was curious enough to ask some elders about the reason(s) for this tribal hatred (or whatever u call it). I was told that most Ijebu women have a way of dominating their hubands. The Ondo/Ekiti people also believe that once an Ijebu lady gains access to a man's home as the wife, she ensures the husband cut off any relationship he might have with his family including his parents. They even pointed to one or two families that such happened to.

But my question is: is it good to generalize We shld strife to put an end to this Ekitis and Ijebus wahalases.

topsy25:

I'm from Ondo state and happily married to a wonderful Ijebu lady. Though our decision to get married was met with some oppositions from my family, God gave us victory cos we carried Him along

I was curious enough to ask some elders about the reason(s) for this tribal hatred (or whatever u call it). I was told that most Ijebu women have a way of dominating their hubands. The Ondo/Ekiti people also believe that once an Ijebu lady gains access to a man's home as the wife, she ensures the husband cut off any relationship he might have with his family including his parents. They even pointed to one or two families that such happened to.

But my question is: is it good to generalize We shld strife to put an end to this Ekitis and Ijebus wahalases.

The key to putting an end to this ethnic animosity lies in us.The earlier we realise our lives is ours to live and not for others to toy with the better for us.
Tope, you did well by sticking to her despite initial oppositions from your people but the story won't be sweet now if you hadn't endured the initial opposition.
So to put an end to it, we must rise/reason above family/ethnic affinity.

FL Gators:

Plz tell him o
We're very peaceful and loving bunch
See this one
Oh ok, so na Ekiti men dey get temper and stubborness, ok, motigbo.

Yes we are peaceful and loving BUT not docile

@@Tope
So there's an Ekiti- Ijebu confict or w/e they call it?
I never knew o.
My mom loves Ijebu garri, even though that shit tastes nasty.

IFELEKE:

Yes we are peaceful and loving BUT not docile

Very true

It is not only Ekiti that have such aversion for Ijebu when it comes to marriage. It appears general in Yorubaland. Even in our family in Kwara, you dare not take Ijebu lady/guy home whether as husband or wife, educated as our parents are. They will vehemently oppose it, to the extent of disowning you. That is how serious it is.
We try to convince them that it doesn't matter, but they keep telling us that Ijebus are too fetish etc. Anyway, by force, a couple of us have married Ijebu, one as husband, the other as wife, and they had had no option than to accept them.

FL Gators:

@@Tope
So there's an Ekiti- Ijebu confict or w/e they call it?
I never knew o.
My mom loves Ijebu garri, even though that shit tastes nasty.
Very true

Looking at your mouth, I know u'll like gaari Ijebu

Hi NLs, I'm using this opportunity to inform you that come Saturday, 27th June, 2009; I'll be taking Toyinroyan (alias ebony) as my lovely wife in an holy matrimony.

Venue: The Holy Cathedral, Ijan Ekiti or Iropora Ekiti (whichever we decide to use)

Time: 10am prompt

You're all invited. All other information will be duly communicated to you before the 'D' day

FL Gators:

@@Tope
So there's an Ekiti- Ijebu confict or w/e they call it?
I never knew o.
My mom loves Ijebu garri, even though that shit tastes nasty.
Very true

Looking at your mouth, I know u'll like gaari Ijebu

Hi NLs, I'm using this opportunity to inform you that come Saturday, 27th June, 2009; I'll be taking Toyinroyan (alias ebony) as my lovely wife in an holy matrimony.

Venue: The Holy Cathedral, Ijan Ekiti or Iropora Ekiti (whichever we decide to use)

Time: 10am prompt

You're all invited. All other information will be duly communicated to you before the 'D' day

does anyone have the 411 on dating or marrying Ijebu men? The thread seems to focus on Ijebu women.

topsy25:

Looking at your mouth, I know u'll like gaari Ijebu

Hi NLs, I'm using this opportunity to inform you that come Saturday, 27th June, 2009; I'll be taking Toyinroyan (alias ebony) as my lovely wife in an holy matrimony.

Venue: The Holy Cathedral, Ijan Ekiti or Iropora Ekiti (whichever we decide to use)

Time: 10am prompt

You're all invited. All other information will be duly communicated to you before the 'D' day

D day huh?
lol no be me and you oh, I no go marry into a polygamous family