₦airaland Forum

eyinjuege:
Ada needs to separate herself from her mother's family and face her own family squarely.
Unfortunately, they are of no value to her life.
Avoid phone calls, avoid visits, avoid family functions and even discourage her mother from her spying visits.
They do not want to add any value to her life, but rather to subtract from it.
They wouldn't be of any help to her even if she needed help, so really no point in investing emotions or anything in such people.
"The eye that will stay with you till old age will not be discharging pus in it's youth"....proverb from somewhere

Thank you @Eyinjuege

The appropriate title then would be an acquaintance, not a friend. Your colleagues are not your friends o. Of course, you can go drinking or shopping with them, but, do not take it to heart. Everybody dey pursue their own agenda o.

Be wise!

[q
uote author=eyinjuege Thanks opost=89089232]Ada needs to separate herself from her mother's family and face her own family squarely.
Unfortunately, they are of no value to her life.
Avoid phone calls, avoid visits, avoid family functions and even discourage her mother from her spying visits.
They do not want to add any value to her life, but rather to subtract from it.
They wouldn't be of any help to her even if she needed help, so really no point in investing emotions or anything in such people.
"The eye that will stay with you till old age will not be discharging pus in it's youth"....proverb from somewhere[/quote]

Good morning Lalasticlala and Co. Please, move this to the front page for us. Thanks.

Thank you all so much for your responses so far. We look forward to more views, please.

Thank you!

Good morning!

Agatha arrived at her office before the scheduled time, despite Lagos traffic. She wanted to make a good impression on her employer and colleagues as this was her first day at the office! She was determined to do a good job, after all, she had searched for this job for over two years! She wanted to make friends too, as she was the outgoing type!

She heard footsteps behind her as she surveyed the office, as she turned, she saw a face she had never seen before. She stuttered as she introduced herself to the young lady. The young lady also introduced herself as Francisca, one of the staff, who had been on leave when Agatha was first introduced to her colleagues.

Soon enough, Agatha and Francisca became fast friends. They talked about everything and confided in each other about work and their personal lives, until, they fell out and Francisca felt her job was threatened during a volatile for the organization and betrayed some information Agatha had given her to the HR department and Agatha was fired as a result of that betrayal.

Agatha later found out that she had been betrayed by Francisca, someone she was "friends" with. It was a bitter lesson, but, she learned from it.
Are you still hoping to make friends at your workplace? Please, understand that the office is not a place to make friends.

Your employer is not your friend and your colleagues are not either. Everyone is there to work and push their own agendas, you might get caught in the crosshairs. Don't be too involved with anyone in the office, no matter how trustworthy they may seem on the surface.

Learn from the experiences of others.

Source - https://lingoafrica.com/friends-can-be-made-anywhere-but-not-the-office/

Lingo Africa.

I received this real-life experience from a friend and decided to share it here. She is Ada (not her real name). Kindly read and share your opinions;


Her mother gave birth to Ada outside wedlock and according to what she was told by her mum's family, her father abandoned them when she was three months old. Ada's maternal grandmother raised her while her mother went on to give birth to a son for another man, also out of wedlock.

Ada grew up being distant from her mother. It was when she was about 10 years old that her grandmother confided in her about who her real mother was. Although she tried to develop a relationship with her mother, her mother was never really interested, instead, she gave all her love to her son.

On several occasions, both her mother and brother would gang up against her while they were living together. Specifically, one day when Ada was 20, she made Oha soup while her mother was out. She served the soup with Fufu and ate with her brother from the same plate. When her mother came back, Ada's brother told their mother that he had been throwing up and he thinks Ada poisoned him!

Of course, the mother went crazy and beat Ada after which she threw her out of the house at night, while it was raining. Ada had no choice but to go and sleep inside a catholic church and go back to the University of Jos, where she was doing a Diploma program.

Another time, Ada went to spend some time with one of her mother's sisters in Lagos, to help her with her children. The Aunt refused to allow Ada to go back home after the agreed time, saying she didn't have money! Ada had to borrow some money from the house-help to go back home. The Aunt told everyone in the family that Ada had stolen from her and beat her little son, just to stop Ada from exposing her manipulative actions. Of course, Ada's mother believed her sister over her daughter.

Ada's mother only shows Ada love when there is something to gain! Now that Ada is married with kids, her mother looks for ways to gain from her and her husband, yet, she still goes to her siblings and friends to spread lies about her daughter. She tells everyone that her daughter does not care for her and they believe her. Ada and her husband and kids are treated like outcasts by Ada's mother's family, yet they live in the same city.

Ada and her husband placed Ada's mother on a monthly stipend of N10,000 to N15,000 as soon as they got married. Unfortunately, Ada's husband lost his bank job and the stipends stopped. Ada's mother goes about telling her siblings that Ada and her husband are not taking care of her, they accept it as truth and treat them like lepers!

Ada's mother would come to Ada's house unannounced and eat and drink what she wants, yet, she never has anything good to say about her daughter to her siblings and her friends. In the past, Ada's mother has run down her son-in-law's car and even his house, mocking him, saying things like his car is too old-fashioned and that she cannot live in the environment they live (yet she frequents that house to eat and drink).

In the past as well, Ada has been a glorified house-help to her mother's siblings. While she was single and schooling, she would go from house to house, running errands and caring for the children of her Aunties and Uncles. They never established any friendship between Ada and her cousins - Ada is only good for errands and she is seen as a low-class person.

More recently, Ada's mother was hospitalized and Ada was there for her from the beginning, even though she has little kids and no house-help. At a point, Ada couldn't make it to the hospital because her husband traveled for a week. Ada's mother's siblings came up with a roster for hospital visitation and tried to manipulate Ada who was breastfeeding at the time to take her baby to sleep in the hospital.

When she refused, one of Aunty's husband called Ada's husband to 'order' him to tell Ada to go and sleep in the hospital with the baby! Ada and her husband refused and Ada sent a message expressing her displeasure over the 'order'.

It did not matter that Ada and her husband could only visit the hospital during the day or that they visited often! The man that called Ada's husband is someone who does not even know Ada's husband's village or anything about him! This is a man that did not even attend the wedding or even show any form of care towards Ada and her husband or even their kids!

After Ada's mother was discharged from the hospital, she teamed up with her siblings to demand an apology from Ada for refusing to sleep in the hospital and also for resisting the call from her sister's husband! Ada's mother even went ahead and mocked Ada's husband, saying stuff like, who is he? Because Ada told her the call was an insult to her husband, who has the right to make decisions for his family without external interference. Of course, Ada refused and now, everyone in her mum's family sees her as a bad daughter, who wants the worst for her mother.

1. What could make a man leave his child and the woman he impregnated and never come back after he had stayed until the child was born and even had pet names for her?

2. What would make a woman hate her own child so much that she paints her daughter black for people to hate her while pretending to love the same daughter?

3. Why would a mother encourage any form of hate or negative energy towards her daughter from her siblings and their spouses?

There is a story about a young man who witnessed a personal experience which made him leave his job for a while, seven months to be specific. He had to take care of some other stuff and his employable skills were never in doubt, so, his employer assured him that his job would be waiting for him when he returned to the workplace.

All the while he was away, his employer would often get suggestions from people saying he should replace the young man as their work sector was a dynamic one. According to them, they needed someone who would go with the flow and keep refreshing and upgrading their skills. The employer would respond by saying he had faith that the young man would use the time to upgrade his employable skills, for the benefit of the organization.

It turns out that after seven months away from the workplace, the organization welcomed the young man back. To the surprise of everyone, including the employer, the young man did not upgrade his knowledge and couldn’t keep up with the new demands of his job, so, he had to be let go.

It is understandable that the COVID-19 pandemic has taken a toll on the world, however, the world is changing rapidly due to the pandemic. Industries and sectors are evolving in the way they do business. People are evolving in the way they relate to each other. There are so

Look out for trends, do your research, and involve yourself in online classes and courses. Talk to people, follow the trends in your chosen profession. Learn new skills that will be needed post-COVID-19. Please learn as much as possible now, so you can be employable during the post-COVID-19 era.

Source - https://lingoafrica.com/employable-skills-will-give-you-the-edge-you-want-post-covid-19/

Lingo Africa.

Six weeks.

Good evening!

Good afternoon!

Kelvin told our in-house consultant sometime last year that he had spent over four years of his career, chasing after known names in his industry, so as to join their network of professionals, with little or no success.

According to him, no one was willing to let him become a part of their circle. He had carried out his service year at a major international oil company and wanted to be retained after his service year.

So, he was advised to form and maintain friendships with some of the top dogs within the company. Just before his service year ended, he tried everything to make sure he was accepted into the existing network of professionals at his company.

All his efforts did not yield the desired results. In the end, he did not retain his position and he made his exit from the company. After some sessions with our consultant, Kelvin’s mindset took a different turn.

It is not in our interest to try to insert ourselves into existing networks of professionals, especially if those within those groups are unwilling to accept us. It is instead our duty to create and sustain our own networks and continue to create value so that we become recognized and valued by everyone around us.

We often see a lot of young people complain about not being given the chance to join a network of professionals in their communities. If you find yourself among such young people, please, take a step today and start creating your own network of experts – be inclusive and be particular about value.

Before you know it, you will get to a point where all of you are recognized and are seen as valuable professionals in your immediate communities. There is no use chasing after anyone. Just follow the blueprint – value and watch your meteoric rise. Use social media to also advance your goals and lastly, try to also think globally as much as you think locally!

Source - https://lingoafrica.com/network-of-professionals-can-be-young-but-they-must-add-value/

Lingo Africa.

...

Social capital was something Kola never knew about while he was still an undergraduate. Kola was from a very poor background, he was able to finish his tertiary education, only because he worked part-time as a factory worker at a textile factory. He would work periods when he didn’t have classes and sometimes through the weekends.

A lot of his classmates in school looked down their noses at him, they felt his status as a factory staff was too low class for them to relate with him. Kola was not deterred by their attitude. He graduated with flying colors.

Sometime after, he stumbled on an article on LinkedIn which talked about social capital, which is one of the factors any potentially successful person must pay attention to. From then on, Kola told himself he would build his social capital in every way he could.

On LinkedIn, he would write to movers and shakers in his industry, talking about his skills and how he could offer value to them. He also approached a potential mentor, who was offering courses on some relevant sub-themes in Kola’s industry. Kola paid for the courses and he later became a friend to his mentor, who made sure he introduced Kola to everyone he knew.

Soon after, Kola became a known face in his industry because of the people he knew who had seen his commitment to hard work and had a lot of value to offer anyone as he was focused on lifelong learning. On social media and off it, Kola became a force to be reckoned with and some of his former classmates, who used to snub him, now looked up to him for advice and direction in their careers.

Social capital is something everyone should leverage when it comes to career building. Social capital, is a factor Lingo Africa talks about all the time to our clientele – you must be ready to represent yourself properly at all times. You cannot be focused on building your social capital and look down on people, you should be approachable and you should be able to recognize opportunities and leverage them to promote your personal brand.

Another way to build your social capital is to keep applying for global opportunities under the African Union, United Nations, World Health Organization, World Economic Forum, and the like in terms of internships and fellowships. Those opportunities are great platforms for social capital on a global scale.

Source - https://lingoafrica.com/social-capital-is-your-network-of-relevant-professionals/

Lingo Africa

Good morning!