₦airaland Forum

I don't mind having an Introvert as a girlfriend

Being an Introvert person is a blessing to me.

But being in a relationship wit an extrovert can be a pain in the ass.

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mutter:
You were too young and the situation was just too much for you.
Your anger was a way of blocking out the pain.
You were angry with your father, with faith, with destiny, with him not being able to perform as a father.
It is a very normal reaction.
My mother fell into a coma and we were all not able to really stay by her bed and care for her. It was only my dad that could do that.
The reason being that we were so scared and afraid.
We tried to block it out in different ways and I tried to block my pain at being angry at my mum. IT is easier to deal with anger than pain.
When she died many years later, she never really recovered. We buried her but not the guilt.
Finally I came to realize that when a loved one goes in such a way you always feel guilty, you always feel you never did enough. You could have spent more time, showed more love...

You see your father loves you and nothing you could do will take that love away. When you have your own children you will understand how much and how strong the love of parent is. A love that is unconditional and that forgives everything.
The only thing your father will never forgive you for is if you end your life.
Choose life and live.
Your father would have given anything in the world to live and stand by you and help you grow int0 a happy man.
God did not grant him that length of time.
So live for your father and fulfill his dreams.
.. and then one day when you have a son give him your fathers name. Then anytime your little boy cries and you call him by his name and take him into your hands, your father will smile down at you.

God thank you very much.
You seems to understand my pain and guilt. I could and should have done more but I didn't. Am a Nigerian we don't commit suicide
But before the son I need to get a wife first...

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fem29:
OP please you have to forgive yourself. Just thinking back to how foolish I was when I was 14 I really feel for you. Its good that you were sorry almost immediately. Your father still loves you.

I think you should sit or mum down and tell her about thus and the anguish you have been going through, kneel down and beg for forgiveness.

Please note we all make mistakes but we cannot let the rest of our lives be about that mistake. Sometimes , we remember it and feel momentary pain and sadness but we have to have the ability to literally feel the pain then put it aside . try to feel the joy of just being alive and having our family around us.

So I advise talk to your mum, go to your dads grave side, ask fior his forgiveness, then put it aside. Your father would not want to be a miserable human being. Set up a charity in your father s name.

Live life, be Happy

My mum is old and fragile I don't think telling her is a good idea...

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Nneka123:
I don't want them kissing.

Jealous?

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Nneka123:
oh good! but you shouldn't have kissed!

Why?

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carefreewannabe:
Of what use would penance be? You have been punishing yourself for many years now, did it help?

How about transforming guilt into something good, for example help and charity?

My dear I have done that and more.
But guilt will not let me be at peace.

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caesaraba:
Guy, you were young when you said those words however, I think you need to perform some kinda penance if you need to get out of this. Then you can talk about forgiving yourself and moving on. Go see qualified persons who'd deal frankly with you. Wish you the best.

I think that penance thing is what I need to do but how..

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Samyj247:
Lol, i de tel u o girls jst need a made man. No mind dem, dem no want work hard. See as all of dem de claim good adviser jst to catch ur attention. I don get new style now of getn babes.

Abeg if it works let me know.

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Samyj247:
op see how all ds girls are claiming who they ar nt. U will notice dat it is only girls dat made comment on ds post, do u kno why? It is bcus of a the word u used on ds thread, which is ds "I AM A MADE MAN". Dnt mind dem de are jst pretending, so as to get ur attention. Although, they gave nice advice dat seems like a competition. lol, for me, go to ur pastor nd split it out. No mind ds girls o, if tu se u say u b barrow pusher, non of dem for comment here.

Guy u funny o

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mymz:
Let it go love.
Just let it go.
Close your eyes every morning you wake up, place a hand on your chest and say out loud to yourself "Heal".

It'll take some time but you'll eventually heal if you're willing to heal NOT atone for your 'sins'.

So the question is "Do you want to heal?" or "Do you want to atone?"
The difference is that healing will set you forth on the path to finding peace and happiness, whereas atoning will lead you to the ever waiting arms of despair and death.

Choice is yours and it'll only start with you....but you should choose life.
Choose to fight and become whole again.
You owe that much to yourself.
You matter!

Thank yo my dear

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andromida:
What do you think you can do to make it alright?

You are being too hard on yourself and the worst part is you don't even know if its your words that killed him. The way i see it you are punishing yourself for all those times you were rude to him while he was alive you seem to have a false belief that if you suffer emotionally and then kill yourself you will right all the wrongs of the past. You don't owe your late father emotional suffering there is nothing like life for life in this instance you were a silly young man who didn't know better now that you know better look at how far you are willing to go to make it alright. You've grown up, you are genuinely repentant and that counts.

Its a nice thing to talk to God in prayer. To tell him of the guilt you are carrying and can't bear anymore of the condemnation you feel and can't bear anymore and how sorry you are.

18 years is a long time to carry this kind of guilt. let it go. Just give yourself permission to be ok stop beating yourself up you've done enough penance embrace God's forgiveness,forgive yourself let it go.

I pray you get peace that surpasses all understanding.

Thanks for the advice

MarvellousGod:
You have written this on another thread.. please, try and get over it.. i know your dad must have forgiven you by now, so move on.. Show love to your mum and siblings... Pondering on this will only lead to depression hence worsening the issue.. be at peace with yourself dude...
You can also show love to aged people around you, that way the guilt may fade away...

btw, I hope you have sought forgiveness from God?? And yeah i think it was time for your dad to go so i don't think your words killed him because if God works by what people wish each other, there will only be a few persons left in this world....

Thanks a lot.

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andromida:
Forgive yourself.

I have tried for 18 years to do that and failed

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moreeni:
Sweetheart forgive yourself first then take to heart God commandment that you honor your elders and be good to people around you. You might also want to take up a career in counselling to help young people walk the path of goodwill. The Lord I'm sure has forgiven, don't pull things back by commiting an unforgivable sin-suicide.

I have done all that and more.
But that feeling is always at the back of my heart. It has become unbearable lately. If I don't get help soon I might just end it all and at peace

My name is achillies.

I am from idemili North in anambra state. Was born some thirty years ago in jos. I was brought up in a good christian family . My childhood was fun and adventurous. My parents give us their children all the necessary things we need to become successful in life. And disciplined us whenever we misbehaved.

This story is about me and my late father
You see my father was a very quiet and thoughtful man. He spent All of his life thinking, planning and doing things that will make us his children proud, comfortable and ready for the challenges ahead ( I can remember when he sold his car and my mum sold her wrappers just to rise money for our school fees. We are seven in number)

My father loved us and me in particular in his own way. He was not the emotional or the out spoken type, but he was a man among men.. he showed us love and discipline us with cane and words of advice. He sacrificed a lot to give us the best.

For all the love my father showed us. The only way I got to thank him was to wish him death.

I was 14 years old when my My father collapse on July 3 1997 from stress related issues and was rushed to the hospital three days later he was discharged with instructions from the doctor to take thing easy.

I was supposed to be the one to take care of him during daytime. A responsibility I neglected. As a child I was stubborn to the core.

On the 10th of that same month my father called me and asked me a question. My reply to that question will hunt me till my dyeing days.
He said to me : my son, why have you abandoned your father? Why are you not taking care of me as you should?? I felt guilty but soon by guilt turned to anger and
Out of that anger I murmured why don't he just die and let us be. I don't know if he heard me or not ..but that was the last time I spoke to my father. three days later on the 13th of July 1997, he was rushed to the hospital after complaining of chest pain.

I cried that night because of the things I said to him three day earlier and somehow I knew that night will be the last time I will see him alive..

All through the time he was at the hospital I prayed, hopped for an opportunity to see him but I never had the chance to visit him If not for anything at least to apologise for my earlier and childish remark

On the 20th July 1997 by 7pm my father died of heart failure . I never got the opportunity to apologise to my father . (whether he heard me spoke those words or not ) I never got the chance to apologise. The last words I spoke to my father was for him to die and let me be.

Somehow I can't help but feel that those words broke the heart of my father and killed him.. those words are the single most regrettable event in my life.

18 years after the death of my father. I still feel the pains and burden of those words
Guilt, sadness depression and sorrow has been my companion over the years. No matter how hard I tried I just can't forgive myself
now am tired I can't bear this burden anymore..

At 33 I am a made man. I have the very best life can offer but I lack the most important thing of all. HAPPINESS AND PEACE OF MIND.

Lately death has been on my mind. It seems to be my only source of comfort and my escape from this nightmare I brought upon myself..

I need advice before I go on a journey before my time.

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Craigston:
I don't remember any. I would not want to spend my time on anything I regret. I know they're many, but let them rest. Carrying them with me will hurt only me. I understand you OP, but a careful dissection of your case may reveal you're not totally to blame. Maybe you're just a bit neurotic. A well-done therapy may prove your parents had a part in it too. Just let it go. Haven't you paid too much for it in your flesh? He was one man who didn't get the best of you. But think about the many who can benefit from the rich goodness abiding in you. I'm not trying to acquit you of your own fault: I'm only saying you should reconsider the real extent of your fault and how much you should pay for it; it may not be as much as you're paying. I wish you goodluck.

Thanks a lot.
I really do appreciate

Thank God he said IF and not WHEN.

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prettydiva89:
All the same, since you realised your mistake,ask for forgiveness and sacrifice your time and resources to helping others.
Take care of everyone else. Take it that God said its time for him to return home. Think he is with God smiling happily. Hope you will be happy he's with God?

Thanks dear.
Pretty with brain

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isacolukay:
I have done practically all the stuff people have been mentioning here. But when I read ur own, Bawse, if u no put salt, I cut cap for u. Na ur childhood rugged pass for this thread.
All hail the most rugged!!!

Guy I no ad salt o.
I was one rugged maudafurker. If I tell half of the things I did as a child you won't believe it.
But thank God sha the boy I was will be proud of the man I have become.

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5minsmadness:
You made me call my dad yesterday.
Thanks.
Though i still think he's an a**.

Pls learn from my mistake.
Don't do or say anything you might regret in the future.

I used mirror to look at people pants.

Engaging in street wars just to impress the most popular girl.

Playing police and thief with my boys. Am always the thief

Used to Kidnapped our neighbours chickens and preparing pepper soup with old bounvita container at the back of our house with my boys.

Remember when we opened a 3 month old grave just to see how a decomposing body look like.. it was not a pretty sight. The side effects was catastrophic..

After pooing me and my talibans will taste each and every one of our poo all in the name of trying to predict who poo taste better.

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cassyrooy:
*Bros life good back then, 6 wetin?
*@14 with 35yr old?

Yes 6week without bath.

Being disvagined by a 35 years old woman at 14 is not the issue.
The act was actually performed inside our compound toilet

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prettydiva89:
of course,you be like if you had taken care of him,maybe he wouldn't have died

Something like that

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Lumpyy:
Please forgive yourself,if it was not your dad's time to leave,he would not have died!

I have been trying to forgive myself of that act in the past 18 years

It's a good thing at least we have our own kind of English or words

If the British and Americans can have there's
What's stopping us from having ours?

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prettydiva89:
op your experience is heartbreaking

it's more than that.
My soul has been tormented by such action of my that death seems to be the only cancellation from this nightmare I brought up on myself

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freecocoa:
Wtf? Kai! I don't mean to judge but dude how old were you when you said this? This is just really heartbreaking.

@Topic, I don't think there's anything I've done or said that had an impact to the point I still regret it.

I was 14 years then.
Sadness as been my companion since then till date.

As for me in July 1997.
My father collapse on July 3 1997 and was rushed to the hospital three days later he was discharged with instructions from the doctor to take thing easy.
I was supposed to be the one to take care of him during daytime. A responsibility I ignored. (I was too playful then)
On the 10th of that same month my father called me and asked me why am I not taking care of him as I should. Out of anger I murmured why don't he just die and let us be. I don't know if he heard me or not but that was the last time I spoke to my father three days later on the 13th he was rushed to the hospital after complaining of chest pain. I cried that night because somehow I knew that will be the last time I will see him alive. On the 20th July 1997 by 7pm my father died. I never got the opportunity to apologise to him whether he heard me spoke those words or not I never got the chance to apologise. Somehow I can't help but feel that those words broke the heart of my father and killed him.. this is the single most regrettable event in my life and it will be so till I leave this world.

whenever I remember my childhood days I feel like crying.
Gone are are the days when life was simple and fun.

Me and my friends used to have this competition on how long can one go without bath. I went 6weeks without a bath..

I used to kidnapped head of fish from my mother's restaurant every day till she got fed up and bought 300 naira head of fish for me to eat (1988) . At fist I was happy but after eating like 15 piece I was the one begging and promising to stop stealing head of fish. Which I stopped but I started kidnapping meat

At 14 I lost my vaginity to a 35 years old woman. It lasted for 20 seconds

In your quiet moments, what do you think about?  How far you’ve come, or how far you have to go?  Your strengths, or your weaknesses?  The best that might happen, or the worst that might come to be?  In your quiet moments, pay attention to your thoughts.  Because maybe, just maybe, the only thing that needs to shift in order for you to experience more happiness, more love, and more vitality, is your way of thinking.

Here are 60 thought-provoking quotes and Everyday Life Lessons



1) You cannot change what you refuse to confront.

2) Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.

3) Don’t think of cost.  Think of value.

4) Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

5) Too many people buy things they don’t need with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t know.  Read Rich Dad, Poor Dad.

6) No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying.

7) If a person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to do so. 

Think twice before reserving a space in your heart for people who do not make an effort to stay.

9) Making one person smile can change the world – maybe not the whole world, but their world.

10) Saying someone is ugly doesn’t make you any prettier.

11) The only normal people you know are the ones you don’t know very well.

12) Life is 10% of what happens to you and 90% of how you react to it.

13) The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.

14) It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.

15) As we grow up, we realize it becomes less important to have more friends and more important to have real ones.

16) Making a hundred friends is not a miracle.  The miracle is to make a single friend who will stand by your side even when hundreds are against you.

17) Giving up doesn’t always mean you’re weak, sometimes it means you are strong enough and smart enough to let go and move on.

18) Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Ali baba, Mother Teresea, mike adenuga, Thomas Jefferson, Albert Einstein, dongote etc…
If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t, you’ll find an excuse.

19) Don’t choose the one who is beautiful to the world; choose the one who makes your world beautiful.

20) Falling in love is not a choice.  To stay in love is.

21) True love isn’t about being inseparable; it’s about two people being true to each other even when they are separated.

22) While you’re busy looking for the perfect person, you’ll probably miss the imperfect person who could make you perfectly happy.

23) Never do something permanently foolish just because you are temporarily upset.

24) You can learn great things from your mistakes when you aren’t busy denying them.

25) In life, if you don’t risk anything, you risk everything.

26) When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.

27)Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.

28) There isn’t anything noble about being superior to another person.  True nobility is in being superior to the person you once were.

29) Trying to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.

30) You will never become who you want to be if you keep blaming everyone else for who you are now.

31)People are more what they hide than what they show.

32) Sometimes people don’t notice the things others do for them until they stop doing them.

33) Don’t listen to what people say, watch what they do.

34) Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not mean you are alone.

35) Love is not about sex, going on fancy dates, or showing off.  It’s about being with a person who makes you happy in a way nobody else can.

36) Anyone can come into your life and say how much they love you.  It takes someone really special to stay in your life and show how much they love you.

37) Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie.  Don’t save it for a special occasion; today is special.

38) Love and appreciate your parents.  We are often so busy growing up, we forget they are also growing old.

39) When you have to start compromising yourself and your morals for the people around you, it’s probably time to change the people around you.

40) Learn to love yourself first, instead of loving the idea of other people loving you.

41) When someone tells you, “You’ve changed,” it might simply be because you’ve stopped living your life their way.

42) Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right.

43) Be happy.  Be yourself.  If others don’t like it, then let them be.  Happiness is a choice.  Life isn’t about pleasing everybody.

44) When you’re up, your friends know who you are.  When you’re down, you know who your friends are.

45) Don’t look for someone who will solve all your problems; look for someone who will face them with you.

46) If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair, you’re fooling yourself. That’s like expecting the lion not to eat you because you didn’t eat him.

47) No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.

48) The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention.
Many people are so poor because the only thing they have is money.

49) Learn to appreciate the things you have before time forces you appreciate the things you once had.

50) When you choose to see the good in others, you end up finding the good in yourself.
You don’t drown by falling in the water.  You drown by staying there.

51) It’s better to know and be disappointed than to never know and always wonder.

52) There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept, things we don’t want to know but have to learn, and people we can’t live without but have to let go.

53) Happiness is not determined by what’s happening around you, but rather what’s happening inside you. 

54) Most people depend on others to gain happiness, but the truth is, it always comes from within.

55) If you tell the truth, it becomes a part of your past.  If you lie, it becomes a part of your future.

56) What you do every day matters more than what you do every once in a while.  Read The Power of Habit.

57) You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.

58) Things turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out.

58) If you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.

Give all this a try and you will see how easy and accommodating life can be.