Broken1985:
Nairalanders,

Please don't crucify me yet, just advise me please. Had to utilize a new moniker for this.

I got married last year June and by February 2024, I was transferred to another state for work. I was bored in the city and probably made a mistake. The girl stays in same hotel, and works for a bank, also on a course. So we started talking and one thing led to another. This girl had her phone on audio record the two times we got down and recorded all the audio of the shit we did.

My wife came visiting and of course I defined boundaries the moment wifey was around. A few days back I got high and dozed off, my wife got into my phone saw our chats. Her last chat to me, was regarding the audio. My wife followed through the convo and she sent two 24 minute audios.

Before I could wake, Wifey was already gone from the hotel. And when I checked my phone I saw a long epistle and screen shots of what happened. Now she has called my entire family, friends everybody I know. I am so ashamed of myself.

Is there anything I can do to have her back.
Can she ever forgive me.

I feel so bad having betrayed her.

Guy you f**kd up but there is always a way out.

Bro, apologize genuniely for days, make her feel heard, acknowledge your mistake and leave her to process and heal at her own pace.

Dont force it, dont force her feelings, dont force solution, be quiet and look remorseful most times.

Please do not over beg her but make her feel heard!!!!...

No go dey cry when begging o!!!

She will forgive you!!!

Cheating don dey your body already hence it will be difficult to stop...fact!!!

Next time, do it codedly and clean up your tracks!!! Whatsapp created disappearing messages for a reason...

KingKO22:


So you are expecting solid foundation that past leaders couldn't achieve for decades to become reality within few months of Asiwaju administration?

CBN should have allowed Naira to keep falling even if it gets to 50,000 ? While he build the foundation of what ?

I don't know if this people have same brain as humans being

Please dont waste your time on all these beer palour economists... Most of them say rubbish based on what they delibrated with the newspaper vendor at Ojuelegba...

Most of them just follow the crowd... Awon Alakori!!!

Hashabiah:
Do you mentor?

No i dont...i am just a student.

Over the years i have always thought that forex trading was a waste of time and money and this is because I traded using the few knowledge i grabbed from people.

I run a successful business and in my late 30s but i needed to get busy because I have so much time to play with. I decided to get mentored and realized there is much to learn from forex trading.

It is quite interesting and daily practice and private learning are increasing my knowledge about it. So far, i am making $100 per week (quite small) but i know it can only get better.

The profit is not really my priority for now but the knowledge and confidence.

I swear, it costs nothing to learn. If you have the free time, you can try, it may change your life.

No doubt naija is a shit hole depending on the way you are seeing it.

If you have a good business running here, relocating would be difficult but if you are a salary earner, relocating is a perfect option.

The salary earner will only continue his struggle in a better and organized environment.

Abroad life no easy oooo. I have tasted both worlds and I can boldly tell you that it is not as easy as the way abroad people are potraying it oooo. Only few will tell you the truth.

If you are doing well in Nigeria, i mean you have a good business or having a high paying job and you and living within your means, there is no point relocating.

For me, i have a good business and a little real estate here in Nigeria and cant surely want to relocate for now. The future is very uncertain in Nigeria but it is still better than starting all over in another country.

I wont lie, it is harder for salary earners and stuggling business owners to survive in this country, so relocating is a better option if the means appears but it is absolutely not sweet over there too.

Kobojunkie:
So in all 8 years, not once did your friend even think of adopting? If e no is his DNA, it is a fake child, abi?

I had a similar case. My wife and I separated after 8years. We were a misfit, she had PCOS too and we had no kids. At some point I doubted I will ever father a child....

Do you even think it is easy to adopt a child?? The process is not from here ....

Do yoi know the psychological effect of not having your own flesh and blood??

beekind:

Why do you say she is not a virgin, please educate me.

How did the doctor know she has PCOS?
Did she do a transviginal scan?? If yes, then she is not a virgin o..

Adanambra1:



Goodmorning OP. if i tell you i n have an advice to give you. i am a big Liar. one thing i will say, do not marry by human calculation., just take a 7 days fast, ask the holy spirit for a clear direction,
ask him to give you a sign of peace, or he should speak to you through dreams or revelation. tell him, God is this woman or man is not your will for me, let the marriage plan scatter. my husband prayed this prayers before we got married. i married into a family. where some siblings of my husband had delays and fertility issues. it discouraged my husband from married, He was almost 40. afraid of marriage. his younger sibling already married. story plenty... i no fit type.... all you need now is partnership with the holy not prophets.... my eye see something. infact during one marriage counselling session. one of their family pastor said... Nnne you know childbirth can delay in marriage.

hope you will happily stay married to your husband... because the pastor knows my husband family antecedence with infertility struggle. omor eeh i gently, respectfully but firmly but interrupted the man of God sharp sharp.... ( i was just 29... this their family pastor is in his 50s....


i tell the pastor am say no be like this dey do marriage counselling. my fiancée now husband was shocked, ( i remember when pastor Paul Enenche said do not keep quite when matters challenging your destiny are discussed) which kind counsel of Ahithophel be this, i said in my mind, i had goose pimples that day...
We got married. i was 29years , my husband clocked 40years


hahaha, you don't want to experience Ndi womb watchers.

at the end God showed us Mercy. I got pregnant after 2 months of marriage to the glory of God
God had mercy on me and my husband.

40 years woman fit born after 9 months of pregnancy.
while 23 year old virgin fit dey wait for 5 years
there are no parameters. ( hey mind you my husband was my first sexual partner)
so i am pro chastity.
what am i am saying in essence, this are hard matters. you need to partner with the Holy ghost, not pastors, prophets or Naira landers. May the lord himself give you an answer of peace, Amen

I am so glad to read this... awesome advice!!

This is exactly my story but i didnt know she had PCOS or even know the meaning of PCOS when i got married. After we got married, that was when I knew we were in for it.

PCOS patients get pregnant but you need to be very knowledgable, patient and work as a team to get pregnant.

My bro, in your case, infertilty will shake your marriage badly and may evetually break you guys if either of you cant take it anymore.

As some point you may start doubting if you can father a child and psychological effect would be huge when your relationship becomes marriage.

My Advice

You need to put yourself first above any other person. Your mental state is hugely astake if the baby doesnt come few months, years after you get married.

Look above love now to avoid a painful break up later or a frustrated union.

Start trying for pregnancy now. Discuss this with her in a diplomatic manner. If pregnancy happens go ahead to marry and if otherwise, just keep trying.

Marriage comes with pressure and that pressure will affect you mentally, physically and spiritually if not managed well.

I wish you all the best bro and i pray God answers your prayers

bigman001:


With time love will find its way into your hearts , you couldn't love her immediately because of your past experience and the pain in your heart. When i met my wife some 13 years back i actually didn't love her and i made it clear to her that i like her but i don't love her, probably due to my past experience, with time i started loving her, now we have 4 kids and i love her with all my heart, i respect and would marry her again in my next life if i see her. Just pray over it and ease yourself , moreover don't look at the age difference , learn to trust and tolerate her to an extent that is comfortable to you.

I wish you all the best .

Thank you for this 🙏🙏🙏

CoronaVirusPro:
Divorce!

We are not legally married

In 2017, i expressed my deep concerns on nairaland about my now ex wife double dating game before we got married, her attitude towards me and how the relationship was one sided.

I got several advices to let her go but decided to give the marriage another chance but it eventually crashed in March 2022. We did all we could to save the marriage but to no success. We were done patching. No child was involved and absolutely nothing to show for the marriage after 8years of being together. I still feel the pain but it gets better everyday.
I credit myself for not cheating on her till our last days together and even months after our separation.

After several months of being celibate, I had sex with a young 25year old lady. I met her through a family friend 2 months before she got pregnant

Just one intercourse, she became pregnant. At first, i doubted it because I laboured very hard to father a child for 8yrs and with just one sexual intercourse, someone is carry my baby?? with me being very knowledgable about calculating ovulation dates and timely intercourse, it conformed so I had to accept the pregnancy as a sign from God.

Deep down, my new partner and I do not love each other but the respect for each other is on point. We have ZERO expectations from each other. We communicate well and have started living together in peace. No arguements, no drama and no issues at all.

I changed my mindset by taking her as my younger sister and she does same by taking me as an older brother.

It feels strange to be at so much peace with someone that I dont love at all. Our baby is coming and I am scared things may change when the true reality sets in.

What do you guys think?

We4all:

Too bad bro! I just read your old 2017 post and was wondering how things turned out.

Just try and move on but if you do, continue to be the reasonable human that I think you are. Don't make your new woman pay for the sins of your ex wife.

When people say this[b] "Don't make your new woman pay for the sins of your ex wife"[/b] i always think they dont know what they are saying.

I am hoping for the best. Relationship/marriage is not meant for me...

LilMissFavvy:
You both should get medical help or spiritual help concerning the childlessness issue, the problem might even be from you. It is not too late to have children.

She left home last year March. I begged her to come back but she refused. Her and her family thought i could not impregnate. I never cheated! Never!!!

On one trial with a young girl after months of being celibate, the young girl got pregnant!!!

After coming here to share my deep concerns in 2017, i gave the marriage another chance but yielded nothing. Things went from bad to worse and we eventually separated.

8years of no kids, no peace and nothing to show for the marriage.

Love is really a crime!!

exquisite007:
Pls where can I get disposable paper cups with lids for hot coffee?

At can't find around.
Will appreciate contacts of distributors or seller.
Thank you

Hi exquisite007,

Kindly contact LDP Cups on 08023859595. They have a paper cup factory in Lagos for different sizes of cups ranging from Ice Cream to coffee cups.

Thanks

How much and where you at?

Hi Nairalanders,

I am in a state of dilemma as my marriage is shaking.

Before we got married, my wife treated me like a piece of shit and never gave me any regards or attention. Any little quarrel would be blown out of proportion and wouldn't talk to me for days. I did the calling always and each time I ask her why she doesn't call, she would say I should get used to it. There was a day when a baseless quarrel occurred, she accused me falsely and we didn't talk for more than two months. I stayed single and was already moving on until her friend came begging on her behalf. I wondered why she didn't come herself but all the same I accepted her back. She changed like she was doing me favor but I still persisted because I loved her genuinely.

Fast forward, we got married and I was hoping for a good future with her. As usual I was very open to her and discussed every issues with her. At a point, I found out the marriage was one sided. I gave more but got little or nothing from her. I never burden her with house chores or cooking at all. We sat always to talk about her attitude but she would say things are fine while I will be grieving and having sleepless nights. She will wake up in the middle of the night to check my phone to know if i was cheating. I swear I have never cheated on my wife... She knows my password and never hid anything from her.
As we went on in the marriage, her behavior became worse and couldn't condone it again. She never saw anything wrong with her attitude and would say her apologizes are expensive.

I decided to do a background check on her and found out she double dated all through when we started dating and gave the guy more attention for 2years of our relationship. When things went bad between them, she fell back to me and unknown to me, I accepted her back. She and her ex were still in good communication till the night I confronted her. She would rather confide in her ex than confide in me (Now husband) Now, I feel so hurt, betrayed and used and can’t trust her again.

She has been very apologetic and says she is ready to change. So if had not found out about her double ways, I will still be condoning her insolent ways. I am seriously finding it hard in my heart to forgive her. Even if I do, I can never ever forget because I do not trust her again.

What will you guys advice?