₦airaland Forum

@ kamura
yes, u are right. i've used a combination of our names. he treated me like a princess, so i thought it only right that i should wear his crown. lol


@ adick
there are many in this world who are not selfish. sure i may have my selfish ways @ times, ie: i don't wanna share my man w/ anyone else (what girl does?), but i am in no way a selfish being.
what is wrong with it? how can u ask that? heartless is the only way u could honestly honestly say that and not feel remorse of any kind. what's wrong with it, it's very wrong. and i am not with him 4 companionship only. as if to say what, that i can't get another man? pfff, i have no trouble getting a guy, i'm not a beast-looking girl and i have the insides to match. i'm with him bc of the fine way he treated me, and the way i felt. sure i can find another guy, but who wants to play toss n' keep with their hearts? i surely don't. of course i wouldn't expect u to comprehend that, having said what u said.
everyone is entitled to his opinion, but i can now see why u use that name.


@ spoilt
exactly


@ a*bleep*
smh,


wow @ D-
i'm fully aware that some nigerians (other africans too) - shoo, others from other lands even - hate americans. yes. and vice versa. but why? ¿pero por que?
somewhere far, i am african too. nigerian idk, but 4 sure my roots trace to that continent. remember slavery? remember where we all come from? i'm sorry u hate me just bc i'm not from your country. that's very sad. i date/befriend someone based mainly on how they treat and respond to me as a person, not from which country they hail. it hurts me to see those words even though idk u from jane or jill. so basically i'm nothing but a stupid american, thank u. even still u too, are entitled to your opinion and prejudices.

however, u've no right to disrespect me. stupid? me? negative. if so, i'd have skipped off down the aisle already, without mere thought. but i'd rather be safe than sorry, as well as cautious. even if his feelings are legitimate, i'm still not be marrying him start of next year. my thing is if i should even continue being his gf, and further delve my feelings into him, if in the end it'll all be 4 nothing. that's what it's about. not whether i should wed in a month's time. are u kidding me?

btw, offence? *offense, actually.
the gall calling me stupid, where did i say he sleeps with me condomless? did i not say he tries to, ?? TRIES? as in attempts, shall i go on?
re-read if u must. u too must be a fraud. what's this "no offence" line about? u very well meant to be offensive and rude. it's ok though.
and don't call me foreign, i am not. i never use that word, regardless of where someone is from. are u sure it is all who feels this way? why has everyone else not said they hate or dislike americans? is everyone a fake? why is this site's name 'for nigerians and friends of nigeria'? trust i will not extend friendliness to those who will only look @ it in disdain so if it's like that, state it and let me take my leave

@ jair
idk what an akata is, i guess some sort of business wife?
and yes, mama is correct, i am american.

@ btayo
you're right, he does seem like a good guy. that's what's making it so difficult to decipher. true no guarantees but one wants to be asap (as sure as possible)
i'll number yours as well.

1. no i wouldn't, but would still be wary of the small time frame

2. it does, it counts 4 a lot.

3. i hear u, so i've thought as well

4. lol, perhaps bc he's paying monthly tuition, all other living expenses, and sending monies to nigeria, he cannot afford to pay a girl thousands of $$. idk again.

5. i hear u but as mamaput said, i'm not nigerian

@ sweet t
pls, i embrace and respect any retrospect spoilt, u, and anyone else has shone on me here. my reason 4 posting my relationship issues here in the 1st place, is to receive advice from a nigerian woman's aspect, as she will have previously dealt with a guy from her native. also from a nigerian man's aspect, 4 the obvious reason. men are similar yes, but they differ from region to region. i've not dealt with a man from nigeria on this level b4, nor any other country. with american men, there are no issues of papers, visas, or other things of that nature. i knew folks would have varied opinions on this subject, so it's ok.

@ david
i'll number them as u have done.
1. on the work thing, i was mistaken. he delivers newspapers overnight, and is allowed only one route. he has used names of other ppl in order to have more routes, hence more money. hope this clarifies the identity thing, my fault 4 that

2. idk what INS is.

3. yes, discussing marriage this soon is what flared my alarms, but i wanted to be sure bc as we all know, some things are not as they seem.

4. he's 30, and graduating in jan after having spent 4 yrs in school. yes, it's a later age than typical but not everyone goes immediately after high school. plus he told me he went to military school in nigeria but idk what happened with that, so maybe he did go there following secondary. idk. i too have continued my education @ a late age, so i have nothing to say to him. i'm still in school too.

5. that wasn't the 1st thing i asked him upon meeting, "are u an alien?" it's something i learned as i learned about him. and when i said found out, i didn't mean that i had to snoop, he told me in one of our talks.

i was trying to sort out things 4 myself.
i thought: if he only wants his papers, why does he want a family with me? is he just saying that to make me smile? why has he introduced me to his relatives? why keep trying to sleep with me condomless? won't that increase the possibily of a baby? won't that make him tied to me?
but i hear u, and ty.

@ mama
no, i have not. his mum is in nigeria and every time he calls her, they speak yoruba , so i took it as she doesn't speak english. but idk 4 sure.

@ yimi
i've asked him, and he said bc he loves me. and god 4bid the gf or wife thing be true, he's thrown all precaution out the window, wanting me to bear his child. surely she wouldn't go 4 that. if indeed there were a she in the picture.

@ poster, leave her be! have u come looking 4 pity, or do u want real responses from all aspects? if u don't want someone's advice, don't post in a public place 4 all to view, no?
better yet, make it private, with invites to men only, as i'm sure u'll only want the biased inputs many of them will offer u.

leave the poor girl alone who has blindly given u her heart. let her pack her things, keep your ring (he he) and go find happiness. continue to live in confusion land w/ the new girl until a better paycheck again comes. next time, sort out your confusions b4 dragging another soul into it.

i'll not mention karma, 4 we all know how that goes.

*ahem*
spouse or gf, which is it? they are 2 different things u know.
if u've a gf and doing this, few morals.
if u've a wife and doing this, even less morals.

GROW UP AND STOP PLAYING GAMES, girls are not toys!!!
ggrrrrrrrrrrr

having eyed your pic, i think you're a funny guy to call anyone "un fine". hmm, could it be the ones u refer to as ugly think the very same of u? how dare u call someone else's girl ugly? if he's happy with her, then leave him be. perhaps it's your jealousies and insecurities which cause u to hate. grow up, learn to get past the shell of ppl.

eek!! this is looking ugly, but 1st i must know your definition of "took advantage of her" as in raped her?? if so, u can in no way hate her. as a friend of over 6 yrs, i think she'll need your support if this traumatic thing has indeed happened to her, especially since u said she feels guilt behind it.

now if she willingly gave it up to him, ask yourself some things: what was your true status with her? u say fond (i think) of each other, but what exactly was that? what do u call building stages? any titles established?
if no, then u have no true claim to her, but 4 your attachment, and things need to be clarified.
on the other hand, if u two were supposed to be exclusive, maybe warning bells are sounding?? infidelity @ this such an early stage?? and w/out use of condom too? hmm, idk
is there an issue of distance? if u are far, and the "friend" is near, consider that. perhaps she cannot handle it, and u should leave well enough alone. idk the details, so,
there's a popable thread between love and hate - cuidado!

hope u get adequate help in your dilemma

lol @ run 4 my life.
really, he didn't admit to anything dishonest @ spoilt. it feels as if i'm the madperson, b/c he tells me i doubt him 4 no reason, he has no reason to lie to me, blah blah. it's maddening!! his aunts n friends look @ me and say i should take good care of him cuz he's such a great guy and this makes me question me, like am i just being dumb? he does treat me really well, has even given me his last but will this expire after we wed? i just want my want my woman's instinct to lead me to truth, not over the cliff when i give up a good man. i just wanna be sure, but it's so damn hard.

lol sweet t. thanx, i hear u

@ bimbo, i'll update posts, thx

thank u ify, thanx 4 everyone's contributions

@ omega,

that is what is baffling me: whether he is real or not. when i told him of my suspicions, he denied wanting me only so he can live here permanently and told me that there are plenty of others he could arrange to marry just to stay here, if that's all he were after. but he insists it's not.
i've never spoken to his mum, whenever he talks to her it's mostly in yoruba and the little bits of convo i manage to pick up pertain to money and barrels being sent there. omg the more i think of all the loose ends, the more i'm feeling like a fool, the more i'm hating him 4 deceiving me and hating myself 4 falling 4 his trickery.
wow, i feel like such a sap 4 trying so hard to learn about his world so i could fit in, when all the while i should've just stayed in my lane.


in summary, wanted to see from other aspects if my bf wants me 4 me, or 4 the purpose of gaining residency or whatever it's called. b/c whenever i speak of my fears, i'm told i'm being too analytical of the circumstances. but i'm not too certain and don't want to make foolish choices either way, @ chairman

the poor girl, i can already feel the heartbreak 4 her! can u imagine? how can u love her, then love somebody else again? did u really love girl #1 @ all, or did u love what u thought she could offer to your table, and now that #2 has better employ, she's the better choice? smh,
if u choose to throw away old 4 new, and are honest about your reasons 4 cancelling the engagement, don't expect your ring back, HA!

noo, graduation isn't until january, so he's still good on his student visa here. um, i don't judge him on the lateness of his education; he's 30 and in his final year of school true, but some ppl need time to figure out which way they wanna go, or may make poor choices b4 realizing and rectifying themselves. at least he's finishing, and i respect that. but the issue @ hand are his intentions with me, i just don't want my feelings played with. i'm hoping this not to be a nightmare, no wants to invest time and emotions in someone all 4 nothing, right? i'd love to marry him but not feeling unsure the way i do. our intimacy has even changed b/c he is quick to lay me w/out use of condom, and that worries me. i never want to be tied to a guy only by the seams of a child, so no worry of me getting prego there. i just want to be sure b4 i do anything, and not make any hasty decisions that i'll regret later. i thank u 4 your input

he is here on a student visa, i guess allowed to study only then return home? he studies engineering but 4 now he delivers newspapers @ night but he told me he used a friend's info to get the job b/c he can't get papers to work on a student visa?? idk, it's all so confusing to me.
about the child thing, he said that his mom keeps asking him about wife and child status whenever he calls back home. he said pressure is on him to produce grandchild since he's the eldest and living abroad. he told me it's expected of him as part of his culture to take a wife and make a family b4 a certain age. this is what he says, but i do not know

nairalanders pls help, my mind is in disarray and my heart is in shreds.
i have this guy, whom i really care for, i've even grown to love him. it's been less than 4 mos that we've been dating, yet into the 1st month he'd already begun telling me "i love u". this frightened me b/c in the past, i've had guys tell me they love me so fast, then things ended up disastrously. he continued to tell me almost daily, until i demanded he stop. u know, most girls love by what they hear and i didn't want him to make me fall 4 him b/c he kept saying those magical words to me. he never tried to sleep with me, just held and spent time w/ me and i felt he was a wonderful guy. aside from work and school, i took up all of his time and i felt secure with him, i even initiated the sexual aspect of our relationship once we got 2gether.
when i 1st started talking to him, b4 we got involved like that, he'd told me he wanted to be married by age 31; he was wks shy of his 30th bday. this struck me as odd b/c he didn't have a g/f, most guys date someone 4 periods of time b4 deciding to marry them, not declare a date despite not even having anyone. i thought 'wow, what a dream' b/c most guys (in this country anyway) practically get dragged down the aisle lol.
now i'm not so sure. now idk if he wants to marry just to stay in this country. the more time we spent, the more frequently he spoke of marrying me next year, babies and stuff. we've spent time w/ his young cousins and i could see how he adores children and would be a great father. but was he meaning what he was saying? he's shown me in many of his actions that he cares 4 me, but how could he love me so fast and want to marry me? although he'd known of me 4 like 8 mos, only about half of that was spent actually getting to know me. he told me he'd been admiring and liking me from afar b4 then. is it a nigerian thing, or am i being bamboozled? graduation is approaching, and he keeps saying he wants to marry me after then. the way i've always fantasized it, i'd have an engagement ring, there'd be an element of surprise, not just talks of it, like it's a business arrangement. could that be what it is to him? recently i discovered that he's here on a student visa and it expires when he's done w/ school so i guess then he must return to nigeria, or be here illegally? unless he's married to an american, or sponsored by a company?? also found out that he used someone else's info 4 the job he has (w/ permission), b/c he cannot work while here on a student visa, or some confusing thing like that?
my heart hurts b/c i do love him, even though i've never told him. word has floated to my ears that he's using me to gain citizenship, but she's american like me, so from a nigerian aspect, what do u guys think? thanx a mill.

nairalanders pls help, my mind is in disarray and my heart is in shreds.
i have this guy, whom i really care for, i've even grown to love him. it's been less than 4 mos that we've been dating, yet into the 1st month he'd already begun telling me "i love u". this frightened me b/c in the past, i've had guys tell me they love me so fast, then things ended up disastrously. he continued to tell me almost daily, until i demanded he stop. u know, most girls love by what they hear and i didn't want him to make me fall 4 him b/c he kept saying those magical words to me. he never tried to sleep with me, just held and spent time w/ me and i felt he was a wonderful guy. aside from work and school, i took up all of his time and i felt secure with him, i even initiated the sexual aspect of our relationship once we got 2gether.
when i 1st started talking to him, b4 we got involved like that, he'd told me he wanted to be married by age 31; he was wks shy of his 30th bday. this struck me as odd b/c he didn't have a g/f, most guys date someone 4 periods of time b4 deciding to marry them, not declare a date despite not even having anyone. i thought 'wow, what a dream' b/c most guys (in this country anyway) practically get dragged down the aisle lol.
now i'm not so sure. now idk if he wants to marry just to stay in this country. the more time we spent, the more frequently he spoke of marrying me next year, babies and stuff. we've spent time w/ his young cousins and i could see how he adores children and would be a great father. but was he meaning what he was saying? he's shown me in many of his actions that he cares 4 me, but how could he love me so fast and want to marry me? although he'd known of me 4 like 8 mos, only about half of that was spent actually getting to know me. he told me he'd been admiring and liking me from afar b4 then. is it a nigerian thing, or am i being bamboozled? graduation is approaching, and he keeps saying he wants to marry me after then. the way i've always fantasized it, i'd have an engagement ring, there'd be an element of surprise, not just talks of it, like it's a business arrangement. could that be what it is to him? recently i discovered that he's here on a student visa and it expires when he's done w/ school so i guess then he must return to nigeria, or be here illegally? unless he's married to an american, or sponsored by a company?? also found out that he used someone else's info 4 the job he has (w/ permission), b/c he cannot work while here on a student visa, or some confusing thing like that?
my heart hurts b/c i do love him, even though i've never told him. word has floated to my ears that he's using me to gain citizenship, but she's american like me, so from a nigerian aspect, what do u guys think? thanx a mill.

omg i 4got to say what i was looking 4 lol. ok, who knows the r&b song in that movie (the one that's played when lola is shown)?? i've so fallen in love with it, i like replay the parts in the movie where the song is, just so i can hear the snippets again. there are credits but my copy makes the words illegible. pls, anyone?     also the song in the 1st party scene, i love the sound. i wouldn't mind checking out that band too. thanks!

who here has seen the movie 'american dream'? apparently there are 2, but the one i speak of has main characters named ade and lola. idk their names but jim iyke also stars. umm it's about a nigerian-american girl visiting lagos and the poor boy doing and losing everything just to join her in the states. loved the movie, only annoyed that part II isn't out yet so whoever hasn't seen it, should wait so they can be watched 2gether. pls help! thanx

see when a generalized statement is made, ie 'NIGERIAN MEN', offense is bound to be taken by some. that nigerian man u speak of is only one, not all. that's as if someone asked, 'why are black ppl robbers and thugs?', i'd be like, hey wait a min, because i know i am not one. my bf is from ogun state and is in no way lazy - he works very hard and goes to school. nor is he insensitive - he constantly thinks of his mum & family back home and sends them money all the time. as 4 bag carrying bags, when we have groceries he lets me carry nothing! i feel sheepish as he carries even the bread. i have to wrestle w/ him to carry even such a small package lol. my shopping stuff is different i guess he knows i'm too ecstatic to have them so he doesn't interfere and i don't mind.   all in all, its not a guy's nationality that plays a role, but his personality and how he was reared. this thing has turned into something else resembling an attack on naija guys, which i am sure is not what was intended. it's a matter of how things are worded. sorry to have begun a chapter lol, i'll stop now. oh and to the one who said who cares about the us (or something like that), well, thanx!

aye, are these things 4 real?? wow.

ummm, i know some girlies that swear by this: they say to put some period into his spaghetti sauce, then after eating it, he will be yours 4ever. idk how true this is because i've never tried it, also idk how this would fare out 4 men since they don't have those. ew i know, sorry!!

anyway, my own 2cents: won't u just try and woo her the old fashioned way?? sweet words, a few presents, real support, genuine actions, she'll fall eventually. if it is your face or body that u fear, well even some of the ugliest or fattest guys can attain girls of their dreams. keep yourself looking and smelling good AT ALL TIMES!!!
say if she doesn't go for u afterwards, then just accept that not everyone is capable of having everyone. get me?
if not appreciative of all u've done, then consider if she even deserves u. take all your efforts and splurge them onto another girl who'd be more that happy to have u.
buena suerte

hi all! i reside in the us, nyc specifically and although i'm a black american, i'm intrigued by the people and would love to burst my brain with the knowledge of the country. even the rest of the continent, eventually.
i'd love to gain a penpal (m of f). if any interests arise, please feel free to email me. thanks!