₦airaland Forum

tbaba1234: What do you want?

How do you want to legislate for a man not wanting a woman anymore or the other way round?

I am interested in your views.

I guess my problem is that sometimes I find Islam beautiful. Then there are times when I find it's practicality cold and calculating. It is confusing to me. I don't know how to take it sometimes. Maybe this frightens me.

smh...I give up

ameenahz: I understand deols. And i'll be honest, i feel the same way some times too. My only recompense is that the ultimate reward is in the hereafter, waiting for us all in shaa Allah. Whether our men 'behave' or not.

deols: Wallahi I was very young when I learnt of the numerous virgins for men in jannah. But by then, I already detested polygyny and when the ustadh described how the women of the earth would be in a better state than the houris, I thought to myself that 'I didnt want a polygyny on earth, why would I want it in aljannah'.

A lady even said that maybe God would make us all men and we would then all get the houris. But no. The prophet didnt say that. It is explained that the Men would get the houris and we would have the same men we had on earth. Doesnt seem endearing.

These two posts mirror my thoughts, and make me wonder what does "paradise" offer women really?....other than NOT falling into the punishment of hellfire? Somehow it just sounds like the lesser of two evils.

onegig: The same thing she's complaining about. It's more easier for the men. Like the laws give them the leeway to misbehave. Why would it be a woman's choice to divorce? Why not compel the man to stick to one wife alone. Why give him options when she has none and has to endure such. She can choose to stay or leave i.e divorce.

Is divorce for the lady an equal and justifiable comparison with what the man gets?

He gets a new bride and continues life as if nothing happened while we all know how hard it is for a divorcee(the woman) to remarry and continue her life without hitch coupled with the social stigmatisation associated with such.

Thus ruining her life if she leaves and still ruining her life and making her pass through hell if she chooses to stay.

Islam preaches a just system but do you think this is just?


This i think is the issue she has and truth is i share most of this. The concept of justice as regards both genders.

tbaba1234: Alhamdulilah,

I hope I can help us put things in proper contexts and maybe clarify some issues. I would also advise that we are cautious with our words, in sha Allah. I cringe at some statements. That was why I wanted a private conversation. May Allah protect us.

I would start with confused issues, failures of muslim communities and failures of muslim individuals.

Islam is a complete system of life with nothing missing. The social laws in Islam is one of the areas, I enjoyed the most because it is so beautiful.

I will start with a quote from onegig



The above is essentially a failure of the muslim community. Women got divorced all the time during the time of the prophet and never lacked suitors at all. Allah commanded us to get the single married amongst us, This also means, the muslim community has to create an enabling environment for widows and divorcees , both male and female to get married.

Marry off the single among you and those of your male and female slaves who are fit [for marriage]. If they are poor, God will provide for them from His bounty: God’s bounty is infinite and He is all knowing. Surah 24:32

If there is a stigma amongst muslims getting married, then we should be looking within. We should be dismantling the stigma, the messenger married widows and divorcees, the best of muslims did..

We disobey Allah by creating stigma and then blame him for the difficulties.

If any widow or divorcee of the muslims suffers, we all share a collective blame. Allah will question us for our community failures.

When Allah talks about divorce, he specifically makes a statement that really hits home for me

........ Do not make a mockery of God’s revelations...... ; (Surah 2:231)

We abuse the laws and permissions of Allah and blame Allah. SubhanAllah. Even hadiths are taken out of context to justify abuse. That is why, like I have always said, we need more female scholars in the Ummah.

Islam preaches a just system, the question is are we living by Islam.

Assalam Aleikum tbaba1234

Pardon me but you totally ignored the reason for the divorce in the first place. The bolded was made in response to men divorcing because they want to get rid of one of the four to bring in a new wife.


You are talking about how Muslim society should not shun these women and they should have the opportunity to remarry. They likely didn't want the divorce in the first place.

This is a prime example of what deols is talking about. Somehow you've decided (maybe unknowingly) to relieve the man of any fault here and come at the problem after the fact.

"You said, "We should be dismantling the stigma". So rather than deal with the man who is trading in the older car for the new sporty model, you figure we should just make it easier for the discarded woman to remarry?

I was drawn to this thread because I have some of the same questions and concerns. I started reading and even copied a few quotes in readiness for a reply and some questions of my own. I only made it about halfway through the thread before I just felt too depressed to continue.


How is someone like me, who is new and knows little about Islam supposed to continue struggling to understand and assimilate, when people who have been Muslims their whole lives have fears and doubts.


Sometimes I think I would have been better off staying away from the Islam Section. Fulaman198 is making some sense, but even so I feel like I've all but lost the great hope I had in Islam. It saddens me, because I know I felt the rightness of it so strongly at first.

tbaba1234: Your masjid would usually have the sunset dinner together. A good community mosque really makes it worthwhile.

I would try to send a few short daily reminders throughout the month.

They are having dinner on Saturdays.

tbaba1234: Essentially, it is about starving the body from dawn to sunset. And feeding the heart/soul by more prayer, remembrance and quran.

I have the basic premise. I'll work it out.

tbaba1234: Good, how are you planning for Ramadan?

I've never done it. I'm not really sure how to do it. I did check out the Islamic centers website.

tbaba1234: Salam, long time, How are you doing?

yes. Long time. I'm ok. How's your side?

lanrexlan: You are right that Jummuah isn't compulsory for women but it isn't a sin on you if you attend.What's the confusion about? Maybe you can share them and moreover you will find this thread useful.
www.nairaland.com/1342811/thread-muslim-reverts

Thanks for the assistance.

Jumu'at started 30 minutes ago. I did not go. I haven't been in a very long time. I am still fairly new to Islam. I have been keeping up with my prayers and my reading, but I feel I need to go more often to be around other Muslims. I realize woman are not required to go, but I am the only Muslim in my family and I still have not told them. Lately I am more and more confused about Islam and Christianity. I feel quite alone in both places lately to be honest. My old moniker doesn't exist in this NL. I'm not even sure I want it back. I'll go next week. Maybe it will help.