₦airaland Forum

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Kids say,
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so
old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't remember
you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much
that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in
vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her
Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she 'd have to open it
for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does
it know it's me?

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked
what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen
with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named
Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife
looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What
happened to the flea?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled
woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked,
'Why doesn't your skin fit your face ?'

The Sermon.
I think this Mom will never forget this particular Sunday sermon. 'Dear
Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a
rapturous look on his upturned face, 'Without you, we are but dust, '

He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter
who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her
shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?

350k. Make i give my babe for valentine!

still available

@ALL

Well! If u guys say so but na nasty experiences with fraudstars cause am ooo. So dont crucify me!

@Inspire

Somebody actually recommended and praised you some months back when i wanted to sell one of my rides but it's not about you but about some lazy and fraudulent Nigerians who are out there to defraud our hard earned money. Thats why its so difficult to trust.

Also, love the maturity and way u handled the whole jibes thrown at you. Who knows, maybe we could do business one day.

@Busy bodi

E be like u like beef well well? No worry, i go invite you come for beef barbecue after i sell my Mistubishi!

Lollabey, Wats up! Welcome back to Nairaland!

This is the cutest breast cancer email I have ever received.

A small request:
All you are asked to do is keep this
circulating.

available

It is a difficult thing u r asking me to do? And very hard to believe that you paid millions to a Nigerian u've never seen? Na wao!

A 70 yr old man asks his wife "Do you feel sad when you see me running after young girls?"


Wife replied, "No not at all, even dogs chase cars yet they can ' t drive.

Busy Bodi eeeeeeeeee,

Which one? Can't u see a friendly jibe when u see one? Bigfather is a colleague friend who was just pulling my legs and i jokingly hit back at him. So where the bad belle now?

So tell me, U fit pay money for goods to somebody wey u hardly know for this Obodo-Naija?

Read Akinnoba's post again and try digesting it to understand my point! No beef abi na no egufe or good belle

You are damn funny! LOL

[quote author=inspired_m link=topic=231401.msg3452944#msg3452944 date=1234294665] Sounds Funny right ?

Not Only 30% in Most cases My Friend, there are Several Cases Where Nigerians have paid 100% Cash Deposits Into the Bank Accounts of Other Nigerians they've never met, and they got the transaction Sealed & Delivered, Both Parties were satisfied at the End.

Change your Mentality My friend, there are still so many Honest Nigerians. [/quote]Ok. I'll try to change my mentality! _{Maybe in another God's era.}

Afterall na my nose abi?

Just wondering if any Nigerian today would be willing to make a 30% payment for a car to somebody he hardly knows?

[quote author=inspired_m link=topic=231401.msg3449506#msg3449506 date=1234252003]Stop Wondering, Check the link below for the Poster''s contact phone numbers and email, who knows, you might need Weight Loss Tablets too.

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?action=profile;u=235120;sa=showPosts[/quote]No beef initially but with this ur response now makes me to smell rat!

Akinnoba:
Is Nairaland about the no of post you make before you can contribute
common Guys i am not a regular
I dont care about your bad belle DO GOOD and PPLE WILL TALK ABOUT IT
I am too busy to be singing praises for non performers

You be musician? Make una they take am easy. Nigerians are now smarter

e bi like say na keke napep dem dey price oo. Nairalanders too like cheap things

which driver? na my ride now, so deal with me if interested!

Funny Advertisement!

Wonder why peeps with few posts all of a sudden starts hailing someone?

How much is the baby going for? Am down with it!

1.3milla. u wan buy?

Do u think Fab4 would get a first team shirt if he goes to Barca? Or Adebayor if he goes to AC Milan, Van Persie if he goes to Enyimba?

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.

The letter read:


Dear God,

I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had until my next pension payment.

Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with, have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.

Can you please help me?

Sincerely,

Edna



The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read:


Dear God,

How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me?

Because of your gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful Gift.

By the way, there was $4 missing. I think it might have been those Bastards at the post office.

Sincerely,

Edna

U don forget say i inherit am from u!

Bump

Shut up! Where did u spring from?

Still Available

@Bigfather! Why u wan spoil my bizness 4 me now? D time u wan sell ur civic nko! Nobdy spoil market 4 u. I demand u retract ur report
B4 i tell Escalatn unit 2 send u 2 Bronze segment.


@Promise, wats ur point or beef exactly? Abi na typewriter u dey use browse? .

dong!!

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.


(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.


(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in “fine.”


(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!


(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)


(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.


(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome’. That will bring on a 'whatever').


( Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!


(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Ding

With Ashravin in does not guarantee any trophy for us, AW needs to bend his policies and buy more experienced players instead of fielding and relying players who cannot win a first place shirt in teams like Cadiff, Burnsley etc, May God help us!

A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe". Mom was puzzled at first, but then went to the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop."
Mom blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.

The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the
wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges". Mom now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack:" Extra Long. King Size". She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.

The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mom waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "British Airways". Mom took out her latest Harper's Bazaar
magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for British Airways. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."


Mom fainted ,