₦airaland Forum

Na wao. Another long spell injury sideline for Walcott. Are those guys bones made of biscuit?

http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/walcott-injures-knee-in-training-session

Walcott injures knee in training session
15/2 Arsenal win Champs Lge Free £20 Paddy Power Bet 8/15 Arsenal reach the Semi's Free £20 Paddy Power Bet By Declan Taylor

Theo Walcott will miss Saturday’s trip to Newcastle after injuring his knee at Friday morning’s training session.

The England winger has only just returned from almost four months out with a dislocated shoulder and, speaking at his pre-match press conference, Arsène Wenger revealed that the 20-year-old will face another spell on the sidelines.

The extent of the injury is unclear but the manager expects Walcott to be withdrawn from the England squad for the forthcoming fixtures.

“Walcott got injured today in training,” Wenger said. “We have to test it, he has a scan on his knee today.

“We are surprised and worried. He was in very good form coming back and that is very bad news for us and for England.

“For the rest of the season might be too long, but he’s out of tomorrow’s squad and he could be out of the England squad.

“He locked his knee so it could be a cartilage problem. He did it walking back from training. He was fully normal during training but maybe it only came out when he stopped.

“We have to see how he responds today and I hope it’s not really serious.”


[Friday, March 20, 2009]

THE VIBRATOR

As a woman passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: 'what in the world are you doing?'

The daughter replied: 'mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: 'dad I'm thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone.'

A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV.

The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked: 'What the f, are you doing?'

The husband replied: 'I'm watching football with my son-in-law.'

clemcykul:
@ayus lol even on your B'day but i love hugging dickless dudes like you ; d

Chei! Clemcy! A whole kokomaster like me? Wait make i catch u! U go know say AC no be Fan!

clemcykul:
wow ayus is getting older lol
welcome to the old men's club happie B"day and many return;d

c'mmon dude am gona spoil u a little,come gimme a hug*stretch forth arms, wearing a big grin*

Hug ehn? I only hug those with water melon on their chests, not table tennis balls!

Na Etisalat

TOYOSI20:
Haha happy biaday to yaa oo,

what are u. . . .16 today??

Thanks dear.

16 means the numbers of my teeth left. I used to be a boxer

jamace:
Happy birthday. Wish you many more years with prosperity.
One thing left. Please update your ID to Ayusman[b]17[/b].

Don't worry; will do that in another God's era! Thanks gee!

@lolly

Thanks love!

@Tyty

I am always online na. But na work they make me no dey too post! How u dey?

@sylve11

Thanks for the wishes my guy. I appreciate.

Common guys! It's my special day 2day, the 16th of March. Show me some love!

still available

Oga mi, what is the price of the crv?

cbjonstage:
I dont know y nigeria sports politics is full of chaos year by year.
Dropping Ben Iroha isnt a wise decision by d board member of NFF. From d onset, when a leader is out of a group of people (im referring to papa Temi Tela, may his soul RIP), there is need for an assistance to take over d job or even make him to work hand-in-hand Siasia. There is something nigerians have not know about an assistant. An assistant has already fashion-out ways on how he will go about being successfully if given d opportunity. its a shame that chance was not given to him to make a difference!

but since d mantle has given to Siasia, still ok sha! wishing them d best of luck

u r right

gabrywyl:
Thats why I ask you guys to make me laugh now

I can make u giggle and moan non-stop

@Poster

Get another Boyfriend if the present one is too sick to live to his responsibility of full-fledged shagging _{just kidding}

Lesson Number Three
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said,
"I should be Boss because I control the whole body's responses and functions."
The feet said, “We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
And so it went on and on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brain fevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Management Lesson: You don't need brains to be Boss, any asshole will do!

Return the phone and sim to where you bought them, tell them u r too **&^# to use a phone!

A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment. A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?" The salesman explained "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I would make a good sales pitch as Coca Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know how to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through three posters,

First poster: A man lying in the hot desert sand, totally exhausted and fainting.
Second poster: The man is drinking our Coca Cola.
Third poster: Our man is now totally refreshed.
And then these posters were pasted all over the place
"Then that should have worked!" said the friend.
"The hell it should had!? Said the salesman. Didn't realize that Arabs read from right to left

bump

30 useless goals! I'll rather he scored 12goals and win a trophy for us!

Call to IT Department

Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller: Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service: Mouse? And how it is related to printer?
Caller: Mmmm, Wait, I will send a picture.




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clemcykul:
lol abokina yaya dai

ka nan lafiya kwo?

mai ya faru kwana biyu baka online?

Ina lafiya oo
Kulun ina online mana sai ba na dayawa post ne.
Ki seni ni special adibizer ma Obama na Nijeriya appairs.

Yaya ki ke?

FROM: FATHER
TO: ALL DEPENDANTS AND RELATIVES
SUBJECT: FINANCIAL MELTDOWN


Unavoidably, all domestic rules and regulations have been revised as below and, under no circumstance is any violation allowed.


1. The Kitchen and all pantries are declared Restricted Zones.
Entry and/or passage shall require express permission from
myself upon submission of written request.

2. Breakfast is banned. This matter is not
for discussion.

3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk are Restricted. Anyone intending to eat
any of such food, must write to Me in triplicate, with three days
notice, giving convincing nutritional reasons backed by a qualified
dietician.

4. Watering with hoses is banned. Further,
only food-giving plants shall be watered. No lawns or flowers
shall receive water. For internal decoration, only plastic and
dry-flower arrangements shall be permitted.

5. Bathing in the morning is limited
to 5 litres of water per day per person while bathing in the evening is banned unless there are medical reasons.

6. Security lights are being removed with
immediate effect. All dependants shall abide by an all-night
guard-duty roster I shall make available shortly.

7. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors,
far less attempt to offer food, drinks or even music. Those who
want their guests to listen to music shall sing for them.

8. No one is allowed to talk to officials from
police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry an
instantaneous penalty of ejection from The House.

9. Anybody who breaks a glass, furniture or any
other property in The House, shall immediately have to seek temporary
employment somewhere to earn money to replace such broken item(s),

10. All visitors intending to spend a night/week or
more shall apply in triplicate and give two months notice, with an endorsement from their town
Mayor, Village Headman or Church Priest, giving convincing reasons
why they can't stay home. Failure to do this shall result in
their being turned away upon arrival.

What not to say to the nice policeman:
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

Blonde driving
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replies in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid replies, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's licence?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got caught drink driving.
Officer: May I see the MOT certificate and insurance for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the insurance certificate in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the boot.
Officer: There's a BODY in the boot?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his sergeant. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the sergeant approached the driver to handle the tense situation:
Sergeant: Sir, can I see your driving licence?
Driver: Sure. Here it is.
It was valid.
Sergeant: Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the logbook, MOT certificate and insurance.
The driver owned the car.
Sergeant: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.
Sergeant: Would you mind opening the boot? I was told you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem.
Boot is opened; no body.
Sergeant: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a driving licence, stole the car, had a gun in the cubbyhole, and that there was a dead body in the boot.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the lying swine told you I was speeding, too,

The Judge said to the defendant. "I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again."
"Your Honor," the criminal said, "that's what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn't listen."

The cop got out of his car and the kid that was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.

A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club. Police are looking into it.

A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right a head of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through automated radar. A speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of a few money bill notes. The police responded with another mailed photo: handcuffs.

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many. Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, "SPEED TRAP AHEAD". The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign painted "TIPS" and a bucket of change.

An officer pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma’am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road"? The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here!! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Homer gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park, and couldn't find his way home. "Now Homer", said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?” Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Homer whispered, "I wasn't lost, I was just too tired to walk home."

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk". The monkey looked up at the officer and nodded his head. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey nodded vigorously. "Well, did you see this?" "Yes", motioned the monkey.
"What happened?" Asked the officer.
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
“They were drinking?" asked the officer.
The monkey nodded.
"What else?" asked the officer.
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?" asked the officer.
The monkey nodded.
"What else?" asked the officer.
The monkey motioned "Screwing".
"They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer.
The monkey nodded.
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and screwing before they crashed?" asked the officer.
The monkey nodded.
"What were you doing during all this?" asked the officer.
"Driving" motioned the monkey.

A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy's window and says "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyser tube."
The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack."
"Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."
"I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death."
"Well, then we need a urine sample."
"I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar."
"Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line."
"I can't do that, officer."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm too drunk to do that."

Several weeks after a young man had been hired he was called into the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the director asked. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had 5 years experience. Now we discovered this is the 1st job you've ever held."
"Well," the young man replied, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with an imagination."

Tight Fit
On the day of the wedding, Mary was getting dressed, surrounded by all her family, and she suddenly realised she had forgotten to get any shoes. Panic!
Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Mary for the day. Unfortunately they were a bit too small and by the time the festivities were over Mary’s feet were in agony. When she and Frederik withdrew to their room the only thing she could think of was getting her shoes off. The rest of the Family crowded round the door to the bedroom and they heard roughly what they expected, grunts, straining noises and the occasional muffled scream. Eventually they heard Frederik say ’God,that was tight.’
’There,’ whispered the Queen. ’I told you she was a virgin.’ Then, to their surprise, they heard Frederik say. ’Right. Now for the other one.’ Followed by more grunting and straining and at last Frederik said. ’My God. That was even tighter.’
’That’s my boy,’ said Prince Henrik.