₦airaland Forum

RebirthPhoenix:
Your life and livelihood is literally at stake, and your response is "9ja no dey carry last".
How did I end up in a country with such gullible humans!

So I should carry gun or what? Keyboard warrior

9ja no dey carry last. AI don enter election matter.

It's going to be interesting ...

AI rigging is a big possibility 😃

You can be a single guy, living quietly, spending within your means.

Food. Fuel. Data. Rent. Small enjoyment. Life dey go.

Then you get one babe. 😂

"Baby, my hair is due."

"My nails are looking somehow."

"I need to get some skincare products."

"Babe, my data has finished."

"I'm craving something."

"My birthday is coming."

"Baby, I'm broke."

Omo, na subscription you enter so? 😂

And the funny thing is, most of these expenses were not in your budget before you met her.

You were managing your own life. Now you're managing two lifestyles.

I'm not saying don't spend on your woman. Spending on someone you love can be sweet, especially when you can afford it.

But dating culture in Nigeria now has made billing look like a normal part of courtship.

Some guys are even spending husband money on women they're still trying to convince to like them. 😂

One fine babe can enter your life and suddenly everything else becomes secondary. 😂

You're checking WhatsApp every five minutes.

Thinking about when next you'll see her.

Spending money you should be investing.

Losing sleep, focus and productive hours chasing sex.

Meanwhile, your business needs attention. Your career needs work. Your body needs training. Your future is waiting.

And the funny thing is, she may not even be your girlfriend. 😂

My brother, shine your eye.

Women are not the problem. Your inability to control your desire for them is.

Lust can make a man abandon things that will benefit him for years just to enjoy something for a few minutes.

Have your woman. Love her. Enjoy sex. Nothing wrong with any of that.

But don't let the pursuit of women become your life's biggest project.

The same energy you're spending chasing one babe is the energy you need to build the life you want.

A man who cannot control his appetite will struggle to control the direction of his life.

Men, lock in. Your future needs you more than your lust does.

My brother, secure the bag. Make the money pile up.

Opportunities plenty. Business, tech, skills, career, investments. Even things we never imagined five years ago.

The question is, are you actually giving life your best shot?

Some guys have already concluded that Nigeria is finished, the economy is bad, connections are everything.

And yes, things are hard. Nobody is denying that.

But people with even worse circumstances have found a way to make something of themselves.

So what's your own plan?

What are you learning? What are you building? What have you tried? What are you doing differently from last year?

Sadly, not everybody will make it. That's life.

But don't be among those who defeated themselves before life even had the chance to test them.

Try something. Fail. Learn. Adjust. Try again.

Six months will pass. One year will pass. Whether you do anything or not.

And please, enjoy your life along the way. No need to wait until you're a billionaire before you start living. 😂

You may not control the outcome, but you can control how seriously you show up for your own life.

Men, lock in.

No guarantee of success. But don't let lack of effort be the reason you didn't make it.

This one plenty men learn too late.

You treat her well. Provide. Stay loyal. Avoid wahala. Do everything a good boyfriend or husband should do.

Yet she's not excited about you.

Then you see the same woman genuinely attracted to another guy who may not even do half of what you do. 😂

That's when you realise attraction is not a reward for good behaviour.

Sometimes she stays because of comfort, children, religion or family pressure. But staying doesn't mean she's happy or genuinely desires you.

And no, this isn't advice to become a bad guy.

Being a good man and being a man she desires are two different things. You should be both.

Have confidence. Have backbone. Keep your own life. Don't abandon your standards trying to please her.

Most importantly, choose a woman who actually wants you.

Be a good man because that's who you are, not because you're hoping goodness will make a woman desire you.

One mistake plenty guys make is hearing what a woman wants and rushing to become everything she described.

She says she wants an intentional man.

You start calling every day, planning dates, checking up, always available.

Meanwhile, she's telling her friends:

"That guy too dey disturb me." 😂

She says she likes generous men.

You start sending money for hair, nails, Uber and weekend outings.

She appreciates everything, but when her friend asks about you:

"He's nice sha, but I don't like him like that."

My brother, you can be doing everything right and still be doing it for the wrong woman.

She's not necessarily lying about what she wants.

She may genuinely like attention, generosity and intentionality.

But she has to like the man giving them too.

And that's where your own sense should enter.

Show interest. Ask her out. Make reasonable effort.

Then watch what comes back.

Does she make time for you? Does she enjoy your company? Does she sometimes reach out herself? Does she make getting closer easier?

If not, don't keep increasing your effort hoping attraction will appear.

The lesson is simple: Don't use effort to create attraction. Use effort to build on attraction that's already there.

No be every woman you like you must convince to like you. 😂

This one plenty men learn late.

She's very fine.

Educated.

Good job.

Good family.

Maybe even virgin.

Everything looks correct on paper.

But every small disagreement becomes war. She can't take correction. No respect for boundaries. Always creating drama. Everything must go her way.

And because she's desirable, you start telling yourself:

"Nobody is perfect."

"Maybe marriage will settle her."

My brother, shine your eye. 😂

Pretty doesn't cancel difficult character. Education doesn't cancel it. Money doesn't cancel it. Virginity doesn't cancel it.

People can change, yes. But don't marry somebody based on the change you're hoping will happen later.

And that ex you still remember because she was very fine?

If being with her was constantly draining your peace, stop romanticising what you lost.

Sometimes you didn't lose a baddie. You escaped a problem with fine packaging. 😂

Same applies to women choosing men too.

Choose character with your eyes open.

For those already married and dealing with serious issues, different matter entirely. Work on what can be worked on and get proper help where necessary.

But if you're still choosing?

Don't knowingly marry wahala and start praying for peace afterwards.

Kobojunkie:
That is stalking and controlling behavior, not simping.😒😒

Stalking is actually demented behaviour. A simp can be a perfectly regular guy. Sometimes na just inexperience and not knowing when to stop trying. 😂

Kobojunkie:
It is the same way that we know a man wants the woman he wants, and not just the women who want him. Isn't that really common sense? How a person would feel entitled to a woman who does not want him is beyond me...maybe even demented and stalker-ish. 😒😒

It's called simping. 😂

And simps go always dey among us.

Plenty men miss this.

You really like her, so you think showing her more and more interest will eventually make her choose you.

You become Mr Intentional.

Calls. Dates. Checking up. Always available. Always proving you are serious.

Still nothing.

Then another guy enters.

He isn't doing half the audition you're doing, yet she replies quickly, makes time, finds reasons to see him and helps the whole thing move. 😂

Because wanting her doesn't automatically make her want you.

That's the trap with all this "be intentional" and "don't be nonchalant" talk.

Yes, show interest.

Yes, make effort.

But don't start performing because you're trying to earn attraction.

And don't form nonchalant either. If you like her, let her know.

Then watch what she does with that information.

If she wants you too, things usually become easier.

If you're constantly being asked to prove yourself, increase effort and chase harder, shine your eye.

She doesn't just want a man who wants her.

She wants the man she wants.

Your job isn't to convince her that you're that man.

Great point. I agree with most of this.

Once sex stops controlling you, you don't even need to start controlling her.

That's the only place I differ small. Just do you.

Robertgreene1:
I swear bro, na my babe dey even beg me for sex sef, and l'm always posting her. Come today, come tommorow. That girl worships the ground l walk on cus she knows too well she can never manipulate me with sex. And that has been the pattern in all my previous relationships. I never beg for sex and l use a perfect combination of weirdness, unpredictability and calculated absences to leave lasting impressions on girls. My ldol and name sake, Robert Greene taught me very well. I didn't finish his three greatest books: The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction and
Mastery, just for reading sake. I digested and practice all his teachings and it's turned me into a monster that nobody can ever use. Instead, l will be the one using people. I leave you with one of quotes, "The art to delay satisfaction is the ultimate art of seduction -- while waiting, the victim is held in thrall."

Let's be fair. Men naturally want sex. Nature and hormones are part of it. Nothing wrong with that.

But wanting something badly can make you overvalue it.

Guy spends weeks chasing one babe. Time, attention, money, mental energy.

Finally:

"My guy, I don get am." 😂

Get wetin exactly?

You had sex. She had sex too. You both enjoyed yourselves. Finish.

Nothing entered your account. You didn't acquire the woman. Sex is an experience, not an asset.

Yet because men can value it so highly, we sometimes exchange things that actually build our lives just to get it.

Time that could build skill.

Attention that could build business.

Discipline that could build your body.

Even married men can start avoiding necessary boundaries with their wives, because they're afraid intimacy will disappear.

Anything you feel you cannot do without can slowly gain power over you.

Sex is good. Enjoy it with your woman.

Just remember, it's something both of you share, not a prize she's handing over to you.

Want sex. Enjoy sex. Just don't let wanting it run your life. 😂

This is actually a very good point.
Who you marry can either make becoming the man you want to become easier or much harder.

Stephen0mozzy:
Hehe... Economic Reality check will knock the Nietzsche out of you my good Sir.

A man's path to "still becoming" after marriage is forged in the furnace of the decision of WHO HE MAKES A WIFE OF.

If you marry a partner, then your path will be lit. If you marry a trophy a.k.a liability, your path will be dark and full of sorrows.

So, a man who will not disappear, but decide well beforehand.

I look at some married men and sometimes you can see it.

He loves his wife. Loves his children. Would probably die for them.

But the man himself has slowly disappeared.

Everything is duty now.

School fees. Rent. Work. Family. In-laws. Problems. Somebody always needs something.

And nobody forced him.

It happened small small. One reasonable sacrifice after another until he became a shell, the last person on his own list.

Providing for everybody while slowly abandoning yourself is not the highest form of being a man.

This is where Nietzsche's idea of the Übermensch enters for me.

The man should still be becoming.

Still building his body. His mind. His money. His craft. His own vision of life.

Marriage should add responsibility, yes.

But responsibility should make you bigger, not erase you.

Love your wife. Raise your children. Carry your load oo.

But keep becoming the man you were capable of becoming.

Don't just provide a life for everybody else and forget to remain really alive, and become what you could be.

Funny thing about women.

You meet her, she likes you already. Then because you really like her too, you start doing too much. 😂

Always calling. Always available. Cancelling your own plans. Trying to see her every chance you get.

You think you're making things better. Sometimes you're slowly killing what was already working.

She already liked you. Relax.

Continue your normal life. Work, gym, money, friends, family, whatever you were doing before she came.

See her, enjoy her, give her your attention when you're together. Then go and face your life again.

Funny enough, she may start wanting more of you.

And no, don't start forming busy. Women can smell that nonsense. 😂

Actually have a life.

She should be entering your life, not replacing it.

Anybody can enjoy a man when he's winning.

Money good. Work good. He's confident. Taking you out. Solving problems. Everything soft. 😂

Then life hits small.

Business slows down. Work becomes stressful. Money isn't flowing like before. Something doesn't go according to plan.

That's when a man really watches his woman.

Do you start complaining immediately?

Does your respect change?

Do you compare him with men who are doing better?

Do you suddenly become difficult at the exact time he needs less wahala?

Or do you remain the same woman beside him while he sorts himself out?

A man doesn't need another mother or motivational speaker.

Sometimes he just wants to know that when life gets hard, his own woman won't make it harder.

Sometimes she's testing whether she can feel safe with you.

And most times, nobody sat down and planned any test. 😂

Small disagreement.

She complains more than the matter deserves.

She becomes moody.

She says, "You don't even care about me."

She pulls away small and watches what happens.

Then oga starts malfunctioning. 😂

Twenty messages.

Long explanation.

Anger.

Begging.

Threatening to leave before she leaves.

Trying desperately to "fix" everything immediately.

Sometimes the real issue is not even the original issue anymore. It's how you handle pressure.

Can she be upset without you becoming unstable too?

Can you listen without defending every sentence?

Can you disagree without shouting?

Can you reassure her without begging?

Can you keep your boundaries without becoming wicked?

That's what being solid looks like.

Not this internet "alpha male" shouting and forming hard guy.

A solid man can feel emotions without every emotion controlling his behaviour.

And when your woman sees that small wahala cannot scatter your centre, there's something relaxing about it.

This explains plenty of those moments where a guy says:

"But everything was going fine. I don't even know what changed."

Sometimes attraction didn't disappear because of the small argument.

What she saw in your reaction changed how she felt about you.

QuinQQ:
You are actually wrong. There is a perpetual shortage of the childbearing-age women that men want who are ready and willing to have sex, and there will always be.
Take a 20-year-old girl, all men from 17 to 70 want to bleep her, including married ones!

Compare the number of men from 17 to 77 to the number of women from 18 to 45 or 50 who are not pregnant, nursing, menstruating, married, or celibate!

If that 20 yr old doesn't want you, she still isn't your last opportunity. 😂

I know fit, fresh men in their late 30s and early 40s genuinely dating women 23/24/25. Normal relationships, no hookups.

The point isn't that every woman is available to you. It's that no particular woman is your last opportunity.

One thing that makes men suffer unnecessarily in dating is scarcity mindset.

One girl ghosts you, blocks you, rejects you or starts giving mixed signals and suddenly she becomes "the one that got away."

My brother, look around. 😂

There is no shortage of women.

Young guy, older guy. Rich, average, still building. Introvert, extrovert. Different looks, tribes, lifestyles. There are women who will genuinely like your particular package.

Doesn't mean every woman will want you. That's not the point.

The point is that one woman's rejection doesn't make her scarce.

That's why you don't need to chase an ex, resurrect an old rejection or hold desperately to a current woman who isn't aligning with you.

She chose another direction? Respect it.

You chose another direction? Keep moving.

And if she comes back after you've levelled up, you don't need that old validation ('win her back') anymore.

The moment you genuinely understand that there are other women you can meet, appreciate, and be liked by, one particular woman loses the power to destabilise you.

No bitterness. You can even wish her well.



Abundance doesn't mean every woman is available to you.

It means no single woman has to be your last opportunity.

As much as we want to blame women, make we check ourselves too.

The same girl ignoring your calls may be somewhere giving another guy full attention. 😂

Getting her number is not the same as getting her interest.

The key is not to take it personally. Watch the feedback. If she's not reciprocating, no anger, no chasing, no overthinking.

Take the information and move.

Take dating breaks sometimes.

Few weeks. Few months. Even intentional celibacy if you want. You can resume anytime. Nobody seize your licence. 😂

But use that period properly.

Work. Train. Make money. Learn something. Build your business. See your friends and family. Sleep well. Get your head clear.

Then you'll notice something.

Plenty time and mental energy men spend chasing women could have been building the man women eventually want.

Nothing wrong with women.

Have your woman. Love her. Protect her. Provide when you can. Enjoy being a man beside a woman you care about. There's real satisfaction in that.

But she shouldn't consume all your masculine energy.

The same attention you're using to analyse one dry "okay" from her, on WhatsApp for 3 hours 😂 is the attention you need to build your body, career, money and future.

Women are part of life. They are not the assignment.

Sometimes step away from the game.

You'll be surprised how much of yourself you get back.

Omnitetris64:
Following up on my earlier point: the tooling keeps improving but the judgement part still sits with whoever ships it.

I agree with you. And it also takes a lot of your mental space to keep supervising these agents. If you look away a little, they may start doing what they like 🤣

Tooling and Agents harness help alot.

Something big is happening.

You can now turn an idea into working software without spending years learning traditional programming first.

Idea → AI builds → test → critique → fix → retest → human checks → ship.

Tools like Claude Code, Codex and GitHub Copilot are becoming actual coding agents, not just chatbots.

If you're young, start learning this now.

Set up a computer your agents can work on for long periods. Add remote access so you can supervise from anywhere.

Then build.

Not endless tutorials.

Build something useful for Nigerian businesses, schools, logistics, agriculture, commerce, creators, government processes or everyday problems.

ROUGH MONTHLY BUDGET

Learning: ₦0–₦15k
Beginner builder: ₦20k–₦50k
Active builder: ₦50k–₦150k
Heavy/startup: ₦150k–₦400k+

You don't need every subscription. Start with free tiers or one paid coding agent and increase spending only when the work justifies it.

GitHub Copilot pricing
Claude Code
OpenAI Codex

But there is a catch.

If everyone can build software, simply knowing how to build software stops being the advantage.

The real questions become:

What should you build?
Who needs it?
Will they use it?
Will they pay?
How will you reach them?

Nigeria has thousands of poorly digitised problems hiding inside WhatsApp chats, Excel sheets, paper records and repetitive human processes.

That is the opportunity.

AI is collapsing the cost of turning an idea into a working experiment.

It doesn't guarantee success. Most people still won't win.

But someone who starts now, learns agentic coding, ships repeatedly, finds real problems and eventually gets product-market fit could build something extremely valuable over the next few years.

Don't just learn how to use AI.

Learn how to make AI build useful things.

We are still early.

Early dating. She likes you. You like her.

Then one day she doesn't reply.

This is where plenty men fail themselves.

One text becomes two.

"Hello?"

"You there?"

"Did I do something?"

My brother, your first message never disappear. 😂

Maybe she's busy. Maybe she's taking her time. Maybe her interest dropped. Maybe she's even watching how you handle space.

You don't know yet. That's the point.

What you should know is that chasing an answer won't manufacture attraction.

She already knows you like her. You don't need to keep proving it.

Go back to your life.

Work. Gym. Money. Friends. Family. Other women. Other things that deserve your attention.

If she likes you, she'll come back and give you something to work with.

If she doesn't, you've also received information.

The real test isn't whether she replies.

It's whether uncertainty can make you lose your composure.

A woman you just met shouldn't already have remote control over your attention.

Show interest. Give space. Watch reciprocity.

Don't chase clarity. Let the pattern give it to you.

Imalwayshorny:
Worst part be say you fit be simp for real life

Some lessons you learn from experience. 😂

Just from personal reflection, plenty men over-invest too early.

She already likes you, but because you really like her too, you start doing extra.

Constant calls. Every free evening together. Gifts. Always available. Trying to prove you're serious before anything has even developed.

Sometimes, ironically, the more you try to secure her, the more you kill the tension that was already working for you.

No be say become wicked or start playing games.

Just relax.

She already likes you. Let that information enter your head. 😂

Keep your work. Gym. Friends. Business. Family. Your normal life.

See her. Flirt. Have fun. Create good experiences. Then go home and continue being you.

And let her invest too.

Don't start auditioning for husband because you're afraid another man will get there first.

Sometimes the guy doing less isn't winning because women like bad men.

He's simply not suffocating attraction with desperation.

If she already likes you, stop trying so hard to convince her to like you.

QuinQ:
Ok, I see. Money can actually be enough for lots of us (But it has to be BIG money)


😂🤣😅

Then if you're there JUST because of the money, you're using him. 😂

Same way if a guy is with a woman JUST because he's getting sex, he's using her too.

Nothing wrong with enjoying what your partner brings. The word is JUST.

QuinQ:
Stating the obvious. Who said sex was enough before?
And what advice do you have for your fellow men? Tell them too money is not enough

I already said the same thing to men here 😂
Money is not enough either:

https://www.nairaland.com/8734588/men-get-wrong-money-wont

A man wanting to sleep with you is not the same as a man wanting to build with you.

Sex may get attention. Beauty may bring options. But if you want commitment, you need to become valuable to his life beyond the bedroom.

Can you bring peace? Ideas? Support? Competence? Can his life genuinely become better because you're in it?

And no, this doesn't mean abandoning your own dreams to become somebody's assistant.

The sweet spot is finding a man whose direction fits yours, so while you're helping him win, you're winning too.

If you think sex and beauty alone should be enough, the dating market is already giving feedback. Plenty men will take the sex and still not commit.

It's 2026, ladies. Wake up. 😂

Don't just learn how to attract men.

Learn how to choose the right man and build something worth committing to together.

Proverbs 25:16:

"Hast thou found honey? Eat so much as is sufficient for thee..."

Even Bible understood something about human appetite. 😂

Too much access can reduce the sweetness of something you once desired.

Some guys meet a woman and, once she likes them, they pour their entire life inside the relationship.

Every morning: Good morning babe.

Afternoon: Have you eaten?

Evening: What are you doing?

Night: Call till both of una sleep.

Weekend: together.

Friends disappear. Gym disappears. Personal projects disappear. Even the mysterious guy she initially met has disappeared. 😂

My brother, even manna became ordinary when Israel saw it every morning.

The lesson isn't to manipulate her with scarcity or start disappearing unnecessarily.

It's simpler:

Don't abandon your own life because somebody chose you.

Jesus loved people deeply, but even Jesus withdrew from the crowd sometimes.

Luke 5:16 says He would withdraw to solitary places.

If Jesus fit get alone time, why you dey panic because your babe hasn't heard from you for three hours? 😂

Go and work.

Exercise.

See your friends.

Build something.

Spend time with family.

Sometimes enjoy your own company.

Then come back and enjoy your woman properly.

Love needs closeness, but closeness doesn't require you to dissolve into another human being.

Let her miss you naturally sometimes.

And let there remain things about your life for her to keep discovering.

Because the goal isn't to keep a woman permanently chasing you.

It's to remain a whole person even after somebody falls in love with you.

Happy Sunday, brethren. 😂

Plenty men get this wrong.

You meet a woman you really like and suddenly everything starts revolving around her.

Less gym.
Less work.
Less friends.
Less personal time.
Less focus on your money, business and family.

Every free minute becomes "her time."

My brother, that's how pedestal starts. 😂

A woman can like you deeply and still not want to become your entire world.

Keep your life.

Work.
Train.
Make money.
See your people.
Handle your responsibilities.
Enjoy things that have nothing to do with her.

Then when you're with her, be with her properly.

Create good experiences. Give attention. Laugh. Flirt. Enjoy yourselves.

But when that time is over, return to your life.

Even if she comes over for the weekend, you don't suddenly abandon everything and start following her around the house like Peller following Jarvis. 😂

You can love her and still go exercise.
Still handle work.
Still take an hour to yourself.
Still have your own rhythm.

Don't give anybody more attention than the relationship can naturally carry.

It's not about playing unavailable.

It's about remaining the man whose life attracted her in the first place.

And there's something relaxing about loving someone who isn't desperately hanging onto you.

She doesn't have to carry your happiness, your purpose and your entire emotional world on her head.

Make her an important part of your life.

Not the whole life.