₦airaland Forum

I have consulted wide enough, not about creating various topics on the same issue, remember in a MULTITUDE of counsel there is safety, we cannot create another problem by solving another. I am done with counsel from nairaland, all I have gotten is enough to forge ahead to success. I AM VICTORIOUS by HIS Grace.

Thank you all for your inputs.

Well noted.

Am following and absorbing the inputs so far, thanks concerned friends, but am an orphan with just myself and siblings, can I front for family meeting with church members? As village elders may seem happy with my predicament and take advantage of it.

22o62021:
If you let her friend visit again

Na ayelala I go swear for. You

That is sure banker I wont allow that

Dear Concerned friends,

After leaving me for almost two months which I did make mention here on this platform for no just reason, my wife is back on her own will with our little kid but I cannot fathom any positive change in her character, instead she is irritable, never wants anything intimacy, disrespectful and unsubmissive and extravagant despite the harsh economy.

Prior to her coming back I asked her if she was ready to live with me in peace she said yes but all I am seeing is the opposite although I have tried to contain myself by managing the situation calmly without being reactive.

Recently, she told me her friend who stayed with us
in our house for almost two months and influenced her to leave the house last year the time she left, would be visiting again to celebrate Birthday with her, which I rejected and she insisted her friend must come.

I have been at the receiving end and been seen as a weakling but MEEKNESS IS NOT WEAKNESS, though as at now I want to take a stand henceforth and would need counsel of only experienced family men and women here on the next step to take.

Thanks for your input in advance.

I got all your inputs,thanks all. For those of you seeking to get the full gist, pls just go to my thread and read again.

I really appreciate all your good and bad comments. Knowing fully well where the shoe pinches me, I have sieve all comments and would work with the useful one. Godbless you all.

Thanks all for your concern, your time alone in contributing shows your great concern, I appreciate, initially it was not easy, but now am stronger.

I have gone through all the inputs and comments,I have decipher the next good step from the comments and I want to say I really appreciate your efforts. Thank you.

Dear all, permit me to use this medium to seek for mature and experienced advise...

When a wife out of her own wish without any current justifiable reason seperates from her husband for almost two months and has now decided to return back with the kid out of her own wish without any pressure, should the man accept her back?

Also should there be conditions attached before the man can accept her back? Mature and experienced input is highly appreciated.

Thanks all.

Why Ukraine that is not even an english speaking country, the parents would have escorted him first hand,then subsequent travels he could then go alone.

Dear All,

Although my wife has packed her belongings and left only a few old cloths of hers and my daughter which I stated in my previous post, I didn't force or compel her to stay back.

Prior to her leaving two counsellors/priest counselled us to both leave in peace and harmony yet she refused and left.

On the 1st of January, 2022 her parents invited me to there house for a dialogue on the way forward towards reunion, but she was still bent on going her way with flimsy excuses.

I took my leave and was told by her parents that they will get back at me.

Few days later I was asked to come back for a meeting with another senior man of God from her community and family church, this was the arrangement of her parents maybe to find a solution spiritually. At this juncture, do I honour the invitation or dishonour it?

Your good advise can be of help. Thanks

princeeze1:
I just hate what I don’t like. Who told you all those reasons she gave are the reasons she left? Why do you think she opted for her school environment instead of her family home? D dancer is not always afar off d drummer. But she sold you a rooster story, to make you take some guilt and blame. Truth be told, the reasons adduced can never be a reason for leaving a marriage. Keep wallowing in self pity, don’t move on you hear! Don’t seize the opportunity to better your life, complain everyday. Keep using your child as an excuse to live in a toxic past, waste away your years while she is already hopping the next man. So common sense did not tell you she only wanted to justify her opting out with these past issues?

My 1 cent; let her be already. Go with your family, calmly but firmly demand an annulment of the marriage. Reach an amicable settlement with her concerning payments for the welfare of your child together. Her fees and wellness. You do not owe your wife anymore than that. She has no rights to place financial demands you cannot independently verify. WORK OUT A BUDGET AND STICK TO IT. Na you wan finance her affair.

How does this usually play out? The drummer soon gets tired, the dancer soon becomes weary, the situation becomes toxic with time, reality sets in, she realizes you were such a good man, how foolish she was to be led astray. Oh how sorry she is, please for the sake of our child together, please reconsider. Now this is dependent on the measure of self esteem you have left in you.
Thank you. ( for your so called friend)

Thank you Prince Eze

Thank you Prince Eze

Dear All,

Compliment of the season. As a follow up on the link below:
https://www.nairaland.com/6900506/give-up-marriage-stage..pls-advise
Please how can my friend be committed to his little daughter of six years parentally without the lady exploiting my friend financially, over a week she left, my friend has been sending money to the ladies account for feeding,and Christmas gift .

Also, my friend got a call from the ladies parents,that they do not have any issue with him (my friend), but that he should believe God for a change from their daughter, what could this imply?

Also, my friend having granted the request of his wife to go and see her parents and informing the parents of the ladies coming with her belongings, does he need to inquire from the ladies parents concerning the lady,since it's over a week she left his house and has still not gone to see her parents, but diverted to her former school accommodation, where her younger brother still lived .

Thanks

Dear Nairalanders,

Now My friends wife have packed most of her belongings and left with the only little daughter,how can my friend take care of his little daughter without the lady using it to exploit my friend financially. Thanks

Hathor5:
This is what I want to know more about before I advise you this your friend.

Hathor5,

I would appreciate if you can drop your mail or digits so my friend can private chat you.

Hathor5:
This is what I want to know more about before I advise you this your friend.

Dear Hathor,

This is what transpired.

What transpired was that while they were dating for about 6 years before marriage, she found out that the man had a child in previous relationship which was later known by the lady and family members before the wedding, the man broke up because the former lady took in for another guy, and one other was already back to her former guy.

Also there had been one or two abortions, and other minor misunderstandings that brought verbal exchange of words. Both the lady and my friend had their own good and bad past, but alll these were resolved in the a meeting with my friend, his wife and wifes parents effectively before marriage and she accepted the to marry my friend both traditionally and in the church. only for her to be bringing up past issues at the slightest misunderstanding using it to blackmail my friend and using it as his weak points. The so called wife was not even married as a virgin. These are the issues which both families resolved before the wedding so why should it be brought up after been resolved. That it is now making her to say she is fed up even after the man had apologized on several occasions when in most cases it was the girl that was supposed to apologise. This is the real issue. My friend is a gentle man who wants peace and continuity.

My friend just peacefully, lovingly and graciously dropped them at the park for them to travel, including her girlfriend who also was dropped at a different park to also travel.

Before she left my friend called her dad to inform him that her daughter was coming to see them though she would first branch at her school accommodation to meet her younger brother.

Thank you everyone for all your inputs,especially inputs that made good sense. Nothing is to be feared but to be understood.

99thEnemy:
He Fvcked her best friend.

That's not the case, brother. What transpired was that while they were dating before marriage, she found out that the man had a child in previous relationship which was later known by family members before the wedding, the man broke up because the former lady took in for another guy.

Also in the cause of this current relationship before marriage there had been one or two abortions. These were effectively handled before marriage and she accepted the marriage, only to be bringing up this issues at the slightest misunderstanding using it to blackmail my friend and using it as his weak points. The so called wife was not even married as a virgin. These are the issues which both families resolved before the marriage wedding so why should it be brought up after been resolved.

Jidemoo:
I don't even understand the write-up.....was she forced to marry the man?

She was never at any point forced to marry the man. God has used the man to support her school till graduation and her negative character during her convocation that provoked the man turned out to look like the man is at fault,as when she was scolded by him she started bringing past events that have been already handled.

Kobojunkie:
1. Bad move. Avoid soliciting the help of non-professional counselors when you are experiencing marital issues. Don't even bother reporting your spouse to her/his friends, parents etc., that is tantamount to shaming and not a good move when what you seek is issue resolution instead.

As for accumulated pains, it is necessary to pay attention to the fault in question if you truly desire for things to move forward. What I see you doing, Op, is trying to brush her concerns under the carpet , pretending you can move magically transport their marriage beyond the mountain that sits before. I suggest you get out of the way and let your friend face what his wife is telling him.

2. Bad move dragging her parents into this altogether. Your friend has no right to keep the woman from leaving the house whenever she wants. So if she wants to go to her parents place, allow her as it is against her rights as an individual to bar her from doing just that. Her parents have no right over her since she is an adult and no longer a ward of theirs.

3. Marriage is a contract/agreement between between man and a woman. Your friend made a mistake when he got third-parties involved in what could have been easily resolved between himself and his wife. Now, even OP dey carry their marriage marriage him head as it say im matter for there.

The third party was first contacted by the lady and not the man, and when the man was questioned he had to respond.

Other advises of yours are acknowledged, but what would now be the fate of their little daughter,mind you she is not even having in mind to go stay with her parents but rather to visit them spend a day or two and go back to her accommodation at school where she recently graduated from. Of which the man does not want their little daughter to be in a campus environment again.

MsFaith:
Please let her go to her parents. There’s nothing to rack your brain over.

She probably misses home and wants to see her parents. After a while she will come back to your house.

It’s called holiday

MsFaith, please it's not up to two weeks she came back from her parents house, her reason for wanting to go is to go and tell them she wants to quit,which the parents do not support.

Oluwatee1:
You never explain what actually happened. There will be reason why she opted for leaving. What are the challenges your friend is facing, is it financial, spiritual e.t.c. Share more light on it.

Her character changed,no marital relationship, no care no concern, she prefers her friends instructions and advise to her husband, whenever she does wrong and is been corrected,she will turn it against her husband and start bringing up issues of the past that have already been resolved. This she has always been doing. But the man would still plead for peace. How can two couples live in the same house without intimacy for months, no sound communication etc, but when she needs money she does not hesitate to ask for it. The man has been the one canvassing for continuity but the woman seems to feel she is right and would still have her way out there.

For my friend to have peace and regain his sanity, hence the need for this post.

greenie77:
"Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past"......When those religious leaders got involved, did they explore with the couple what the accumulated pains of the past was all about or did they just diminish it and told her to move ahead?

Yes they did explored and discovered that both couple can still forge ahead, the man has his own fault likewise the woman, but the woman always makes it look like the man is the cause. Prayers has been made and both of them agreed to have forgiven each other but the woman is still bent on leaving the house with their only daughter who is 6 years old

Dear All,

The write up below is exactly what a friend is going through from his wife. Please what sort of action can he take?

Despite, all he has done to please his wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel them both, his wife is still indifferent to him and is threatening to quit the marriage, citing accumulated pains of the past.

Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide. The man called her parents, and their advise was that since she is his wife, he should decide if to allow her leave his house to come and see them (parents) or stay in his house that the decision is his as the husband.

At this juncture my friend is confused and dont know what to do again.

Even the unmarried friend of his wife who came to stay with them is not helping matter at all as she seems to be enjoying the challenge between my friend and his wife.

Please advise needed. Thanks.

Dear All,

The write up below is exactly what a friend is going through from his wife. Please what sort of action can he take?


Thanks


Despite, all I have done to please my wife, called Reverend fathers and pastors to counsel her, my wife is still indifferent to me, citing accumulated pains of the past.

Currently, she says she wants to go back to her parents house else she will die or commit suicide. I calle her parents, and their advise was that since she is my wife, I should decide if to allow her leave my house or stay in my house that the decision is mine.

At this juncture am confused and dont know what to do again.

Even the unmarried friend of my wife who came to stay with us is not helping matter at all as she seems to be enjoying the challenge between me and my wife.

Please advise needed. Thanks.

Cc:
Mynd44
Dominique
Ishilove
Lalasticlala
Please post to front page.

Thanks

happen to establish an oil business which I have not finished paying for the capital I borrowed to start it. The boys I brought in to work with me on casual basis with no written agreement, will always steal the oil when am not around and when I caution them they will challenge me and not keep to my orders.

Their last action when I was not around was very painful,they refused taking the work serious such that I had great loss. From where I was, I told them that if they dont execute the job,whatever decision I take is final. Despite my comments they never took the job serious,and by the time I came back, I asked them to leave my business alone, I even gave the landlord of the area some little stipend to give to them but they refused collecting.

This evening they sent a letter through someone that they have gone to summon me in a shrine and that I must pay them the sum of 1.5million. I looked at it with dismay and would like to take action asap.

What action do I take and how do I go about it? Thanks for your input.




Dear All, situation on ground now concerning my message above is that, the main one among the three persons was caught last night and handed over to the police. The other two are still on the run. The wife of the one arrested has been suing for peace and crying over the phone. While the other two who are on the run are still making threatening statements over the phone that we must report to the shrine this week else there will be disaster.

Due to the wife tears and plea, how can we resolve this issue now outside police or how can they withdraw whatsoever they did at the shrine.

Thanks once again.

Cc: Seun
Lalasticlala
Obinoscopy
Mynd44

Thanks all.

Thanks all, I will go with all your advices.

I happen to establish an oil business which I have not finished paying for the capital I borrowed to start it. The boys I brought in to work with me on casual basis with no written agreement, will always steal the oil when am not around and when I caution them they will challenge me and not keep to my orders.

Their last action when I was not around was very painful,they refused taking the work serious such that I had great loss. From where I was, I told them that if they dont execute the job,whatever decision I take is final. Despite my comments they never took the job serious,and by the time I came back, I asked them to leave my business alone, I even gave the landlord of the area some little stipend to give to them but they refused collecting.

This evening they sent a letter through someone that they have gone to summon me in a shrine and that I must pay them the sum of 1.5million. I looked at it with dismay and would like to take action asap.

What action do I take and how do I go about it? Thanks for your input.




Dear All, situation on ground now concerning my message above is that, the main one among the three persons was caught last night and handed over to the police. The other two are still on the run. The wife of the one arrested has been suing for peace and crying over the phone. While the other two who are on the run are still making threatening statements over the phone that we must report to the shrine this week else there will be disaster.

Due to the wife tears and plea, how can we resolve this issue now outside police or how can they withdraw whatsoever they did at the shrine.

Thanks once again.

Cc: Seun
Lalasticlala
Obinoscopy
Mynd44

Thanks all for the mature inputs,Godbless you all. She insisted she must travel to see her pastor for advise and counselling as to ensure her sanity as she claimed, I paid her transport and allowed her go with our daughter to return back in three or four days time to stay in the house of one of our relation.

Your advises are giving me strength

Dear All,

Hope your day is going on fine!

Please I need expert and mature advise here.

My worries is that my wife is aware of my past life during my days as a playboy in school and the child I had then before we got married.

But am not happy with the fact that any little misunderstanding with her if I can even call it misunderstanding, because its something a lay man could understand but instead of resolving amicably, she will bring up my past which she claims makes her feel insecure in the marriage as a result she will stay away from me and be displaying silent and cold treatment to me. This affects the sanity of the entire house.

At this moment how do I handle this? I appreciate experienced input. Thanks

Note: our marriage is blessed with a child.

She insisted she must travel to see her pastor for advise and counselling as to ensure her sanity as she claimed, I paid her transport and allowed her go with our daughter to return back in three or four days time to stay in the house of one of our relation.