Before I start this piece I'd like to say that the Nigerian police force is doing an amazing job


But there are those who think differently and that's because of people like me
My name is officer Daudu
I am that officer that stands at your bus stop
Properly dressed in my nicely ironed worn out black police uniform
Collecting shandy from conductors
If you think I am at this bus stop to protect your interest
You lie
I'm here to protect my interest
Coz if you don't give me my normal 20 (shandy) or 50 (waso) U'll be a scape goat to the rest
Abi me sef no go drink beer
I don dey here for sun since morning and you no care
I go show you say this uniform no be for service but for oppression
I go dey ontop dey press you
And if you carry your own come disturb my own
I go show you say my heart na stone
The police is your friend is the lie we sell
So when you see me, run they tell
you. If you are found walking at night
It is better you hang with the area boys
Coz when you come close to me you shall be harrased
If you are a girl you must be caressed
The only thing I'm thinking when I see those water melons bouncing up and down
Or dose lumps of fufu dangling behind your waste
Is how to intimidate you into a corner until you give me a taste of that pineapple flourishing in that small bush between your thighs
My name is Officer Daudu
If you step up to ask me how do you do?
You had better have some egunje in your hand too
Otherwise I would arrest you for attacking an enforcer of the law
E be like say you never see back of counter before
You go chop better slap your mouth go tear
I have specialized the art of face crushing with my unnecessarily large boot
I don't care if you committed a crime or not I would shoot, if you run
I love my babe and my babe loves me
She is black and her name is Maria
If I catch you sagging na for her back you go sleep
I am officer Daudu and I hate indecency
But if you want me to act stupidly
Just get your sister to wear Aquilla's skimpy things
That mini skirt and spaghetti would do the trick
My name is officer Daudu
And the fear of me is the beginning of wisdom
Coz I can do to you whatever I please, thanks to this uniform
I would arrest you if you look at me
Slap you if you talk to me
And I will shoot you if you if I hear "Ole!"
I am not sorry if you feel safer in the arms of area boys than in mine
Or that hostile black mask saying your money or your life is safer to you than my straightly ironed uniform
The truth is, I don't care
I hope my black dress inspires fear
Otherwise, how would I enforce the law you so gladly break
If you all were not mindless goats you won't need me
Treating you like the animal you are is necessary
So you see
At this bus stop you shall always find me
And if you dey always give me something
You and I would be friendly
My name is officer Daudu
Whether or not I arrest you tomorrow is totally dependent on you.


written by Osigwe Promise editor at icandle magazine.
https://www.facebook.com/promkingme