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Vanmatrix:
"Money fall on you, banana fall on you…", her iphone 6 came alive.

Sandra picked up her phone and peered her eyes to the screen for the name of the the caller. It was Jude. 'What could this one want this time', she wondered. She hesitated but when the call came the second time, she decided to pick it up.

"Hello baby how are you?" his husky voice came through the earjack.

"I'm fine." She answered softly, her voice sounding like that of an angel.

"Where are you?"

"I'm just at my hostel oh. Just bored."

"Why will my baby be bored? You know what? Just dress up, I'm coming to pick you up, let's go out".

"Really?" Her eyes lit up. She was glad she hadn't resolved to ignore his call.

"Yes. I'm about getting into my car. "

"Okay. Let me get ready."

***

As he rev his car engine and push the gear to drive (D) mode, Jude couldn't but wonder why most ladies are so easily swayed with that phrase "let's go out". There wasn't that much cash on him but he just couldn't resist making Sandra excited. He had only 15k in his account. Hopefully by next week, that web design deal he's bidding for would soon pull through and once he is done, he should have about 100k in his account. So he need not worry about spending about 8-10k on Sandra, at least he can manage the remaining 5k.

***

It took him barely half an hour to get to the campus and pulled over near the campus females' hostel.

He dialed Sandra phone and in a beep, she answered the call all excited as if the call came from her favorite celebrity.

"Hi bae, I'm at the front of your hostel. Start coming out." Jude spoke.
"Okay boo. We are coming out now." and she hung up.
"We??" but she had already hung up.

And true enough. It was a "we". You see Sandra was coming out with not one, not even two, but three of her friends, Mary, Gift and Oluchi. As she sat at the front seat of Jude's car, her friends sat themselves at the back seat.

"Boo my friends will accompany us. I couldn't bear to leave them in the same boring state we were in before you called. So I invited them to join us. I know you don't mind".

'Ehn! Don't mind? So she can now read my mind? Daughter of the mind reader! Her royal knowingness! "I know you don't mind." Is it her mind? I mind oh.' Jude thought to himself.

Hi Jude" they chorused from behind.
"Hello. Nice to see you again." Jude clenched his teeth.


But in his mind, he was like "these 3 hungry girls again?! Sandra wants to kill me! Who send me message?"

This is because the first time he'd taken all four ladies out, he nearly went broke! They'd ended up ordering for breakfast, lunch and dinner which they couldn't finish that they had to ask for the rest to be wrapped up for them to take home as if they don't have food in their house.

'Later girls will start cursing heaven and earth when their guys cheats on them with their friends. When a guy takes a girl out, isn't that called a date? Hence you're dating. So if your friends tag along, then he's dating them too. So why complain when he choses to satisfy himself with any of them?' Jude had wondered. 

***

He rev the car again and took to the road. His speakers blared various Davido's hit songs collection which they didn't fail to sing along.

30 minutes past, he was already blazing towards Ughelli. He entered ekuigho and kept driving around telling them his friend told him about this place but he's not quite familiar with the direction.
"I hope you don't want to use our pant to do money ritual?" Gift asked with a nervous chuckle.

Jude could swear she was afraid.
'Use una pant do which yeye money ritual? Like say una pant get oil! If dey wan count pant wey fit bring block, dem go count una own? Pant wey if you give babalewo, he go dey say you carry debt come give am. Oil dey na person never use am since?' Jude wondered in his mind.

After some time, he finally came to a stop.
"We are here! " he announced.
"Where exactly are we?" Sandra asked looking around.
"Are you not seeing the burial ceremony going on there?" he pointed…. Surely it was a burial ceremony…. "One of my old friends from my primary school days, that's his uncle's burial. He invited me to come. He's the one I said gave me the direction. You know I said the place is new. Besides I felt like taking you along with me, I know you don't mind."
He didn't fail to stress the "I know you don't mind" part.
"But you said, we were going out!"
"Ehen is this not going out?"
"I was thinking you meant shoprite, AJ or any better place."
"Did I tell you I was taking you to any of those places? I said I want to take you out. We are in ughelli, is this going in? Is this not a far outing? Abeg you people should come down from the car, let's go and sit down."

They went to sit down under one of the canopy. Sandra was just eyeing him up and down and swearing for him in her mind.

He kept on smiling sheepishly as he saw the disappointment on their faces. In his mind he was like 'You thought you are wise, abi?'

***

Not long after, they were served the rice from the burial ceremony as it was being shared.
'Make una enjoy the food. After all, people talk say na burial rice na dey sweet pass. So I dey even do una favor.' Jude thought within.
'If na restaurant now, they will know how to order for more. Let me see if they'll be bold enough to ask for another plate of the burial rice'.

***

After the burial ceremony, Jude led them back to his car and took them back to their hostel. At the end of the day, he saved his money. He'd only spent 2k which he'd used to fuel the car on their way back.

In his mind he was like 'Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.'

Next time, everybody will respect themselves.

The End

Originally posted on https://martinswrites.com/the-outing-short-story/