₦airaland Forum

tosyne2much:
An average Nairalander is a lazy reader

Pearl05 not inclusive.

Pearl05:
Tade want to eat his cake and have it.

Next update shouldn't take forever please.


Weldon sir.

Lol. What what if I'm Tade in real life? Nothing is impossible in the realm of the spirit.

Chapter Nine





The day fixed for Orisanla festival arrived. Most able-bodied men of Ife-odan were there for fights using dracaena plant leaves. The leaves of dracaena are long, thick, and blade-like. Only legs of the fighters must be targeted. Women from the family of Orisanla priest were clad in white attires, dancing to the weird rhythms of Ìgbìn drum. The custom demands that rain must disperse the crowd from the festival, and that would be exactly at the time a certain song is sung by the dancing horde. Bolu, Diran, and Layode were in attendance. Layode was working with Fiddle News, while Diran was an engineer in glass company.

"Tade has dragged the federal government to court," Layode began. "Judgment will be delivered in a couple of weeks."

"The dude is now super rich," Bolu said.

"That guy is an inspiration: he told us years ago that he would make it big abroad," Diran added.

"But we might have lost a friend if he intends to fulfill a part where he said he will rather return to Napoli or South Sudan," Diran brought his friends to remembrance.

Layode interrupted Diran, and said, "He said he will be in Nigeria once he wins his case in the court. He wants to meet my father for an undisclosed reason."

"Omo, see flogging!" Bolu drew the attention of his friends to the fighting men.

"But why are their legs not swelling despite the heavy lashing?" Diran asked.

"Oluwa is involved," Layode said, joking. "As a matter of fact, the gods are involved. They won't get injuries or swelling."

At the appointed time, the chief priestess changed the tunes:

The god of fertility we proclaim
Let all the craftsmen of vaginas in heaven descend unto the earth to review the anatomy
Heavy rain sweeps away the house of Elebure and he became homeless.

At this point, the king of the town and his entourage made for their cars. As few verses were sung in unison, cloud gathered swiftly; something was ominous about it: as windstorm rocked the surrounding trees violently, there was no falling leaf at sight. Sheep made for the trees' vicinity to savour falling leaves, while goats ran for cover. But it was a disappointment. It rained heavily until many areas became flooded.
*****

"Hello! What's happening in Maryland today?" Tade asked Layode from the other end using a foreign accent.

Layode was resident in the Maryland part of Lagos, Nigeria.

"I'm alright!" Layode replied. "Ori e yin, you don steal one accent for America shey?"

Tade burst into laughter.

"You know money must be made. You don't go to Silicon Valley reciting 'Baba Wa Ti Nbe Lorun' na," Tade joked.

'Baba Wa Ti Nbe Lorun' means The Lord's Prayer, a common Christian recitation for primary school pupils in Southwestern Nigeria.

I will be in Nigeria by nextweek. I just won my litigation in the federal high court, Abuja.

"I'm aware of that. It was reported by Daily Independent," Layode said.

"I need to meet Baba Awise on a matter that has been bothering my mind all these while.

"Oh! So you finally chickened out after years of being a polemic," surprised Layode said.

"With a grin, Tade said, "Attack and retreat, they say, is a philosophy in combat. Those who know how to strike, but not how to retreat are the folks that never returned from fiercest wars."

"What's the problem?" Layode asked.

"I'm married to a billionaire. That automatically makes me a billionaire. But now I want to remarry. I want her to be the one to initiate the divorce. If she doesn't, that means I'm stuck forever."

"Simply start cheating on your wife, and committing other atrocities. Nobody will tell her to find the door."

"That I can't do. She's angelic. Just that there is another woman I'm destined to be with."

"But where is the place of conscience in this action?" Layode asked.

Trying to justify his action, Tade said, "Some things in this life are destined to be how they are. In Revelation chapter seven of the Bible, one hundred and forty-four thousands people were sealed from the twelve tribes of Israel. These are the ones that shunned new creation fundamentals, but were zealous followers of Judaism. Also, Judas was meant to fail, and Pharaoh was meant to die in the Red Sea. God says, 'For this purpose I have made Pharaoh.' So, Jane was God sent, and has done just that."

"This is getting interesting. I will say you well to Baba," Layode said as Tade hung up.

Tade arrived Nigeria three weeks later and met Awise.

"But why can't you marry the two women since you like them?" Awise asked Tade.

"It's a legal marriage and huge amount of money is involved. So, asking the gods to first dissolve the marriage is a good option. She should walk out of the union herself. Even if a dime is not awarded to me by the court, I can't be poor again. The connections and international fellowships are there."

"Go to the market and get a kolanut that has three natural lines of symmetry. It must be bought and collected with your own hand. Tell the seller that you want 'obi abata'. Then go to a river that has dried up. That's only possible in the dry season. Along the river bank, find a crab burrow with watery mud at its entrance. Separate the kola into three along its natural lines of symmetry, place the pieces on the mud facing upward, and recite this incantation:

Olofin, Olofin
A(the name of your wife) is my wife, but she said she has found a new man
Awusa seeds (African walnut) in a pod never met
I also found a new woman
Let there be separation between me and A.

Then you will make a shout of 'Toooo, the stigma of Esu Elagbaa'. Then you will leave the river bank. Don't look back until you reach your house."

"I think there is a mistake, sir. She didn't tell me that she found a new man as the incantation insinuated," Tade pointed out.

"Shut your mouth up," Awise said. "I inherited this profession. You don't tell me how this is done. Tattling with the gods is the essence of voodoo. Give the gods a reason to strike. It's as simple as that."

He vanishes for eighty-four new moons; still, he will be likened to the constellation that never goes beneath the horizon -- orion, Kadence remembered the words of the Obatala priest while looking at Tade struggling to comfort his sad damsel afar.

"That goat is in distress, and won't make it," Morgana told Tade. "Whenever a goat starts looking at the stars, redemption has always been elusive."

"But you scared me," Tade said, surprised. "You have never been this sad since I met you. I was wondering whether I'm truly your biology or not if you could become so tensed because of one star gazer of a goat."

Morgana forcefully disengaged her hand from Tade's hold, and veered into a sublime grove of gliricidia hedges. Tade paced along with the angered woman, who was in her prime.

"I'm sorry," Tade said softly.

"I won't blame you. It's obvious you can't see into a pastoralist's innocence and guilt."

"The blue-eared starling(agbe) is the dyer in blue; the purple woodcock(aluko) is the painter of purple; and the white crane is the owner of the white cloth, meaning that we have different pursuits in this life in term of profession. Anyway, I have goodnews for you: the iPhone with me has been automatically restored."

"Wow! That means you can now establish communication with your people," Morgana said, elated.

"I need you to promise me that you will wait for me, and won't marry another man while I tarry to come. I will surely come to marry you."

"To marry me as a second wife or what?" Morgana asked.

"God willing, as the only wife."

"Why 'God willing'? Is God now the one to decide who you marry? Besides, 'only wife' carries more meaning, but I won't probe further into this."

Tade made a deep breath, and said, "If a soothsayer had said that this is how I would cross your path, I would have recommended him for psychiatric test. Just when my world ended, you came out of nowhere. I have been an atheist long enough; it will be safe to be a theist for a while. How do you explain numerous disappearances in the Bermuda and other areas? In 1999, the cargo freighter Genesis sent a radio signal to a nearby vessel, indicating a problem with the bilge pump. Despite extensive searches by the Coast Guard, the ship and crew vanished forever."

Soft tears streamed freely from Morgana's innocent eyes, and Tade held her close, concocting all manners of verbal charms to assure the gracious woman of his undying love.

Five days later, a car with diplomatic plate number drove into Kadence's vicinity to pick up Tade. Morgana saw him off, and raced back into the farmhouse to cry.

Kadence walked quietly and over Morgana's shoulder, said, "He will be back. I can assure you of that."
Tade arrived Bolivia, and was given asylum. Three months later, he became a citizen once the his marriage to Jane was sealed.

In a tumultuous power shift, Eva Morales left the seat of power, and contracted a life-threatening illness shortly afterwards. He willed a lion share of his wealth to Jane and the remaining part to his new wife. They say it is death that lay his icy hands on kings, and that the world is the ocean and mankind is the lagoon. However well a man can swim, he cannot cross the rim of the world. Eva Morales departed from the world of man, and the Tades inherited a vast empire of fortunes including wealth hiden in tax havens and slush funds in the Arctic.

Pearl05:
If you won't continue please officially state it so we know that you can't finish what you started.



And when you come out for gubernatorial election in your state, your opponents will use it against you.

Ahahaha.
I have been typing. I will deliver it once I'm through with it.

Pearl05:
What happened? Did you abandon us and move back to ur romance section?

Please and and finish what you started then you can relocate there.

Lol. See the person I thought I have successfully bribed. Lefulefu come and see this woman o. She wan terminate my romance section membership.

Pearl05:
Beosten, where is our update? I hope your day was blessed. Did it rain today at your location?

U don becom a prophetess. It rained for hours here in Oyo state.

I sent you a mail. You no see am for the past 4 days or something.

Didov1:
...hmmmnn...beautiful...thanks 4 d invitation dear...wow,i'm late.,gat a lot 2 catchup......op uv jst gotten yourself a fan,i jst hope u wnt starve us with update#wink

People dey write tori, me too wan write tori is wat pushed me here o

Thanks for showing up. Even if person no wan update, Pearl no go gree.

Pearl05:
I'm here first. I need to read it again slowly to comprehend the story.

I think you need to consider clarity in ur work. Find it difficult to differentiate the characters and location.




Lol ... So because a man fell from tree trying to get fruit for a girl, it's considered as Lvu?

Pearl pearl, I modified the posts. Kadence is Morgana's father. Konstanz is a town in Germany close to Swiss border. La Pas is the capital of Bolivia, Vienna is the capital of Austria.

Kadence had already concluded that Morgana was meant for Tade from the world of Orishas (gods). So he used the word love so that Morgana won't miss the purported fate.

After a protracted silence, Morgana said, "I Want him for myself, myself alone. But how can I stop his immigration debacles?"

"Don't worry about that, Morgana. Before, I was young; now I'm old, I have seen kingdoms destroyed, and dynasties evolved. If a problem is beyond you, be still, and watch out for the stars, the unconfirmed custodians of destinies. It was Alfred Bester who said that progress stems from the clashing merger of antagonistic extremes, from the union of pinnacle freaks."

Somewhere in La Pas, Bolivia, Eva Morales was heard speaking to a psychiatrist on phone.

"Jane's health dwindles by the day. She has become uncharacteristically absent-minded, irrational, and petulant."

"What is her medical history?" the doctor asked.

"This is not a case of drug abuse or something like that. We made a mistake of severing communication between her and a lover. We are leaving no stone unturned to find the man."

"I think that will be better, sir. I will still come and assess her."

This portion of the story deleted by me to prevent stealing of this work.

Eva Morales checked into an airport hotel in Vienna, the capital of Austria, and journalists swarmed the luxury lodge.

"Insinuations are making rounds in the media that the power that be wants to search your plane despite the diplomatic obstacles to that effect; what is your take on this?" a journalist asked the stranded Bolivian President.

"Now that the plane is grounded, your dumb power players are already aware of the occupants of the plane even without physical search of it."

Another journalist bent forward amidst the crowd of reporters, one leg in air, his belly pivoted by the buttocks of another reporter blocking her view, and said, "Another version of the conspiracy theories has it that Austrian government has, for ages, been trying to secure a bilateral agreement with Bolivia in vain. Your pilot could have easily returned to Geneva international airport, but citing inconveniences, he had no option than to land in Austria. Don't you think this is an attempt to align you with Austrian intrests?"

"Listen to yourself; you call this conspiracy theory, why on earth will you want me to join the bandwagon of those involved in the guessing games? 'No one understands the language of the talking drum better than the person wielding the drumstick,' an adage of Nigerian origin would say. Most proverbs are products of history, and this one is not an exception. There was a renowned drummer in the Nigerian Western region of old, who was always in transit between Iwo and Ibadan. Lalupon was a border town between the two cities, and manned by a powerful border official. Palmwine, being the most common drink in those days, was always used to entertain the drummer after singing the praises of the official to high heavens. According to drummer's traducers, the drumming goes thus:

Observe the mouth part of a beetle
Compare this with that of a snail
And tell me whether Lalupon border official's mouth doesn't place him in the same taxonomic arrangement with the insect.

That was the interpretation those who wanted the drummer dead gave the powerful official. But when summoned, the drummer defended himself, and gave his intended interpretation that goes thus:

I was entertained with high quality palmwine in Ibadan and Oyo provinces
Now the same largesse has been extended to me by Lalupon border official.

In actual sense, 'Ibadan' has the same number of syllables and intonation as 'Imodo' (a beetle). The same goes for 'Oyo' and 'Igbin' (snail). If you ask how I got to know all these, I will tell you that Jane did study these in school. These answers are enough to get you folks off my neck for now."

With a smile, Jane faced the journalists, and said, "Dad is very correct. 'If the task at hand is not a laborious one', they say, 'there is no need introducing a glitch.' This helps to illustrate the fable of tortoise greeting Ikolaba, while the later walked past the former weeding in its farm.

"It's quite an age," the tortoise began.

"Yes, it's being ages," Ikolaba replied, but went further and said, "The ho.e with me here costs a penny. My wife and children are all fine. Apart from the stormy rain that fell yesterday night, there is no any other problem whatsoever."

Ikolaba knew that the tortoise was a tattler, and would keep asking questions after questions. So, Ikolaba answered all the encompassing questions once and for all, and moved on.

The journalists thanked the president for his time, and left.

Pearl05:
Please come and continue, my friends don't like to be left hanging for long. More inspiration to you sir.

I will drop more updates tonight. I do unskilled jobs. So, typing while at work is not possible, and the reward every night, apart from the money, is fatigue. Thank you for believing in me.

purples25:
This writer has rapidly taken us from the village, to Lagos, and has also given us a taste other foreign countries, through the foreign characters. He has taken us through the journey of Tade and the rest of the boys, their elevation from grass to grace, from teenage life to adulthood. We've been among villagers, we've been among the hustlers from the slums, we've passed the literal battleground of the journalists, and seen the compassion of a stranger towards a lost boy and how he was rewarded with gratitude when the boy was finally found. We've seen our major characters go through highs and lows, triumphs and unfortunate events, joy and sadness. We're living their adventures with them, and we are loving every bit of the ride. Kudos to this fine writer, and more blessed ink to your pen which gives us this marvelous story.

This is very encouraging, ma. I haven't heard something like this review in ages. It's a pleasure having you here.

Pearl05:
Operation bringbackourupdate

Ladies you might find this masterpiece interesting, it's a fresh breath

123456dr
Pinkfeet
Purples25
Oly0511
Gloryejims
Uniqueogo
Preciousbeauty
1marking
Deeejah
Kingboss
Lukfame
Didov1
Nickibeauty


Your comments; constructive criticism, observations is highly welcomed

Oh, Pearl! I'm loving this. I should snatch you from your man as soon as possible, because your ilk will bring out the best in any man. Thank you, dearie.