₦airaland Forum

prickly your post is harsh, take am easy
 
however i wil say let them go through all medical options  as highlighted by fluid26
But this situation may be dire
 
have faith and get all the information you need
Go to Bridge/Nordica and if you guys ca afford it travel abroad first before you make any decision
 
You may need to look at adopting a child

Unfortunately if this was a man, he may have made his decision long ago

shopclue: Whao! Never read through this thread until now.

be fooling your self
We saw you reading as guest

good point debo..

What i get so far is that everyman shoudl do what what works for him

Thanks everyone!

u better shine your eye..before you give anybody your money

slimyem: No.Its why its easy for them to live comfortably apart for those long lenghts of time IMO.I have seen old couples who have been inseparable all their lives even when situations demand that they do otherwise.Its a matter of valuing each others presence and comfort over vanities,careers and capable adult children.
Couples who are or have been true friends of each other would not be so at ease living apart permanently like the article described.
Moreso,most of those reasons are not serious or inexcusable.
You are moving away from the real topic of discourse.This isn't about young,struggling couples with school children but old/middle aged ones with mostly adult and settled children.I assume this wasn't directed at me as it doesn't at all describe the reason for my opinion on the issue.

Good point also

However it is such young couples as you see that become old couples that have lived apart for a while

what i meant is that some of the posts on NL who benefitted from the early wave of green card
Some moved and found out it was a mistake leaveing their O & G jobs, bank jobs to live in the strange land

The next gen of migrants sent only the wife and kids abroad to hold on to their jobs in Naija

Just last week, a friend sent his wife + 2 kids to canada and he works in an oil coy
No be money go pay for house over there
No be money go ay for child care over there

What do you guys suggest

I like realistic examples, which is why i said those of you who have access to ESA may not be the best to see it from this POV

missblanche: Ok then,she should check out acabado cakes,its at ikeja..08023177365,08032065650,those are their numbers..

Thanks miss blanche
will relay the info

nice one damiso

for the other posters it not that i am shifting the goal posts

I am giving you real life decisions that my peers are making so with respect to their families relocating them

It is not something of a far generation, it is happening now

The late Anyene (of blessed memory) who was lost in the Dana flight was based in the US while her husband was based in Nigeria with a successful legal practice

A friends cousin who was an engineer married an US- based doctor.
He had a good job and relocated to be with his wife
Now they are divorced because he could not find anything fulfilling over there (recession and what not)

So if we want to learn from each other, lets learn but no p
everyman to himself

These are real issues

jidegirl12: IMO I think OP is doing the latter

I can bet you 5k your peers are not alone in bed most nights in Nigeria, e easy?

For example; I have a very good friend , he talks about his wife & kids 24/7, could you believe he had a kid with a Somali lady and they're on clear terms bout their status in the relationship. He calls her his baby mama and they spend almost everytime together except Nigerian gatherings to respect his wife, mind you bros came with his Blue passport, while his wife is jolosying away in Nigeria mansion.

Like my fav slang - it's official



I've had a rosy job offer in Australia that I refused.
My hubby got a pay-cut because of his family too.

To answer your question sincerely; Absolutely, we go places together.

Admirable also

But most of the ladies commenting so far are based in the west (i believe) and already ahave access to good schools and the life that this men want their kids to access to

I will bring another scenario

Recession continues and the man lose the job, being supported only by you the wives for like 2 years
He gets a job in Australia/Europe/Naija anywhere else or even in another state in the US like 4 hours flight

will you move the family when he has to move

Please I need pragmatic answers

Well over time, the loneliness starts to tell for some

There is an underlying cause of all this and it first states from the economic side

A lot of you here, your parents did something similar and now you have settled in as immigrants.
If you had to come back to naija and had an opportunity to love ther., would you do it

Not all these idealistic stuff

davidylan: For every pistorious there are millions in that same South Africa who are dirt poor and begging. In addition, pistorious lives in a country where sanity prevails... lastly, pistorious is white...

GBAM!

damiso: Besides(i know i might get attacked)why do people want to burden child rearing on aged grandparents?Have they not already gone through the hassles of parenting once before? Yes,grandparents help out but IMO( i clarify MY OPINION)except for some reasons i.e death,illnesses or unforeseen circumstances i think Parents should do the heavy lifting while grandparents help out occassionally as we all need a break.Most times in the west,its cheap childcare.I know if my dad was alive,lai lai he will not agree,get an au pair or whatever my wife is not a nanny.

I get it all the time,tell your mum to come and stay now this nur fees you are paying are ridiculous ehn at least you can save more that way.My answer is thank you but no thank you even though Daddy is no more,my mum has a life apart from being my nanny.My mum has raised her own kids let me raise mine

Some of the people that do this, the kids are university age

A friends uncle (big banker boy) has hos family in canada wiht the wife
So its not about grandmother looking after the kids

what i want is practical points

Mr X has money and can relocate his family
he wants a better life for his kid and can afford it
Does it mean he does not love his wife as some people are making it sound

jidegirl12: Those people in your examples are older generation, agreed there are useful methods to adopt from older generations and some to scrap for good. Times have changed and that's why new generations do most things differently. Mind you different strokes .

I understand @ biola your uncle and the other example pointed out in your post but sincerely do you really know what goes behind closed doors and what their struggles as a result of that way of life?

Solo Hunting for uncertain greener pastures & securing a better future for your kids in white mans land on the brink of losing the love of your life and eventually your happiness( with these mean daughter in laws esp if you have a son) hummmm is it worth it ?

will i call them that old
I have colleague and friends (late 30s and early 40s) who are doing this
Some of my peers are doing this
well i dont know what goes on behind closed doors truly which iswhy i asked the OP what was the purpose of the thread

Is he condemning the practice or narrating what has come to be

For you guys who are abroad, some of you also have single income households, let me push it to you

So if there is a job in France or even Naija will you move your family
Anyone that can answer me honestly then i wil agree with this assertion

this baale may spoil wengies plans o

slimyem: I smirked all through reading this piece.
Vivid description..i tell you!!
So many of those single husband around you can't help but feel sorry for them..
Its a problem with no solution per se and cannot really be forestalled except for the few who weren't just a couple but have been friends of each other over the years

i am sorry but there is a flawed assumption in your statement
That this couples are not friends that is why they bundled their wife abroad

I have a senior uncle who won a green card and sent his wife/kids abroad because he works in an oil coy
I have another friends uncle who when the kids went to school (bsc) the wife moved abroad to provide as a ward to the kids

these people love their families. Some of you commenting, your parents did same. now its the parents dont love each other

because youve been opportuned to get stay abroad
If you were in naija here u would do the same

Maya2pretty: But finally, all dis guys rantin about women gettin heart broken because they dated guys wit material things, speakin as a woman now, do u know dat most heart breaks r caused by guys who dont even have material things, mayb little but rn't like real money spenders? My 2 no 3 heartbreaks where from those categories of guys, I dated dem cos I thot d other kind of guys were worse, I wanted to do d whole stayin wit an ambitious guy so u'l build up together but they turned out to b somethin else

interesting if what u say is so.. then u may b rare.. chic dating person wey no get moni
But u never answer the question sha


missblanche, its actually for my sister in lagos, where can she start from

hmmm.. well that is admirable

its just that some people have this lust for home especially after so many years in the foreign land


But this attibute is primarily due to people who want better opportunities for their kids

Now people send their families to australia, canada etc to get a better life for their kids
The wives dont want to come back after all this years

missblanche: Pls do go for the training..i really love baking,it just makes me happy and i love making people smile thank you so much..

which training do u recommend

chaircover: I am saying that couples should invest in each other and not to be too carried away by the stresses of daily life because there will come a time when they will need to be friends again

As per grandma coming to help look after new additions to the family, that is a great thing and I fully subscribe to that, but it should only be for a short period of time and not permanent or long term.

In answer to your second question, where there is genuine love, the couple will not want to be apart be it in Afghanistan or Malibu Beach and over the years, they would have both come to an agreement of where they want to spend their retirement.

Good we got that out of the way

I like your last statement but it could be idealistic at times

A man who has lived 40 years abroad could just wake up and say
I want to go home and not be buried in another mans land

Some people came home for burials, reunions etc and just did not feel like going back to the west again
What do you say about that one

carmelion: Hmmm....From this your post I can only understand two things

1)Why are ladies after money
2)The economic situation is not favourable too the guys
3)The ladies should now agree to share their men.so that nobody would be left "outside"

Now let me ask you?Is it that you re a married man so,you know what you will gain if women agree to this.--->extra kitties right?But then,you guys don't need us to agree na before you do your thing.I mean some married men stiil cheat.

Now if you are a single guy,what will you gain,if we agree,I mean you stil need more money to run a polygamous home,you know.

Please I need answers because you not the only one that has brought this issue up here.

ermm... before they tag me polygamic

1. I never said ladies are after money but wanted to really understand what constitutes a rich man to the single ladies
Someone i think xyoung has actually tried to expatiate on a spectrum of males but obviously this is not enough as what i hear is someone who can thow down

What do women really want in this aspect as life is full of ups and down
The richguy today may be a normal guy tomorrow while the nerd/akushe of today is the lord of the manor tomorrow

2. Economically the reality is that today women are empowered and can on their own pay for vacations, toys and stuff so why do they still ask for this requirement of guys being wealthy

Is it linked to the olden days of "if u suffer with a man, he will leave you? "

3. On sharing, what are the common vices of polygamy?
children fighting over inheritance, women left in the lurch after the death of the man, bla bla bla - it all comes to money and comfort

If the women are comfortable, would they be open to polygamy since their financial future is supposedly independent of the man

This is better than the neo-modernistic notion of "impreganate-me-i-dont-want-a-hubby" girls you see nowadays

Now for single v married

I put it to you that polygamy is even more stressful than just having free kitty have you tried managing one woman, try 2

the woman has kids for you o.. issus like school fees, naming, hospital runs, sharing resources equally etc

Only a foolish man will say he prefers polygamy to cheating on his wife with a girl that knows the deal already

chaircover: I started reading the article and even thought it was referring to London Daddys.

This is a big problem and it needs to be looked into. Go to Peckam on a Saturday morning and you will see heaps and heaps of sixty something old daddy's buying hanging chicken and haggling over cow tail.

As retirees the couple should be doing daddy and mummy all over the place, but there are so many of them living solo lives. Why? Could it be that they spent all of their married years looking after their children and became so embroiled in the stresses of life that they didnt really have time to bond together as a couple and so as soon as the children grew up and flew the nest, the couple dont really enjoy each others company and then decide to live separate lives?

The problem with this is that Many of the grandmas who go and sit in their children houses, end up causing kata kata in these homes and I have heard time after time of marriages breaking up after mama came to live with them. Mama is the one who will see all the things that the husband or wife didnt see and with a snide remark here and a comment there, before one knows it, wahala don start in that home.

Moral of the story . . . always try and bond with your husband and wife and be their best friend so that when the kids leave home you are still left with a friend that you can talk and relate to.

Madam CC I don't get your point

Are you condemning the practice whereby mothers came to stay with their daughters say in the event that the girl put to bed or is the long term staying with the family you are pointin to

Also even so called bonded couples grow apart due to no fault of any one
What will you say in a westernised couple who have lived abroad all their live and the man says he wants to come and live in that backward nigeria

Should the woman also follow suit to come n suffer with kidnappers, no light, etc

oluwadare26: "LIKE" If u go for Barcolona

Bros correct the spelling.. na Barcelona

Fhemmmy: Mine was not up to 3 years, Sir . . . Was not even up to 2 years, but in all, let us give everyone a chance.

ok o
remains aigbe, uspry too