₦airaland Forum

i mind a lot of things ^{hey sweetie, wats up, missed chattin wiv ya yesterday}






what is the thread about? is it mine?

i am a girl, a very beautiful one for that matter, i went for a job interview at CBN, they said they needed a guy, i went home and came back as a guy, and they employed me, on my ressumption day, i went as a girl, but now i am a boy again, how come

exactly what i was goin to ask about, i have seen em on so many of his replies, baffles me u know?

come to think of it, this thread is the longest of all so far, what keeps it goin? the fact that everyone wants to be last?

what a crazy mentality

nice gal ^{with 5k per day, i will make u perfect in it}





i just developed a tail this morning

am i supposed to know that?

we dont want no water let this revive gal burn, burn modaf**ka, burn



WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU TURNING MY THREAD INTO, A HORROR FILM?

^{BROUGHT OUT MY P4 AND REVOLVER AND GAVE REVIVE THE WORST SHOT OF HER LIFE THAT NOBODY OR EVEN ANY ORGANISM OR INCANTATIONS CAN REVIVE HER, hisses and asked, who is next}

tayoccu:
girl r you sure you're old enough to hang round here (you look 11) ?

u should be talkin to your self, u look 10 and still a student, arghhhhhhh

hands that are not too short to reach us nor are his ears deaf to our cries but our iniquities have separated us from our lord almighty

where u have always been, in my wildest dreams!!!!!




have u seen my thread in the jokes section

AND FINALLY

a russian, an american and a blonde were talking oneday.

the russian said, we were the first in space!

the american said, we were the first in the moon!

the blonde said, so what? we are goin to be the first on the sun!

the russian and the american looked at each other and shook their heads.

you cant land on the sun, you idiot! you will burn up!" said the russian

to which the blond replied, " we are not stupid, you know. we are goin at night!"

A panda walks into a restaurant, the waiter takes the pands order

when the order is ready, the waiter takes it to the panda, the panda eats the meal , pulls out a gun, shoots the waiter and runs out of the restaurant.

the owner of the restaurant goes running after the panda, when he finally caught up with the pand, he asks, " why did you shoot the waiter?"

The panda tells the owner to look up "panda" in the dictionary.

the owner goes back to the restaurant and looks up "panda" in the dictionary. under "pand", it says " EAT SHOOTS AND LEAVES

A man walks into a restaurant with his wife. the waiter approaches the table and asks for their order.

"i'll have your biggest, juiciest london broil, " he says

" but sir, what about the mad cow?" asks the waiter^{he meant a delicacy on the menu}

"oh", answers the man, " she will order for herself"

A man joined a big company as a trainee. on his first day, he dialled the pantry and shouted into the phone, "get me some coffee, quick! "

the voice from the other side responded, " you fool you have dialed the wrong extension! do u know who u are talking to?"

" No" replied the trainee

" its the managing director of the company, you fool!" the man thought for a while and shouted back, " and do u know who you are talking to, you fool?"

" No" replied the director. "good" said the trainee and hung up

it had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom:

" will the students who are parked on university drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing


twenty minutes later there was another announcement:

" will the nine hundred students who went to move fourteen cars return to class"

A frenchman, an englishman, an american and a lawyer were sitting on a train.

the frnchman offered everyone some of his baguette and threw the rest out ,through the window, saying "dont worry- we have plenty of those where i come from

the englishman offered everyone a crumpet then threw the rest out of the window, saying " dont worry- we have plenty of those where i come from"

then the american threw the lawyer out the window, saying,

_{figure out the rest}

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "how would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then he sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hands and answered, " he is probably a basketball coach"

Horace grabbed his plate and walked up to the buffet for the 4th time

" arent you embarassed to go for so many helpings?" asked his wife

" Not a bit, " horace replied, " i keep telling them its for you

A dollar bill met with a 20 dollar bill and said, " hey where have you been? i havent seen u around here much

the 20 dollar bill answered, " i have been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the united states for a while, went to a couple of baseball games, to the mall, that kind of stuff." then he asked, "what about you?"

the one dollar bill answered, " you know, same old stuff, church, church, church

this is a long one,

Jimmy recieved a parrot for his birthday, the parrot was fully grown with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. every other word was a swear word, those that werent cursing were very rude.

Jimmy tried to change the birds attitude by constantly saying polite words, playin soft music, anything he can think of, nothing worked.
he then tried yelling at the bird but it got worse, he shook the bird and it got madder and ruder. finally, in a moment of desperation jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. for a few minutes he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then sudenly, there was absolute quietness. Jimmy was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer, the parrot calmly stepped into jimmys extended hands and said
" am sorry that i offended you with my language and my actions and i ask for forgiveness, i will endeavour to correct my behaviour.
Jimmy was astounded at the suden changes in the bird attitude and was about to ask what changed him when the parrot continued

" may i ask what the chicken did?"


^{the parrot saw a roasted defrosted chicken}

A man was on his way home with his new car which was absorbing his attention, when it struck to him that he had forgotten something. twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets but finally decided he had everything with him, yet the feeling persisted.

when he reached home, his daughter ran out, stopped short and cried, "daddy where is mommy?"




@ saucekid
_{u mean like we did it in the action film?}

The governor made room on his busy to hear the pleas of one mrs smith that her husband be released from state penitentiary;

Governor:  what was he sentenced for?

Mrs Smith:  for stealing a loaf of bread

Governor:   is he a good husband?

Mrs Smith:   (blushing a bit) no, he beats me when he gets drunk and he bullies our children, he is unfaithful and really
                   not much good at all

Governor:     sounds to me as though you are better off without him, why on earth do u want him out of jail

Mrs Smith:    (hesitating) well, we are out of bread again

Governor:    

Dentist: Try to relax, i'll pull that aching toothe in 5 minutes

Patient: how much will this cost?

Dentist: it will be $100

Patient: that much for just 5 minutes work?

Dentist: well, if you prefer, i can pull it out slowly

ituen:
your were riding on to fame but stumbled on the path of stale jokes. be careful though. Loved your posts

well thanks but i post them for fun, u can either read em or leave em

Once upon a time, there was a female brain cell which by mistake happened to end up in a mans head, she looked around nervously, but it was all empty and quiet
"Hello?" she cried but no answer, "is anyone there?" she cried a lil louder, but still no answer.
now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice " HELLO, IS ANYONE THERE?" then she heard a voice from far far away

"we are down here"

_{guess where the male brain cells are}

A man was walking down the street when he heard a voice from behind : "if you take one more step, a brick will fall on your head and kill you, the man stopped and a big brick fell right infront of him. the man was astonished . he went on and afetr a while he was goin to cross the road, once again, the voice shouted : "stand still, if you take one more step, a car will run over you and you will die. the man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him

where are you? the man asked, " who are you

i am your guardian angel, the voice answered

oh yeah? the man asked, " where were you when i got married!

A grandfather bought a hobbyhorse by mail order as a christmas present for his granddaughter, the toy arrived in 189 pieces, the instructions said that it could be put together in an hour. however it took the old man 2 days to assemble the toys.
Finally, when it was all put together, he wrote a cheque, cut it into 189 pieces and posted it off to the company (as their payment)

Doc: Take the green pill with a glass of water when you get up, take the blue pill with a glass of water after lunch,
then just before goin to bed, take the red pill with another glass of water.

Patient : Exactly whats my problem doc

Doc: You are not takin enough water

Patient :

Last new years eve, a lady stood up at the local pub and said that it was time to get ready for the celebrations.
At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husbands to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living,
well, it was kind of embarassing, the bartender was almost crushed to death

A man goes into a pet store looking for a parrot , upon entering the store he sees a bird with a price tag of one thousand dollars, he asked the shopowner why this bird is so expensive and the owner replied that the bird could run a computer, well thats a good deal if he can run a computer, thought the man

the man looks around the store and sees another bird and the price tag on it is two thousand dollars, the man asks the owner why this bird is so expensive, the owner replies that this bird is so expensive cos not only can it run a computer but he can also fix a computer

well thats a pretty good deal thought the man, then the man sees a third bird that is priced at three thousand dollars, so he asks the owner again why this bird is so expensive, well the owner replies, i have never actually seen this bird do anything but the other two call him boss,

CHRISTIANA MILAN ALL THE WAY

SHE IS DA BOMB