₦airaland Forum

What about Morris Chesnut, Megan Good, Titiana Ali, Ne-Yo, Jaime Foxx, Chilli from TLC, and Queen Latifah ?

@topic

This story is way to familiar to me and it hits home. You waited too late brother. Drinking and smoking is not going to solve the problem it will only turn-off potential mates. It will be hard to get over this situation but first you need to fully understand what went wrong. We all learn from our mistakes in turn makes us a better person. That's life. However, pray that God will give you the strength to carry during this hard transition. I wish you the best with all my heart

For all you single men and boys reading this topic. , READ AND TAKE LESSONS!!!!!!!!

miss reese:
Please share the challenges, you faced before marrying your spouse. They say true love conquers all, but are their some challenges that conquer you. Examples of challenges are muslim/christian marriages, inter-tribal marriages, mean inlaws. Kindly share your challenges as they pertain to your relationship and if you would do it all again,

I'm Black American. He is Yoruba. I didn't know of the non-approval until after the engagement. I had no clue that things like this would happen to me . This should have been explained to me before the ring and popping the big question. I deserve the right to know the challenges that I/we should be facing. Now everything is just difficult Although love does make you a fighter and God offers the strength, but it truly wakes you up. Things definitely have to be put out on the table now. Its almost like hiding the truth when intentions, expectations, and challenges are not shared (big ones like mine and @topic, not trivial things that will be learned throughout marriage). Those big challenges will have a big impact on the future if they are not solved or deeply understood from the very beginning .

epi:
Whoa. . .Wow!!! Talk about words that cannot be condemned.  I read your post to her and you are 101% correct on the highlighted.  You should work for a love connection agency

Now she has to find a way to get that image out her head or  continue to get headache

I am still going to take the advise of the other posters Martha and Omo

One love

LOL Thanks but that love connection agency would turn me down considering my situation. That's another blog itself. You should check that out!!!

The truth normally comes out under the influence of alcohol. You need an explanation from your boyfriend. You  need to ask him straight up about him and Debra. He does not need to know where your sources come from. Depending on his reaction, make your decisions. Not for sure if you are in touch with your woman instincts but goes with whatever feels right. He is your boyfriend and you owe him the respect to ask him of such allegations before just leaving him cold , with no response. It could be that the girl who told you this wants to stir up drama  between you and your bf so she can have a piece of him, also he probably did make out with this girl Debra but long before you two were serious or officially gf/bf. Good Luck!

@topic

How old are you? If you are under 25, i guess you still have time to play those silly games for love. However, it's a possibility that there is someone else or he is just courting other females. Hopefully i'm not sounding sour but i remember those games. You need to voice how you feel. Ask him where he stands with you, because you really like him. Good Luck!! And word of advice, make sure you put things on the table/your expectations at the beginning of the relationship, trust me, it will be a foundation to a healthy relationship.

@ topic "I FORGOT TO SAY THAT, "I DATED HIS FRIEND BEFORE DATING HIM". THEY BOTH ARE STILL, TO THIS DAY, DEEPLY IN LIKE WITH ME. WHENEVER I BROKE UP WITH ONE, I WENT BACK TO THE OTHER, NUMEROUS TIMES. INFACT, WHEN WE BROKE UP FOR THOSE FEW YEARS, I WENT BACK TO HIS FRIEND. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIS FRIEND. IN CONCLUSION, I'LL PUT A FINAL ENDING TO MY AFFAIR. YOU ALL HAVE GIVEN ME THE COURAGE I NEED TO DO SO, AND I THANK YOU. HEY, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES, RIGHT? GOD BLESS!"

Wow, where do I begin Girlfriend, listen at yourself. Yes, we all make mistakes but not over and over.You dated his friend at the same time you were screwing him!! You became un-wifey material at that point. They both probably were talking about how good in bed you were.

You need to have some dignity about yourself. If your cookie is so good you need to learn how to keep it in the jar, maybe you would get a hubby of your own.

I will leave you with some knowledge sweetheart. Karma is a B**CH!!A man will do things that you will allow him to do. With that being said, if he was deeply in love with you and cared for you.He will apologize to you and let you go on with your life without him

eyonigger You are cute. But word of the wise, if you are less confident your attractiveness doesn't matter. Confidence shows!!! Have you ever seen an ugly dude, oops, better word, less attractive guy with a 10 on his arm? He is fully confident, sometimes with full pockets, or either have a super personality, oh yeah, i forgot <<<great in bed.

Have someone made you feel less confident? Maybe in a pass relationship , did your gf compare you to other men?? Have you been dissed at social gatherings There is always an underlying factor to this feeling.

[b]Taken[/b]well said AMEN!!!!

Taken I respect your response. I'm just so baffled at the stereotype that is seen upon American women/AA women. I know so many strong black women that have the same family values as the African culture. Like sticking by their husband after an affair, after having an outside kid,losing a job, and even paying child support for their husband and the list goes on. As far as the story about the Nigerian man being kicked out by his American wife---------there is always 3 sides of the story-----his, hers, and the truth. Any intelligent person would know that he didn't come home and say "honey i lost my job" and the lady in return started packing his stuff saying "Get out!!" It just doesn't make any sense. If she was that crazy i'm quite sure he would have noticed her ways long before he lost his job.

Why do people always pick out the bad in everything? In reference to your comment about how loose American women portray themselves online. For each its own, i can find the same thing online with African women. Our culture is much free than others. So are we thought of as a classes society? Can you pick out any great things about AA women??

That really breaks my heart. I grew up around and surround myself by well grounded people. Unfortunately, people are still looking at America especially Black America as if we hold no values. WAKE UP Corretta Scott King and Martin Luther King/Michelle and Barack Obama is not the only AA couple that portrays the ideal perfect family image. They are all over the US and still exist in young America.

Unfortunately some African men come over and get with these crazy females and still decide to stay with them after experiencing all that drama when they should have seen it coming a long time ago. They in return bash all AA women and mess things up for women like myself.

It really bothers me that the African men can come over here and date American girls with no intentions on marrying them. They should be up front and not involve themselves as being "serious". That is unfair and un- Godly because it is a big LIE ( their intentions). But the way I was raised, I will still love my African brothers including American men for all their mistakes and pray that this stereotyping and idealism will stop.

[b]nalijah07 [/b]No, never spoke with them by phone. I clearly asked him for us to call them together and he said no, he replied that the issue must be solved in person with just him. Surely, that's the icing on the cake for me

Schalan, Magz, SistaWoman THANKYOU!!! There will always be stereotypes about all cultures, races, places, etc. Just like there will always be someone talking about you (hating), obviously you can't stop the madness. That is just a token to know that we are doing something right. GO OBAMA!!

For the ones who have these crazy stereotypes about AA, where are you meeting these types of AA? Evaluate the places and people that you surround or associate yourself with. Where have you been living? Are you only able to place yourself in the environment where all you see is "those" types of AA you are talking about?

Are you serious, to say a black man can ruin you!! HAHAHAHA That is totally classless for anyone to say. Any man can ruin a female's life, vice versa, any woman can ruin a man's life. Grow up people. It is 2009

JustGood Yeah, love can make you blind. Not refusing that but i'm far from naive. I just happen to be strong companion trying not to give up so easily and become part of the sterotypical AA female. I'm still admiring the 28 year marriage that my parents have.What's wrong with giving the benefit of the doubt until exhausting all options BEFORE marriage. So please, clarify what signs you see that are obvious.

9jaganja Lol, that darn Foxfire So funny, that's so true, bubble buts and Fantasia lips, haha. All good things As far as black men go. Yall all still the same. Play the same games sometimes just in a different way or manner. Not on here to bash any of my AA or Nigerian brothers. Bottom line, WOMEN ARE FROM MARS MEN ARE FROM VENUS!! So glad that I only have to get one man down to the science, not for sure if that is humanly possible tho. I can imagine what your outlook is on AA women, lol

Thanks BlackMamba I understand that i will have to drop my ego for this to work when it comes to the family. I shouldn't take it personal because this is part of his culture. I'm blessed that I was raised by my incredible parents who are still happily married that instilled good values within me. I know that if I bow down to them and lose the ego doesn't take away my dignity and my pride. For I will do that, for the man that I love.

You grow to know a person and my fiance is the type of person that takes things a day at a time. Also, he is not showing the initiative teaching me the things about his culture and what to expect. I'm hoping after the visit he will start .That's why I'm on here Nairaland trying to get a clue, lol Trying to do what's expected of me.

IGWE USA yes i'm serious . I would be putting him through hell because his parents/family will always have negative things in his ear. My future kids will suffer because their other grandparents will treat them differently because they are not full breed. Are you married Just think if you had this situation going on and how they normally turn out. ?

Hauwa This is causing us to agrue, something we never do. There is a lot of disagreeing going on between us right now . I do not want to add to the fire by stressing and throwing myself into this trip. We are 50/50 anyways, so when I asked to go he knows I wouldn't fully depend on him to support the whole trip. I'm trying to give him exactly what he asked for, staying patient and allowing him to address his family the way he mapped it out. He is making his own bed, he is got to lay in it whether or not he pushes me away out of it, not knowingly. I'm not waiting forever patience running low

9jaganja You crack me up

Glad that you were able to answer your question directed at me, the stupid one, lol

Go back and read what you typed, I never said that I thought Africa was a village. That's hilarious !! Anyway, let us both us your advice and not use the term ignorant/ignorance. so loosely.

Never did I say once, that there were NOT great people from around the world that has contributed to world success (thanks to our education). But once again, you are off the subject. LOL This world is diverse. I'm glad that this brilliant Nigerian is allowing me to access my computer efficiently so that I can research and make sure my pounded Yam is on point

Once again. There is no competition. We are all equal. We have our own values and beliefs. Lets focus on uplifting and educating each other. Oh, by the way, thanks for the Nigerian history lesson. What's the name of this man? I would think that you would have mentioned his name. If you can't remember, I can google it. hahahaha

Thanks Shapphic for your support and advice. We spoke about  me going to Nigeria last night. He said that he wouldn't want me amongst the war. His exact words were "Its like putting a horse before a chariot". Gosh, sooooo complicated!!! ? Honestly, I feel he is very terrified to go to them and would be embarrassed to send me along not knowing how this will turn out. I could be wrong but I wouldn't be here I didn't have any faith.

Kpele, I'm sorry that happened to you. You must learn from this situation and step your game up, PERIOD. Not saying that you should change the person that you are, but make time for your girl ), talk to her, see what she needs (not your ex, she doesn't derserve this treatment). Look for a girl that want to do the same for you. Sometimes we are so busy with our lives/careers/family, we tend to forget and put are loved ones on the back-end not even noticing it although you/we mean no harm, that's life.

I agree with the other posters, you have something that she can't quite let go yet. Females like your ex-girlfriend mess everything up for REAL WOMEN like myself. Continue to to give it to her, with NO EMOTIONS ATTACHED. The best remedy to get over an ex is get underneath another sugarbunch. But before you get serious with another female, make sure that you are over ex, completely. Make sure u can almost meet the new girlfriend needs. Everyone is not perfect and GOOD LUCK!!

9jaganja Please stay on the subject. Why so bitter? Ignorance is totally different from being misinformed. Yeah we are quick to blame TV. Some people are just not aware of certain things. That's just like a white man watching his first AA or African girlfriend wrapping her hair at night for the first time. Not having being exposed to that ever before . Typically, when someone watches it on TV, they raise questions. My point was directly towards the projection of Africa on TV because they are not exposing all societies of life. We know that a village of 200 is not living out of one hut. That's very ignorant for you to say that. Please answer, why so bitter?

People, when will we rise above this Despite of what happened in the past with our ancestors arriving on this land, No matter what , we all are brothers and sisters. AA had to adjust to what was before us at the time. Not only fight for our rights but also for fairness and equality. For those Africans with nice executive/social status jobs here in America, guess what, you wouldn't be sitting in that corner office with the nice window view if it wasn't for the AA civil right leaders. It wasn't all based on your degree received at the prestigious "white-"man University, or BCU . So why stone us as if we are worthless and mean nothing. What do you think of when you think of America? Freedom. Oppurtunity. ?

There will always be people who take advantage of the "government"system. There will always be poor people who need the benefits of the "government" system.

How could you feel that one race is better than the other? You will always have the good with the bad. Do we look down on Africans coming over trying to get papers the unlawfully way? Do we think that we are better than the African cab driver in NYC? Guess what, in America eyes, we are all looked at the same way. No matter what race, age, or social status you are. The same Caucasian/Hispanic/Chinese man that get into that taxi driven by the African gives him the same respect as he would give any other stranger, regardless of his race. Yeah, some would ask me where do I live and what do I see on a day to day basis. I live in a normal world. I do not walk around with a tip on my shoulder and hold such stigma on my heart. You are the baggage that you carry. So if you think that way everything else in your life will be negative. You will not be able to see things clearly Educated or not!

Why are we pressing backwards? Allowing statics and old school "hypocritical" beliefs to make up the AA population. If you beg to differ about how we do not strive for education and not using our resources, That's truly what you believe in and that is great, i definitely agree. But please act accordingly if you are "educated". If you have knowledge and follow your religion , you would be able to put aside the idiotic sanctions about AA and any other race. God do not accept ignorance. For he died for us so that we all can have equal life and not have any of this nonsense to go on between us.

Why be so hasty? So what, we ended up here and we lost a lot of our identity. People learn how to adapt. God gave us that ability. That's exactly what happens when Africans come to America, they have to adapt to our way of life, that's why they never leave because for some reason they like the "free" country. I respect that they still keep some of their cultural beliefs but they tend to blend in with the rest of the AA. Why Because Everyone is created equal!!!!

On the contrary, the US schools do NOT teach our kids about the real Africa. The things on TV doesn't portray a real picture either. There is a lot of fault here. However, it is good to know that America is changing and our land will continue to be diverse. Taking the good with the bad. I pray to God that we will move forward and accept each other for who we are, where we come from, and were we are going= positive.

Hauwa I know for sure that i will have him completely hooked once i get the cooking part down packed. I will dedicate myself to learning the dishes while he get his family issues together. If it doesn't work out, still good for me, i love Nigerian food .

SammyHauwa I've never been the one to hold my tongue. I speak my mind respectfully. However, with this touchy situation, i feel like i should be going with him during his "talk visit". This is a fuming issue when we talk about this. And trying to stay by his side during this time. What would be a good way to approach him, about going along, stressing the importance of me being with him? Say if this would add to the fire . Would a letter to his family be acceptable? ( sounds silly but just trying to work out some options)

ShayShay Thanks. So far I've been going with what feels right and asking God to guide me/us through this transition. Fighting to keep my faith in the relationship.

Hauwa Thanks It just feels great getting support and feedback on here. As you all may know that I can't talk to close friends and extended family members about this issue. You know that family business stays in the" house". I will make sure I go onto cooking section of this site I know that when his family meet me and get to know me, they will be relieved that there son fell in love with a God fearing, respectable,educated, and oh yea, beautiful young lady. About the visiting part, he feels as if he needs to visit alone for this "talk". That part i do not understand.

Tpia lol!! almost seem true that it could be the same guy. But as you know, this is the only place where we can vent about this situation, and for sure you know that there is more than one Nigerian/Yoruban brother out there serving this same issue.

Thanks KarmaMod for the support. LoL!! I would think that he would read between my lines, you kno lol but i came on here for some advice and support. So gotta give him some props for trying to be important with my decision making.

Yes I have Sammy. we talked about going but as you can see, I will not be going anytime soon until this situation is resolved.

Thanks Sammy Your advice is well taken  . For I have been very patient and standing by his side during this trying time. It gets very frustrating because after courting for all these years you would think that he would have put word in there ears before shopping for a ring. Right? It just make things a little more complicated after you have announced such a life alteration. My parents are still together, raised me right. I can say, despite the stereotypes some Americans have on Africans, and for my fiance to be a Man to tell my father the situation, they still accept him.

Like I said, i do understand if we chose to get married that it will be a negative impact throughout our marriage. I don't want that. I would totally accept that he wants to grant his family wishes, we will be the one hurting in the long=run, including our future children.

I've been asking him to teach me to cook stew for years now. lol. He just doesn't step up to the plate and teach me things. I want to know more about his culture other than the surface things I already know. I don't want to convert or anything because he fell in love with the person that I am. If and when we have kids, we have to carry those same values and beliefs that we both believe in, past them down to our children. I wish that he would open up more about this. I'm willing to learn. He knows that.

Spoit No, i'm not sour heartbroken. i'm just trying to get clarity before I break someones else heart when this could be a matter of genuine intentions. Possibly a matter of him stepping up to his family. If I chose to step out of this engagment, of course it would be sad but life goes on. I've just never been a quitter and there is love here.

Sammy, I have no problems with Yoruba people, unfortunately I ended up in this situation. That's why I was asking KB what is his relationship with Nigerians because all he is doing is bad talking and not giving facts. I would prefer to have a person that knows, from the Nigerian/Yoruba culture. I do appreciate him looking out for me but I'm a grown woman, and my head is on pretty straight the last time i checked. And spoilt, what exactly will he be striking, haha, really? This is pretty amusing because this is not the typical, dumb american girl w/low self-esteem, that has a Nigerian guy with no papers who controls me and take my money. That's not the case sir, so Please explain yourself spoilt

ok. I see your point but what would be his gain. He has been here for over 10 years. He is a citizen. He has a great job and for sure he will not leave his position unless, God forbid, the company goes under, which i do not see in the near future. I'm super independent and so is he. He does the things that any normal boyfriend does and I do the normal thing a girlfriend is expected to do. So, aint no pimping here. He for sure do not want to go back to Nigeria to live. As far as my sources goes about me knowing that he is not married nor has kids is solid. That's no longer up for discussion. If anything, my eyes should be open about him thinking of bringing someone here. But he could have done that years ago. Why would he go out and buy 2.5 carat ring? If I was unsure or had fishy plans I would not go out and spend my money. Would youAnd why are you on here?? Do you date Nigerian women?? or men Is your step-father Nigerian What's your relationship here with Nairaland?