Wow are you serious? I can't believe the condescending tone here, after being given advice to go with our hearts by so many people. I am not desperate by any means, that's a pretty mean insult. My guy isn't gullible either. He made the decision of his own accord. We love each other, that's all it boils down to. Age, race, etc should not matter when two people fall in love. Maybe you are right the situation is temporary, but who can predict what the future holds? When you find a person that you have a connection with, a chemistry, you should follow that path for as long as possible, because there are too many people in this world who are in marriages of convenience, not love. I am not blind or stupid to know that it may still not work out in the long run. But for now it's a chance I'm willing to take, because if it does work out, he is worth it to me. He is my best friend.

Misshea, I wish you nothing but luck.

Been there, done that. I'm black, quite attractive, South African, I have a son, educated, domesticated and hard working. The man was the first boy in the family and a year older than I am. The parents came up will all sorts of excuses on why the man should marry a Nigerian. They insulted my family (Fact that I come from a single family), insulted my heritage (Calling South African girls name) and THEN, called my child a BASTARD (That is when shit hit the fan and I decided to RUN). I knew then that they would never accept my child as part of the family.
Love alone is not enough. The man has to have a spine and really be firm. To be honest, if I were you, I would REALLY sit down and have a meeting with my senses to see if its worth staying in this relationship!! Its not looking good from where Im sitting.

missshea:

Wow are you serious? I can't believe the condescending tone here, after being given advice to go with our hearts by so many people. I am not desperate by any means, that's a pretty mean insult. My guy isn't gullible either. He made the decision of his own accord. We love each other, that's all it boils down to. Age, race, etc should not matter when two people fall in love. Maybe you are right the situation is temporary, but who can predict what the future holds? When you find a person that you have a connection with, a chemistry, you should follow that path for as long as possible, because there are too many people in this world who are in marriages of convenience, not love. I am not blind or stupid to know that it may still not work out in the long run. But for now it's a chance I'm willing to take, because if it does work out, he is worth it to me. He is my best friend.

It was not meant to insult you but to make you come to your senses. if you chose to go ahead in blind hope, you only have yourself to blame at the end of the day.

**** shakes head ****

I will never understandwhy some women like to try the impossible and then moan for the rest of their lives 

missshea:

Wow are you serious?  I can't believe the condescending tone here, after being given advice to go with our hearts by so many people.  I am not desperate by any means, that's a pretty mean insult.  My guy isn't gullible either.  He made the decision of his own accord.  We love each other, that's all it boils down to.  Age, race, etc should not matter when two people fall in love. Maybe you are right the situation is temporary, but who can predict what the future holds?  When you find a person that you have a connection with, a chemistry, you should follow that path for as long as possible, because there are too many people in this world who are in marriages of convenience, not love.  I am not blind or stupid to know that it may still not work out in the long run. But for now it's a chance I'm willing to take, because if it does work out, he is worth it to me.  He is my best friend.

Ok, do what you want. I sincerely hope it works out for you but don't say you weren't told.

@justgood:
I appreciate your concern, I do understand what you are getting at.  I guess being told "no" has never went over well with me, and I am known for being (very) stubborn.  I guess we can't know what the best decision to make is always, and I do know and understand what could happen in the future.  I guess what he and I feel now, is that it is not time for us to part ways yet.  I am not one to sit around and moan if things go wrong, though, I have def learned to bounce back after tough situations, and should the worst happen, yeah I'll hurt for a while, but life goes on and I'll recover. I'm pretty stable in the other areas of my life, and don't let my emotions rule all.

I'll leave off with this quote: "It is better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all"

missshea:

Wow are you serious?  I can't believe the condescending tone here, after being given advice to go with our hearts by so many people.  I am not desperate by any means, that's a pretty mean insult.  My guy isn't gullible either.  He made the decision of his own accord.  We love each other, that's all it boils down to.  Age, race, etc should not matter when two people fall in love. Maybe you are right the situation is temporary, but who can predict what the future holds?  When you find a person that you have a connection with, a chemistry, you should follow that path for as long as possible, because there are too many people in this world who are in marriages of convenience, not love.  I am not blind or stupid to know that it may still not work out in the long run. But for now it's a chance I'm willing to take, because if it does work out, he is worth it to me.  He is my best friend.

Missheah, ignore this good for nothing self-servicer!! He's one of those bored idiots who have nothing better to do with their lives.  He seems to be unhappy in life and makes himself feel better by ranting on without thinking. He has nothing happening for him. What a slowpoke.

Angelheart:

Missheah, ignore this good for nothing self-servicer!! He's one of those bored idiots who have nothing better to do with their lives. He seems to be unhappy in life and makes himself feel better by ranting on without thinking. He has nothing happening for him. What a slowpoke.

we have seen how your life turned out because you are not a slowpoke. You thought you could trap a 9ja guy with a child.

Why is it that single mothers and old women who are unable to settle down are the ones who always try to mislead other girls just so other girls can become like them? Your new pic is not any better than the last one. If you like, go pose inside queen bedroom for buckingham palace.

The former photo na for flower side like bush girl wey just reach Lagos come see flower for National Theatre. The new one na for inside boat abi na canoe sef

My child Nigerian?? Hmmmm,     Who says I'm single?? , Thanks for the attention man! You just can't get enough of me!! For you honey, I will keep them pics coming, All dimensions, ! Time for you to go wanking now!

self-service? It must be that you're used to seeing guys wanking over your head. No wonder none of them wants you and you tried to force yourself on the Nigeria guy with a child.

Your looks are enough to make one puke. Even my grandmother's boobs are not as flat as yours. And by the way, you are just an old and ugly after one. Do you not check mirrors? Ohhhhhhh maybe you're too scared of looking in the morror too often not to remind yourself of your ugliness. No Nigeria man will even want you except maybe to self-service over your head as they've done in the past

Nah-ah! You aint wasting my time like this!

@ TOPIC:

Misshea, Good luck to you once again!

@angelheart:
Thank you! (and you are very pretty in your pic )

@justgood:
don't be so mean and negative. Life is too short!

well, what else can we say? its a free world right? carry go! na your body go tell you when you wund!

msshea
don't let some of this people who are unhappy in love and in life spoil your joy.

sometimes, you have to learn the hard way.

To be honest , that your boyfriend didn`t stand up for you immediately should be enough reason to RUN!
Don`t forget , Nigerians are very family oriented and you`re in BIG trouble if mama doesn`t like you.
I hope you`ll be able to go trough all this, because it won`t be easy!

Ladies, ladies for crying out loud having a baby for a nigerian man when you're not married to him will make him not want you even more. Pls don't do that. It will never stop him from going home to roost.

msshea, You sound like such a great lady. Remember you are not a naija lady (neither am I) we will never be so there's no point in pretending to be one.

Sure even if he decided to stay with you his parents will always nag at him to get a 'real wife' and have 'real children' if they are that type (sounds like they are) play hard to get with him.

haba allow the chic to enjoy her bf now . . . why the beef especially from the ladies? Do i smell some white on black racism here?
She cooks and cleans for the bro . . . what else can a man want? Enjoy yourself msshea.

msshea, i thought there was nothing in my relationship seven years ago and I had a little girl for an african american man. I was brought to Nigeria and met all of his family we plan to go again. Six years later all still remains intact. You look like a really cute couple. At least he is being honest with you. If he REALLY loves you he will stay put. Don't worry whats meant to be will be.

yeah, some people think that as long as you can clean and cook nigerian food your a blessing. Not true at all. No matter what you can cook and no matter how gleaming you clean the place! you still won't be a nigerian so why bother? love is what is the most important.

I have been disowned by certain family members (from my own side) I just put it on the long finger. For marrying a Nigerian igbo non muslim people have absolutely no idea what I have been true, but know what, after endless pain and confusion I stayed with him. I was told I am like a dog eating its own vomit.

So sorry to hear what has happened msshea. It could have been worse, he could have been one that needed papers and married you, stuck with you for years and then dumped you. Wouldn't that have been a lot more painful? this is what happens most white women that marry Nigerians. I may be one of them in the future- who knows,

@poster

Why do I feel like this ur guy wanted a reason to break up with you. I mean he couldn't even tell you in person? Abi his parents told him not to meet with you or tied his legs? If his parents says no! with the relationship in the first place, they won't be agreeing to "just" meet with you. For what now? Nigerian parent dont succumb that easily unless of course your guy agrees with them right from the get go but convienced them to meet you outta courtesy since he agreed against the relationship.

you might get real answer by talking to his friends or relative that you are close to.

Interesting, my issue similar to Misshea, however, i posted elsewhere on this forum, but this is the situation . I need some other insight before i make a hasty decision. My fiance whom is Nigerian (Yoruba), christian, with papers. He is well Americanized to a certain extent but his culture values still exist. We have been together for 5 on-off years( a lot of growing up b/w us, not all bad) . No, i have not met his parents. They(parents) are not in the states and they have only visited once when we first starting dating. Through out our relationship he never talked about his family even when i would ask about them. He could/can call on my family at any time.

He is an awesome guy. We have a great time together with everything we do. We are very positive and keep Christ into our relationship as much as possible (we are not saints, lol). We both have made a lot of sacrifices for this relationship and we both have learned a lot. The love and the commitment is solid. He proposed to me a couple months back (fairy tale Grin). I recently just found out that the family is not all accepting of him marrying an African-American Girl. Hence, they do not know me at all.He wants to hold planning until he goes home in a month and talk with his parents. He wants them part of our future. He is trying to please everyone. I have explained to him that I would never want him to choose between his family and me. Its just not fair. I love him too much to have him go through this pain. Family first, bottom line.

I don't want to be married and have this negative impact over my future husband and future kids. I partially take blame for this maybe 30%. If family is so important to me, why did I allow him to deny me the rights to get to know his family There is a lot more that I can write in this posting but it becomes draining when i write too in depth about the situation. If you have any questions to get more insight on this situation, just ask me. I'm not doubting the person I love. I want to know what you all think of this, from your culture background being Nigerian. Its so sad that this is a big issue.

what is his position in the family and is he the only son?

He is the first son of 3 other siblings.

.

Tpia lol!! almost seem true that it could be the same guy. But as you know, this is the only place where we can vent about this situation, and for sure you know that there is more than one Nigerian/Yoruban brother out there serving this same issue.

btrue:

Interesting, my issue similar to Misshea, however, i posted  elsewhere on this forum,  but this is the situation . I need some other insight before i make a hasty decision. My fiance whom is Nigerian (Yoruba), christian, with papers. He is well Americanized to a certain extent but his culture values still exist. We have been together for 5 on-off years( a lot of growing up b/w us, not all bad) . No, i have not met his parents. They(parents) are not in the states and they have only visited once when we first starting dating. Through out our relationship he never talked about his family even when i would ask about them. He could/can call on my family at any time.

He is an awesome guy. We have a great time together with everything we do. We are very positive and keep Christ into our relationship as much as possible (we are not saints, lol). We both have made a lot of sacrifices for this relationship and we both have learned a lot. The love and the commitment is solid.  He proposed to me a couple months back (fairy tale  Grin). I recently just found out that the family is not all accepting of him marrying an  African-American Girl. Hence, they do not know me at all.He wants to hold planning until he goes home in a month and talk with his parents. He wants them part of our future. He is trying to please everyone. I have explained to him that I would never want him to choose between his family and me. Its just not fair. I love him too much to have him go through this pain. Family first, bottom line.

I don't want to be married and have this negative impact over my future husband and future kids.  I partially take blame for this maybe 30%. If family is so important to me, why did I allow him to deny me the rights to get to know his family There is a lot more that I can write in this posting but it becomes draining when i write too in depth about the situation. If you have any questions to get more insight on this situation, just ask me. I'm not doubting the person I love. I want to know what you all think of this, from your culture background being Nigerian. Its so sad that this is a big issue.

Go to Nigeria with him. Don't sit your butt back there hoping he'll talk his way through. They are curious and they want to know you first. Is he the bread winner in the family? or are his parents rich and do they dominate his life? If any of these is the case, I fear you have to stock up some morning after in your first aid box. But if his parents are educated, which I'm sure they are, they are mad that you didn't bother to know them. Not bordering to know them will lead them to think you are taking their son away forever. Tell him to teach you how to greet elders in Yoruba and what to do when presenting them with something like offering them a glass of water etc,  If you get knocked up, they'll give up! That's what my big cousin did when my uncle was complaining about not knowing his fiancee (Don't take my word for it though). Show some interest in knowing the culture and their hearts will melt. Go to Naija with him. Don't sit your American butt there hoping you'll get a ring.


I really hate it when men can't make their own decision when it comes to marriage. The parental approved ones tend to fail easily more than what the man himself chooses. Stop listening to your parent, it's your life. Get mad, wild out, smack something when they try to chose a woman for you (exactly what I did when I was 18 and my mom wanted me to study medicine while I had philosophy on my mind since I was 12) She eventually gave up when I said I'm not going to school if I can't study what I want. Scare them. They love you and they'll listen to you more than you listen to them.


Go crazy in front of them. Don't cry oooo . Get mad and tighten your muscles and tell them your woman loves them and she's your happiness(now only a wicked and ambitious parent will play with their kid's happiness). Naija men abeg grow some nuts. Are you this weak?

ALL U HAVE 2 DO IZ GO WIT WAT U THINK IZ RIGHT

ShayShay Thanks. So far I've been going with what feels right and asking God to guide me/us through this transition. Fighting to keep my faith in the relationship.

@btrue -

Questions - Have you ever spoken with the family on the phone?

In what way did he deny you the rights to get to know his family?

[b]nalijah07 [/b]No, never spoke with them by phone. I clearly asked him for us to call them together and he said no, he replied that the issue must be solved in person with just him. Surely, that's the icing on the cake for me