₦airaland Forum

Cousin9999:
- Some parents are trashy people who instill dysfunctional thinking and behavior in their kids whether intentionally or not.

- Some people are in a family/environment/culture full of dysfunctional thinking/behavior. Instead of rejecting that, they act like a scared child and conform when pressured.

- Stupidity is a religion for some people, so they refuse to acknowledge how pointless and irrational certain thinking/behaviors are. And they refuse to change.

- Some people are basically bizarrely lazy and won't work on their problems. They prefer to try to cope by targeting others.

You've just mentioned my own issues.

Ebawaters:
I Have been dating this girl for 5 months now, before i met her she was using an itel tourch light phone. I promise to get her a smart phone which we could use on Whatsapp because buying of airtime to communicate is too costly.

I felt maybe getting her a phone would kill boredom. After closing from work and on weekends she has something that will keep her busy.

Before buying the phone i thought she is that calm and responsible girl and giving me the girlfriend vibe though we have not slept with each other.

I bought her a brand new redmi phone on 2nd of April. But since i got her the phone she has changed drastically.

What she's posting on her WhatsApp status want to give me heart attack. I just new this girl didn't like me at all. I decided to test her. I called her a day before yesterday that am low on airtime, that she should help send me 200 airtime to buy data to open my bank app to do some transactions.

This girl said she didn't have 200 naira. She's looking for money to buy data for herself. In the next 2 hours i saw her online this the same girl that told me she didn't have at all. Omo i have spent for this girl. I love her. I think it is time to move on and count my loss. You see women matter count me out. She doesn't care i have been dating myself all along.

Make sure you collect that phone before you de-girlfriend her.

OredoPikin:
Nothing concern me
But igbanke must never be taken from Edo
We nor go gree make them join anioma
Lie lie
Except them vacate the land

Do you know how your local council name was derived as Oredo?

Ora + Idu (but since it became Edo, it also changed to Edo) = Ora-Idu becoming Ora-Edo = Oredo.

Nobody is vacating any lands for you. Igbanke, Ọwa, Ịrụ Egbede, Ekpon etc which speak Igbo, particularly, the Ika dialect don't give a damn about what you feel or think of them, and your threats.

Mattswaggz:
Firstly, she seems like someone who isn't business oriented so forcing her would do little or no good......as some Nigerians will say "if it didn't dey, e didn't dey".

Secondly she is very happy and comfortable the way she is now because the bulk stops at your own table.

To solve this problem you'll have to consider the Options below but you must be strong willed to implement any of them...
1) Find what she is good at which of course might not be the businesses you're starting for her but something she is oriented towards and enjoys doing that and it can bring income to her.

2)Dissolve the marriage and count your losses and move on seeing that you and her aren't compatible and don't align in mentality.

3)Find a way to put her in an uncomfortable situation like refusing to foot her own personal bills and let her see the urgency of needed to do something for herself...like let her survival instincts be activated again because she seems very docile now.....BUT this one would be very difficult to achieve because it would require a STRONG MIND on your own path and some SCHEMES that might be interpreted as being weekeed/h**rtless.

All in all you'll require a lot of STRONG WILL to solve this problem and you might have contributed by ignoring certain red flags before the marriage.

2 is the best, 3 might make her retaliate in a very hurtful way, which he too may suffer devastating loss from.

Dissolving the marriage is the best. If things were to go horribly bad for him, she would/might have bolted without double-checking if he had been a providing husband in the past. Also, she's not his only responsibility, he has a son, parents and extended family that needs him as well.

At OP, 1 and 3 are okay but not good enough because they may offer temporary solutions but never permanent solutions.

funkmrflexx:
Yesterday I made a post about how I feel my wife
isn’t really adding value to my life.

https://www.nairaland.com/8631753/wife-isnt-adding-value-life

A lot of people attacked me in the comments, asking how I could expect a woman who gave birth to two children in three years to start working.
But let me clear something up.

When I said we had two children, I was only referring to the number of kids in the house. In reality, we have one son who is 2 years old, and my wife’s niece who lives with us. She’s about 12 years old, and that’s the second child I mentioned in the previous post.

Before we got married, we talked about her having her own business. She even chose something she said she was passionate about — makeup and beauty. I supported her and paid almost ₦400k for her to learn the skill at the time.
After we got married, I even opened a shop for her so she could start the business. But around that same time she got pregnant and said she couldn’t manage the shop because of the pregnancy. I understood and supported her.

Even with that, I still paid the rent for the shop for another 1 year and 6 months, just to make sure she had enough time to eventually start when she was ready.

After she gave birth, another issue came up. She said the shop was too far and she couldn’t be carrying the baby there. At that time the baby was around 6–8 months old.

So I suggested something simple: whenever I’m home, she can leave the baby with me and go to the shop. Her niece was also around, so the two of us could look after the baby.
Eventually she started going.

Before leaving she would bathe the baby and then head out. While she was gone, I took care of everything — feeding the baby, making sure he slept, watching over him. I didn’t complain because he’s my son too. I just wanted to make sure she had peace of mind to focus on the business.
Since she wasn’t making any money yet, I even gave her ₦4,000 transport money every day to support her (the distance was about 20 minutes at most)

But she didn’t even last one month before she stopped going.
Her reason was that the place wasn’t moving. Mind you, this was a very busy and popular place in town.
I encouraged her and told her business needs consistency. Customers don’t just appear overnight.
Then she complained about not having a signage, saying people couldn’t easily notice the shop. I paid for a proper signage for her.
Still… nothing changed.
Eventually she just stayed home until the shop rent expired, even though she still had about four months left on the rent when she stopped going.
Later she said she wanted to start selling women’s clothes from the house. Again, I supported her and gave her money to start.
Three months later… nothing came out of it.
At that point I was honestly frustrated and told her I wasn’t going to keep giving money for new businesses again.
Since then she has basically stayed at home doing very little. Most of the day she’s pressing phone. She cooks sometimes, yes, but even taking care of our son is mostly done by her niece.
My son even started school in September, so he’s no longer a baby that requires full-time attention.
Sometimes I even do my own laundry because she doesn’t really handle much in the house.
So honestly I keep asking myself… what exactly is her role in this marriage?
Another thing that worries me is this: what if something happens to me tomorrow? How would the family survive if she has no income or any drive to do something?
I’ve tried talking to her many times. She will act serious in the moment and promise to change, but after some time she just goes back to the same routine.
About a year ago I went through a very difficult financial period. A bad business deal left me in debt and I had to sell my car, something I really didn’t want to do. That was one of the lowest points of my life.
But during that period she didn’t really offer me any support.
Recently she told me she needs a new phone that costs almost ₦700k.
And honestly I just sat there thinking…
When things were good, I never complained about providing. But the economy now is very hard. Fuel alone is around ₦1,250 per litre as I’m writing this.
At this point, I’m honestly just tired.

If after all these and no improvements, and she's demanding 700k for phone without being productive herself, bro, considering divorce at this point will be the best option for you.

I've never told anyone to divorce but for your sake, your life and own welfare, separation can restore you from the drag-down you're with.

Staying with her and leaving her is your best bet now, which ever you eventually take, so be it. But make sure you're happy with enormous amount of peace and life fulfilment.

SmartPolician:
Anyone is free to be a traditionalist or queen of the river, but don't use it to harm people. If you do, you owe nature a debt that you must pay back. That's why I love Christianity - you can never use God to hurt people.

You can't be serious with this line.

If you know Christian-sanctioned atrocities, you'll cringe too.

LordIsaac:
"...For what concord has light with darkness!" 2 CORINTHIANS 6:14.

😂 😂

Who is light and who is darkness?

Some of you don't know the imports of the Bible but easily throw up fragments of it where you can to convince yourself of being expert in Biblical understanding and discerning.

Faiths has not stopped people from raising great families, cultural values and heritages have been something that stopped them.

Most of you Christians today once had Traditional/Ọdịnala fathers + Christian mothers, Christian fathers + Traditional/Ọdịnala mothers some 3 to 4 generations ago but today, you see it as Light and Darkness.

I think the only ignorance here is your shallow one-way thinking, and not people of different faiths trying to build up a better world for their offsprings.

LordIsaac:
A Christian indeed...one who is "unequally yoked"!

Inter-Faith marriage is not new, Naomi had a Non-Jewish daughter-in-law in the person of Ruth, who loved her even after the death of her 2 sons.

Make una dey read una Bible so una no go dey talk any how.

CrownOfClay724:
Malicious of them to set their supposed brothers and neighbors up for the kill.

But they know the truth....and spoke it.

I don't take them seriously though, they're children regurgitating institutionalised lies.

CrownOfClay724:
You know ball!

Go to Oligie, Ịgbanke or even Ekpon and hear tales of the marginalisation they go through as a minority in Edo State.

I randomly heard that Abudu have not had light in over ten years and I seriously wondered if it's state policy or the usual incompetence.

During the Genocidal War, Benin Chiefs told Murtala that from Abudu to Asaba are Igbos, and the massacre started there.

ogaemma:
So we still have brainless mugu in nairaland in 2026

LOL! Say whatever you think or like but the reality on ground is sacrosanct and your opinions are worthless next to it.

CSTRR:
Edo have marginalized them a lot.
They should join anioma state, but anioma should remain part of the SS.

Anioma State creation is only possible within the SE framework, if they reject it, bye-bye 👋

ogaemma:
Controlled by poverty.
Anywhere belle face ball face.
Arch Bishop Benson Idahosa and Former Governor of the Mid west Region Brigadier General Samuel Ogbemudia both of blessed memory are from Igbanke.
So what concerns Igbanke with the Anioma people.
By geography Igbanke is in Edo State.
Politicians using poverty as a weapon to control Kings.

Garbage-In-Garbage-Out post

Usmanovic95:
Bro, that girl know say if she dey respond to your chat, na love talk you go dey follow her yarn not business talk. It's easy to tell that it's either the girl is in phase she still want to catch cruise before settling for a relationship or she has another love interest . She knows she is toying with your emotions and she is enjoying every bit of it.You just have to man up and ignore her like she doesn't exist cos if you keep following her gullibly, your case go be like ozo of big brother that year.

@bolded, that's my thought exactly, while dangle emotional entanglement before him only to dash his hopes? If not cruise catching.

Goodmarlian:
There is this girl I have known since we were in school, she is beautiful, independent and very outspoken, she thicks almost all my boxes except one thing,just like most girl do, this girl hardly reply chats, Infact any means to contact her online never works.

When we were in school this girl buys me things whenever she visits ,gives me attention and talks to me for hours, and sometimes she whines me about marriage, the girl is from Anambra while I am from imo she told me she doesn't have friends from imo except me, that she doesn't even know why she likes me.

Whenever she wants to go home I grab her by the waist and peck her to test if her intentions are romantic she will just smile and go.

I have given up all my romantic intentions towards her since last year and moved on but she came around last week Thursday, called me on phone that she is in an eatery opposite school that I should come around, so I went to see her there she hugged me we talked and once again she bought food and drink for me and we gisted about a whole lot of things she started calling me her love you see whining again? After that day she said I should call her or chat her up, I laughed and told her she has forgotten she hardly replies chats and calls, she laughed meaning she knows what she is doing.

OK this morning I chatted her up to thank her for her hospitality that day till this moment she hasn't replied I just tire for the girl

I am thinking about making a drastic and brutal decision of not having anything to do with her again, even if she contacts me.

Nwa Ada ji gị n'ọrụ ebe ọ ka njọ ọ (She hold you for where e bad).

😂😂😂

Pray she loves you, and hope you're prepared for an eventual progression in the marriage direction?

Orlandoo:
Really? You think it is that easy when he has been caged? Anyway, He is my cousin and I pray he turn around for good.

No man is perpetually a lost soul, and to answer your question of being easy or difficult, I'll say you need the will to start and the wisdom to know how to go about it.

These types of battles are complex but not impossible, call everyone who wants to intervene in his case, establish relationships with him and never directly finger his wife or suggest anything about her in a negative way, remain consistent in reminding him of the importance of being one with his extended family and the future legacies/benefits his children will get and keep investing in his progress, economically, socially, psychologically and emotionally.

Never, I repeat, never attempt to attack his wife or accuse her of bewitching him against his family, one day, he'll come out of that mental shackles and emancipate himself from within.

Orlandoo:
Bro, even the siblings are speechless. Someone that that doesn't joke with them suddenly became their enemy immediately after marriage. You think it is ordinary.

Its a deeply mysterious psychological manipulation that has been woven and cast into him to keep him isolated and powerless.

He can break free and dismantle those threads that seems like chains if he can become courage and brave, and then apply wisdom in this reconciliation, reconnection and reunification process.

There will be consequences for him that will threaten him to not proceed but he has to defy the odds and hold firmly onto his siblings, until the psychological manipulation wanes/fades and he recovers his true sense and self.

Orlandoo:
One of my guy married a very beautiful girl. They have three kids. People envy his marriage. He built upstairs. Have his own car. Doing very well in biz. I was shocked to the marrow the night we were having a drink and this my guy, after some bottles, was literally crying, telling me what he is passing through in the hands of his wife and her family. The worst thing is that the wife created problem between him and his siblings. Now he is dying inside without any of his siblings caring about him. This is someone that people wish to be in his shoes.

It's not easy but one battle I've seen, fought against and can boldly fight again is the preservation of siblings bond, whether married or outside of it.

If his wife successfully separated him and his siblings, he has a sacred duty to dismantle her works and seek reunification with his siblings because he'll end his life as a wasted and worthless person.

favour32:
People wey no get villages or dem poison their minds against their ancestry, nai talk of village people to discourage other people wey get or recognize their villages.
Village people dey their own dey do well.


This is physical.
They planned to kill him the day he will depart.


There are something you don't tell yourself.


Research proved that, a larger percentage of things we say we are going to do, when announced cannot be achieved.

This is super potent than anything.

MaziObinnaokija:
why he nor take uber/taxi go there ? Abi he took those blue buses/carving decide to trek go Airport 🛫 🛬 ?


Mercy Lord

E fit be say him taxi person naim run am street

Mariangeles:
What was that first phone that gave you everything you ever wanted in a phone?

Mine was the Tecno spark K7.
Up until today, I haven't totally gotten over that phone.
I even tried to buy it again, but it was no longer available.
I will never forget that phone.

What was yours?

I had used HTC, Sendo, Nokia, Infinix Hot for years before I ventured with Tecno but Tecno Spark K7 was unrivaled.

That phone was literally the first phone that showed me that I can evidently digitise my life, work, business and relationship. After the phone shut down in 2021, I had no other option than to move to Samsung.

Today, Samsung is working along same path and it deliverables are unprecedented.

In 2022, my sister had travelled to Aba to get goods and on her way back from Aba, armed robbers had blocked the way around Delta/Edo state and she called me around 11pm, and I kept calming her down and tried to ensure she didn't panic about it and we consistently talked until about 5am when the road cleared and they resumed their journey without their vehicle being robbed.

Since that time, I don't like my phone going off for whatever reason, even when it threatens my healthy sleeping pattern.

Sagacity10:
You don't understand how it feels to loose your mum to the cold hands of death until you experience it.
May all our aged parents live long in good health.
May the Soul of my Beloved mother continue to rest in Peace.

Indeed, its a very aggressive negative place to be.

10yrs on that feeling by Oct 1st.

AngelahFlo:
I can mention about three

Orphaned
Raising teenagers
Poverty until you experience these three, you'll never know what's it's like.

Being Orphaned is a terrible thing for anybody. Now you now become impacted by opportunity denials and family warfare, just imagine what one will be passing through?

Very commendable take by the Monarch.

If such detasteful nonsense is allowed, it will become more acceptable to a population like Lagos where the veil between moral uprightness and moral decadence are no longer known.

Chukwu Okike zoba umu ya.

samwash:
You fu* K up big time, she has been there for the family, taking up the motherly role.
You didn't include her in your sharing formula, that show you are very ungrateful.
She's is having that impression that if you make it in life that is how you will ignore her.
Put your self in her shoes, not that she actually needs your money, from your write up she's already well to do, she just need appreciation from you that her labour is not in vein.
Just pray she forgive and forget.
Guy man I nor understand you ooo!!!
From your 2.1, you gifted out 1M & use 700k to buy laptop.
I nor kwn waytin to tell you.

Ehi ya dị Utị. His days of sound reasoning are far off.

I got banned for my last comment to him but I'll stand by my first submission, oga Beerbeer fxcked up and is a glowing example of ingratitude.

How can he share 1m across the Church, his father, stepmother and younger sister whilst neglecting his elder sister and twin brother?

Beerbeer broke civil and family code of conduct by this grave error.