₦airaland Forum

Afrosage:
@Op..no matter what anyone says or does just know that you are one courageous woman.You did something so many people couldn't have done...you risked doing it alone all over again for the second time cos of your child, you are a good mom dear and God will bless you...take solace in that.
He made promises to you and he broke them ....who writes off on a 12year old,not like he is a convicted hardened criminal.He is a little boy for crissake (probably acting out) and still in his formative years and can be taught better...some of us did worse at that age and was never abandoned so why does she get to abandon her baby, why should we expect that of her? just so she would stay married? just so she wouldn't be single or be judged, mocked and condemned just cos she choose her son over everything...lols.
And those saying she should beg and all sort of things...okay...lets assumed she begged, and begged..and kept begging and the man refused vehemently..what would you have her do?
lets say she was your mum and your were the little boy, you would have grown up ecstatic knowing that your mom bundled you away to relatives or to people that never wanted you in the first place just so she could keep a man when she could have comfortably taken care of you. The kind of man that doesn't have the slightest human decency to accommodate a little boy with no where else to go......God give us kids to look after them,nurture them, make sacrifices for them e.t.c and nothing whatsoever should stop us from doing that OP....it might look and feel like hell right now but doing the right thing is never easy. Dnt mind those gloating, Time takes care of everything.

Thank You, o!! May you live long.

Don't mind the misguided, clueless misogynists, that are applauding the narcissistic husband.

Most of them are NOT married, and are still looking for a girl to take pity on their forlorn status, and put them out of their misery.

They have all ignored the following facts:

1). The woman had two kids BEFORE she met the man, and the man knew all about them and accepted them, BEFORE the marriage.

2). The son was living with his mum BEFORE the marriage. He was only sent to live with a relative, after the wedding because their home at that time was too small, to accommodate all of them, along with the man.

3). The husband promised at that time to ensure the boy returned home to live with them after they got a bigger apartment.

4). They got a bigger flat, but the husband refused for 3 years, after moving into that flat, for the boy to move back in, to live with them.

5). Meanwhile the boy was being maltreated and starved, to the extent that he was now forced to steal, to get food to eat.

Like you rightly asked: "lets assumed she begged, and begged..and kept begging and the man refused vehemently..what would you have her do?"

That is a good question that all of the "husband's supporters club," have ignored.

Instead they have spent time insulting and vilifying a woman who just wants to take care of her son, and correct his behaviour, in order to prevent him from ending up as a cultist, a robber or a criminal tomorrow.

They are claiming she has caused her broken home. Does one person make a home? It takes two.

The husband has not even suggested any alternative measure to resolve the situation, and has failed on all counts to even dialogue with the wife, and keep their home intact.

Instead, the deluded clowns on this thread keep heaping all the scorn and blames on the woman.

Well, she has made the right choice as far as I am concerned. She was a single mum for 6 years before she met this unfortunate man, who deceived and married her.

She can go back to becoming a single mum again. She coped then, and she will cope again, even now.

May God strengthen her.

After all, there are widows who bring up their children singlehandedly, after their husband's death. Don't they cope, as long as they are supported by God?

Resurgent2016:
While the lady had a valid point, the man also a view point as regards bringing someone with a reputation as the boy had to live with them. After all, the same man allowed her bring one of the children from the former relationship.

They need to dialogue with mutual respect, possibly with the help of third parties and find a compromise.

Instead some people here kept pushing her to openly defy her husband and she not only took the advise but also talk her husband down: saying he brings very little to the home and he can leave if he wants.

Well, the husband has left and taken what he believes he has a valid interest in. Let her prepare for a new chapter of custody battle and life as a single parent

Oga, I wish you had read this story from the beginning. It was because of the man that she had to send her son to live with relatives, as the house they lived in back then, was too small, after they just got married.

They agreed that he would move back in with them after they got a bigger apartment. Well, they eventually did....and for 3 years, she tried to dialogue with her husband, to bring the kid back home. He ignored her.

Meanwhile, her child was being maltreated and starved where he was living with her relative. He even had to steal, in order to get food to eat.

So for how long should she have continued this dialogue with the man, while her son's life was falling apart? Should the pleading and dialogue have continued for another 3 years? It takes two to dialogue, o!

What would have happened to the boy?

bigiyaro:
shatap dia!! what do you mean by bushy hair? what if I want my child's hair to be like wole Soyinka's own, or I want my child to be like Bob Marley? you are just fvcking teacher, i pay you to teach my child how to read and write, my child's hairstyle is non of your fvcking business, just stick to what you are paid to do. you do whatever you want with you kid's hair, not mine.

The first word you used already shows your mindset.

If you want your own fvcking kid to be like Bob Marley, build your own school for him, and teach him there.

Don't expect other schools with rules and regulations, to accept him into their premises, to be doing nonsense. The school is NOT your private estate. End of story.....

klax:
So in this time of corona you just woke up to respond to outdated issue that is absolutely irrelevant to current situation on ground ok nah.

Since you resurrected already buried issue then I eont hesitate to answer within the sensible context.

Mr man or Madam yea the West are unruly but yet produced Obama, the world best scientist, the world finest doctors, the world finest politicians, the world best Engineers, the world best sportmen, the world most discipline human, the world Billionaire infact world best pastors and clergy men etc and our country where flogging, kicking, slapping, bullying, cutting pupils hair with no parent consent produced people like Shekau boko Haram, Anini, Oyenusi, Shina Rambo, yahoos, Ritualist like Otolotoh, fulani herdsmen, Nigeria politicians who are political robbers, altar robbers pastors, terrorist imam, Naira Marley etc

Look if you are a teacher try to shave my son hair without my permission then you will understand wella I won't say more than that.

The same West produced Harvey Weinstein. It produced other rapists and serial killers, like Hitler that decimated the Jews, Jack the Ripper, Bonnie and Clyde, Al Capone, Charles Manson, Ted Kaczynski, Adam Lanza, Andrew Kehoe, and other mass shooters, paedophiles, gangsters, and murderers.

If you don't want your kid's hair shaved in school, then obey the school's warnings and reminders to give your kid a haircut, BEFORE he comes to school.

Don't ignore the school's letters and instructions, and assume your child will go scot free, due to your insolence.

eledacedar:
Many children live by double standards.

Many children start well but don't end well not because of bad parenting but because of peer pressure.

The good children in Nigeria, have they developed cure for corona virus?

Let's stop the blame game. In every society whether Africa, Europe or America, there are both good and bad children, both good and bad parents, both good and bad teachers.

Cutting a child's hair in the absence of the parent is a no-no. Send the child back to the parent who has refused to do the needful.

And the good children abroad, have they developed a cure for Corona virus? Let us stop giving excuses.

Well-trained children who have been given sound moral values by their parents, and taught how to make the right choices, will not be influenced by peer pressure, to do wrong.

My late Dad always told me: "Always have the courage to say NO, to things that are wrong, unethical or illicit. It doesn't matter if everyone is doing it....there is no right way, to do that which is wrong."

Till today, that statement comes to my mind when I want to make a choice on anything.

Even when there is peer pressure, inner substance will rise to the surface. That is why you see some kids walking away from evil, while others are drawn to it, the way a moth is drawn to a flame.

A child with sound values and good home training, will always find a way to drop bad habits even if he picks it up, by mistake.

If a kid's parents have been told the right thing to do, and the instructions were clearly conveyed to them, while they chose to flout it, then they should be aware that every contravention will attract sanctions.

Reference:
People react to grief in different ways, some resort to violence, others abuse, yet others indulge. It is an African thing to celebrate and engage in wild orgies during funerals. Perhaps this is the way our lawmakers engage with the Covid 19 tragedy.

It is an irresponsible way to respond to tragedy. Don't forget that the money to buy those cars, came from taxpayers money. And those taxpayers are now in distress and facing a pandemic.

The most sensible thing to do, would have been to suspend such purchases until the pandemic had been dealt with.

Many medical doctors have NOT been paid, and their hazard allowances of 5k per month, have been suspended for several months.

Yet, our House of Reps members are sharing new cars. Their actions are in very poor taste....

eledacedar:
Nigerian students are same in being unruly, being undisciplined, being druggies as well as bringing guns and AXES to schools. In these regards, Nigerian students are no better off.

Is it not this same Nigeria that a student brought tear gas to school?

Is it not this same Nigeria that female students refused to wear pants to school because they are marlians?

Primary and secondary school students abuse weed, tramol, codeine, etc anyhow.

So what gives?

And what gave rise to such behaviour among Nigerian students? Oversabi and irresponsible parents, trying to be woke, who did not teach their children the right kind of behaviour, and did not school them on how to make the right choices.

Look at the homes of these Marlians, and they way they were brought up by their parents, and you will see why they derailed....

Children raised with good values, do not become marlians who do not wear pants...

nairalanduseles:
Your opinion is irrelevant jew

And so is your own. In fact, yours' is worse than irrelevant....

akanbiaa:
Since you know all these why can't you just obey the school rules shave your child's hair yourself instead of being stubborn and ignoring their warning?

Exactly!! QED.

Angelfrost:
See ehn... Going back and forth, or bandying words will neither convince either of us... Truth remains: A school is no different from the military (Fact is, the army starts off as a school).

You think school is merely a gathering of kids to read and write??!... Please, wake up!!! It is a bloody institution for building of character and shaping of personalities!!!

The matter under discourse is quite simple: A school has enforceable rules and regulations well spelt out in her prospectus! Inability to abide simply requires withdrawal from the institution, not arresting or assaulting staff members authorized to enforce those rules. That is what civilization is all about... That's what pertains all over the world!... So, I don't get the use of silly condescending remarks like "Nigerians"!!!

Note: I don't support misuse of authority or acting crudely on the part of teachers. If this is the case above, then the tutors went astray. That still doesn't excuse the misuse or oppressive use of the law by the parents, as a simple discussion with written apology would have sufficed!!!

Sir/Ma, my grouse here is the ridiculing of the authority and integrity of the institution of education, which I have been observing with dismay for years now, even in a cultural and respectful nation like Nigeria... The results of such ridicule will tell terribly on us all. Watch the generation of leaders and adults we are raising, and tell yourself some hard truths!!!... Everything is not about political correctness!!!

This is the last I will respond on this matter... To everyone his opinion!!! Thank you.

What a beautiful submission! You deserve one chiiled bottle of Origin for this....thank you for educating the clueless.

Go to Japan and China and see how disciplined their kids are. Many children are taught character building and morals, before formal education, right within the school.

The clowns citing US and UK as an example, know quite well how wayward the kids in those countries are, and the current problems such kids have created within the system.

respect80:
It's funny dat u actually understand dat things have changed and stil expect d child's parents to overlook something like dis esp in dis era of wickedness in high places whereby people's hairs, nails, bras, panties etc have been reportedly used in diabolical ways against dem. i believe there are better ways to tackle such issues in saner climes. i'm not being diabolic but one just have 2 b careful cos u may not know d exact person u dealing wit especially in a society like ours where people believe d unbelievable.
Truly, things have changed and d good old days when everything looks normal are long gone.

You must have grown up in a diabolical environment to know all these things. Or maybe you have been watching too much African magic.

charlesikhalea:
Everybody is saying what they like about this,
But have you seen the generation that these forced cutting of hair teachers groomed/raised? Don't we have killers and thieves from that generation? Please Nigerians let us try to move forward, cutting of hair has nothing to do with intelligence or good morals, it's a choice, it's the backwardness of most of this so called teachers that's making the country the way it is. Beating/flogging children into becoming what's not for them, the result is the frustrated Nigerian youths you see out there, bullied into living a life they don't even understand.

Another backward submission. And in the countries where kids are NOT beaten or flogged, and their hair is left unkempt without being cut.....are you telling us that they don't have killers, or thieves or criminals there? Are they all saints? What is the crime rate in America, again? Remind me please?

texazzpete:
Which ‘moral decay’?

You people LOVE suffering and you love people taking you for a ride. How can a teacher cut your child’s hair without a parents conSent?

Madness

Which consent again, after the school had sent written notice and warnings to every parent, that if the kids were unkempt, their hair would be cut? Did the parents deny receiving such letters?

akanbiaa:
How can a responsible parent not take care of their child's hair even when told that it will be cut by the school if not taken care of by the parents. My judgement (the parents needs mental evaluation and guidance and counselling on how to be responsible)

I wonder, o! Only God knows the kind of parents that are being paraded around town, these days....

The word 'rules" rhymes with school. And every school has them. I am even sure that such parents may have signed some forms indicating that they and their kids would abide by the school rules, only for them to turn round and renege.

ORBLIGHTS:
I KNOW SOME CERTAIN FAMILIES IN THA NEIGHBORHOOD BACK THEN WHO ATTEND WHITE-GARMENT CHURCH AND THEY SAID THEIR CHILD SHOULD NOT SHAVE HIS HAIR UNTIL A CERTAIN AGE OF HIS LIFE.... (IN SUCH SITUATION U HAVE TO RESPECT THE FAITH AND BELIEF OF THOSE PEOPLE NO MATTER WHO THE FVCK U ARE)

The fvcking keep your child at home. Every school has rules and regulations. If you cannot obey, then leave the school. Na by force??

Haba!! The way you people reason is so ridiculous! One story from one church somewhere, should now take precedence over school rules, meant for all the pupils? Chai!

Ok ask that church to be teaching your child within their own premises. Simple.

ekevwe:
Did your mum gave birth to you via CS?

Why will a teacher cut 5 year old pupil hair as a way of discipline the child? At your age you should know any child under 10 is not matured enough to be blamed for any crime.

You are blaming modern days parenting whereas teachers of these days are worst.

What kind of a silly question is this? Giving birth through CS? Does it mean women who give birth through CS are not mothers, or did NOT suffer labour pains? You people, sef....

Bimpe29:
Some parents of nowadays and our judicial system are inexplicable really.
How is discharging ones responsibility as a teacher becoming an issue in a country like ours?

Ask me, o! Especially when the parents had been told several times to cut the kids hair, and they failed. Badly behaved parents will breed ill-bred children.....that is the truth.

bigiyaro:
when I know how black men think, especially Nigerians, what if the parents accused me of trying to use the child's hair for rituals? wrong move by the teachers.

The parent should have ensured, that her kid did not carry bushy hair, that would have led to any teacher cutting it. Simple.

Any daft parent that makes that kind of accusation, should keep his or her child at home. After all, what if the teacher kidnaps the child, while the kid is at school? Or what if the teacher poisons the child while in school? Nansense!

Ijawwomaninoyo:
The case is a double sided coin! If you don't like the rules of the game, then take your ball to another playing ground!
If you must live in Rome, then do like the Romans!
I know a lot of Private schools who don't allow weave ons and attachments of any sort in the primary school, children weave or plait ordinary hair and it is written in the school rules. They only allow it when they want to do end of the year or Christmas Programs. Anytime outside that, they write notes to the parents, if they refuse and still continue bringing the child, just like this one, they remove it! What if everyone decides to be disobedient? You can't allow some children to be bringing attachments while sanctioning others.
Some said they should have told the parents, it is written there that the parents disobeyed deliberately.
Some said they should have sent him home, a 5 year old?
At times you need to see the way these private school students go to school, some will even cut uniforms to micro mini.

Thank you, o jaré! May you live long.

All these badly raised kids quoting US and UK, as if we don't know how wayward children abroad can be.

If you don't like the rules of the school, as a parent why not remove your child from the school, abi na by force?

The oversabi parents could not even report the teachers to the school authorities, and resolve it. They marched to court. Nansense.

They will see how their kids will turn out.....one school will still expel that child in future. Mark my words.

In my days, if a teacher cuts your hair, your mum will help her finish the job when you get home, and scold you on top. You will have to explain how and why, you became the reference point for bad behaviour, in school that day....

suzzyboss:
America military?? Guy you have no point.. Why do stylist keep different types of hair cut.. Why do lawyers wear wig.. The white men that gave us the mentality to build schools sef most of their kids have bushy or different hair cuts and don't that hair cut make them inappropriate in anyway..

You deserve an award for making the most illogical comment ever!

FuckThaMod:
This thread made me call my mum who has been a government secondary school teacher for 35years and she supports the parents.. She said the school is 100% wrong and ought to have sent the child home instead of tampering with the physical appearance of the child.

Fvck the mumus here supporting the school.. Shame on you all!

Oga, stop lying. Many govt secondary schools were strict about uniforms as well as hair styles or hair cuts, sported by their students.

In fact, many teachers in those days, had their own special scissors, for recalcitrant students who found it difficult, to adhere to school rules.

Your mother could NOT have been a teacher in a govt secondary school, if she didn't see those things happening!

It was so common back then.....if you had said she was a teacher in a private school, I might have believed you, sef...

lozanni:
It could be the parents are Rastafarians as it's normal for them to wear dreadlocks.
It could also have to do with the parents religious leanings as some white garment churches do not Barb their children hair until they reach a certain age.

Lubbish. Why didn't they write to the school then, seeking an exemption to allow their kids carry deadlocks?

Or why not look for a school where dreadlocks are the national emblem, and enroll their child in that school?

friday2011:
Stupid parents, they dont have N150 to barb the boys hair but have money to make case and send teachers to prison, this country ehnn... People brain no dey work well again, they are so used to abnormalities.

Rubish.

Don't mind them. When their kids grow up and misbehave, they will start wondering what went wrong.....

RisenPhoenix:
Adherence to that part of school regulation that they are capable of. A haircut is not within the capability of a 5 year old child.

And I can teach them character myself. I don't accept any usurpation of my right as a father to guide my children's morals. The so called discipline that our children are unjustly exposed to in schools is depriving them of kindness and human feelings. We are breeding a generation of rebellious psychos. Yes our forefathers enforced discipline, but they knew how to do it with justice, not out of anger, and frustration with the present economy.

Do you realise that the more you talk, the more you sound silly?

prinzedy:
I'll answer you
As a kid going to school, you looking unkempt gives the impression that your parents are dirty and irresponsible.

Also it gives the school and it's management bad image and poor representation.

As an adult your hair style can make you look like a rogue or irresponsible.

Let me ask you a question
Why do you think the court decides to leave the welfare and upbringing of the child in the hands of those considered sound and responsible?

God bless you 100-fold for this beautiful answer. You forgot to add, that lice can get transmitted easily, through bushy unkempt hair. Keeping the hair of young children short, helps to maintain hygiene.

RisenPhoenix:
No. I am a fan of discipline, but this specific case is what you get when you overstep your boundaries. We send our children to school to learn maths and English, not to be subject to abuse by frustrated school staff. Do you know how humiliated that child would have felt to be forcibly shaved in front of all his friends? And for a reason that was not even his fault?

The problem is that abuse tends to be self propagating from one generation to the next.

Don't be silly. Can you just listen to yourself? Teach your kids the maths and English at home, since that is all they need to know. ....

Jimmyubah2:
Every school and organization has its rules and everyone must strictly adhere to it or else such school or organization becomes lawless. Keep your individual values aside and keep to the group values. In the school I went to they even cut pencil trousers and send the girls home for wearing skirt above the kneels.
If we are all allow to do whatever we feel is good for us in school, our society will become lawless.

Don't mind those clowns saying rubbish. Even in many organisations, there are specific dress codes, for specific jobs. If you flout it, then you get sanctioned.

eledacedar:
Britons, American and others have long hairs and they leave them. Why can't we do same? Why must we cut ours?

That is why their children are so unruly, indisciplined, drug addicts and bring guns to school.

FuckThaMod:
Very good parents.. No one should every try such nonsense with my kid. If i wanted my kid to shave i take him or her to the saloon.. If i as a father can respect my kid's decision to keep his/her hair bushy, then who are you as a teacher who gets fed through the money i pay as school fees? Did i send my kid to a school to be shaved or to learn? What if in the process of shaving and the kid gets infected?
I see some fools supporting the teachers & this is the reason the country is stagnant, we don't know our rights!
It's little little things like these we ignore that makes the country what it is today, the politicians can do as they and many will still feel they are right. Fvcking bitchass irritating foolish Nigerians

From the words you used, everyone can see how badly trained you were. So you paid them money....didnt they carry out the service of teaching your child? Or did you just dash them the money for doing nothing? Abeg swerve....

nairalanduseles:
How can people support this act
Am old school but that is so wrong
That is why I never raised my kids in naija

Nobody gives a hoot where you raised your child. When in Rome, behave as the Romans. Simple.

Jimmyubah2:
Don't mind them. Shame on all of them supporting such parent. They are all spoilt little brats.
That's how my younger brother's class mate spent his school fee on drugs and frivolent things cus his dad was always backing him in school whenever the school disciplined him. Today he has created a monster fighting him back.

God bless you. Those schools with strong sense of discipline are all gone, now. The woke and irresponsible parents have combined to pull them down.....

Ausrichie:
Why the insult because someone wants his child to keep his hair. Is it bad? If it is explain.

It is bad if the school deems it to be so. Another reason is to prevent the spread of lice, in children's hair.

Why don't army recruits have beards and long dreadlocks? Why do they carry crew cuts?

klax:
That is regarded as an abuse in Western country and might be jail for it so Teachers no matter how bushy child hair is shaving pupil hair its not part of your duty you have really overstepped your boundary.

There is boundary to everything. Sorry I have nothing more to say than to wish them good luck in the trail and these will serve as a lesson to overzealous teachers.

And that is part of the reasons why children in the West are so indisciplined, or become junkies at an early age, and can even bring guns to school. No restraint and no morals....mtcheew

Proletariat:
You don't dictate for another parent the hairstyle you have chosen for your own child.

As you have chosen, others have chosen.

Some parents like gorimapa, while others love low cut, and some love afro.

Parents have the right to decide for their kids, while every adult has the right to decide for him/herself.

In your bid to sound woke, you ended up sounding foolish. Schools have a big right to dictate whatever they like, for their students. From hairstyles, to uniforms, to behaviour, to study patterns to disciplinary measures. That is why it is called a school.

The rules are clearly spelt out. You either shape in, or shape out. Those parents were mannerless and uncultured.

What stopped them from taking up the issue, with school authorities? And it is even an Oko-Oba area....

What do they want parents in Ikoyi and Victoria Island to say? Nansense.....

Jakama90:
Those teacher's got what they deserved.. They have no right at all to shave a student's hair without the parents or guardians consent.

After they had warned parents, that their children should not bring bushy hair to school? There are sanctions for repeated bad behaviour. Schools are no exemption.

Kiaka8:
chaiii moral decay
this is the reason why our children of these days are nothing to write home about
during our time this is a routine stuff and the public bath stuff for the dirty pupils while others watch in amusement.

the shame only will make you remind your parents next time to do the needful.

Honestly things have changed

You are very correct. In fact, in those days if teacher cuts your hair anyhow, your parents will help you scrape the rest off, and even beat you on top!

Authoreety:
They should have sent his parents a letter or even send him home instead of this, even after the letter, nothing gives them the right to cut their hair without consent of the parent

What do you mean by nothing gives them the right to cut the students hair? So is there something that gives students the right, to carry unruly hairstyles into the school? Tell us.....

Dont you think the school would have spelt out their rules, regarding the kind of hairstyles allowed in their premises?

Do you know that some kids will never deliver such letters to their parents?

I have said it before, that irresponsible parents will breed irreparable children' that lack common sense.

The hair style of those students must have been offensive, which was what led teachers to cut it. If they had followed the approved style, nobody would have cut their hair.

In my days, a teacher would cut your hair, and your mother would scrape the remaining strands off, and still go and apologise to teacher on your behalf, the next day.