₦airaland Forum

[quote author=IyanuDeb post=124001946][/quote]Then when people only farm. In some traditions, women don't go to farm, so it makes sense she care for the home, take care of the children and also cooks. It doesn't makes sense the man still comes home to such work again. Most definitely this was the idea or what brought forth the gender roles. I see this as division of labor. Unfortunately there are some traditions which isn't so. The woman also go to farm and do all domestic chores.

Times have changed, why some of those customs and traditions were formed are no longer relevant. The way things are were not like before.

Now it is no longer farming, everyone can earn(aka bring food).

Custom, traditions and norms are formed by people. Despite the irrelevance of what I cited above now, archaic minded people still hold on to it. With excuses like "it is our culture" , "this is how our forefathers do" totally forgetting or refuse to think and reason why it was a norm then. Besides why shouldn't you do things your own why? When even the forefathers do things there own way.

With these being said. Everyone should do whatever they think is right and they agree on.

If you agree with your partner she'll bring the money to run the home, be in the kitchen... Your role is to only mow the lawn, that's your problem.

If you two decide he provides the money, you cook and clean. That's also your problem.

You two agree that you work and the man cooks and clean. Who is stopping you?

If you agree that you both earn and do home duty equally. Who would stop you?

Good news is that no one would force you to any tradition or custom. If your partner doesn't subscribe to a way you think your home should be, is it by force to marry them? If they later change is it by force to stay?

However the average persons especially in Nigeria still prefer or subscribe to the traditional roles.

Women still thinks it is the man's duty to cater and provide for her and the family. Her money is her money. Isn't she calling for the traditional role? Why wouldn't she go to the kitchen then?

Men also wants she provide, hence drifting from the standard traditional role but still not wanting to touch the kitchen. Lol

I don't see all these as a problem, grown up adults should decide things for themselves. unless you want to dictate to people how to live or make their union.

Look at all this third world countries, especially Africa. The government is fuking you. Why are you fuking yourself too?

Why have plenty children like rats sef even at the detriment of yourself and the kids you have when you can have 1 or 2.

The surprising thing, Some birth the kids with the hope that money, good job would come hopefully or hoping that a deity they worship would pick their call and plea for help. Who does that? Who would buy, start a poultry farm of 2k birds with the hope that money, better job would come later to fund it or a deity would intervine when the individual knows he or she can only afford to cater for 50 birds. Why do it with kids?

140 million Nigerians are poor, you think they didn't hope? the remaining na just managing.

This is not about getting rich or something. We are talking of affording just basic things sef.

What is 400k for a single adult. Na still basic managing, don't talk of good life talkless of luxury. If you+wife don't earn 500k combine at minimum and you have more than 2 kids, you are just a joker.

You'll see e.g a Finn, earning good, 2 kids, 4 bedroom house, some money in bank going holiday and vacation. Mistakenly another pregnancy enters, tension worry... Straight some would terminate it.

Here, work situation that would age you sharply sef, 100k emergency no money, house rent can't even pay promptly... Yet na wona go carry plenty liability.

The pitiful thing is how hardship, suffering and appeal to managing is normalized when you can easily prevent or not indulge in it.

You'll hear comments like,
Is it not people who are earning 100k getting married? So me too I go do.

John Doe earns 100k and he has 3 kids, you are earning 150k and complaining no money to get married?

The people earning 100k and have n number of kids, have they died of hunger?

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No good governance, unemployment everywhere, under paid jobs, very poor salary... All this are things that cause the hardship and suffering to Nigerians.

It is understandable if It affect you, because if you look at it they are things that you can't personally or individually control.

How comes you are not helping yourself also in this situation?

People getting married, birthing kids up and down despite the small amount of money they earn, despite the underpayment... In fact, the current ones you have, you are finding it hard to feed, pay school fees or house, yet you are still adding more.


Even people in countries (look at China, Norway... and the likes) where things are fairly working well, they have good and well paid jobs, they earn good, still most birth 1 or 2. This is because with your income of n(amount), you have more money at your disposal to take care of 1 or 2 child than care for 3, 4, 5 or more children with the same amount. You are earning 300k, financially you cater for 1 or 2 kids give them a good life than same 300k to service 5,6,7...n

Do you think those people don't know what they are doing?

Why don't you help yourselves?

This is no rocket science, you don't have to be a genus like Albert Einstein or Isaac Newton. It is just common sense. Is common sense an intellectual property of the folks in China or Norway only that you can't use it?
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Samantha124:
I wish you the best then.

I once did considered the idea of not having children.

It is good thing that you have brainstormed on whether you want kids or not, to have them or not. Most people never do. I wish you the best on your choice.

Curious, what brought forth the idea and why it changed I you don't mind sharing?

Samantha124:
If you'll be able to live with that decision at old age, then there's nothing wrong with deciding not to have children.

Reason I'm saying this is because I have an aunt like that, she had a chance to have more children when her son died as an infant, but she decided that she didn't want anymore children... Her husband later also died and she made a decision that she was going to spend the rest of her life as a widow.

Now that she's old, she constantly gets jealous of the relationship we have with our mother, her younger sister... Whenever we buy our mother gifts, she expects us to also buy her the same gifts, if we don't, she gets mad at us.

Each time she has disagreements with our mother, she'd come to us and start bad mouthing her and expect us to be in support of the things she says and go against our mother even though in most cases she's the wrong one.

So if you're willing to live up to your decision even at old age to a point that you wouldn't start expecting another person's child or children to start acting like they're your biological children, then go for it.

Your first sentence.
However it turns out I'll still be fine.

falcon01:
Exactly. If someone doesn't want kids let them be, what's your own?

When someone says he/she don't want to have children most of them take it like the person is also saying they shouldn't have kids also. Or that the decision they took to have kids is wrong.

Secondly, the herd mentality. Everyone does it, how dare you say you wouldn't have it.

Dexy4yah:
Even in the bible marriage is optional, having kids is not for everyone.
Its your choice.... people should respect that thou in this part of the world... you will be seen as a waste of sperm for taking such decision

Yeah, but the good news is that what they say holds no water. I careless if this is what it would take to live the life I envision for myself.

Some want 30 children, another person want 10, some want 5, you want X number of children and some want 0 number of children(childfree). unless you are just following a bandwagon, Each and everyone have their reasons to why they had or want to have the X number of children.

Almost every time and everywhere, even on this forum, Just mention you don't want to have children or you are childfree, you'll see how people would come for your head either with insults or tell you a million reasons why you should/must have children.

If you want children go have them.Also don't let anyone make you have 2 when you want 4 or vice versa. You don't want to have children? Don't have them because you see others are doing. Let people say what they want to say, it is your life. Don't let them live your life for you.

Childfreesm is not about stopping you from having your children or in any way faulting your choice to have children, "childfree" is just the voluntary choice to not have children.

Then why always the fuss telling childfree people to better go have kids?

I don't see people with 40, 30 or 10 children citing or telling their reasons to those with 8, 5, 3 or 1 child why they should have 40, 30 or 10 children just like them. Also It makes absolutely no sense to compile, pressure or tell a childfree person to have X number of children just because you have it or you want to have.

Yeah, those who had 30, 20, 10 or 5 had their reasons, You have your reasons for having the X number of children you had or intending to have, that' are your reasons not anyone's. Would you have X amount of kids based on someone's reason for having the number children he/she have?

Personally I don't have any reason to why I would want a child or do I see any need to birth a child. For most childfree people that's it.