₦airaland Forum

Ifeoluwadev:
But you know that takes a lot of financial and emotional responsibilities

You bn doing it before.
Beg God for strength and more open doors.
For your sanity sake, overlook the man, raise and train your children. You will reap the benefits in the nearest future by the Grace of God because expecting anything from that husband of yours is likable to obtaining water from a rock. He will so stress you , causing you high bp and make you age faster. God is with you. Fear not!

Overlook him.
Focus and take care of your children

Ifeoluwadev:
I Paid My Own Bride Price Because My Husband's Family Was Too Poor to Afford It Now He Treats Me Like a Maid. Nairaland Please Advise

Here's how she narrates the story
I have never told anyone this story in full. Not my sister. Not my closest friend. Today I am telling strangers on the internet because I am tired of carrying it alone.

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My name is not important. I am 34 years old. I have been married for 4 years. I have two children. And I am sitting in my kitchen right now typing this while my husband is in the living room watching football like everything is fine.

Everything is not fine.

HOW WE MET
Emeka and I met in 2017 at a mutual friend's birthday party in Lekki. He was charming, funny, well dressed and spoke with the kind of confidence that makes you think a man has his life together.

We dated for 2 years. He was attentive, romantic and consistent. I genuinely believed I had found the right person.

When he proposed in 2019 I said yes without hesitation.

That was the beginning of everything.

THE BRIDE PRICE CONVERSATION

Three months before our wedding, Emeka sat me down and told me the truth about his family's financial situation.

His father had died years earlier leaving nothing behind. His mother was a petty trader in Anambra surviving on whatever his elder brother could send monthly. There were no savings. No family contributions. Nothing.

The bride price his family was supposed to bring to mine was 1.8 million naira plus items.

His family could raise 200,000 naira.

I watched this man cry in front of me. He held my hands and said he did not want to lose me over money. He promised he would pay me back. He promised things would change. He said he was embarrassed but he trusted me enough to be honest.

I was moved. I thought it was brave of him to tell me the truth. I thought I was choosing love over tradition.

I quietly moved money from my savings and gave it to his uncle to present as the family contribution. My own family never knew. They collected the bride price happily and blessed our union.

I paid for my own bride price.

I have never said that sentence out loud before.

WHAT HAPPENED AFTER THE WEDDING

The first year was manageable. We were still in the honeymoon phase and I told myself we were building together.

But something shifted quietly. So quietly I almost did not notice it happening.

Emeka stopped asking for my opinion on things. Small things first. What to eat. Where to go. Then bigger things. He made a financial decision involving a land purchase without telling me. When I raised it he said he was the man of the house and did not need my permission.

The man of the house.

The man whose bride price I paid.

He started coming home late without explanation. When I asked questions he accused me of being controlling. When I cried he told me I was too emotional. When I brought up our finances he said I always wanted to make him feel small.

I have never once thrown the bride price in his face. Not once. But somehow he seems to know it lives in the room with us. And instead of gratitude it has turned into resentment.

Like I stole something from him by helping him.

THE INCIDENT THAT BROKE ME

Four months ago we had a fight about house expenses. I handle most of the bills because my salary is higher. I asked him to at least cover the children's school fees consistently.

He looked at me and said:

"You like to feel like a man so much. Oya now. Be the man."

I stood there in silence. I did not cry until he left the room.

This is the man I paid bride price for. This is the man I protected from shame in front of my family. This is the man I chose.

WHERE WE ARE NOW

We are not separated. We are not in counseling. We are doing that very Nigerian thing where you carry pain with a straight face and perform happiness for the world.

My mother calls every Sunday. I tell her everything is fine.

My friends see our pictures on Instagram and send heart emojis.

Inside this house there are two people living like polite strangers who share children.

I do not know what I am asking for exactly. Maybe advice. Maybe just to be heard. Maybe I just needed to say the truth somewhere even if it is to strangers.

But if you are a young woman reading this and a man is asking you to quietly cover what his family cannot provide, please think carefully. Love is real but so are consequences.

I loved this man completely. I still do somewhere underneath all this pain.

But I am exhausted.

I will be reading every comment. Please be kind. I am not as strong as this post might make me sound.

Docenti Global Business School | Best Business School in Lagos | MBA in Nigeria

This Edo woman should leave our brother alone. Let her find her fellow Edo person and marry biko. Marriage aburo by force

In Nigeria, anything that goes up never comes down

stuffs2002:
Envy, envy, envy
Black belle, black belle, black belle
Bitter leaf, bitter leaf, bitter leaf


In Shaa Allah, all the enemies of Nigeria will be put to shame.

Kindergarten talk

Blood money.
Nna anyi sacrifice, Kanayo O Kanayo will not even accept such money

Behind ever idiotic man is a more idiotic wife

Soludo focus on your son, Ozonna. He needs both psychiatric and spiritual help. A man whose house is on fire does not chase rats

CorrectionFLuid:
I suffered therefore others must suffer... One of the gazillion problems of the black man.

Your problem is problematic.
Decode, if you can

faceland:
My bad. Spelling is. It my strong point.

No worries bro.
I admire your mature response to my jab
Respects, man ✌️

Naijahero1:
With your poor and wrong grammar, are you a serious Nigerian youth?

Madridguy na 70 year old man o

GOFRONT:
Wow......See sweet Milf.

When will Regina celebrate hers this way??

We have been patiently waiting for her to be returned back to street for those of us that are interested in having a taste of her cutie pot

Used to rate you high.
Very disappointed with your comment.

faceland:
Who who that guy that dropped from celine (like our father at in heaven).

U cannot even spell ceiling. Wetin you spell na person name, as in Celine Dion

Highway wey us dem use our tax money dey do na im you come give your personal name.
Person dey alive dey immortalize himself.
That's the height of.....

I trust Peter Obi to do the needful when the time comes.

Just like Wike, Chike is NOT an IGBO man.
Ma. aaad pipu everywhere

DrTee1:
But why did the police have to shoot at the man in the roof who bore no arms?

I know the society is charged, but extra-judicial killing isn't right either. You don't shoot at an unarmed person except the court of competent jurisdiction has passed a death sentence, isn't it?

However, looking closely, despite the close proximity, it doesn't look like the suspected kidnapper in the roof was hit by the gunshot. He should have crumpled to the floor from the roof and died if that happened. However, his descent, thought fast, showed some clumsy coordination, suggesting that he wasn't killed.

Yet, this poses another challenge: how can our security agencies shoot that closely and not hit the intended target?

I wan laugh for this your comment but hunger no gree me 😂😂😂😂😂

[quote author=DrTee1 post=139639736]But why did the police have to shoot at the man in the roof who bore no arms?

I know the society is charged, but extra-judicial killing isn't right either. You don't shoot at an unarmed person except the court of competent jurisdiction has passed a death sentence, isn't it?

However, looking closely, despite the close proximity, it doesn't look like the suspected kidnapper in the roof was hit by the gunshot. He should have crumpled to the floor from the roof and died if that happened. However, his descent, thought fast, showed some clumsy coordination, suggesting that he wasn't killed.

Yet, this poses another challenge: how can our security agencies shoot that closely and not hit the intended target? [/quote

I wan laugh but hunger no gree me 😂😂

Story Storyyyyy...

Abegii

tito44:
Fulani as a race came from guinea and not mali

All join

Okoroawusa:
Before Igbos learn politics e go tey... aswear

D one wey una learn na im put Nigerians for this suffering.

Now U don expose yourself, Ghana people go soon pursue you go Mali,abi Guinea ,your original country

They depend on you to find work for them? Sorry to ask, how old is your dad for a driving job?

sleek214:
Obi, the despicable, greedy man. He is too desperate. Desperation has caused Atiku the presidency for so long, now Obi has joined the league.

So the one who snatched our ballot boxes and ran with them wasn't desperate?D one who wants to remain in power for another 4 years despite the killings and banditry in the land isn't desperate?

sleek214:
Obi, the despicable, greedy man. He is too desperate. Desperation has caused Atiku the presidency for so long, now Obi has joined the league.

So the one who snatched our ballot boxes and ran with them is not desperate?

nothingspoil70:
Why are you so happy about this beheading? Since it happened, you have been shouting all over the place

He is not happy about the beheading act but was merely asking you to focus on the most important and quit fighting the frivolous.
In summary, focus on your focus

muyico:
Ever since I got married to my husband 5 months ago, I noticed something strâñğè 😩

Anytime we want to spend time together as husband and wife, he will first go to the bathroom and stay there for some minutes

I first thought maybe he just wanted to ease himself, so I didn’t think much about it.

But yesterday, while washing the bathroom, I saw a tiny pack hidden beside the soap dish

When I opened it, I saw this med inside 🤦🏼‍♀️

Now I’m confused 😩

Please, what is this med used for?
Is he hiding an iľłñêşş guy from me or am I just overthinking? 😭

And why keep it hidden in the bathroom?

U been bursted.
Not original post

budaatum:
Are you married to Chaipaglu's boyfriend by any chance?

You be proper investigator

Obavoh:
The only protein she would manage to add is boiled egg that she sliced into two for us to share as if we are small children.

Even the accommodation they provided is nothing to write home about. There is no mosquito net on the windows. I have been using my little salary to treat malaria almost every week.

I cannot continue to serve under such a wicked family like this. All the workers are complaining not only me.

My mouth cannot say everything I have experienced since I started working here so I don’t lose my job. I just pray I find a better place of work. May God help me.

Who on earth TREATS MALARIA EVERY WEEK inasmuch as malaria is endemic in Nigeria? Guy, what sort of medications do you take or is it the usual Nigerian way of exaggerating thingd? No kpai yourself o.

Jayhome24:
I'm sure of the caash but given them.lands I'm very very unsure that will happen unless he give them the land now, do the C of O and sign executive order to bar anybody from collecting the land from them in the future, anything short of that its a fallacy and a failed promise especally those few non igbos among the players. I know what I'm saying let's stop pretending we know our people very well. You will remember my statement in few years time...

Why give them lands in the first place? Dem for marry wife for dem join.
Monetary incentives would have just been enough!

See as NSCDC hire chairs for dem. Dem for hire canopies join 😂

DMCA:
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...
that saved a wretch like meeeeeee....

.... I once was lost
But now, I'm found
Was blind, but now, I see!