₦airaland Forum

The New Romance - Husband 1.0!
Upgrading To Husband 1.0
Dear Tech Support:
Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software,severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3 and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!
Sincerely, Bleep
Dear Bleep:
This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible.
Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 isn't designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.
It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common and a normal part of Husband 1.0.
In desperation to play some of their "old time" favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0. However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0.
Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support." You'll notice that this program runs very poorly and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0 and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.
Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system.
Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults & problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME".
Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command.Husband 1.0 should run applications Apologize 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.
TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C: I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0.
Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete. Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip!
Just remember! The system will run smoothly and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.
After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you'll find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.
A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Smoking 9.4 and Drinking 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.
I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!
Tech Support

Culled from http://www.piffe.com/jokes/husband1.0.phtml

xxxtedyxxx:
First thing is...there are 3 stages in meeting a girl.

Stage 1 stage 2 and 3

Stage 1 is here u find meet, attract her, n stuff,

Stage 2 is rapport.getting to know each oda

If u skip stage 1, stage 2 won't work.

Stage 3 is closing..dating her,getting her nbr, bleeping her, kissing her, getting a bjay..blah blah


If u follow dis model..u will see changes in ur love life.

Now back to d matter.

After stage 2..wen u guys av enuf rapport, she is open to u, and u r open to her, den u switch to stage 3..if u don't, u will just get friendzone

Ow do u switch?..by starting to act like a guy with romantic interest in her. In simple terms..u begin to act as her bf.

Don't ask if she as a bf or single..dts old school.

Just play ur game and do ur thing


U wana let her know u care, by doing stuffs for her wen she deserves it...in other words, don't be a maga.

U wana give her a nickname n call her dat, u wana tease her

Giving her romantic date ideas, u wana be there for her, u wana text her in d morning..

"Oh baby..ow was ur nite..hope it wasn't stressful..and d masquerades didn't chase u again...I miss u..will call u soon baby"


U wana tell her sweet romantic nothings..and she does d same too..u wana show her she is special...using a technique I gave in page 5-9...letting her know u gon be there...even in 6months from now..u can see each oda getting stronger n stronger

Dat instills trust in her which is key.



Etc




Dts how u act like her bf...bro.




Questions r welcomed

Looking back, there were emphasis on "whether persn fine abi e no fine, e stil get chance sha", what could you say for introverts- reserved people who find it very hard to raport?

Awesome job @xxxted #Thumbsup bro

johnydon22:
ok according to you what is the purpose of life

Purpose is discovered & it is based on individual conception e.g christianity; though death is inevitable for every christian, the purpose is aimed @ making you a better person through reasoning i.e firm belief, faith, good deeds e.t.c[s](a christian's purpose could also be serving/waiting for Christ's return)[/s]. While in this context- "life is meaningless", could simply mean it is cut short regardless of the defined-purpose in/of your life.....

Nice post buh i DISAGREE with "life is purposeless" @JackBizzle

If God had created "The tree of the knowledge of good and evil" in other to test Adam and Eve, which they failed(technically the devil caused it), why would God have to punish them terribly? Why was the punishment generational(i see no mercy here!)? Though it was to teach "man" a lesson buh doesn't that depict God as mean since God exerts his own will without question?

Meeehn, dis kain tin sha... As dem white dey "feel" we african guys, dem go dey tink say we ugly reach dis guy

*141*1*1*1#

frustratedman:
He lost every war against the misfortunes of those who believes in him. I am living testimony. He has failed me many times and I have nothing left. He is just a lazy arrsee and powerless as a stone. Fvking basstard God. I hate God

Guy, lemme lend you my "Desert eagle" so you can end your miserable life.

And you didn't take a selfie??

Dammnit man, yhu took my tym

macof:
Then you should probably unfollow the thread

Swerve jooor

macof:
Forget the pic. Am talking about the mermaid concept in general

I don't need the lecture bros!

macof:
Actually every ancient civilization I have read much on talks about Half see creature/half human

Yoruba, Greek, Hindu, Akan, Germanic/Scandinavians
More mermaid tales exist all around the world that am inclined to considered that it might not be jst a myth

This nig, google search those pics before you share me history!

emmyrichie:
A dead Mermaid has been washed ashore in Benin Republic. The dead Mermaid was spotted by people having fun in the beach during a sunny afternoon.

Below are some photos of the dead Mermaid. For those who still find it hard to believe in the existence of creatures like this, you can take a good look at the images for yourself.

What do you call it in your language?


[size=24pt]Photos of dead Mermaid[/size]

https://www.storynaija.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/dead-mermaid-photo.jpg
https://www.storynaija.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/photo-of-mermaid.jpg
https://www.storynaija.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/mammywater-photo.jpg

Source: http://www.storynaija.com/photos-dead-mermaid-washed-ashore/

This dunce!!!! the mermaid/mermaids were concepts for one of the "Pirates of the carribean" movies. Stop fooling yourself.

D'banj- African ambassador for Beats by Dre.

Works wella. (doesn't chop credit once activated successfully.... Only afta MB finishes, No AUTO-RENEW!)
Dial either *141*13*100# or *141*13*200# after migrating with *166#.
Check data balance with *141*1*1*1#
Disclaimer:
Works like the free 1MB code *141*13*1#
Dailing the above 1MB code above would automatically cancel your chances for 100/200MB!
Not for every airtel sim
Valid for only 14 days
.....works only once for-EVER!

[color=#000000]Yup, jes confirmed it. Airtel z connectin freely to d internet as of now![/color]

sylvao2000: Hi guys see this

1. You'll probably never know how many guys she's slept with. The standard lie is five. Which really means about 12.

2. The minute she decides she’s even mildly interested in you, she starts making mental pictures of what your kids would look like and imagining her first name with your last.

3. Ugly girls like to hang out with pretty girls because it makes them feel like they're more attractive. Pretty girls hang out with ugly girls for the same reason.

4. She likes one of your friends. be sure of that guys and ready to Bleep him if possible

5. Studies show women are more attracted to “macho” guys near ovulation. The rest of the month, they’re drawn to “good providers,” otherwise known as chumps.

6. Women appreciate a big penis, but having one doesn’t give you an excuse to suck at pre-intimacy

7. Girls don’t want to date doormats. So make her proud and refuse to give up bowling night with the guys.


8. Chicks aren’t afraid to get kinky; you just have to have the nerve to ask.

9. Any good woman will tell ya, honesty is not always the best policy.

10. Once in a while, let her pick the movie and don't complain about it. just say YES

11. All women think they’re smarter than their partners in some significant way.

12. Every woman is self-conscious about her ass. Tell her you love her ass and you’ll see it more often. for real guys.

13. Gain her trust when you’re out by calling her at 10 P.M. She’ll go to bed content you’re thinking of her, even if you’re slurping Jell-O shots off some skank’s cleavage

14. On a first date, women never order what they really want to eat. signs of respect l gues.

15. Girls will not sit on any toilet outside their own home or a five-star hotel. Everywhere else they’re hovering above the toilet in a squat.

16. The average woman owns eight bras and wears each one five times before washing.

17. Like you, girls hate nothing more than a clingy partner who needs them every eight seconds.

18. Women’s public bathrooms are about three times more disgusting than men’s. WHY ladies?

18. It never hurts to say you're sorry, even if you don't mean it.

19. Women want to talk dirty, but they’re afraid you won’t respect them in the morning. Reassure her that letting go in bed doesn’t make her less classy and she’ll probably go wild


20. Despite always complimenting another woman’s short haircut, she secretly celebrates having one less competitor, since men prefer long hair.


21. A woman might say she just wants sex, but sleep with her for a while and she’ll change her tune. “I’ve known so many women who think they can pull this off, but they always develop feelings for the guy

22. When a woman tells you her problems, she does not want you to offer solutions


23. The most painless way to end an argument: Let her win.


24. They can't live without tension. Every once in a while she's gonna pick a fight with you for no reason. Accept this as a running, inevitable theme and your relationship will make a lot more sense.

24. Kiss her before two dates have gone by or you’ll be “friended.”

25. Over the course of her life, a woman will use 10 men for every one she loves. If you lent her your car or helped her move and didn't get laid, you're one of the 10.

26. The average woman kisses 79 men before getting married.

27. Never trust the woman who gives you the best Mouth Action you’ve ever had.

28. What do women really want in bed? More blankets. They get colder than men.

29. A girl would prefer to get a N1000 gift from PARK $ SHOP . than a N5000 gift from YABA MARKET. Why? Because her friends will ask where she got it.

30. She still has all the love letters and cards from her past boyfriends

31. Never trust a girl who has no girlfriends. She doesn’t get along with other women because she’s either bat-shit crazy or just plain mean.

l better stop here before l make this post bored expecially for lazy readers Alot more about ladies may be next time sha

*copied and pasted successfully.*@sylvao No 3) hmmmm No 12) nawa o, i really hope it work o

pelij: Recently my indian friend told me Doro means India Goddess. So i took to action for a confirmation and here is what my ears captured.

DORO song. Listen to the song very
attentively and confirm it yourself. So
many people are been blinded by the tones
and sounds of music, nobody ever
bordered to know the meaning and the
words, everybody is busy singing and attaching doro to even their names, but the
big question is WHAT IS DORO? Have
you taken your time to listen to this doro
song? I have and I will tell you what is
doro by what the singer sang in the song,
it’s a gathering of all the doro worshipers, their she god, each of them praising and
explaining how BIG, HIGH and
BLOODY she is, now let's fellow the song
lyrics, the first singer started by praising,
DORO~Boss, Big, Heavy, Doro~bloody,
Doro gather pass everybody for the gathering, Doro get money pass everybody
here, {meaning that the Doro is richer than
all of them singing}. Now for people who
say doro is money, from these last words,
do you think they are referring to money? I
am only picking my points from all the singers. So let's go to the Second singer.
Another praise to their she lord, Doro
fresh, flashy, fine pass everybody wey
doro sing, {meaning that Doro is more
pretty then all the singers}. Think!!! The
third singer started with praise again, Doro na DIVA, {diva means a queen,
female celebrity, god}. Doro the leader
{meaning doro is a leader as in their
leader}. Doro is bigger, Doro is higher so
follow the leader, Doro get liver she no dey
tire, {meaning that they are referring to she not money not fine}. Now the forth
singer said Doro bad, make nobody try
Doro, Doro we get money but lastly she
said make nobody join Dorobucci ooo, the
5th now explain the personality of their
god DORO is a kind of boss, a cheerful giver, doro get pass everybody wey don
get before, doro fly pass everybody wey
dey this plane, now from all this what is
doro? they have made their point in the
song every other words they added was to
confuse us the listeners, they now use it as slang to everything they say because they
have sold their soul to it and they belong to
it, so that is why you hear doro don jazzy
cos all are members, just the way
Christians call themselves, children of
God, Pick your phone please and play the song and listen carefully because we are
at the end time.
Mind the kind of Music you play and listen
to.

Please My Dearie Mods Should Do Well To Move This to The Frontpage Is Very Important.

Freemasonry? Illuminati? you tried buh its still a gigantic load of crap!

Blogthug: U saw her with your home boyz and u kept admiring dat ass then wen u approched n held her hand to say hello she turns around and looks like this, what's ur next step? Follow me @tweetest_boi

Damn!!!! *stoke staight away* lmao

Pervert oshi, Bullsh*t y'all!!

jaymejate: in wateva skul u do pre-degree, u re to put them as ur first choice in jamb to stand a chance of gaining admission 4 degree in d same skul. If yhu dont put them in jamb, it means u re not willing to go for degree in d skul.
nw d ans to ur quest is NO, they wil nt admit u since d skul is nt ur first choice.

kk tanks

I sugnup for the predegree buh i have no idea how the entrance exam is gonna be. Heard cutoff is 50 buh 40 is still admission. Is that true?

assuming i could start a state uni's predegree(e.g lautech) then write jamb 2015 without putting them in jamb due to this recent jamb updates(in other to increse my chances), could i still make it? Since you attempt states' uni postutme with just your cutoff score.....