₦airaland Forum

Madam, so sorry. Try n do things dt will make u hapi.. Pls don't b sad. Welcome to the Nigerian marriage where most women take bullshit in their matrimonial n look good forming illusions of perfect marriage outside.... My dear, so pple v seen worse. Now is d Tym u want v to define wat u want. U either stay and get used to it and continue praying for him to change or rise above by moving out and start ur life again... Try n remove ur mind from it, na temptation. u talk him abt it. N he might change since u said he loves u n all... Forgive him.. Marriage entails continuous forgiveness..

Because he lock his fone, dt is y I lock mine.. Because for him to kip d password a secret, I know he is hiding something., for me using d password on my fone, I want him to be at edge. Thou, I v noting to hide. D day he opens his fone, I will unlock mine too.. Shineka... Do me I do.... Different perspectives to pple....

Chai!.. Y only Lagos os.. Chai..

elipheleh:
Lie!! Are you not yoluba. The males of the red oil stew eaters are all rapists.

Like really.... V u ever try doing IQ test..... Wat a dumb comment from a so called grown ass man!... WTF

Assuming it is anoda city apart from Lagos , peeps wil b shouting "dis city or town is local"...#SmH#

In the end, most of students dt cohabitate don't get married cos f d 'see-finish' sydrome! ...after d tym and body n money wasted..... #SMH#. Most peeps I knw dt did it aint together again.

U r in SItUATiONShip not a relationship. Is shee dt gud on bed or she is helpin u financially?...pls....Leave d babe quietly no need 4 breakup issue . J kip urdistance and pray 4God's guidance.dis Love is talkin abt get sense oo cos it s 21st century. If u eventually marry dis babe, do u knw she can kill u cos of her infidelity. And uwill neva vpeace. So. Save ursef all dis drama now. Beta gals r in town .reset ur mindset

edwife:
I am not going to watch it;ever since i watched Allu4, i have decided never to watch any video like that again.

Samme here! D review shows it is really terrible even 4 men to find it brutal. If I atch I dont think I will. Trust. Any one wit my son.
According to WDN, d father of the child, beat d maid to stupeour dt she is on a wheelchair and on treatment even after dey v jailed 4 3rd yrs wic is not enof to me o.m na jereeee!life imprisonment she deserves

GooseBaba:
Atually ijebu reloaded..! Lol

When it comes to man and woman talk and money is involved.. my eye dey red.

Back in 2002 I remember my mugu performance when I spent half of my rent on a stripper named "pearl" only to see her zooming off in a 2002 Range rover with customize plate number.. And here I was driving a 1991 Nissan stanza manual everything..

To fall mugu like that, is the beginning of wisdom..

LMAO#...ok

GooseBaba:
Bros, I have to disagree with you on the bolded.

Will the same man accept such perception from his wife. If the wife is getting her honey pot dipped by random guys and he finds out, would he apply such rationale.

Just think about it for a minute. That is the most dishonest lie a cheating spouse could tell themselves.

There is this uncle of mine, he is married to one wife with 8 children all girls. But the man like outside chop wella. When he stays home on the weekends, his wife would say to him I know you are low on funds let me raise you.

And he will always says his wife is understanding. The question I always ask myself, would he also be understanding if he finds out his lovely wife is getting her clit licked and pounded by some dude from a "no strings attached concept"

For me when such temptations arise.. I just reminise on the fun I had as a single man. And then look at my bills. That helps to put things in perspective sometimes.

U r rite. D tin is der is no eexcuse.....
Lmao @ " look at my bills..."U can't afford to waste on Hoes niyen..... Lwkmd...Sir, u b ijebu ni?

plaetton:
Thank you.
This dovetails with the point I trying to get across.
Yes, most men, myself included, can occasionally do a quick arithmetic of the costs and benefits before we decide whether or not to take the plunge.
If the potential costs outweigh the short-term benefit, then one is restrained with will power.

The big question is; at what point in the life of a marriage or relationship does the benefit of a sexual adventure outweigh the potential costs?
This now depends on the quality of the marriage in the eyes of the man.
First, let me correct this notion.
Men do not consider satisfying their sexual urges as cheating.
For men, cheating means having an affair.
Sex and affairs are not the same in the mind of s man.
I know many many men who would never risk having a steady side girlfriend because if the risk of hurting their wives.

But these same guys would jump at any opportunity for sex without commitment. These guys satisfy their urges with runs girls whenever they travel out on business, wash their hands and mouths, and go back to being good faithful husbands .

To be honest, I have never seen a man for whom I can swear does not occasionally chop outside, irrespective of the type of wife he has, his religious or moral beliefs or pretences.

In some societies, men are more restrained in satisfying their urges, but in ours , we have little or none.

Wow... Ok , m learning oo! Dis is anoda perspective. Buh most tyms, we women don't v andwant to knw if it is casual thing without attachment n wahala go don happen to d marriage,u knw...... Its only d man dt wil knw in his mind dt no string attached .
Wow! All dis is so complex oo..

ayinba1:
So what does a woman do if and when she finds out that there is a side chic? I mean a self respecting woman, what is the next step?

Maam, my own opinion is dt if she is sure abt dis side chic, she should ask herhubby abt it wit confidence dt she knws wat she is talking abt. N ask him wat she v done to deserve dt.thou he might deny ,buh he knw d wife knws already ,if he truly love her,he wil free d gal. N if not, d wife hhas to make tough decision either to stay or leave.

plaetton:
To all ladies.
There is no such thing as an honest man when it comes to men's sexual urge.

Men's sexual urges have nothing do with the quality of his spouse nor respect or love for her.
Those things are are not part of the sexual equation.

A man can go OUT OF HIS WAY to contain his urges, but only for a limited time.

There is a good reason that prostitution is the oldest profession in world, ..and it's not because of single guys.

Isn't it possible to a man NOT TO GO OUT OF HIS wAy to contain his urges for dt limited time if he think abt all problem dt comes out of cheating. Dts mean it is a decision he made @ dt limited time. If he wants to control himself ,he will buh he chooses not to....just to satisfy d urge

GooseBaba:
Word..!

That's why it's important to solve major bedmatics equations from different pantography, shapes and sizes, before deciding to sign marriage contract.

Meanwhile, as a married man. One of the reasons I chose not to play away match is "pride".When caught I would have to apologize for breaking contract rule... Fuvk no!!! For something I did while single without hiding or lying about it..

I salute the husbands wey dey chop outside. To me it's time consuming. Paying for ashi... Tufiakwa..! Why pay for what someone else is chopping for free

Meanwhile, women thinking because they have high self esteem is the reason their husband would not chop outside are on a very long thing, if I dey lie ask hillary Clinton. There is a million and one reason to chop clean mouth outside. It all boils down to personal decisions.

Lmao! @d" chop clean mouth outside " statement.
And abt payin olosho, dunno y d man can't give his wife d moni, moni is neva enof 4 a woman nah.lool..@ least she will appreciate it den som sickbitch!....

RollingFella:
Please ma'am, NEVER believe all these cock and bull stories about all men having side chicks and main babe. Whoever wrote that still has a lot of growing up to do and do not understand what real life commitment and responsibility is all about. Not all men cheat. There are a lot of good men out there who seriously frown at cheating. Its so unbelievable how cheating is now accepted as a standard in relationships. This is an avenue to call on parents to always impart sound moral values in their children, while at the same time show good moral examples to them.

Thnk u. Parents should teach der children to b beta demm !lovedis

Adonbeelivit!!

coogar:
there's a bit of truth in what you are saying & you should have expected people to come after your head. the truth is some wives are side-chics too. just because they have the mrs. title doesn't make them a man's #1. it's very possible for a husband with a wife to shower more attention & love to a mistress than the so-called wife.

there are too many twists & turns around the issue.

Pls,can u elaborate on d "some wivescan b a side chick too". Thnks

LewsTherin:
It remains a matter of the circles one moves in.

All men are not cheats
MOST men are not cheats
Some men are cheats

If you find that most of the men you know are cheats, then there is something wrong with the people around you, there is something wrong with your circle of associates.

With all the cheating threads I see on Nairaland, I have looked through all the guys I hang with, looked at their lives and I realise that the vast majority of them are faithful to their partners - including a guy who was so terible in his school days that we called him Oko Ashewo! But as he learnt responsibility, even before he got married, he settled with just one lady at a time.

There are a host of responsible men out there who caution themselves. And for another large set of men, cheating is just too frightening or too expensive or too much work. Either way, they remain committed. Dispute all you like.

Wow! Dis isdeep! ! Intelligent thoughts.
Kudos to faithful husbands out der includin u sir n myhubby.
N ihope dose cheatingeither male or female will try look @ dr circle of friends and retrace their steps. Evil communication corrupts gdmanners.

Great comment ,@ aisha! U knw, I lik ur opinion in all posts. Shows u r a really thhoughtful and wise woman.God wil Kip d wisdom flowin .

Rosarie:
i tire .wen good tins happen dey dnt come and put it here is only negative dey re good at posting here.all men are not the same.i repeat all men are not the same.i ve heard young bos rant but as soon as dey settle down dey worship her and she is d only chick.pls op i tink if all men were same den dey should all be bearing the same names.

Pls. Madam, m not being negative. M just tryin ask pple esp. Men abt d perspective of d pic I attached to d msg,if dts truly wat goes thru a cheat's mind. I neva said all men r cheats cos I knw som very gd men.pls,try understand d post. B4 being judgemental!.. U sound kinda bitter!..m loving my marriage so u cant jw assume shit cos I post dis. If my hub is a cheat I can eaasily open a thread abt dt, cos its afaceless forum.. Thnk u.

@ iwalewa, every woman's dream is to b a only chick, may God help us. Its only wen ladies begin to respect demselves and value, n knw der worth.dts wen dr won't b any one willing to b a side chick.lemme add dis graphic pic to show ow degrading some ladies v become.
Women , we r our own enemy. If a lady knows she falls into any category apart from d wife, thhen she nids to work on herslf .

Wendy80:
U haven't seen a case where side Chick will push main Chick aside and become d main main.


Btw I'm yet to comprehend why a girl will know she's just a side Chick and will still remain in the relationship.

most side chicks v low esteem and r greedy dts y dey agree to b d second..or she is hhopin to b d main chick.

iwakolewa:
Seems to me that you're a side chick

Lool! M not ! Married traditionally n legally wit hubby! Wit a handsome boy.
M jw tryin to re view all dis nl issue on cheating, I saw dis comment on BN, dts y I nid pple opinion abt it, if its normal or not. Do u get?

Pls to d men in d house how thru is dis from a man's perpective?. And d women inhouse , do u think u can understand dis pyshcology of thinking with ur husband?
P.S: not all men r cheats. Some women r worst.

God. Bless those dt r contributing to dis thread. V learnt a lot.may God bless ur home more.
My question is 1. As d man of the family, do u make all decisions abt family issues and money being spent solely, without ur wife because u laboured 4 it..?
And wat advice do u v to men dt dose dt?
Thanks.

Becalm:
@ KillJoy

U analysis of marriage is good but the social implications of what u propose are deeper than u can imagine. U mentioned great thinkers and achievers like Einstein yet there were married and never thought intelligently like you.

1. U feel a maid is handy to raise your kids from a baby mama and carry out domestic work. Believe me u will sleep with that maid someday if she stays around for a long time to satisfy your sexual urge and the moment that happens expect that disrespect u despise once in a while from her. Then u fire her, employ another maid and it goes on and on. Your children are exposed to many women of various characters, they will never know motherly love, affections and directions all their lives.

2. U don't need a child: Really, if we all don't need children, how could u have existed. How can we have continuity, who takes over the affairs of the home and the state when we depart? When u get old and can't do much who takes care of u at home or in old people's home? Other people's children.

3. A woman's love is only skin deep: Is your mother's love skin deep cos she is a woman. U may find it hard to believe, but some women love their husband as much if not more than their children.

So if u avoid sharing a life of joy and trouble with a woman called a wife, will u also avoid taking an employment because of that pain-in-the-ass colleague u must work with, that boss who is bent on making your life miserable or the slave-master alliance of some working environment. Did u avoid the rigours and horrors of attending a Nigerian University (standing during lectures, intimidation of lecturers, harassment of cultist etc) after all MONEY is what counts in the end since the some of the world successful men are drop outs.

My dear, u can be single if u choose to be, but the reasons u gave above against marriage is do not hold water may be I should reply later every point u listed one after the other.

Wow. Respect to u sir!.... U nailed it. Dis is wat I call matured talk n thinking.

killjoy:
who da fvck r u hv we met before?? did u lose ur way? u cud do wit a GPRS ryt about nw.

M not surprisedwit ur response. It jw confirm ow sick n emotionally damaged u r. **run along**. Udont v to proof u r a dick .can sense it already.*smellos*

Woes unto any lady dt dates or even becomes ur baby mama.may God restart n reset ur brains to make u understand his covenant abt marriage and heal ur wounds dt has made u bitter..

babestell:
You miss the point. The woman isn't saying anything because she knows it is not an emotional relationship. Because she understands her husband and how he behaves. The 2 of them are friends and when he told her, she understood it wasn't something to worry about. If you marry a man you understand and trust, such situations will not bother you because you know your spouse. If your husband/wife is the type that is free with the opposite gender as per gisting and stuff, he will continue to be so after the wedding. it will reduce but not totally go away will you then start jumping to conclusions everytime you see him exchange jokes with a lady...na high blood pressue be that

I also don't understand what you mean by have fun with me. Enjoying the same activities does not mean we have going there together or that we spend time together.

Kk. Thnks4 clarifying. I now understand u beta. Buh stil ,don't b tooclose.

babestell:
He may not be cheating (yet)

Sometimes it is possible for opposite sexes to form close bonds, that may seem like cheating. what kind of guy is he? Are you guys so close that you talk about everything? That maybe what he has with the other lady. A close friendship

I have a married male colleague who am close to. We go for mass together, enjoy the same activities, laugh at the same jokes, talk about everything. One day I asked him if his wife knew I existed and he said no, apparently he was pulling the same kind of moves your hubby did. eventually he did and the wife confessed that she had heard about me from other people and she didn't say anything because she kinda trusted her husband. madam and I are cool now not friends but we are cool.

For your peace of mind, don't start suspecting or reading meanings into his actions as that is a recipe for high blood pressure, rather work on becoming friends and realize that people will always have secrets, even toddlers have secrets not to talk of adults whose past we cannot verify. Of course this is just me presenting a different angle to the story

U r in a emotional relationship. Leave d married man to. V fun wit his wife not u. Use d tym wit spend it anoda oman's husband to build ur relationship. In case u don't knw ,dman might v feelins 4 u. D fact dt d woman is not talkin doesn't mean she is ok wit it.

kevinhacker:
when GEJ said that unemployment rate has reduced , some was like "ah but I'm still here 'GEJ don lie again ooo! " but the fact is most of those that came out with good result are well EMPLOYED!

I disagree. It is not most, it. Is a few. We v over 50 univ. Both private n public in nigeria.not to talk abt polys. Ow many of dose who passed out it gd grads ar well employed. Being employed is not d ish. Dey r even paid lesser dan dey worth.
Abegi......d jobs available in the country is far lesser dan the graduates produced every year. 3 batch of nysc each year. Almost or over 2,000 grads in each batch dt passes out.
Mutiply 3. ..n u say wetin ....d sooner we all learn to b creative.d beta

Princessmel: In my ex boyfriends house

Wow!