₦airaland Forum

lekkie073:
war of the golden stool...
So there was this stool. It was an actual golden
stool, belonging to the Ashanti Empire (an
African state on the Gold Coast, not the estate
of the R&B singer). The stool was sacred,
believed to house not only the authority of the
chief, but also the spirit of the Ashanti nation,
as well as the souls of the living, dead and yet
to be born. So in 1896, the Ashanti King had been exiled,
leaving the Ashanti people without a chief.
Fortunately, the British Governor of the Gold
Coast, Sir Frederick Hodgson, was there to
help, in the way that the white man is always
happy to do.
In March 1900, Hodgson entered the Ashanti
capital and said that since the Ashanti lands
were under the rule of the Queen, they had
better fetch him this sacred Golden Stool so he
could sit his ass right on it. "And probably fart
on it," he might as well have added.
The locals sat there in stunned silence at this
suggested ass-defiling of their heritage and
custom, and when the speech finished, went
home and rustled up as many weapons as they
could find. Thus began the War of the Golden
Stool.
What Happened Next?
The British sent some men out to look for the
stool, and were surprised to find themselves
under a vicious attack by a force led by Yaa
Asantewaa (the mother of the exiled king). The British column was nearly annihilated,
and the survivors managed to scamper back to
Kumasi and barricade themselves in their
small fort on March 28th, 1900, spraying
petrified fountains of poop with every step.
Yaa Asantewaa laid siege to them for the next
three and a half months with a force of up to
12,000 men.
The British had to bring in several thousand
men, under the command of Major James
Willcocks, as well as some serious pieces of
hardware, to break through the cordon. They
finally did on July 14, 1900. The besieged
British had been trapped for three months,
and had run out of food and ammunition and
were in desperate need of fresh underpants.
In retaliation to the Ashanti's impertinence,
Willcocks spent the remainder of the summer
butchering local villages, razing towns and
stealing land.
Worth it?
Who Won?
Though the Ashanti lost on the battlefield,
suffered over 2,000 military casualties (plus
many more civilians), were annexed, were
brutally repressed and had their heads of state
exiled, they still claimed to have won the war.
Why? Because through all of it, the British
never got to sit on their fucking golden stool.
#4. The Flagstaff War (1845-46)
People tend to get worked up about their flags.
For instance, try going to a military base with
an ax and cut their flagpole down. See what
they say.
How Did It Start?
In 1840, British troops were doing what they
usually did, which was hang around a country
that was not their own. Specifically New
Zealand and, specifically, the town of
Kororareka. It was a place of brothels, grog-
holes and gambling dens, and was filled with
people bereft of scruples and/or one or more
limbs who spent their days having comical bar
fights.
The British went ahead and hoisted the Union
Jack over the town, figuring nobody would
mind. Who doesn't love the British flag?
Meet Hone Heke, a chief of some of the
natives. He rode into town and chopped down
the flagpole, apparently figuring they wouldn't
actually be ruled by the British as long as the
flag wasn't there. Out of sight, out of mind,
right?
What Happened Next?
What followed was a display of splendid
idiocy. The garrison instantly erected a new
flagpole, which Heke chopped down just as
swiftly, and a third replaced it, only to be
felled again. Then a fourth was erected, and
was reinforced with iron and had an armed
guard, all presumably smirking away. We like
to imagine all of this taking place in the course
of one lunch hour.
Back in England, the House of Commons
decided that Heke and his people had no right
to chop down flagpoles and live unmolested in
their own country, and declared that lessons
needed to be taught. Helpful missionaries
carried this information to Heke, who was less
than impressed.
On March 11, 1845, Heke and his tribe
descended into the town with unprecedented
savagery, butchering townsfolk
indiscriminately. British troops tried to dig
themselves in around their barracks, but
probably ought to have been shooting as they
were swiftly overwhelmed. As a final "Bleep
you," Heke chopped down that damned
flagpole again.
Who Won?
The war dragged on for 10 bloody months. The
British managed to quash Heke's rebellion
over time, but the war can only really be called
a scoreless draw.
And while the British remained in control of
the territory, they didn't dare try to erect
another flagpole in that spot.
#3. The Battle of Karansebes (1788)
Hey, what if a bunch of soldiers got really
drunk, right in the middle of the war? And
started shooting at each other, just for fun?
Let's just say things get out of hand really fast.
How Did It Start?
So, in 1788, Austria was at war with Turkey.
The Austrian army was marching down to
clash with an advancing Turkish army in what
is now Romania. Shenanigans ensued.
What happened was the Austrians set up camp
for the night, and some scouts on horseback
went out to check the immediate countryside
for any armed Turks. They came across a band
of gypsies with a shitload of schnapps for sale,
which they eagerly bought and began drinking
with a gusto rarely seen outside of a frat party.
Now imagine they're shitfaced.
A load of Austrian infantry were also out and
about, and came across the group of scouts.
They wanted to join the drinking. The boozy
scouts refused and set up makeshift
fortification in what probably seemed a really
funny idea at the time. Things got heated, an
argument broke out and someone got too
excited and fired a shot.
What Happened Next?
All Hell broke loose, infantry and scouts firing
wildly at each other. The infantry, in a state of
confusion, began shouting that the Turks were
attacking them. The scouts, even though it was
they who were attacking their infantry,
suddenly believed that there actually was a
huge, swarthy, mustachioed Turkish army just
behind them.
Filling their snazzy cavalry pants with rapidly
escaping dinners, the scouts broke ranks and
piled through the ranks of infantry. The
infantry took this as a sign that the Turks
were definitely there. They began a panicky
withdrawal, all animosity forgotten in the face
of the imaginary Turkish army.
Just when the whole affair couldn't get any
stupider, it did. The Austrian army was made
up of soldiers from several countries and they
spoke different languages. So when the
German-speaking officers started shouting
"Halt! Halt!" in their own language, the non-
German-speakers mistook it for cries of, "Allah!
Allah!"
The whole frantic group of soldiers finally
arrived back at the main camp. An officer
there, in a moment of slapstick brilliance,
reasoned that the charging, shouting men
must be a Turkish attack, and ordered an
artillery strike.
Commander Hill.
The entire camp then awoke to the sound of
an enormous battle and they all did what
every disciplined soldier would do at a time
like this: ran away in different directions,
firing wildly. The situation escalated until the
army was called into a general retreat from the
imaginary enemy. Finally, not wanting to miss
out on the fun, the leader of the whole
operation, Holy Roman Emperor Joseph II, got
knocked off his horse and landed in a stream.
Who Won?
The only real winner here was magnificent
stupidity. For a more tangible result, we'll say
that the points went to the Turks, who arrived
at the scene two days later to find almost
10,000 dead and wounded Austrians and, after
they had all had a good laugh, promptly
captured the town and surrounding
countryside.
Pr

slowpoke
Why na

#5. The War of the Golden Stool (1900)



Just a tip: If you show up at somebody's house and they have a piece of golden furniture, don't sit on it unless they ask you to. It's probably important.


How Did it Start?


So there was this stool. It was an actual golden stool, belonging to the Ashanti Empire (an African state on the Gold Coast, not the estate of the R&B singer). The stool was sacred, believed to house not only the authority of the chief, but also the spirit of the Ashanti nation, as well as the souls of the living, dead and yet to be born.
So in 1896, the Ashanti King had been exiled, leaving the Ashanti people without a chief. Fortunately, the British Governor of the Gold Coast, Sir Frederick Hodgson, was there to help, in the way that the white man is always happy to do.

In March 1900, Hodgson entered the Ashanti capital and said that since the Ashanti lands were under the rule of the Queen, they had better fetch him this sacred Golden Stool so he could sit his ass right on it. "And probably fart on it," he might as well have added.

The locals sat there in stunned silence at this suggested ass-defiling of their heritage and custom, and when the speech finished, went home and rustled up as many weapons as they could find. Thus began the War of the Golden Stool.


What Happened Next?

The British sent some men out to look for the stool, and were surprised to find themselves under a vicious attack by a force led by Yaa Asantewaa (the mother of the exiled king).

The British column was nearly annihilated, and the survivors managed to scamper back to Kumasi and barricade themselves in their small fort on March 28th, 1900, spraying petrified fountains of poop with every step. Yaa Asantewaa laid siege to them for the next three and a half months with a force of up to 12,000 men.

The British had to bring in several thousand men, under the command of Major James Willcocks, as well as some serious pieces of hardware, to break through the cordon. They finally did on July 14, 1900. The besieged British had been trapped for three months, and had run out of food and ammunition and were in desperate need of fresh underpants.

In retaliation to the Ashanti's impertinence, Willcocks spent the remainder of the summer butchering local villages, razing towns and stealing land.

Who Won?

Though the Ashanti lost on the battlefield, suffered over 2,000 military casualties (plus many more civilians), were annexed, were brutally repressed and had their heads of state exiled, they still claimed to have won the war.

Why? Because through all of it, the British never got to sit on their fvcking golden stool.

Quick, what do you think is the dumbest reason anyone has gone to war? If you immediately talk about Iraq or Vietnam, well, history has a whole bunch of retarded examples for you.

As these examples prove, all of the reasons are really secondary. We just really like war.

Thumbs up O.P

i wanna have one for those fulani monsters

Another blunder from this D.i.c.k.h.e.a.d

mbaka0433:
End time Chance



We need The Rising Sun

Na Rising moon ona go get.....,Bunch of pricks.

THIS IS JUST ANOTHER PERPETUAL ENERGY THEORY

A perpetual motion machine is a hypothetical machine that can do work indefinitely without an energy source. This kind of machine is impossible, as it would violate the first or second law of thermodynamics.

[size=50pt]ANOTHER SILLY THREAD[/size]

1 Gun
2 Taser
3 pepper spray


Cause its the home of serial killers, psychos and devil worshipping cults


I LOVE MY COUNTRY 9JA

HighIQ:
An elite was once asked what could be the causes of the high level of unemployment in the country. He replied " the courses studied by most students in the higher institution" The point is there are some professions in Nigeria that does not exist at all. Meaning going to study such course is a high tremedous waste of time. How can a student say I have passion for animals, plants, soil. I love to play with flowers. I love farming etc. Shockingly, most students that studied such courses to fill the vacuum of their passions may end up with unrelated professions like teaching etc. The following courses does not exist in Nigeria.

1) Microbiology/ Biochemistry-- Those that studied medical laboratory science has sent these people packing from our hospital labs.

2) Zoology/botany- I heard of a zoologist who now works in Mr biggs

3) Anatomy/physiology- There is no available slot for a bsc holder of these courses in our hospitals except in the motuary. They have to further to be a lecturer. Infact, medical doctors are equally competing with them to be lecturers in those courses

4) Soil science/ Animal science/ All Agriculture courses---A five-year course that.may end u been disapppointed.

5) Physics/ Mathematics/ chemistry- (in an upper musical tone voice) ....be ready to be a teacher. ¶¶

6) Psychology/ philosophy/ Demography/ sociology-- I am just dumbfounded. hmmm Courses where you are been taught "how to kick your ass"
7) The list goes on and on.

Note- I am not saying those that studied the above course won't be succesful in life. But my point is they may eventually end up in a profession not relating or fully engaged to the course they had studied in university such as teaching, banking , Immigration Job, Police officer etc which are even thug of war to get. Mr Seun lalasticlala take note

OP na that agric u fvck up. You taught agric is all about plant farming and to get land before you can establish yourself, you forgot about poutry farming, fish farming, etc. Let me tell what you dont know agric scholars are the most easily set of people that can be their own boss in this current nigeria.

Arrest me please

Pangea:
Haba
Go and see what ISIS is doing in Syria and what Boko haram did in yobe and borno?
Anything can happen when there is chaos!

And we can as well see what PKK and YPG(mostly christian kurds) in syria are doing to them which at now ISIS is on the losing side. Which shows that modern day chaos cant be monopolize. If a similar christian resistance group rised up in the northern nigeria, boko haram might not have had much strenght and might even be history by now.

The only reason the turks(islamic invaders) where able to take over byzantine(modern day turkey) was the fall of byzantine empire(christian empire) which was caused by just one single gate unlocked during its siege.


Anything similar to that cant happen today in 21st century


War, forceful converting en masse or taking over large territory is not as simple as it is 500years ago

I pity Nigeria

It seems they don't know about CHERNOBYL

Bloody animals

Have just downloaded the tor browser
but
how do i configure it?

Confused UK

And they are currently accepting refugee migrants from middle east en masse which they end up wecking havoc on them
but they choose to deport hardworking nigerians. it not their fault i blame our leaders

F...U...C...K DOLLAR


SAI BABA

Na those DEMDEM from the EAST people wey dey claim say dem develop lagos na him cause am oh.

mrvitalis:
Believe me if u take the average statistics of southern Nigeria it will be very close to south Africa if not better
The north keep pulling us back

That why we need a united south and not yoruba vs igbo dramas.

Nigeria shall be grate again we millennials holds the key.

sixthsense:
waste of time.,
waste of resources.,
waste of language..
wtf wud they do with such language after now ??

IPAD spotted. Go and hang yourself.

May be this is what those ondo mobs are trying to prevent, thats why they killed that gay guy. They are trying to protect their land from bloody anal smashers.

[size=15pt]SOO DRY[/size]

Yes this what have been waiting for


Nobody as monopoly over violence and terror


If FG can't protect me then I will protect myself


Let the see who got the biggest guns



WAR START!!!

South beasts no get waterfall?




Na erosion fall dem get

if i say E you say BO omo na you sabi






Na DEMDEM people be this oh

sirklin:
You just confirmed that yorubas are cowards. Which Kain restrategizing

If you don experience conflit you go know watin i mean. From eye witness "police and soldiers were shielding the hausas during the attack" now tell me if is wise to face well armed and trained men in street fight. You think that everything is just attack,,attack,,attack without thinking of ambush, outgunning yourselve in street battle, even boko boys, isis, all armies and militia groups dey restrategize in conflit when dem they take too much damage. We no be ipads wey dey die like headless fowl. Na pesin way know go sabi watin i dey yan.