Hello world!
I have a novel am writing and about to round up. I will be sending it to my editor soon but I have a FEW PIECES to share with you guys but it is going to be from the middle of the story. Until i have it edited will post all. I first want to see your interest in it. If it gets your attention or not. I like criticism. I need your it to continue with this story.
The story has a time period set a 100yrs ago, now and the future. It has african settings in a modernized way. It's pure fiction and it has two protagonists. It's about a woman who could'nt grow old nor die. She has strange powers which she never used to harm anyone but her loved ones passed on yet she was still alive. She has a great grand child, who has powers also but she harmed people moderately with hers...The point is, they both don't like their powers. They want to be normal......Okay, here we go..........

* * *

There was a new kid in school. She always kept to herself and looked creepy. Her eyes were very wide and the white part as white as snow. Her pupil was grey and transparent. No one was able to look her in the eye.
She approached Rosie one day in school. Other students were surprised she talked to someone finally but they were not surprise it was Rosie she chose to talk to.
"Birds of a same feather," said one student. They shrugged and walked away.
"Hey Rosie," she greeted.
"Hey. How did you know my name?" Rosie asked.
"Roaster call" she replied.
"Okay". Rosie began to walk away.
"You don't want to talk to me?"
Rosie laughed cynically. "But I am," she paused and walked back to her again.
"What's your name?"
"Ra," she replied.
"Ra is your name? Just Ra?"
"Yes. Just Ra."
A look of confusion crossed Rosie's face.
"You have b...beautiful eyes,” Rosie said sarcastically and scared, "they are...".
"They are wide and large, I know." Ra Interrupted.
" Yes, they are and grey. Haven't seen such eyes in my entire life." Said Rosie curiously.
"Yeah I know. They are the way the are for a reason". Said Ra, matter- of-factly.
"I believe you. It is like you are looking right through my soul. Scariest thing I've ever seen."
"Hey. Am right here. Stop talking as if I wasn't here." Ra said.
" Sorry, I was carried away but why are you looking at me like that?"
"I know what you did to Mr. Garuba," said Ra with a convincing look on her face.
"What are you talking about?"
"He's now looking like a woman because of you. He wears bra now. I saw his bra strap and he doesn't come to school often anymore. Are you telling me you haven't noticed his once flat chest now full with breasts?" Asked Ra.
" I have but how is that my fault?"
"You are chasing away all the teachers sent to your class. They believe your class is cursed."
"What are you talking about? I have to leave now." Rosie got up swiftly and dusted her dress.
"I can see your heart. More than half of it is as black as night. Darkness is talking over your heart and you are letting it." Ra said.
" I haven't done anything bad to anyone. Where are all these coming from?" Rosie asked.
"You haven't, physically, but with your mind, you have committed atrocities."
Rosie took few steps back and ran into her class. She avoided Ra through out the day and the next week. She avoided glances with her in class. The following week, she bumped into Ra in school.
"You know you can't hide from me or ignore my presence forever. We are in the same school and class".
She pulled Rosie on the wrist and dragged her to the school backyard.
"Listen, you have to stop this madness," said Rosie.
"Look. Am trying to help you. You better listen to me. Stop wishing bad things on people because when you do, it happens. You won't tell me you don't know about this. It will be had to be pure in heart again once darkness has full control over it."
Rosie looked down to the ground.
"Ra, I don't know how I possessed this...this magical power. Sometimes it happens without my knowledge."
" Don't worry. Just learn to control it and you will have nothing to worry about again. We are all gifted in many ways. I'm gifted with the gift of sight. I see what people are made of. I see your inner-most secrets."
“Wow! No wonder your eyes are like this.” Said Rosie.
“Yes, that’s why. But no matter how people avoid eye contacts with me, I still see them for what they truly are and trust me girl, I’ve seen things unimaginable.” Said Ra.
“Okay. One more bad thing and am done.” Rosie said.
“And what might that be?”
“My dad's boss.” Replied Rosie

* * *
There was a gentle knock on Mr. Anderson’s office door.
“Come in,” he said.
“Mr. Anderson, there’s a little girl here to see you. She said she’s Mr. Pius’s daughter.” Said his secretary.
“What is his daughter doing here? Let her in.”
Rosie walked in with a charming smile on her face.
“Good morning Mr. Anderson. My name is Rosie, Rosie Pius.”
“I know, little girl. What can I do for you? What are you doing here? Is your mother dead?”
Rosie’s faced changed. She wondered what he was feeling like.
“Mr. Anderson, do you wish my mother dead?”
“No, kid. No.”
She looked at his baldhead and well shaven mustache, his potbelly that made him look like a seven-month-old pregnant woman. She looked at his clean, well-ironed suit made of the finest quality. She looked around his office, clean, sparkling and cozy.
“Well then, why did your fire my father?”
“Kid, you don’t know anything about how this earth evolves until you reach my stature you will know but for now, what I can tell is, go back home and take care of your sick and dyeing mother. She needs you now more than ever.”
“Wow! Good speech. I wish you said those to my dad when he told you about my mother’s health. When he asked for permission to leave. Those words would have made him stronger than he is now but what did you do? You fired him. I have observed that you talk carelessly a lot and I have also noticed you have two tiny lines across your face, could those be your lips? They are too tiny for the amount of words that comes out of them.”
“I can’t imagine a kid as insulting as you are. Your mother didn’t bring you up well. Now, leave my office before I throw you out myself.”
“No. You don’t have to throw me out because I am on my way out already Mr. Anderson. Good day.”
Rosie closed the door behind her and walked to the glass wall of Mr. Anderson’s office. She looked at him through there but he didn’t see her. He was talking to his wife on the phone telling her about Rosie. Few minutes into the conversation, his lips started swelling up. Under few seconds, his lips were eight times bigger than it was. He told his wife what was happening to his lips immediately. He noticed the more he talked the bigger his lips. Accomplished, Rosie walked away.
Two days later, Rosie was with her father in the living room and they heard in the news about Mr. Anderson’s lips but it was said to be cancer of the lips. Rosie who knew the truth smiled at herself.
The next day, Lucia’s health deteriorated, “Rosie, promise me you will not use your gift to hurt people. Promise me that no matter what people do to you, you won't harm them with what you possess.
Tears came running down her face. She thought about the promise she was about to make to her mother and made up her mind.
“I promise, mum. I promise.”

* * *
Ra and Rosie went in search of would relieve Rosie of her powers.

They got down the bus and stood on the tarred road. All the passengers in the bus watched them through the widows.
“And what might two little girls be looking for on a road like this in the middle of nowhere? Get back in. The next town is miles and miles away from here,” said the bus driver.
Ra smiled and looked at the passengers staring shockingly at them. The passengers were talking among themselves; contemplating what the girls wanted alone on the road that hardly had cars pass by. They joined the driver to persuade the girls.
“Don’t worry. We will be fine.” Ra said and held Rosie by the hand and the bus driver sped away leaving a thick, dark, choking carbon monoxide behind. They stood and watch as the bus went down the road and disappeared into the morning fog in front of them.
Rosie looked around them. The road was as clean as if someone had swept it that morning. The thick bushes on both sides of the road had healthy happy green leaves, well nourished by the loamy soil. There was no soul on the road.
“Come on. Our journey begins here.” Ra said and made way into the bushes.
“I know. History is about to repeat itself. My great-grand-mother took a journey like this many years ago and it did not end well.” Said Rosie.
“Well, you are not your great-grand-mother. Both of you are two different people with two different gifts and on two different journeys, seeking two different things.” Replied Ra.
“Remind me. How old are you again?” asked Rosie.
“Thirteen.” Said Ra.
“Believe me. You don’t sound like a thirteen year old girl.” Replied Rosie.
“Yes, I get that a lot. What did you expect from someone my kind?”
Passing all sorts of animals and deep into the dark forest, they walked. Their food was finishing. They came out of the forest into a wide-open desert of hills and mountains. It was like a different world. From a thick forest into a mountain dessert land both located in the same region, standing next to each other.
The journey was far, very Far East beyond the mountains of Harukruna basin. Two days and two nights, Ra and Rosie walked. On the third day, they reached the caves of the Harukruna. They saw all the caves except the seventh one.
“There’s a legend that the seventh cave laid hidden where the seven rivers meets and has never been seen again in over a hundred and seventy-six years since it was last seen by a hunter named Ekpenyong.” Ra said.
“Legend? I don’t believe in legends. If it actually happened, what makes you think we will see it now?” Rosie asked.
“Oh yeah? If you don’t believe in legends, what do you call what happened to your great grand mother? Back in her time, her story was real, later, it became history, now, it is a legend and soon it will become a myth and that’s it goes. Every myths and legends once happened, dear Rosie. ” Ra explained. “ Also, I know we will find the cave. It will not hide itself from us because we are not seeking it for a selfish reason. I heard white men used to go there for it’s precious gems but one day, they could not locate it anymore. It disappeared. So they said. But I know it is here.” Ra said.
Rosie could feel nothing or hear nothing at that moment, for her mind had wandered far off the forest back to her home. She saw her sick mother in her mind’s eyes, lying and coughing on her sick bed. She felt miserable. Her conscience was killing her. And then she thought again that she’s doing what’s best for her and everyone around.
“I feel really bad for my mum. I should have stayed back and help her,” she said.
“Rosie, please stop talking like that. Your mother will be proud you did this thing you about to do. This is all she ever wanted you to do. Even if she had known you were planning to come here, she would have given you her full support, your dad too,” said Ra.
“I know,” she replied.
Then, they stopped. A rambling sound of rushing water made them stop.
“Come over here, Ra.” Called on Rosie.
Ra ran to where she was standing. It was the edge of the mountain and water was running down from a tunnel-like gap from the mountain into a long river. There were six other running waters from other mountains into the same great river.
“The cave should be somewhere here, then.” Rosie said.
“When I tell you something, don’t doubt me.” Replied Ra. They laughed and did a few dance steps.
“Now bring out the OdinaEkong stone.” Ra said. Rosie searched her bag and brought it out. It was a piece of stone, a size of a bowl, wrapped in a piece of white cloth.
“Rosie, look at me. Like the abia told us, do not breathe while I read the stone. Hold your breath. Okay?”
“I’ve heard you loud and clear.” Replied Rosie nervously. As Ra opened the cloth and took out the stone, Rosie stopped her.
“Are you sure we should do this? It is not too late to turn back home, Ra.”
“Shut up and give me the chalk? All these are for your own good not mine.” Ra snapped.
“Okay.”
Ra wrote on the stone. She gave the chalk back to Rosie and held the stone high up above her head.
“Now, hold your breath, Rosie.”
Ra closed here eyes and opened it again swiftly looking at the stone fiercely. Beams of light came out of her eyes at the writings on the stone. The stone shone brightly.
In a shrill voice, Ra spoke. “Some say you a god. Some say you are ancient. Some say you are human. We know nothing. We are two little naïve girls born in a generation where mankind fails, corrupts and too carefree. We know nothing but we know you can help us. We call you whose name can only be written and called on OdinaEkong stone. We summon you, Odrii. Show us the way.”
A noise came from behind a hill beside them, they went to take look. There was another rock behind the first rock. It opened from the middle and a staircase from the edge of the leveled ground where they stood dropped down into the dip dark cave. Water was running down the steps like a little stream. They followed the stairs.
Once inside, the hill closed and the whole tunnel was dark.
“Where is the light powder? Here’s my hand. Put mine in my hand.” Ra stretched out her hand in the dark.
“Remember. Only your toes.” Ra reminded.
Rosie searched for Ra’s hand and placed it in. She rubbed hers on all her toes and her toes glowed and shone like torchlight. They could see where they step in but not far ahead.
On the walls of the cave were sparkling and glittering diamonds, packed in thousands.
“I can’t keep my eyes off of them, Ra. They are…they are beautiful.”
“Whatever you do, don’t touch them. I would try not to look if I were you.” Ra warned.
“Ra, they are calling my name, beckoning. Oh! What a beauty you all are. No wonder the white men couldn’t stop looking for you.” Rosie said as she took her had closer to them. Ra hit her on her hand and held her down the stairs.
At the foot of the stairs stood a man all white and gray.
“We have been waiting for you for quite a long time, my children. Follow me.” He said.
They could not say a word but quietly followed him. Sticking against each other like bread and butter. Deeper into the dark, they went. There was a long corridor that was almost very dark but the could see the human size stone statues of young women holding what looked like clay pots in their hands.
Rosie held Ra’s wrist firmly with all her strength. “What is it,” asked Ra.
“I think I just saw one of those statues moved,” she said.
“Statues don’t moved, Rosie.” Ra replied.
A statue next to Ra moved and Ra screamed in fear. They both jumped towards the other side of the wall which had other statues aligned just as the other side. When another statue moved its head from the side they both jumped to, they made another jump to the middle of the corridor and walked faster towards the old man that never looked back at them.
They noticed the corridor was becoming brighter and brighter. They stopped and looked back and saw the statues whispering to each other as the lit fire in each other’s clay pot.
“This has got to be a dream,” said Rosie in a frightening tone.
“No, it is not a dream. It is real as real can be. Welcome to my world. I see strange things like this everyday and I was not able to explain them to you.” Said Ra.
Then, the statues looked at them with their cold dead eyes, blinking and smiling, it made sounds like heavy stones dragged against each other. The girls walked away in fright and never looked back.
Far ahead they could see a light, a light that shone in the middle of the darkness. Closer and closer, they went.
Someone sat crossed-legged in the light. Dressed in white as the old man but smaller in stature. His face looking down at his feet and when he felt they were close enough, he looked up.
“Here they are, Odrii.” Said the old man, stepping away to Odrii’s side.
It’s a boy. Odrii is just a boy, a boy of ten perhaps. Rosie and Ra exchanged glances.
“Rule no#1: You should not talk until you are asked.” Said the old man to the girls.
Odrii stretched out his hand to his left side and the old man put a white chalk and stone in his palms. He started writing something. After he finished, he handed it to the old man. The old man handed it to Rosie. Rosie and Ra looked at it in shock.
“What does this mean?” Ra asked.
“Rule no#1?” asked the old man.
Ra kept quiet. They looked at Odrii again and he was looking at them. He was very young and fresh; his skin as brown as chocolate but his eyes was very old, older than the old man’s eyes.
“Those symbols are the Nsibidi, the ancient efik symbols. It is the key. You can leave now.”
Rosie raised her hand.
“Can I talk?
“Yes, you can now.” Replied the old man.
“We did not even tell you why we are here. How did you know already what we are seeking for?” Rosie asked.
Ra looked at her in anger and pinched her on her hand.
“Because odrii knows the people he was assigned to help. Now go. You have a long journey ahead of you and so many answers you have to find by yourself. The Nsibidi is just the key to the answers. Go.”
They looked at Odrii again and he was still looking at them without blinking an eye.
“Is there any other way we can take out of here?” Rosie asked the old man
“No. It is one way and one way out. Don’t fear. Go now.” He said.
They walked by the statues again and the statues all watched them as they walked by. When they reached the top, they looked back but the hill was not there anymore. They rested for a while before they began their journey home.
“Do you want to talk about this?” Asked Rosie.
“No!” Ra replied sharply. “Not here, not now”.
“Okay. Let’s go home and look for an interpreter.” Rosie said.




Again, please critique my work.....I will continue soon.

@Whiteguru and ATMc, Thanks so much for taking the time out to read my draft and for your sincere suggestions. My plan is to make it an african sci-fi. Abi aliens no fit invade africa? lol .well, It really isn't an invasion, the aliens never wanted to be seen by human eyes that was the reason the lived in the forest and also the reason they made sure they kill or take anyone that sets eyes on them.

I have reconciled the sci fi/african differences by making the story a journal found by a young girl sometime in the future. The journal is dated two centuries ago when there was no western education in africa but after the victims escaped from the aliens, they never grew old nor died. Something strange was did to them.

They were tired of living and seeing thier loved ones die and leave them. They lived and saw it all...in every generation, they had no choice but to adjust to the civilized culture so that they could fit in. The two victims planned their death own plots, they didnt want to live forever. The last victim whose journal is to be found by a girl in the future died some few years ago........

I don't know if it makes sense at all but i'm trying to africanise sci fi using the past, present and future africa.. it has not been done before...All i see is traditional african novels. I want to explore my imagination and see how civilized our continent will be in the future, that's why i want the journal to be found in the future......Please i want to see more critics for more encouragement.........will post more soon.

I need to know, first, if its a good story line. Second, if it could sell in naija. Apparently, its incomplete. in fact,its the middle of the story i posted.My plan is to keep the english simple to be read by all age... P.s Its not properly edited. Just a draft. Thanks guys. .....Here it goes


I don't know how far into the night we had slept when we woke up to that spooky noise again, this time it was close, very close. We both woke up at once and grab each other tight in fear, there was nothing to see with but the little shine from the moon. We kept peering into the dark , there was a shadow, a weird looking shadow among other shadows casted by the trees. It moved, i covered my mouth with my hand. Eno in shock cried out "Jesus! Jesus!! Jes…I covered her mouth with my other hand before she could end it. We stared at the moving shadow, it moved back and forth, left to right, then it stopped. It came out of the bushes, i couldn't make out what it was because it was dark. The moon shone brightly on it, it had three legs, the leg in front moved first then the two behind, it paused, then continued like it was counting its steps or practicing how to work. It seemed it was walking towards us, by this time we were both stiffed, i could her Eno's heart beat loud like a bass drum.
My Legs were numb, my throat was so dry and tight due to fear, i couldn't swallow the lumpy feeling. All we could do was stare at this small creature a size of a standing dog as it went towards the buildings in search of something. It went with its three legs from building to building making unearthly noises, it came back to the first spot it stood, then it went back into the bush.
Suddenly there came that noise but this time it wasn't only closer, it was everywhere around us, from far and near it drew closer to us. It filled the air, the trees swayed to one direction knocking each other as if they were struggling for survival. The night felt like it was choking itself and us, everything seemed to be alive on it own. The moving shadow, this time it wasn't one or two neither was it three nor four , they were more than i could count at the point. They came out in great numbers in a straight line, different heights, sizes and shapes but none was taller than an eight year child. Leap by leap, step by step the headed towards the open space encircled by the building. Sitting by my side was Eno, i could remember vividly that Eno was sitting by my left but i knew we were not alone by the tree, i felt a presence that presented itself with a foul odor, it spread in the air horribly like a decomposing animal. This time i knew we had been caught, there, by my right came the shrill sound that paralyzed my eardrums , I let out a loud cry.

There were confusing noises around me, i opened my eyes gently and slowly, first i met the sky, then i turned my head to my right, Eno was laying beside me,then she woke up and we got up at the same time and met bright eyes staring at us. We were tight down, our hands were tight to our bodies our legs too. They more we struggled to break free the more the rope or whatever it was tightened, it felt like it had a life of its own, it was dark brown and shiny, not metallic nor rubber, what it was i would tell if could. Then i obsevered the searching eyes around us, we were encircled by…I don't know. They looked like babies and toddlers, but the wrinkles that formed ridges on their faces told me they were neither both. they had three legs but their third legs were formed in front of the two legs that looked like hind legs. They are three legged humans, i thought they were myths, "The legend of the three legged beings of Izaatah forest" is no myth. The legend goes that four generations ago, a brave hunter from our village dared to venture into the forest to hunt, there, he sighted of the creatures they fought and the hunter escaped with wounds, wounds that led to his death in the village. The legend spread like wildfire on a straw farm, it later died down after generations but were only told by old folks and was also broken into different tales told only by moonlight. The popular belief was if a moonlight tale is told during the day it brings bad luck. The legend was awoken once again when a teenager from our neighboring village never returned from palm fruit cutting, he was believed to have been taken by the creatures, by that time i was a girl of about nine years old.
"Wee wee woo cha" came this voice almost like a bird. I turned and looked over my shoulders to see where the voice came from, it was one of those creatures. It had a brown and white animal skin on its body, they all had it on, it was their clothing. "Wee wee woo cha ko loo" It chant again, this time it was standing in front of us. We were too weak to utter a word, not like we understood what it was chanting. One of them made a loud noise as if it was calling out to something far away from us. Almost at the same time, another group arrived, they were the tallest, as tall as a human adult. They came with something that looked like a low,long wooden cart, they ordered us to roll on it, we were too nervous to delay or refuse, we immediately rolled on it and It started rolling on its own. It wasn't far when we came to another opening, what i saw there dried all the fluids in my body, Eno was stoned cold with her eyes almost out of her sockets, her mouth agape...