₦airaland Forum

The same pastor who said that the husband wasn’t the right man for her on day 1 went on to deliver the husband from generational curses and sanction the union at a later date. Why didn’t he do that from the onset I wonder?

@ Chaircover, I was the only one that visited the pastor the first time and he never knew us prior to that time.

every marriage comes with its own challenge(s) and the grass is not always greener elsewhere and like l said earlier am giving him my very best shot but  not ready to put up with any further crap 4 the rest of my life.  Wont stick out my neck for any nonsense and at the end he wont still be pleased, not anymore am human too and I got blood running through my vains just like him, gat 2 b responsible for my baby.

@all, u guys are da boom, thanks 4 showing interest in my case.
and u know what? some of your advises are already working, for few days now that I have been operating from a distance he seems to have missed me alot and have been trying to come around but his ego wouldnt let him. I know him well and he is getting my message. He slept on the bed last night after several weeks, have been passing some sexy comments, gave me some money 4 lunch this morning b4 he left 4 office and to buy some things 4  baby, woke me up to do this and that 4 him. I have just been laughing inside of me   .


The bottom line is that my husband is so insure and frets over nothing, he needs a lot of growing up to do. And I pray we sort things out fast but am still keeping my stand.


Will keep u guys posted

THANK YOU NAIRALANDERS FOR BEING THERE FOR ME

Sleekman it is said that in marriage they are no longer two but one, wife be submissive to ur husband, husband love your wife. I might not be perfect but am strong. Did u read my initial post thoroughly if not please go back and read the part where I said I tried to discuss our problems with him but he wouldn’t give me audience. He keeps saying I don’t trust and respect him cant he just point them out. If he feels am overriding him and playing the man cant he call me to order, okay how do I right my wrongs when I don’t know where I have erred.

It might interest u to know that it was as a result of his bullies that I discovered I could run a supermarket. I always share my dreams and aspirations with him like wot I will like to became in 10yrs, how I intend to climb my career ladder and stuffs like that (he is a career person too). Sleekman do u know wot he tells me? “your mates are in the market selling, some are doing business” even b4 marriage we already discussed our paths in life, now see the responses he gives me. It was cos of his pressure and bullies about being a career person that I decided to be looking out for what I could do by the side. This supermarket business was supposed to be a joint business but it’s coming out to be that am the only that is now involve, that was actually why I told him that am married but I feel so single taking all the decisions myself, I said this in my initial post. I did a market survey around my area and discovered supermarket could strive, I then brought it up for discussion. We were meant to be looking for a store together, raise funds etc he never came home to say I did this or that about the business even when I later got the shop, I told him he said he didn’t have money, God saw me through that, I discussed the store partitioning with him and that we will need a carpenter he didn’t bother, when I eventually got and pleaded with him to negotiate with him he said I should go ahead. At the end I found that I did everything all by myself and was not really happy then I went up to meet him and asked that why should it be me a woman taking all the decisions.

I am only 31 and am just graduating from school (doing my thesis) it is not that my foots are so strong but I know wot I want.

Sleekman I know how to worship and adore my man, I know how to say am sorry, I always seeks to improve on myself attitude wise. Since I have failed please I will oblige u teach me cos I really wanna learn.

I sure know that I am on my own and so will have to take my destiny in my hands.

No the pastor wasnt paid and they never met until we arrived Benin.
Actually it was after he related everything to the pastor and underwent deliverance, that he said since the yoke has been broken we could go ahead (I never knew the pastor until  my mom gave me his number).

I must be frank to say that there was obvious sincerity in his eyes, his whole world was crashing and he needed help and he willingly submitted himself up to be helped.
And again all through our dating period he was all good and the pastor said since it was a foundational problem and it has been taken care of spiritually that he was now ok. Now he doesn’t even pray.

I am a very strong woman on the inside and I know my life is mine alone. I have actually been doing a lot of thinking these days, that was why I came to NL to see well different perspectives to the matter other than the people around me.

I am giving it my best and final shot right now and earnestly waiting to see how it plays out. I am not prepared to live in this trash  all through my life, certainly not.
Still wanna keep my fingers crossed and thank God I am graduating now.

I allowed sentiments took d better part of me the first time but not any more. Will do what I know is best for me and my daughter, she is the only reason for my existence right now. Funny enough she seems to know wot is happening; anytime we are beginning to raise voices she starts to cry profusely infact my hobby stopped beating me cos of her cries. She is so emotional and has not been allowing daddy carry her like before, she look so much like the dad but took my fair complexion. I could feel the psychological trauma she is going through; certainly not good for her. I will do wot ever it takes to protect her

Mother's day is stated to be March 14th in my diary as one of the notable days

Happy mother's day to my wonderful mummy

u are an inspiration to me

U are blessed now and always

Hmmmm!!!! Have been so busy all day but hey thanks once more.

First and foremost I thank God for giving me the strength to keep on this far.

For now I will maintain the status quo, will try out all the tips I find useful from your replies and see how things goes. I use to pray so well but when things became this worst I have been so weak in prayer.

My mom keep saying  I should say put that even if he has to marry another wife let her come and meet me there , that I have to explore all areas b4 leaving.

Please guys am not playing a saint here neither am I washing my dirty Linen in public but even though I might not get help here (which I have gotten immensely) I just wanna pour my heart out and be light.

There seems to be some powerful forces at work in my marriage, everything seems to be so complicated. A critical look at my husband shows that he doesn’t really have a background per se though he doesn’t wanna own up but I  think might also be a reason for his attitude. Eg when he travel he doesn’t stay with his father nor mother, most of his sisters have left their husband’s houses, the younger lover the mother is with is a native doctor, most of his mother’s sisters over 40+are not married, his father married upto 4 wives etc I just wonder how I got myself entangled in this whole thing.

To be truthful I never saw any of this treats in him, I met him as a Christian and we wedded in court and church. Looking back now I know better, he deceived me into marrying him in that he was been very secretive and I didn’t know until very late. Shortly before the wedding I learnt from someone about his background I was very shock, right there and then I called off the weeding plans. my mom too was so dumfounded and said I should see a pastor which I did, the pastor said from what he can see, I will regret for the rest of my life if I should marry him.

Well I told my husband to be then I was calling off the weeding plans and there was no going back, he asked why and I told him my findings and that I was not ready to live in misery all my life and that he been so secretive mean he could be very deadly as well. Even before I could finish he started wailing and crying like a baby. He said he has been afraid that a day like this will come but he didn’t know how to tell me, that he was so ashamed that will run away if he had told me and that he has been begging his mother to quit the affair. I still maintain my ground, he would come wailing and crying at my house everyday and within days he was like a shadow of himself. He kept saying that I should help him that I shouldn’t abandon him when he needs me most. that we should take up the fight together, I told him the fight was not worth the sacrifice and that he should look 4 some1 else.

Somehow he searched my phone I saw the pastor’s number and called him telling him that he was dying that he should pls help. Later the pastor invited us over to Benin from Lagos, he interrogated him and he poured out every thing to him without any resentment and was asked if he was willing to be delivered from generational caurses? he submitted himself up for 3 days deliverance and after which the pastor said the coast was now clear, Infact we stayed inside the church day and night for 3 days, just d 2 of us and the pastor. We then married afterwards. He assured me that all was well that he is just a victim of circumstance and that together we can make a formidable force, now I don’t believe him anymore.

To worsen everything my husband now lie about every Goddamn thing Gooooossh am so sick of this man, right before my very eyes he would cook up a lie against me that anybody that hears him will believe.

At the slightest provocation he calls my mom, if my phone is not going he calls my mom, if he doesn’t meet me at home he calls my mom, if the baby is crying he calls my mom ehnnn, he has become so immature so very childish, he 38 while am 31+ he cannot handle any little matter on his own. Outsiders runs our home even when my house help was misbehaving he would still call my mom……… oh God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.

I came back from work and my house help was gone, he didn’t bother we should report to the police, the next day as we were going out I told me I will drop by the police station the make a report he said no, we can still wait after 24hrs, I was so uncomfortable knowing that it could be very dangerous for me and I needed a defence and he was not going to assist me in anyway, infact he was going to laugh me to scorn should there be any problem. I stubbornly went to the station immediately he called my mom that I had ran off to meet a man because he offered to drop me off at school, I was so shocked.


My people una don try, only God fit help me out of this situation. I go try my best if I no fit again I go commot make I no go die because of marriage abeg.  How many I go fit talk

@ all,

I resumed work this morning to see that my post has ran into several pages, I am so relief knowing that I people still care.
wot can I ever do without u guys at this point. I greatly appreciate, I will read over the replies and respond afterwards.

Once again thank u all

I WILL BE RIGHT BACK

@ all, thanks for all the adivce, I will sure ponder on them all.

like ninapha said I will have to secure my future and my daughters b4 leaving if I have to, but the most painful thing is that he is thwarting all my efforts eg like the boy I brought to oversee the supermarket while in the office he sent him away.

The shop is ready, I am ready to stock it now nobody 2 oversee it.

u see my plight, he always wants to draw me back.

[b]There are really some issues, it wont be easy but you can have your marriage back.

Thank God you are working for now.

I want to look at his complaints first.

Your being rude- have you tried to adjust in your ways of talking espeically when there are issues to settle? The fact that you are doing well and independent of him could create some aura of "i am ok" in you which he sees as act of being rude too. Some women are fond of this attitude.


Trust: you said u often see texts by other women, have u confronted him with it to show him your reasons for not trusting him.

Respect: Are u sure your enterprising poweress is not taking over your usual submission and that u are not doing things differently which he may be seeing as disrespecting him. wherefore you are sure u have not failed in your own areas you can try some of these suggestions:

Be yourself and dont let the situation change you. try to be happy else he thinks he is getting at you. no matter how painful, try to be in control of your emotions, he would be wondering the source of your strenght and want to make up if he loves you.

2. Always show the attitude of "this is my home" and not anyone can occupy here. be in control, do your normal chores and serve the family in your capacity.

3. Pray for him and let him know u do.

4. Always ask him about his own business but dont pokenose.

5. Make savings for your children and make sure your laying good moral foundations for them.

Drop love notes to show you still love him and make sure u are still alive romantically, perfumes, good hair dos, good treats etc. best of luck[/b]

When issues arises I try as much as possible to quench them by asking rather than calm down he will be the one playing the victim. Even though I have heaven and earth I know I should love and respect my husband.

Yes I  showed him the text messages and he said the sender mistakingly sent them to his phone whereas the GSM number is registered on his fone. sometimes he will say they are his friends gf. Infact he has become a super liar and I hate him so much for that. when I demand further explanations he start calling me names, that I am the one cheating and he will call a family meeting and ask me to confess my illicit affairs with men.  am already treating an STD, am really afraid and wants to leave but my mom said no.

That am enterprising shouldnt get into my head not to be submissive to my husband, that's why I like to carry him along.

I will try tips out thanks so much.

Thanks for all your responses so far

unfortunately there is no body I can tell except God
he is from a polygamous home and his mum has left is his father after 9 children and now live with a much younger lover. He just got to tell me in one of our quarrels that his mom never supported his marriage to me.

His folks are in the village and have never spent a night at his house but he keep saying "not wonder my family hates u" "no wonder they say u are not respectful" and I keep wondering who are these people cos I only met few of his folks when he took me for introduction. I was very friendly with everyone and even eat together with his mom. When we got back to Lagos I ask wot his people's opinion was he said everything was fine and we went on and got married. Now he keeps saying my people said u are a bad woman, u are this and that, no wonder they said he shouldnt marry me and funny enough I dont know these people, and he did not even tell me till almost 2 yrs. perhaps this explains why his mom was not forth coming during our marriage preparations, when I ask him he said since his father was going to be involved she will be silent cos she doesnt want to have any issues with the father. He assured me every thing was OK.

I also notice that he fears his mom alot and he will never talk on phone with his mom/siblings in my presence and I wonder why?

I am doomed, please  help!!!! I have reached a cross road don’t know what to do cos am losing my mind. My marriage is a living hell and everything have turned upside down. My husband has become so distant, though we live in the house we are so far apart,
There is total breakdown of communication between us and he doesn’t ever see anything good about me. Even when I try to please him he said it’s pretense,

He cheats on me big time; I see love text messages from different women on his phone over 10 ladies at a time, infact chasing women has become a hobby  to him, he insults me, slave me,  He locked me at home from attending a friend's child dedication last sunday all my plea fell on deaf ears. I have tried to have discussions severally with him but doesnt even wanna hear me out., I try as much as possible to show understanding in every thing but he just over look. He spends more time outside than at home, I practically beg him to spend time with me and the baby. He run shift at work and our time contradicts but the little time we have to spend together he finds one or two excuses to leave home… sometimes he sneaks out of the house without telling me.

When I try to inquire why he has been treating me like poo he says am rude  and I don’t respect him and I ask in wot way cos I really want to live peacefully, he should table my wrongs so I can make amends…. all he says is I don’t  respect and trust him…… am really confused here. I told him that I  want to earn his trust once more and cant just trust him blindly cos I don’t know him anymore…. He is so different from the man I married and to say we dated for 4 yrs and got married barely two years ago, I ask myself was I so blind that I didn’t see the handwriting on the wall or wot

He is so jealous of my little success……he wants me to always crawl up to beg him for every thing. I work I really don’t depend on him, infact I pay my school fees otherwise I would have long drop out. Rather than us working together he competes with me. Mid last year I told him I wanted to open a super market and he said ok, I tried carrying him along he never showed much interest, I drew an action plan and started executing one by one, he never 4 once ask about the progress made I even ask him to borrow me money he refused, now he see that the business is about  taking off,  to my amazement he has started searching for a shop to start his, I said lets do this together and expand later, he said he want to start his own. Since then he has been thwarting all my efforts to start. I have put in all my life and have borrowed from my office but he is just frustrating me.
He sees that I am very enterprising and he is threatened that I might be richer than him.
He  doesn’t display maturity in handling issues.

Nothing seems to be working in this union, I have to always struggled on my own for everything. I was crying one day and I ask wot his definition of marriage is. I tried to tell him my fears, that even though am married I feel so alone in my world, that I have a husband but I feel so single taking  decisions myself, he said  we will talk about that later but he never did.

I have a year old beautiful daughter, at the slightest provocation he ask me to leave his house and say I can take the baby along and thank God she is a girl. Though he has not expressly stated it he sounds like he is not happy that I gave birth to a girl.

I wanted to leave last week but he started begging and promised to change but things has become even worse.

Please help cos am about calling it quit but want to be sure I am not making a mistake.

I wellcome constructive criticism and tips that could help.

Rest in perfect peace Brother

I regret marrying my spouse most of the time. Infact I am at a crossroad.

I have lost my mind completely and I wanna take a walk k.