you have to at least have the power to make him wear a condom.



poster above - she did what she could to invite him in before the supermarket even took off, each time he rejected. i dont think he is feeling emasculated, if they feel that way, they still will keep other areas stable.
this man is reacting on every level. emotionally, mentally, physically, sexually, family wise (daughter and all)


to me she sounds submissive enuff after following her posts, i think the guys got the problems.

The same pastor who said that the husband wasn’t the right man for her on day 1 went on to deliver the husband from generational curses and sanction the union at a later date. Why didn’t he do that from the onset I wonder?

@ Chaircover, I was the only one that visited the pastor the first time and he never knew us prior to that time.

every marriage comes with its own challenge(s) and the grass is not always greener elsewhere and like l said earlier am giving him my very best shot but  not ready to put up with any further crap 4 the rest of my life.  Wont stick out my neck for any nonsense and at the end he wont still be pleased, not anymore am human too and I got blood running through my vains just like him, gat 2 b responsible for my baby.

@all, u guys are da boom, thanks 4 showing interest in my case.
and u know what? some of your advises are already working, for few days now that I have been operating from a distance he seems to have missed me alot and have been trying to come around but his ego wouldnt let him. I know him well and he is getting my message. He slept on the bed last night after several weeks, have been passing some sexy comments, gave me some money 4 lunch this morning b4 he left 4 office and to buy some things 4  baby, woke me up to do this and that 4 him. I have just been laughing inside of me   .


The bottom line is that my husband is so insure and frets over nothing, he needs a lot of growing up to do. And I pray we sort things out fast but am still keeping my stand.


Will keep u guys posted

THANK YOU NAIRALANDERS FOR BEING THERE FOR ME

Hi Damysa,

I have been following the thread and the wonderful counsel many have given already. I am glad there are signs now that, at least, he is getting the message. However, I still think there is a lot you can do, since you are "giving it your best shot" and ready to do anything to restore the marriage.

While not excusing your hubby's misbehaviour, permit me to ask :

1. Do you really see yourself as a 'helpmeet' to your husband?
2. What are those qualities you saw in him that made you court and marry him?

If you knew his background before getting married, albeit late, then it is your duty as his wife to also 'help' him in those areas of his weakness and dysfunction that is making him so vulnerable. He IS your husband. And since he is not here, I would rather address you as the one to initate the desired peace in your home. Help his ego. You sound like a submissive wife. Help him to regain his footing.

Remember those qualities you saw in him that endeared him to you in the first place. You can work them and fan them to flame again. Your husband's upbringing may have a lot to do with his behaviour. When you focus on his strength rather than his flaws, you bring out the man in him. Bring back those sparks again.

Having a 1 year-old to take care of too can take a lot from you than you may want to admit. I know. Perhaps, subconciously you have been distant from him. This is not to excuse his extra-marital misadventure. Work on that area as well. Take care of your physical appearance. Seduce him. He is your husband afterall. Give those outside a run for their lusts! Go get your man. If someone took your property won't you go after the person? You know how you used to make him chase you in those days. Time to revisit those tricks again. Court him afresh.

Improve your communication with him. By now, you should understand he dosent want to be shouted upon. So when he gets in those moods, be the sheep. Take the fire out of the argument and it will die naturally. When things are calmer, then you can do your serious pillow talk. It works.

I will be back shortly. . .

Damysa,

I am happy for you.  Remember to pray always and hold your emotions to yourself, his egos would be wounded.

Do not cry anymore , be strong, pray it out and remember to still be the woman and wife u are in your home but maintain financially and emotionally independence of him for now.

You will win this war. best of luck.

Sorry, this may not be organized. . .

---

Your present approach should get him to respond to you. Please when you get his attention, it’s time to start ironing things out. Use your subtle powers as a woman, not the confrontational approach. Try to help him overcome his insecurity. Make him realise you are not in competition with him. Your success is his success. Let him know and hear that. Gradually, he will come to appreciate the resourcefulness in you. Then you can truly work as a team.

If possible, I will advice you slow down a bit on your supermarket and anything that is driving a wedge of competition between you until things improve between you. Hopefully, that will be soon. He won’t be so nonchalant if he sees it’s for the family and not ‘your’ thing or ‘his’ thing. This may be hard.

I don’t know how you guys handle your finance. Do you make more than him? Don’t make it obvious, either in your words or actions.

Buy gifts for him. It doesn’t have to be expensive gifts. It could be a set of new boxers, underwears, socks, ties etc. Something to show him you care. Love is about giving. Don’t show signs of resentment. Don’t give him a reason to think your life revolves round your daughter.

Marriage requires work. And time! Plenty of it. Work at it. Create time for your prince. Don’t look down on him. Show him love and respect and mean it. Forgive him. No matter what he has done. Value him. Support him. Start afresh. The solution to problems in the home may not be divorce. That comes with its own problems. If there is a stain on your blouse, you wash it and remove the stain; you don’t tear the blouse apart.

Above all, since you met as Christians, pray for him. Pray for the home. Pray for peace and harmony. Let him know. There is no situation that cannot improve. There is power in prayer. And the sweetness in marriage is better enjoyed when there is peace and harmony in the home.

Waiting to hear good news. May the peace of the Lord be with you and your husband.

Cheers.

P.S. Let him treat himself of STD too. Protect yourself when meeting.

Ok,

thats sounds much much better.

things look rosy indeed.

i guess am glad you stuck it thru, i just dont want you going through worse.

take care.

Ok.  Let me add to what I have above.

What kind of jobs do you two have?  It seems you don't get to see each other often since he runs a shift and your time contradicts?  You have to create the time and make the times you have together really count.  Give attention to yourselves.

What do you do when you are not together?  Send text messages to him.  Proclaim your love to him.  Flirt with him and seduce him with your messages.  Be creative.  You mentioned 10 women sending messages to him.  Outdo them with your own messages.  He is your husband.  Give him no room remaining in his inbox for other women!!

Text him about how much you miss him, what you are planning to do with him when you get home, how he will beg you for more etc.  Where has love gone!  My wife and kids travelled on holidays a while ago.  You should see the kind of smses I sent!  We were waiting to practically devour each other when we see.  There is power in anticipation!  Use it.  Set it up.  Prepare for him when he comes home.

What is he seeing in other women that he is not seeing in you?  Update yourself.  Set your strategy and win the war.  Do what it takes.  Go out of your way.  If you have to slim down do it.  If you have to change your schedule a bit, do it.  Plan weekend time-offs together.  It doesn't have to be whole day.  Just get out of the routine once in a while.

Having said all these, let's focus on your husband for a while too.  Is he happy with the job he has?  Is he getting what his skills deserve?  Is he making progress career-wise?  All these can affect a man and make him react by releasing his frustrations on you.  Not that it is right.  Talk with him about his aspirations.  He may need a change of job.  Let him see you care about his progress after all.

Never use his family background to 'fight' him.  Encourage him to get books for him that you know can build his confidence.  Or buy them as gifts.  His past shouldn't mortgage his future.  Let him improve himself.  Speak to his self-esteem.  Let him know you accept him as he is.

Does he know you are treating STD?  Let him know if he doesn't.  Let him know the possible consequences of his extramarital affair- HIV, AIDS etc.  He will see reasons when faced with grim consequences, hopefully.

What more can I say?

what abt leaving him. why do u hav to go thru that emotional trauma

@ chaircover : Your comments on page one were spot on , never on nairaland have I heard a more precise observation. The problem usually stems from both parties & escalates out of control and usually it's the woman who pays the highest price.

@ poster : Retrace your steps and try to build that love back to how it was , and if it turns out it can't be done move on with your life.

Analytical:

Ok. Let me add to what I have above.

What kind of jobs do you two have? It seems you don't get to see each other often since he runs a shift and your time contradicts? You have to create the time and make the times you have together really count. Give attention to yourselves.

What do you do when you are not together? Send text messages to him. Proclaim your love to him. Flirt with him and seduce him with your messages. Be creative. You mentioned 10 women sending messages to him. Outdo them with your own messages. He is your husband. Give him no room remaining in his inbox for other women!!

Text him about how much you miss him, what you are planning to do with him when you get home, how he will beg you for more etc. Where has love gone! My wife and kids travelled on holidays a while ago. You should see the kind of smses I sent! We were waiting to practically devour each other when we see. There is power in anticipation! Use it. Set it up. Prepare for him when he comes home.

What is he seeing in other women that he is not seeing in you? Update yourself. Set your strategy and win the war. Do what it takes. Go out of your way. If you have to slim down do it. If you have to change your schedule a bit, do it. Plan weekend time-offs together. It doesn't have to be whole day. Just get out of the routine once in a while.

Having said all these, let's focus on your husband for a while too. Is he happy with the job he has? Is he getting what his skills deserve? Is he making progress career-wise? All these can affect a man and make him react by releasing his frustrations on you. Not that it is right. Talk with him about his aspirations. He may need a change of job. Let him see you care about his progress after all.

Never use his family background to 'fight' him. Encourage him to get books for him that you know can build his confidence. Or buy them as gifts. His past shouldn't mortgage his future. Let him improve himself. Speak to his self-esteem. Let him know you accept him as he is.

Does he know you are treating STD? Let him know if he doesn't. Let him know the possible consequences of his extramarital affair- HIV, AIDS etc. He will see reasons when faced with grim consequences, hopefully.

What more can I say?

^^^You are the MAN.

Analytical, how come u know us so well

u just brought out some hidden truths which I never envisaged could pose a problem.
u are simply analytic, will respond to u soon
thanks

@ Analytical u a genius, are u a psychologist Am so happy I shared this problem on Nairaland.
You just hit the nail right at the head. I never these also could have contributed somehow, na wah oooh, one has to be very careful

Firstly u got me in some places I must admit, I really have to improve in some things though I call and text but not often. He calls me more than I do, not that am not romantic, I think I just have to more creative like u said. Thank u Analytical.

Again ALL the things u said about my husband’s  job are emphatically correct. He doesn’t like his job anymore not one bit, and have been wanting to quite. He is a graduate of Mechanical Engineering and have been working as an Engineer in a multinational org. he feels so overused and now hates his profession with passion, on d other hand am in Marketing/Brand Management, he has come to realize that there are lots of prospects and opportunities in my career, he comes around my office, I discuss our core business with him and now know that it’s far more rewarding than his. He earns more than me though but there’s room for advancement in my career.
B4 we got married, I tried to discuss a career change with him but he wasn’t just interested, he sounded too contented with his job, I bought some books so he could read. Now he is so so desperate to leave, he complains his job has become so routinely and boring to him while I work in a very exciting atmosphere. He works at night some times and he hates that a lot.

I advised him to take some professional courses in markting/mgt which he has done but he has not been successful in his search maybe cos he doesn’t have a marketing background or something. Rather than sit tighter and pray he will tell u they already taken those they wanted b4 calling 4 d interview and just be complaining here and there.

He knows about the STD, when I asked he said he contacted it through the office toilet I know it’s a lie, when I probed further he said I was the one that infested him that he will call a family meeting to ask me how I got it. But he later gave me money to treat it. Not sure he treated his well cos it keeps reoccurring in me.

Analytical u dey there

Damysa, I am right here now. . .reading your reply.  Replying yours. . .

SA Lady, thanks! I am glad you find my post useful too.

Damysa, I am neither a genius nor a psychologist, professionally, that is!  Let's just say I  enjoy counselling people, encouraging and motivating them to be the best they could be.  I am a christian and pastoral by gifting (I don't pastor a church though!).  Also, I am married (9th year) with kids (3) and can counsel by experience.

I saw a sincere and genuine distress call from you on this thread.  It is encouraging to know you want to make the marriage work and ready to give it all it takes.  Also, I sensed a hurting heart and couldn't hold myself back from responding.  I bless God that my posts are useful to you.

Try and apply those tips you have gathered in this thread.  Give it your best.  I am not saying it's going to be easy, but it is definitely possible and achievable.  Your marriage can work.  Don't allow any negative thoughts again.  And refrain from using desparing words from now on.

I think part of the problems we have in marriages is the way we think the work has been accomplished immediately after the wedding reception, when in actual fact, it has just started.  Show me a garden or farm that is not blossoming and I will tell you the gardener has neglected to weed it, nurse, nurture, dress and prune it.  He has allowed weeds and thorns to overgrow the flowers and plants.  Gardener Damysa, get to work!  Your garden can be beautiful again.

Not too long ago, I had a problem.  Our property we were developing was bulldozed!  My wife was heavy.  So naturally I couldn't  let her know.  I was soaking all the hurt and disappointment all alone, protecting her from shock because of her state.  You know what?  I didn't know I was getting so irritated by little things at home and sort of pouring my frustrations on her.  It was when I informed her some months after delivery that she recalled how I was getting so impatient with her and all that.  So it is so easy to transfer such on people we love.

Your husband is definitely not happy with himself.  I am sure you must have read Maslow's theory of motivation.  He needs self actualisation.  His job is not giving him satisfaction again.  He cannot seem to get a new one.  So naturally, he reacts, unfortunately, in the negative way.  This is where you come in.

Let me wow you a bit.  When he comes from now on with those tales and complaints etc. try and give him a listening ear instead of complaining how tired you are, just coming back from work and attending to princess.  Really give him a listening ear.  Let him pour out his frustrations instead of bottling them.

Show him you are interested.  Stroke him while at it.  Use your femininity to calm him down.  Massage him while he talks.  Use your body to soothe him.  What are those lovely b.reasts for?  Give him a real therapy with them.   I am yet to see a man that will reject them.  They are not just there to feed princess alone.

Praise him for the efforts he has put in to improve.  Tell him how brilliant he is, being a Mechanical Engineer passing Marekting exams etc.  Swell his head with admiration.  The sparks will come back.  He will want to impress you and things will definitely change.  Praise looks good, even on God!  Why do you think those musicians make the most stingy of men empty their pockets on them?  Praise-singing of course!  Time to sing the praise of your husband.

When he sees genuine interest coming from you, he will respond.  Try also to earn his trust and respect him.  Love bears all.  About the STD, please let both of you treat it properly, so that that could be dealt with once and for all.

Cheers and God bless.

am blushing

analytical u too much

thanks

About the career issue, the two of you can make the best out of the situation.  Here is how:

He is presently working and is earning more than you, even though he doesn't enjoy the job anymore and is ready to go into an 'exciting' field of marketing.  Great!  You are already into marketing/ brand management and will soon round up your education.  Add to that your enterprising nature.  Good.  Hope your course is along the same line?

Have a goal of setting up a Marketing/Brand Management outfit or something along that line.  Sure the two of you can team up on that and make a success of it, with your experience and his managerial course and interest.  Think about it.  Don't bring it up yet before he sees it as another of those antics from you.  Just think of the possiblity and raise it up when things are better.

The two of you can save up some funds.  Combine your resources.  And have a common goal.  Let him be the MD and you the GM or whatever.  By all means let it be a joint show where the two feel belonged.  With your passion and his interest, you can make it.

Best of success.

thanks once more, I wished I have known and applied all these tips b4 now

God bless u real good Analytical

To all the gals in da house, hope u gained one or two things too.

God bless you too Chaircover. Love your input as well.

Cheers.

This one wey una don give damysa the go ahead, by the time she finish wit her husband for bedimatics, the guy go end up with wheel chair

HEY ,CHEER UP GIRL U HAVE STARTED THE RACE JUST PRAY TO GOD TO LEAD YOU ON ,COS OF A TRUTH, HE HIS THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN CEE U THROUGH.THIS DEVIL YOU KNOW HAS BEEN THE DEVIL THERE ALL THE WHILE YOU JUST WERE BLINDED BY L O V E,NOW YOU CAN CEE :oWHICH MEANS A STEP BACK BUT NT TO WORRY START NOW TO KNW WHAT AND HOW TO LIVE WITH THE DEVIL ,OF COS THE DEVIL CAN NOT LIVE IN THE SAME PLACE WITH HIS MASTER SO HE WOULD HAVE TO GIVE CHANCE OR AMEND HIS WAYS 4 THE MASTER ,ONE WORD GIRL GOD OR NOTHING FOR YOUR DAUTHERS SAKE,ALL THE LUCK U NEED .

@ Analytical

Your posts have been pretty insightful and i have definitely learnt a lot from it . . . . thanks a lot.

Am sure your advice will also be greatly appreciated on this thread below :

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-415619.0.html

I sincerely wish her the very best and hope she's able to work it out with her hubby rather than divorce.

@ Nikkygal, thanks for the compliments! I just made an input on the other thread.

Cheers.

There is something wrong somewhere. Most probably the problem stemmed from both sides and it has just escalated into what is is now.

Some intelligence here.

Damysa,

Another thing both you need to be careful about is "out of sync" attitude. What this mean is that when one of you is trying to be romantic and all playful, the other turns cold. Your husband may be thinking that you are becoming nice all of a sudden and may be doubting your sincerity as he normally claimed that you are pretending.

If you notice this behavior while following all the advice given to you by everyone here, especially Analytical, call your husband to order and let him know that both of you need to move forward and put the past behind you. You also need to do the talking in an humble manner, for otherwise you will justify his doubt. Let him know about the good times you've had together and that both of you share the blame for the marriage problem. Admit your own mistakes and tell him to look deeper within himself as well. I believe you will be fine together.

Concerning the generational problem with your husband's family, I think if you study the bible as a christian, you will know that it is not right to hold the sin of the father against the son. This may be your own burden and a trial from God. Work hand in hand to make your own marriage a better example for others. Good luck and God bless.

You are intimidating him. I also think you only assumed to know him before ur marriage you did not really know him but its not late.(You started hating him after ur giving birth)
I'll try to be very objective as I do not see any reason why you are asking for an advice when you know your problem.
Fine he might he has lost his mind, he has lost track about life, but please tell us is that baby his?Don't U think he discovered something about you that made him loose the expectation he had from you infact he now sl**ps with U forcefuly like he is in a revenge mission, don't you see its like one night stand has taken hold of him.
You are successful but why not allow him be the man of the house since he wants to(and he is), minimize bringing business and career talk to the bed for now until he finds it interesting, go back to the way you both were before and few months into your marriage when you worshiped him and allowed him buy you most of the things you needed even though you had the money.
Did you make jest of his background joking? Did you joke about his pe**is to be small to his face? Did you tell him / anyone that he doesn’t satisfy U?
Did you tell him about ur past affair which involved ur corporate life? Do you have one? No reasonable man tells a half lie to the wife to her face like urs is doing, allowing you see the name saved and still telling U the text is a mistake. You are a female you could have gotten bacteria infection from any toilet
Find about his work problems without telling anyone there U are having issues and discus it with him(not letting him know U know).He might be a subordinate at the office and U are making him one at home by the way U treat him for some time now.
Did you refuse breast feeding ur baby when she was young and if U did how long, were you selfish at any instance? From all I can tell of him he is a sentimental type (this is not wrong because this is your marriage, if he does not have right to criticize you in whose marriage does he have right to?)
I think you fight more with him than talk, you tell him what you want to do than ask for permission to(why not lock up that supermarket and bring the key to him in the bedroom, ask him for permission to open a joint a/c for your children, talk about joint investment when U see his finance can carry it not when you want it.
Open up to him on ur finance(maybe you listen much to ladies who advice against, he is him not any other man and you have to understand what he appreciates same way you expect him to appreciate you and do what you like and do that)
This is ur marriage Honey and the right to win or lose is in ur hands, anyone here might advice otherwise but its ur home not mine, we all have challenges but we handle them that is why we still have a home(a lovely one),
Submit to him and bring him home(when a man/woman misses his/her way out there, we go back to the last known point, that’s what we teach our kids, and if they aren’t there, U wait there if they know the drill, if U feel they don’t U keep a notice there and go all the way searching.
If U do not take care of this ur way reasonably, (if U move out) give it 40yrs and come back to see that it was not about sex, U both lost it some place and needed to find each other.
You will forever be a failure if you think you are rite but cannot solve the problem, and if ur being right isn’t solving it, put urself in his shoes, you will know what to do.
We are Africans, solve ur problem, those countries with marriage councilors all other have highest no of divorce cases.He has not beaten U (that means he adores U)& if He has he regrets every minute of it…would cry apologizing the day U find him as a lovely wife would
Find ur man Dear

here:

You are intimidating him. I also think you only assumed to know him before your marriage you did not really know him but its not late.(You started hating him after your giving birth)
I'll try to be very objective as I do not see any reason why you are asking for an advice when you know your problem.
Fine he might he has lost his mind, he has lost track about life, but please tell us is that baby his?Don't U think he discovered something about you that made him loose the expectation he had from you infact he now sl**ps with U forcefuly like he is in a revenge mission, don't you see its like one night stand has taken hold of him.
You are successful but why not allow him be the man of the house since he wants to(and he is), minimize bringing business and career talk to the bed for now until he finds it interesting, go back to the way you both were before and few months into your marriage when you worshiped him and allowed him buy you most of the things you needed even though you had the money.
Did you make jest of his background joking? Did you joke about his pe**is to be small to his face? Did you tell him / anyone that he doesn’t satisfy U?
Did you tell him about your past affair which involved your corporate life? Do you have one? No reasonable man tells a half lie to the wife to her face like urs is doing, allowing you see the name saved and still telling U the text is a mistake. You are a female you could have gotten bacteria infection from any toilet
Find about his work problems without telling anyone there U are having issues and discus it with him(not letting him know U know).He might be a subordinate at the office and U are making him one at home by the way U treat him for some time now.
Did you refuse bosom feeding your baby when she was young and if U did how long, were you selfish at any instance? From all I can tell of him he is a sentimental type (this is not wrong because this is your marriage, if he does not have right to criticize you in whose marriage does he have right to?)
I think you fight more with him than talk, you tell him what you want to do than ask for permission to(why not lock up that supermarket and bring the key to him in the bedroom, ask him for permission to open a joint a/c for your children, talk about joint investment when U see his finance can carry it not when you want it.
Open up to him on your finance(maybe you listen much to ladies who advice against, he is him not any other man and you have to understand what he appreciates same way you expect him to appreciate you and do what you like and do that)
This is your marriage Honey and the right to win or lose is in your hands, anyone here might advice otherwise but its your home not mine, we all have challenges but we handle them that is why we still have a home(a lovely one),
Submit to him and bring him home(when a man/woman misses his/her way out there, we go back to the last known point, that’s what we teach our kids, and if they aren’t there, U wait there if they know the drill, if U feel they don’t U keep a notice there and go all the way searching.
If U do not take care of this your way reasonably, (if U move out) give it 40yrs and come back to see that it was not about intimacy, U both lost it some place and needed to find each other.
You will forever be a failure if you think you are rite but cannot solve the problem, and if your being right isn’t solving it, put urself in his shoes, you will know what to do.
We are Africans, solve your problem, those countries with marriage councilors all other have highest no of divorce cases.He has not beaten U (that means he adores U)& if He has he regrets every minute of it…would cry apologizing the day U find him as a lovely wife would
Find your man Dear

it appears to me that this poster knows some personal things from the manner of his write-up about your marriage?!?!?!?!?!?

Quote from: here on Today at 08:51:52 AM

You are intimidating him.[b] I also think you only assumed to know him before your marriage you did not really know him but its not late.([/b]You started hating him after your giving birth)
I'll try to be very objective as I do not see any reason why you are asking for an advice when you know your problem.
Fine he might he has lost his mind, he has lost track about life, [b]but please tell us is that baby his?[/b]Don't U think he discovered something about you that made him loose the expectation he had from you infact he now sl**ps with U forcefuly like he is in a revenge mission, don't you see its like one night stand has taken hold of him.
You are successful but why not allow him be the man of the house since he wants to(and he is), minimize bringing business and career talk to the bed for now until he finds it interesting, go back to the way you both were before and few months into your marriage when you worshiped him and allowed him buy you most of the things you needed even though you had the money.
Did you make jest of his background joking? Did you joke about his pe**is to be small to his face? Did you tell him / anyone that he doesn’t satisfy U?
Did you tell him about your past affair which involved your corporate life? Do you have one? No reasonable man tells a half lie to the wife to her face like urs is doing, allowing you see the name saved and still telling U the text is a mistake. You are a female you could have gotten bacteria infection from any toilet
Find about his work problems without telling anyone there U are having issues and discus it with him(not letting him know U know).He might be a subordinate at the office and U are making him one at home by the way U treat him for some time now.
Did you refuse bosom feeding your baby when she was young and if U did how long, were you selfish at any instance? From all I can tell of him he is a sentimental type (this is not wrong because this is your marriage, if he does not have right to criticize you in whose marriage does he have right to?)
I think you fight more with him than talk, you tell him what you want to do than ask for permission to(why not lock up that supermarket and bring the key to him in the bedroom, ask him for permission to open a joint a/c for your children, talk about joint investment when U see his finance can carry it not when you want it.
Open up to him on your finance(maybe you listen much to ladies who advice against, he is him not any other man and you have to understand what he appreciates same way you expect him to appreciate you and do what you like and do that)
This is your marriage Honey and the right to win or lose is in your hands, anyone here might advice otherwise but its your home not mine, we all have challenges but we handle them that is why we still have a home(a lovely one),
Submit to him and bring him home(when a man/woman misses his/her way out there, we go back to the last known point, that’s what we teach our kids, and if they aren’t there, U wait there if they know the drill, if U feel they don’t U keep a notice there and go all the way searching.
If U do not take care of this your way reasonably, (if U move out) give it 40yrs and come back to see that it was not about intimacy, U both lost it some place and needed to find each other.
You will forever be a failure if you think you are rite but cannot solve the problem, and if your being right isn’t solving it, put urself in his shoes, you will know what to do.
We are Africans, solve your problem, those countries with marriage councilors all other have highest no of divorce cases.He has not beaten U (that means he adores U)& if He has he regrets every minute of it…would cry apologizing the day U find him as a lovely wife would
Find your man Dear

it appears to me that this poster knows some personal things from the manner of his write-up about your marriage?!?!?!?!?!?

@here
cant just go on highlighting all u said, well thanks 4 your contributions but u are entitle to your opinion.
I must say that I dont know where u got all your theories from. I never mentioned that he sl, ps with me forcefully and we had arguments partaining the parternity of our Baby, infact I mentioned in one of my post that the baby look so much like my husband that she only took my light complexion, he is quite aware of this fact too. Please @HERE cau u give me the reasons for such insinuations? please provide the father if there is any slight doubt. and like LARIMO said u seems to know my about my marriage far more than me that is involved, pls can u shed more light?

Dont really wanna talk too much, maybe u didnt quite understand my post.

Damysa:

Quote from: here on Today at 08:51:52 AM
@here
cant just go on highlighting all u said, well thanks 4 your contributions but u are entitle to your opinion.
I must say that I dont know where u got all your theories from. I never mentioned that he sl, ps with me forcefully and we had arguments partaining the parternity of our Baby, infact I mentioned in one of my post that the baby look so much like my husband that she only took my light complexion, he is quite aware of this fact too. Please @HERE cau u give me the reasons for such insinuations? please provide the father if u are so sure he is not. and like LARIMO said u seems to know my about my marriage far more than me that is involved, pls can u shed more light?

Dont really wanna talk too much, maybe u didnt quite understand my post.

@damysa, you are taking 'here' post too seriously as though it reflects some reality cos you are suggesting so. i hate to say this but do you know this person and is there any truth in what he/she is saying? Remember that its only the truth that can completely heal your marriage. God bless

@Larimo and HERE,

I just dont get u two, did any of my post ever suggests I have problem with the parternity of my baby or wot?
LARIMO I have to take it very very seriously cos my sincerity/fidelity is been questioned here. I do not know any soul physically on NL but if "HERE" knows me, I invite him or her to say wotever grudge he/her has against me. How has my marital problem got to do with my child's parternity.

Honestly i was wondering myself, cos "here"'s posts makes no sense

By the way, hows the marriage going damysa?