₦airaland Forum

I am at that point in life where if I am not at a wedding, I am either coming from one or going to one. Most of my peers have supposedly found their life partners and are ready to make it legit, in other words, legitimize their union religiously and legally. Everything leading up to the wedding day is usually exciting, but many at times that 3a.m phone call I get 6 months after the wedding is the reason I am writing this article.

I’m sure you’ve heard phrases like, ‘He’s the one’ or ‘I’ve found my soul mate.’ Ok, if that’s true, why are you calling me at 3a.m? Why not wake ‘the one’ up and talk it over. Don’t get me wrong, I believe in love and finding the ONE, but more so, I am a bigger believer in the path that leads you to the ONE. You’ll come to realize that as individuals, we have more control over the path we take than the actual destination. And most times paths have a way of revealing what the eventual destination will be like.


There are 5 things you must consider before you get to the altar or courthouse especially if you want to make it your last trip.

Marry someone you are totally Crazy about

Being crazy about someone is a feeling that makes your heart beat twice as hard at the mention of this person’s name. Your heart skips a beat when they walk into the room. There is something in you that responds to their presence. It’s a feeling only you can understand but never articulate. It’s a feeling that transcends any bad day or tragic event. No matter how horrible your day might have been, nothing gives you more comfort than knowing that in a matter of minutes, at the end of a long and hectic day, you will be seeing the person that brings the most joy to your heart – not because of anything they have done, but simply because of who they are. Go back with me if you will to grade school, say the 5th Grade. Do you remember those crushes you had? Do you remember how you felt when the boy you secretly admired asked if he could use your pen? Do you remember when that girl you were always drooling about said ‘Bless you’ after you sneezed? I know, her ‘Bless you’ sounded different, right? And you went home thinking, ‘she likes me’ not knowing she had said ‘Bless you’ to 5 other guys that day. I referred to the 5th grade when we must have been about 10 or 11 before the unset of puberty (now if you were older, you’ve got some explaining to do). There were no butts or boobies to look at. It was a sincere attraction to who the person was and not what they had or didn’t have. This craziness I speak of is a loving attraction that will exist between you and this person and as silly as it may sound, should be the foundation of any relationship you plan on getting into. Now remember, if you are not crazy about him or her, you will eventually get attracted to someone you are crazy about even after you are married. That wedding band around your finger only tells the world that you are married to someone, it can’t make you love them or better yet – it can’t make you crazy about them.


Marry someone whom you have reverential respect for

We all know what respect means. This is deeper than that. Growing up in high school, I respected my teachers. Now to some of you, I know that might sound strange, but we greeted them first, addressed them politely and followed their instructions provided it was within educational ramifications. You see, I’m not talking about that. I respected them but I wasn’t in awe of them. I wasn’t amazed and intrigued by who they were or what they were. I respected them because they were older than me and probably because they had the power to decide whether I would be class of ’92 or class of ’08. Some of us are in relationships where we show respect because he is providing a good life for the family or because she is the mother of your kids. But besides what they are, there is really no reason to respect them. This reverential respect has nothing to do with what this person is to you or what they do for you but more so, it’s about who they were even before you met them. It’s the thing that intrigues you about them. It could be their character, their vision, their personal discipline, their intelligence or their immense contribution to society. One thing is for sure; it’s usually something about them that you have nothing to do with but rather reminds you daily that this person is a gift to you. It’s almost impossible to abuse or mistreat someone you are in awe of. In marriage, we get to see the best and worst of each other and it’s that awe factor that keeps us from just seeing people at the level of their mistakes or short comings – and you’ll have to admit, we all have them. Never get into a long term relationship that has the ability to turn sexual until you know what relevance you want your life to have on this earth. You only want to have sex with someone who thinks the world of you, not just someone who thinks you’re hot. If you are not in awe of her person, you’ll never appreciate her worth. She’ll just be your wife and the mother of your kids and any woman can be that. Men – if she doesn’t see that world changing essence in you, she will never give you the respect you truly deserve. And you know your ego craves that respect!


Marry someone you are totally physically attracted to

In my years of observation, I have come to realize that people make deals with themselves based on what they think they can get instead of being honest with themselves and saying, ‘I don’t think she is fine’ or ‘He just doesn’t cut it for me.’ Dude! 50 years is a long time to be looking at a head that you think is too big or feet that are ugly. If you’re going to lie in my bed, you better be everything I dreamed of and if I’m going to lie in yours, I better be everything you desired. I’ll speak as a man: Looking at a beautiful woman, is like experiencing a 70 degree day in January. She brightens up the whole place. She attracts and commands attention. We may look calm and collected when we are talking with you for the first time, but trust me, we can’t hear a word you’re saying. We are mesmerized by your beauty. I didn’t say makeup – I said beauty. If you are a guy and you know you love large breasts, please don’t marry someone with a B-cup and if you know you love a woman’s rear view, please marry someone with a sizable butt. If you marry someone who is missing something you like, you’re going to hurt her. How? You ask. If you are not mesmerized by your wife’s physical beauty, you will find it difficult to give her the heartfelt compliments that she truly deserves. Women run on heartfelt compliments. You may not cheat on her but you will cheat her and rob her of loving words that she would love to hear on a daily basis. When a man is physically attracted to a woman, he can’t help but say it to someone. If he’s living with her, who do you think he will be saying to? When he’s married to a woman that he is hot for, his mouth will be a volcano for compliments anytime he sees her. It is close to impossible to keep your hands to yourself let alone your words around a woman you consider DYNOMITE!


Delay physical intimacy

This is where most people mess up a good thing. Physical intimacy should be the last stage discovered in a relationship. You must develop a mental and emotional connection over a period of time before embarking on the physical journey. How you build your relationship determines how you live in it. You want to make sure that your relationship is based on commitment and not attachment. A commitment to a person is wanting to be with that individual void of any external forces. An attachment is: needing to be with the individual due to external forces. I’ll give you an example. Most of you go to work because you are attached – you need the money and in turn that pays your bills and helps you look like you are somebody in society. On the other hand, there are people who hold volunteer positions and don’t get paid a dime. These individuals are there because of a deep passion for the issue they are a part of. They are committed. They can walk away at anytime but love for what they do keeps them there. They don’t need to be there, they want to be there. Most ladies who have slept with guys too soon often try to make the relationship work because they do not want to lose what they have already lost – their confidence and dignity. Deep down, they know it was a mistake to have had sex too soon, so to recover the loss they work really hard to try to make something out of nothing. When you have a baby for a guy, you become attached. You want to have a baby for a guy who is committed to you. You don’t want to marry a guy who is committed to his baby and attached to you. An attachment means’ I’m stuck with you and I have to be with you’ while a commitment means ‘I want to be with you - not just in you.’ You can never get a commitment out of an attachment but you can always create an attachment within a commitment. Never let your bodies get attached to each other before your hearts are committed to each other.


Never marry someone you need - Marry someone you love

And never marry someone who needs you. Needs are some of the most deceptive things on earth. They are temporal and selfish. When someone needs you, you are not the Subject, but the Object to getting that need fulfilled. Once that need has been fulfilled, you become a nuisance in that scenario. What am I talking about? If a lady has a need to be married because all her friends are married, she’ll get you and keep you, but once that need in her has been fulfilled, your relevance to her begins to diminish day by day. You see, in relationships we desire a true loving connection with another human being and this cannot exist in the presence of any deception. If you are not with someone because you sincerely love them for who they are, you are using them and once their use over, you'll focus elsewhere.

A lot people are still married and living in the same house but all the while their hearts are looking out through the window. For a guy, all its going to take is a lady outside to stroke his ego and for a lady its probably going to take that one guy at work who gives her a heartfelt compliment that she has truly yearned for but never received. Divorce is not an issue for the courts, it’s a matter of the heart. So before you make that decision to marry this person, consider these five things, so that first trip down the aisle of your heart also becomes the last one.



Ekene Agabu

well its a great car . try get the VIN from him and ask brauneyes on nairaland to tell u details of the car . for that price ? well not too bad

remind her how much u love her . Men dont need much of that but women do more than u can ever immagine .

it is very easy for the male folks to point accusing fingers . I have cousin in similar situation . She is 33 , she was crying the other day that for the past 3 years she not found any serious toaster at all . The best she has been getting are married men .
For we men , it is alot easy for us to see any desirable lady and walk up to her and express our feeling . for them it is not the same .
And most at times we male blank from our mind ladies of this age range ( 29, 30 - 35) because one we feel we need the younger ones for future partners or two we feel they've gone a very long way or we feel they must have achieve alot .

IT AIN"T EASY OOOO.

I am an I T professional in a bank . I have intentions of leaving my job to go for masters in geographic information science . Does any one have idea of what the course look like , the prospect of getting a good job after that . Am i on the right track ? pls advise .

Can any body pls give me the GRE test center in Lagos and Abuja ,
Thank you

nosakhare , i am so suprised that u can come to such conclusion . how can u read such meaning to what i said . no one is saying one should go up and down trying one person to another for sexual satisfaction . the story i gave does not imply that in any way . And if u must be reminded , the lady in question is planning her wedding with this guy and she even confirms its going to be this year . so tell me where does the jumping from bed to bed comes from

Well the truth is people shy away from the truth .But the truth is the truth no matter how much we try to conceal it .

nosakhare , when u want to marry make sure are a marrying the bone of ur bone and flesh of ur flesh and these emcompase so many thing which is compatibility in all ramification ,
if not , mennnn.  make u no go jonessssss o

nosakhare , i am so suprised that u can come to such conclusion . how can u read such meaning to what i said . no one is saying one should go up and down trying one person to another for sexual satisfaction . the story i gave does not imply that in any way . And if u must be reminded , the lady in question is planning her wedding with this guy and she even confirms its going to be this year . so tell me where does the jumping from bed to bed comes from

Well the truth is people shy away from the truth .But the truth is the truth no matter how much we try to conceal it .

nosakhare , when u want to marry make sure are a marrying the bone of ur bone and flesh of ur flesh and these emcompase so many thing which is compatibility in all ramification ,
if not , mennnn. make u no go jonessssss o

nosakhare , u want to know the remedy for compatibilty , ? The word compatility is simple enough to be understood .
it mean round peg in a round hole .

Let me tell u a little story . this story is not made up it actuall happened to a female friend of mind . She has been dating a guy for like 3 years . the guy disvirgined her and she actually remain faithful to him all tru . but early last year they quarelled so they were apart for like 5 months . on the fifth month she met another guy . she started off with this new guy as just friends and this guy actually just wanted to be her friend no strings attached . but one thing lead to another and they ended up having sex . Do u know that this my female friend told me she never had orgasm with the first guy for 3 years they have been going out but with this new guy it comes almost every time they are together . she said she will never ever go back to the first guy and that she has falling so much in love with the new guy and they have even started planning for marriage.

Now with this i think u understand what sexual compatility means .

sbucareer thanks . I am still waiting for anyone in the house that can takle my points with good reasons

the truth actually must be told . It is good to be a virgin cos that makes u clean and obeying God but sexual compatibility is one thing no one can ever put aside for no reason . Human beings differ sexually . Have heard of what is call Libido (sexual drive) . Ladies and gentle men in the house it differs from men to men , women to women . there is no way a man with high drive ( naturally ) will ever have a good marriage with a woman with low drive and vice versa .

it is very very foolish for any one not to admit this . This thing we are talking about is natural and there is nothing anyone can do about . it is just like a woman that desires a tall man for marriage and now taken to marry a shot man while she being blind folded . and after the marriage she says i will do all what i can to make him tall .

Tell me , people in the house it that ever possible .

I am not saying being a virgin in not good but it take a completely blind person to say sexual compatibilty is not an important issue .

Do u know the number of married women that cry night and day cos their husband cant satisfy them .

Please i need someone in the house to disagree with all what i said with good points . lets see how it goes

why do we nigerians believe a good man cant be our president . why do u believe if given a chance a good man can do it right . We cry day and night saying we have bad leaders but cant allow the people that seem upright contribute their own quoter to the leadership of this country . When Gani tried , people were saying he might not be a good leader after all he went trough for this great nation .
Nigerians daily run down this country with their mouth saying things can be okay . Lets have a change of mind set . what makes u think an intellectual cant get there a change things around .

Let give Pat Utomi all the support he needs and God being on his side , he would definately get there .

if Pat Utomi want to contest for nigerian president then there is great hope for this nation . I pray with all my heart that this becomes a reality . I can bet that there would be lots of support from Nigerians far and near .

Please Pat go on , this seem to be a dawn of a new day for Nigeria

that is why i need contacts of people that can be of help

figures , days and time have real meaning both in spiritual relm and physical . please dont make fun of that day and no one is saying evil will happen . we are believe in God and believe in prayer . please it wont cost u any thing to pray . just start praying as soon as it is some mins to 12 pm tonight .

the person that said dates are man made is not well informed at all . The rotation of the earth controls the day , the revolution of the earth around the moon controls the months and the revolution of the earth around the sun controls the years . My guy no be man make all these . it is God and it is so spriritual .

ok make una fault this occurence . tell me if na lie or na just coincidence :

If we combine the two important dates of June 5th and June 6th, together with recent world events, we obtain the following extremely significant occult triplications:

222 days from the Muslim riots in Paris;
333 days from the London Train Bombings;
444 days from the second anniversary of the Iraq Invasion;
555 days from November 28, 2004 (the 333rd day of the year, with 33 remaining);
666 in the date pattern and in the pattern until the end of the Mayan calendar;
777 days from the foiled Sears Tower Attack.

the main reason is that most successful women dont know how to manage a relationship . they feel they can use the same professional /academic skills for a relationship . My successful lady out there , the truth is that in a relationship it is a completely different ball game . when ever u are with ur man , forget about the office completely, forget about ur status completely and behave like a very young girl just falling in love a new .

Men love to have attention , they love being in charge , the major truth is that an average real man whats to be a boss somewhere . if he can not be the president , if he can not be the boss in his office , if he can not be a senator at least he want to be the boss in his relationship ,
That is a man for u . so if u realize that as a woman the better for u . so make sure the very next man u grap treat him like a king and i bet u he would be all over u . and before u know it , he wants ur hand in marriage

Youth Fest 2006 Africa is a music and art cultural exchange, where we will service thousands of young people in Africa and America. Our event will be hosted by Actor and Entertainer Christopher Martin aka Play formally of Kid N Play and the House Party movies. Youth Fest 2006 will include motivational speaker Orrin Hudson, HBO Def Jam Poet Abyss, Dex, Digzby President and founder of Diggum Out Foundation and a host of other speakers entertainers and vendors as well as a student artist.youth fest is a youth programme . it is an annual thing in america but this time they are coming to nigerian Universities . Big names like Christopher Martins (Play in Kid $ Play ) , American actors , rappers , singers , motivational speakers and so on .

Their target audience is the nigerian youths .They plan coming to Nigeria around August this year for concerts in Nigerian universities .

We are bringing Youth fest 2006 to Nigeria .We want to start from UNILAG. Its is an annual thing in US but this time we are coming to nigeria . Youth fest consist of Motivational speakers, singers, art exhibition , rappers etc. Please does any one know the email or phone numbers of the student Union body and of Dean of student affairs of Unilag , UNI ife (OAU ) . u can get me on dayotheman@yahoo.com . I also need any contact info of kennis music

the issue here is not about low pay . The nigerian police force, to me , is the worst sector in Nigeria today . I tell u they are just too too bad . There is no one with his right sences or with good intention that will love to join the nigerian police force . The nation is experiencing a great turn around for good as the present governmnent of president Obasanjo has done alot to reduce corruption in the country but one major task that i think should be put into urgent consideration is the police force .
 The people that are suppose to protect us are the ones killing us , the people that are suppose to prevent robbery are the ones stealing from us. Do u know that recently a friend of mine told me he preffers the thief to the police cos the thief will steal from u and run away but the police might steal from u and even kill u or even throw u to jail . We pray by the special grace of God that the almighty God comes to our rescue from the hands of the wicked one .
If u have a brother that wants to join the police force , he is likely to be frustrated or a thief himself ,

the issue here is not about low pay . The nigerian police force, to me , is the worst sector in Nigeria today . I tell u they are just too too bad . There is no one with his right sences or with good intention that will love to join the nigerian police force . The nation is experiencing a great turn around for good as the present governmnent of president Obasanjo has done alot to reduce corruption in the country but one major task that i think should be put into urgent consideration is the police force .
The people that are suppose to protect us are the ones killing us , the people that are suppose to prevent robbery are the ones stealing from us. Do u know that recently a friend of mine told me he preffers the thief to the police cos the thief will steal from u and run away but the police might steal from u and even kill u or even throw u to jail . We pray by the special grace of God that the almighty God comes to our rescue from the hands of the wicked one .
If u have a brother that wants to join the police force , he is likely to be frustrated or a thief himself .

dquails , thanks so much for ur responce , i am sending u a mail right away .

4real identify urself first before i go fit send u my proposal . tell me who u be .

it is no Joke , It is gonna be a concert of singers, dancers, rappers , motivational speakers ,actors . They are all based in US and their target is Nigerian Universities so i gave them UNilag , Ife, Uniben , Uniabuja and places like muson center and national theather .
They might not be so much know but Nigerians any time any day love to see americans perform ,

the advice I need is how to go about it , which organisation can i contact for the organisation and management of the events

Please i need advice and contacts . I have a contact with a group in US with Christopher Martin aka Play formally of Kid N Play and the House Party movies. They are coming to Nigeria for concert( Music, Dance, Art exhibition , motivational speakers , rappers ) . I am a banker and would not have all the time for the arrangement . we plan to take the show to unilag, OAU ife, Uniben , Uni abuja , muson center , national theather .