₦airaland Forum

My wife and I have been happily married for about six and a half years now. Going all the way back to when we were dating, we talked about how many kids we would want. My wife grew up in a polygamous family, and she always wanted at least three, probably four or five, or even more. She’s got a very nurturing personality, so having many kids fits with her personality very well.

I on the other hand? I had a small family. It was just me and my two younger brothers. I’m also an introvert. I’ve always wanted kids, but probably a pretty hard “two” has always been my desire. I kinda told her back then when we were dating that I could be open to having three, or even four, but that we’d have to live according to our means. That was a fine answer back then. But it’s becoming a lot more real now, almost ten years down the line. We had our daughter about a year after we married, and our son came bundling into the world two years later.

Recently, she has been talking about us having another baby, but I'm very skeptical. I'm satisfied with the two we have - a girl and a boy as I implied earlier - and with the economy, cost of living, education, and today's world we live in generally, I don't think I want another. I want to be able to give my children everything they need in terms of equal time and energy. I look at the time and energy required just to have two kids and still maintain a good marriage… and trying to find some balance being a father with being a husband, with being a professional, and trying to pull back on myself and my career and elsewhere. There are a lot of serious balls that I’m already juggling. The last one I want to drop is a kid.

She, in the other hand, feels it's time for us to have another baby. Her argument is she's getting a little bit, well, not older, but she hoped she’d be done having kids by the time she hit her mid-30’s. She’s 35 now, and our son is now 5 years old, so time is of the essence, she says.

Knowing my wife, if I relent, it will only be a matter of a few years before we start this discussion of yet another baby again. I know she wants a strong home full of laughter and happiness. I know what I need to do in order to give her that and also maintain a level of balance myself, but is having more kids the right answer? I'm contented with the two I already have. The two tykes are a real handful as it is right now; adding a third, to me, seems rather far reaching.

If I relent and we end up having four, five, six kids, and it ends up affecting our lives in the process, am I really giving us what we want to be? Or am I being selfish right now?

[b]My fiancee has this habit of always talking about her ex-boyfriend. i always tell her that i hate it and this guy was part of her past and should remain there. she keeps on apologising but after a few days, she will come up with another "Aliyu would do this" or "Aliyu would have done that" senario again.

recently we have been planning for our wedding. I told her we should go to the marriage registery and we have been planning on that. Normally after the certificate she is to change her name and put the notification of name change in the newspapers. imagine my horror and anger when she mentioned this samee guy again, stating that he would do the name change for her because he works for a particular newspaper. i told her no way, that we will do it in another paper but she refused. this led to an arguement between us and i ended up telling her that im fed up of this her always mentioning her ex. i then told her that i will call off the registery thing until she made up her mind - she should either choose either her ex or me. she was like why should i do such a thing and give her such a shocking statement like that.

she did not talk to me for the next two days, but of late she has been sending me messages, saying she is sorry and that she is ready to change. i ignored her messages for sometime until recently she called and was crying on the phone.

im really not happy about all this cos im not too sure she will change. i hate it when a girl im dating keeps referring to her ex if i do something she does not like.[/b]

[b]My girlfriend told me that her ex invited her for his wedding in May. I know this issue has be trashed out (being invited to an ex's wedding), but i want to know it from the significant other's view. When she told me that and asked me whether she should go or not, all i simply said was "if u feel it is right, u can go, but if u feel it is not right, don't go". i didn't mean to impose her onto anything as the decision is hers, but she told me my statement is really "pregnant" with meaning (what she meant by that was i was indirectly telling her to use her senses to decide whether to go or not, which i wasn't) and that she would not go, cos she doesn't want a situation whereby something like this will occur in the future and i would refer to this issue (my girl is the very jealous type and though she doesn't show it, i know she's not really happy when i talk to my ex, which is not often).

this is a guy she told me left her in her dire time of need, when she was in a critical life-threatening situation in the past, and who left her to tend her wounds alone. she had vowed not to date anyother man again in her life b4 i met her. it even took me so much of my time and patience b4 she even agreed for me to take her out on a date. afterwards the guy came running back to her, pleading for her to give him another chance, even calling and talking to her mum to plead with her daughter on his behalf. he later said that he was getting married to his present gf because he was getting older and that forever in his life, he will know he has lost a precious gem.


did i reply her right?[/b]

promkingzz:
Belive me y'all if i'd gone ahead, next thing would hv bn neighbours knocking at my door checking who i was rap!ng, or even killing, cos she started making a hell of noise while i tried to fall in d nest. She wet well, i even tryd d good old pears baby oil but all i heard was she screaming "its painfull! Its painfull!!" and i did'nt jst get fed up after 1try o! Tryd lyk 4more times. I no wan comot make my neighbours begin point "yeye boi" finger at me. But finally i dull 4d mata! Saw her yestrday, same ol' thing, she won't even say wsup. Shd came arnd 2say wsup 2my neighbour(her friends bf) tryd 2talk 2her but she was jst actin up. Later ystrday my neighbours chik saw me and wuz like "did u guys talk over, she told me she was coming 2c u". Imagine dat! & wen she came arnd she refused talkin 2me, acting lyk she came to charge her phn @ my guys place and did'nt wnt to talk 2me. Well, i don c say d babe na 1chance, if i had broke her and something stared up btw us, would i have bn able 2cope with a chick dats got such a sick attitude? She's lyk 20years old & has alot 2learn about the rugged rugged world, person no fit force bird chop. Abi no be so?

leave her alone. na small pikin dey do am. wetin u sef dey do with 20 year old?

^^i didn't tell her anything of the sort. We were just hanging out like we usually do every weekend and i made a sly remark about her and she burst out laughing. i told her that i like her laughter and went forth to ask her that do i make her laugh often. that's when she gave me the bombshell.

[b]my girlfriend told me over the weekend that i don't usually crack her up with laughter anytime we are together. all this came about when i was trying to tease her and she was trying to do the same thing back. After what happened to me nd my ex(my previous posts), i couldn't handle the r-ship anymore and decided to end it. i met this new one in November last year and i have been trying to build a strong one with her nd she seems to be into me too.

she told me i was more of a reserved person and that she was the lively one. she said out of 100 in the making her laugh scale, she gives me a 40. She says i am the type who, if we get married, will be indoors all the time and not have such an out-going life.
I felt bad cos i never knew i was like that with her. pple tell me atimes that i am such a nice guy and atimes fun to be with, but what is that when my own babygirl tells me that i am kinda boring. how do i go about this? i wouldn't want to look like a clown and not being serious either. [/b]