₦airaland Forum

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NEPOTISM.


I post the funniest puns on instagram.
You should follow my page www.instagram.com/pun_bible/

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EarthXmetahuman:
did your phone manufacturer send you an update? Like from marshmellow to noughat?

No. It was nougat when I bought it, and that's how it has been since, no updates, nothing

EarthXmetahuman:
Did you do ota update?

please what's ota update?

I need help, an app called android OS is guzzling my data at an alarming rate. I use glo one thousand naira for 4GB. Out of this 4GB android OS has used 2.17GB. I have installed many data firewalls but none seem to be working, and I can't block background usage from settings. Anybody has a permanent solution to this?
My device is fero x2 royale, below are some screenshots

Bolustical:
Ojukwu was born in 1933,

He married a Bianca who was born in 1968,

35 years difference!

What do you call that?

you fool it's not about the age difference, but whether the girl involved has reached the age of consent

the one and only the irregular the ENERGY GOD you know him bangdadadang
I'm talking about speedydarlington himself
the best to ever do it

matches now 20 naira >:

matches now 20 naira

what fvckery

that's just football tactics: just to intimidate the opponents a little

So there is this eternal argument about who is the best footballer.. Cristiano fanboys be like
OMG he's fast
OMG his shot packs a lot of power (both leg for that matter)
OMG he's the best penalty taker
OMG he's the greatest scorer ever liveth
OMG no one else can nod a ball with such power and precision
OMG his swag
OMG....

Messi worshipers on the other hand would tell you how swag has nothing to do with football and how Ronaldo Is human (like Hazard ) and say stuff Lyk
BRO his dribbles
BRO his chips
BRO his accurate passes
BRO he's a team player who can influence games
BRO he's humble
BRO five ballon d'ors
BRO....

Ronaldo or Messi, GOAL.COM has given an avenue to decide once and for all and stop the killing. The voting portal will close by 12pm Wednesday.. Whoever wins is the best ever. Period! So that the rest of us can have some peace and quiet
Here's the link

http://www.goal.com/en-us/news/19262/legends-world-cup/2016/03/28/21770722/legends-world-cup-messi-vs-ronaldo

Apc!

Even after reading it I found it difficult to spot the computer

I hated English so much, English would have been much more easier had the people that created it been more humane {seriously ;HUMANE}. Well all that hatred vanished the day I ran into puns, phrases or sentences that play upon the different meaning of words humorously. The word pun inadvertently has to rhyme with the word porn from pornography. ...which makes the verbal introduction of the whole concept to the elderly quite tedious. I have asssembled some puns that I hope will make you smile . afterall they say, seven days without a pun makes one weak . Don't forget to add yours

To write with a broken pencil is pointless (obviously )
Did you hear about the optimetrist that fell into the grinding machine and made a spectacle of himself?
I changed my iPhone's name to titanic, it's syncing now
Past, present and future walked into a bar. ..it was tense
I used to work for the blanket company but it got folded
A dog gave birth near the road, it was cited for littering
I watched the sun to see where it will go at night, then it dawned on me
The dentist and the manicurist got married, they fought tooth and nail
The dead batteries were given out free of charge
When the cannibals ate the missionaries, they got a taste of religion
A hole has been discovered in the nudist camp fence.. .the police are looking into it
Lalasticala; how does Moses make his tea?
Doshward; Hebrews it
Lalasticala; Jew (are you) kidding me?
Doshward; no Israeli (its really ) How he makes it
Lalasticala; are you Syria's (SERIOUS)
Doshward; yes.. When he and Aaron were making it, I was India midst!

More

Hi people, I'm dosh..and I draw. Im not yet Michelangelo, even though people say my drawings are super cool. Below are some of my sketches, feel free to add yours (if you draw)

Wait o, all of una no dey read last sentences?

Nollywood films are films that i can count on to get a good and hearthy laugh anytime, anyday. Not because they are funny or interesting or anything. But because i find most of their 'concepts' so dumb and funny, here are some of them. THE SIGNATURE BEAT OF DOOM: if you watch nigerian films you must know this beat that we always hear when a mother inlaw wants to poison food, or a man wants to steal a fowl, that beat is so annoyin. NAMESIS: there is this thing about mentioning the name of the film in the film accompanied by a loud beat, for instance if the name of the film is tail of a lion, one actor or actress must say stuff like 'you have touched the tail of a lion' during the course of the film, HILARiOUS ACCIDENTS: one of the most funny things to watch in a nigerian film is a car accident, never, i repeat can a car accident captured from outside the car(s) involved, instead the camera man sits at the back seat as the driver swerves left, then right then we the viewers find ourselves watching someone on a stretcher. NIGERIAN FILMS ARE TIMELESS While most nigerian films have done away with those long, meaningless, unenticing adverts, there is still some work to be done on the running time of the films, you can find a full length film of only 40 mins.. Way too short if you ask me. But its not that i don't know that they cut the story into five parts for more money, thank God that some directors have started breaking away from this very annoyingly funny norm

Nollywood films are films that i can count on to get a good and hearthy laugh anytime, anyday. Not because they are funny or intere

Di maria is better, cos he constantly poses a threat to the opposing team, by peppering their yard box with very dangerous crosses, hazard lyk 2 form 1 man mopol

mperoakeem:
you r ryt, dey r so dump i 4got 2 laff., *mtscheeeewwww*

this one go school? dump or dumb? ..

For every action, there is an equal and. opposite reaction, well may be not quite, jokes are meant to be funny, but imagine a joke that is so not funny you have to laugh. Infact these is my best category of 'jokes'. So here are a few of my jokes that are so dumb...you have to laugh, feel free to add yours. Enjoy. Q: how do you make a clown to stop smiling? Ans: throw an axe at his face. Q: where did shola go during the explosion? Ans: everywhere!! And the lord said unto john 'come forth. and receive eternal life' but john came fifth and won a bike. Q: what is worse than 1000 babies stapled to 1000 trees? Ans: 1 baby stapled to 1000 trees! Q: what is brown and sticky? Ans: a stick

See me see motorcycle oh, what is this all about, im on vacation too

kaorama:
After the match this weekend, u will remove this rubbish. How can u compare Kanu Nwankwo and Emenike?

who b kanu who b emenike?