abiolamitodun:
lets discuss

See ehnnn...

We need to understand 2 things on this matter.

1. Don't Seek SEX (Sexual Intercourse) With Your Wife!: She go dey run for you or she will give it you whenever she likes. It's because you don't understand how women thinks yet. You need to seek this in a different way...

Lemme help you understand better...

- The first thing is, YOU ARE MARRIED (una be husband and wife, right?). So, seeking to or having sexual intercourse with your wife is NO MORE sex!. Having this mindset (seeing SEX this way in your marriage) is your #1 problem because women DON'T just want sex...

Get this, your wife is not a prostitute or s3x toy. She's your second part (your soul mate and life partner).

So, what you need to seek from her is LOVE MAKING (the sex you wanted).

If you understand this, and you know how to lay the bed for love making (I will share that below later) -- she will give it to you fully well, you will have enough of it, and you will be well satisfied.

This is what you want, right?

To achieve this, then you need to...

2. Understand How Women Thinks: Women (your wife) will ONLY be careless to make love to you when there is privacy and security -- that's women nature.

By privacy I mean, where its cool, no disturbance or distraction...just the two of you.
By security I mean, she has this peace of mind that her home is well catered for, her marriage is stable, future is well laid and planned at, etc.

Then, in order to get the love making I talked about in the #1 above...you need to set the bed for it by...

3. Showering Her With More Love: You need to know how to speak your wife's love language. Speak more of her love language, shower her with love...

This will put her in the mood,
She will start throwing advances at you,
She will beg you for it,
She will give it to you real good.

So, stop aiming sex... because all you will be doing will be a turn off for her -- you will look unromantic and selfish to her. Her body will not respond -- she go dry well well...

The word is enough for the wise.

Lemme come and be going....see you later.

tobechi74:


u think age is a measure of maturity

I wonder ooo...

chide1000:
I'm 36 and my girlfriend is ten years younger than myself. I have had three long-term relationships previously, but I am her first partner. We have been together for almost three years, and lived together now for six months. We usually get along well, and while we are very different in some ways, we have things in common too - like a shared sense of humour and openness to converse on a range of topics and hear each other out. I am very easygoing, not an extrovert but more so than her - I can talk to anyone and enjoy joking around a lot and pushing boundaries in my humour. I am relatively easy breezy, and I don't tend to sweat the small stuff. My partner values kindness above all else, and while she is extremely polite and thoughtful (more so than I am) she does sweat the small stuff, is more introverted, quiet, and experiences anxiety on a much higher level than I do whenever we have a fight.

Sort of relevant for context: My parents have been married for 40 years and I grew up seeing them fight occasionally (sometimes screaming matches) but they are still married, and happily so. They are best friends. Her parents divorced when she was young and she doesn't really know why. Her mother remarried a few years ago and has a very happy second marriage and they never ever fight. We have had our share of problems from the beginning of our relationship but have managed to push through them, but they periodically rear their head. We can go long periods (months) without having a fight, but then suddenly will experience a period of a few months (like the period we are in now) where we have a disagreement about twice a week. The fights go like this: I notice my girlfriend is upset; I ask her what's wrong; she refuses to tell me; I have to push and push to get it out of her; she tells me and I don't agree or like what she's upset about; I feel attacked and defend myself; we go around and around in circles until it gets heated, I get angry, she cries and then questions whether we are suitable for each other. After two years together my girlfriend broke up with me because she said she was having anxiety from all the fights we were having. She said she didn't think the amount of fighting was normal in a relationship. We were apart for two weeks, but decided to give it another try eventually.

I don't think that we fight much by ordinary standards, and we never yell or scream or abuse each other. But they are frustrating, anxiety and stress inducing and end with her in tears, so I want to fix them.

The key to understanding our difficulties, I think, is what we fight about. She moved in with me six months ago. We live in a big house with three other house mates and have the downstairs to ourselves which is nice for space. Initially in our relationship we would fight about my friendships with other girls, and this has been the common theme. Most recently it is usually fights about my relationship with one of the other house mates. I will call her Rose. Rose and I get along very well (as friends). Rose is an attractive girl, but I am not attracted to her. I only have eyes for my girlfriend. My girlfriend has developed somewhat of an issue with Rose, but Rose has no idea. Rose is very nice, extroverted, chatty and her and I get a long superbly as friends. We enjoy each other's company. I don't see her much though - perhaps half an hour per day while cooking in the kitchen. My girlfriend likes Rose too and tells me this. My girlfriend says that she knows Rose and I aren't flirting, but she can just 'sense' something in the air and that we are both flirtatious people by nature. It began with her accusing me of staring at Rose inappropriately when Rose bent over to pick something up. This shocked me and I certainly didn't think I had done that. Whats more she said Rose deliberately bent over in front of me in order to entice me to look at her, when she could have kneeled down instead as that's what my girlfriend would have done. I thought this was going a bit far. Another time we went out for dinner with a large group of people, including Rose, and during the dinner my girlfriend told me I was looking at Rose too much. I really didn't think I was. Lately, If I go upstairs to make food or a cup of tea, when I get back my girlfriend will accuse me of taking too long up there and ask me what the hell I was doing, then we have a fight about that - sometimes I just like to hang out and have a chat with my house mates (not just Rose but the others too). And then there are the other fights - recently when she was upset and I was asking her what was wrong apparently I looked at myself in the mirror and adjusted my hair while asking her. This led to her telling me I wasn't genuine in asking how she was as I was focused on the mirror instead (I had just taken off my hat and the mirror was beside me while I was talking to her, and we had a big fight about that.

On another occasion, she said she was having such anxiety in her chest about me interacting with Rose, that could I please limit the amount of time I spend in the communal areas of the house? We had a big fight about that. I thought that was really unfair and controlling. She later backtracked on that and said she would never try to control me like that. Last nights fight sums up what usually happens quite well. It was Valentines Day - I had bought her some gifts, a nice card, and made her dinner. We spent a couple of hours together, then I went upstairs to make a cup of tea for myself. Then I sat outside in the cool evening air for half an hour. At one point Rose came outside for 30 seconds to check the temperature as she was going out and was deciding what to wear. We talked for ten seconds. My girlfriend then called me on my phone and asked could I come back inside to spend more quality time together. When I went back in I could immediately see on her face something was wrong (huge mood change from when I left). She asked me why the hell I stayed upstairs for half an hour, and she could see Rose "prancing around in front of me in her outfit". I disagreed, felt attacked, like I had done nothing wrong at all, and that she was reading the situation entirely differently to what had actually happened. We had a big fight and she started saying "there are guys out there I could be with who wouldn't treat me the way you do" AND "I don't deserve to be this upset, it isn't fair" as she was crying. She also said "it sends the message you would rather hang out with her or by yourself on Valentines Day than with me" and "it's embarrassing for me, because our house mates will be thinking there are problems in our relationship because we are not downstairs together on Valentines Day." I am used to this now, but I was a bit stunned, because in my mind all that had happened was that I stepped outside for a cup of tea for half an hour and I barely even saw Rose.

And then there are the times that she accuses me of looking at a girl on a bus when I'm not, or if I Google an actress on my phone it's an act of sneaking away to do something I shouldn't, or if I happen to look twice at a girl in the street she shuts down and won't talk to me for twenty minutes. For the record, I have two sisters and lots of close female friends, and all of them would agree that I am not the type to oggle women at all, though I will openly say I think a woman is attractive (like an actress or someone we know) but I will say that about a man being handsome too. I don't think that should be a problem. These things occur maybe on average once or twice a month, but since moving in with me and being around Rose, it has been weekly and is getting a bit much. It has gotten to the point where I am constantly microscoping my own behaviour - psychoanalysing myself - in case I might be doing something wrong that will upset her. I'm wondering if I've talked to this girl for too long, if I've looked too much, careful to avert my eyes, don't make her laugh too much, have I been upstairs for too long, what's too long, is 15 minutes ok? It's not healthy for me. We love each other though, and we we are not in this conflict mode we can go long periods without any trouble. I have suggested we go to counselling. She has agreed and says she wants to try and fix it too, but she also sometimes says she thinks we are just too different and there would be guys out there who would instinctively just know not to do all the things wrong that I do.

We've booked a counsellor for next week. Do you think it will help us? What do you think the problem is here? Am I not being sensitive enough to her needs and feelings? I feel torn between standing up for myself and not saying "yes dear, sorry dear" every time there's a problem, but also wanting to set her mind and heart at ease and make her feel better as well. I do love her.

PS. Obviously this is just a big list of our problems, but largely the relationship is a happy one. Just lately it hasn't been and I would like to get back to that good place. Any help/advice/perspective will be appreciated. Sorry for the length!

You both had a good relationship which you've built all these years BUT it seems you both are using your own hands to tear down the level of love you've built.

As human we all have the tendency to be jealous (especially when we love someone and another person is onto who we love). My dear poster, it seems your babe is now being jealous BUT it seems you don't know what's going on between these women -- you may just be a room mate or friend with Rose BUT i tell you; Rose and your babe are in a battle.

Rose may not have the intention of being in relationship with you BUT am sure she as seen/observe your babe's reaction whenever she's around you AND she's intentionally getting between you two to make her jealous and angry. This is NOT healthy for your relationship!

Get you own space AND stop co-habitation when you are not married for her own sake especially

brownemmanuel43:
Niggar 19yr old girl does not know anything about love and life generally. If it was in the days of our fathers, it would hv been a different game. But girls of this age are something else.
Personally, I can't date a girl of such age.

Am just wondering why some people are saying A 19year old don't know anything about love and life...in this jet age that we are in -- that little children get exposed easily. If met youngsters with brilliant minds -- they are well bought up from home (maybe by their dad or mom or even both parent, they have information in their skulls (meaning they groomed themselves too)

If this girls is aware of the guy's age AND she still stick in to go ahead with the relationship...wetin be the issue there?.

otherway:


Hmmm! this your story gives me a sweet nostalgia.

Met my woman a day after her 19th birthday and I am 8years older having met her when I was 27 and guess what? I married her at 33 After 6years of courtship and 18years down the line we are still waxing stronger.

So you no get any reason to worry but just be mature enough to cope cos she was so naughty at the beginning but I coped.

What a wonderful testimony here... I love this!

GidiRide:
I’m 10 years older than her.

She’s an Nd holder but still want to get her Bachelor degree. We met in my eglise, she liked me and we started talking.

In few days we were already close, and it felt like we met in months ago.

She really loves me, She’s has shown traits of a good girl, well behaved, intelligent and loving. She’s from a good home, her siblings look forward to seeing me on Sunday.

As I’m typing she’s on WhatsApp call with me eulogizing ourselves with our sweet names.

I really do like her a lot, infact I love her truly but but I’m scared.

Pls note that I’m also a great guy, an entrepreneur, a dog lover, a. CEO etc but I’m SCARED.

I don’t want to jeopardize this relationship and sometimes I feel she’s smaller looking at the age gap.

What do you guys think?

Well for starting, i'm glad you came forth with this AND am gonna tell you this; I Don't See The Reason Why You Should Be Scared (except if you have a reason within you) Some people are in this same shoe BUT they won't speak out or seek advice


What i have for you is these; i'd like you to consider this very well...


1. The AGE DIFFERENCE: Although, some people will say this is wrong -- that its bad, she's too young...blahblahblah. For me, the age difference is very okay AND there's nothing wrong with the age difference.
BUT you have to make sure you guys are ready to go...

2. Love is NOT JUST A FEELING: Yes you guys just met and you have this sweet-tingling feelings for each other AND it looks like you guys have known for long. My dear brother, that is NOT LOVE OOO... You guys are are just starting (its more like the first lap of this journey of love that we all want). So, don't get carried away by the euphoria what you both are feeling presently. TAKE THINGS SLOWLY!!!

3. Laying the Foundation: Yes, am sure you both have a vision of the kinda marriage/home that you want -- you both have to question, share, discuss on what you want (to check and cross check if you both can work out)...so transparency (truth without hiding a secret is highly needed here)...Talk about the past life/experiences (if there is), the present and future. Just to find out if you

4. Complement Each Other: I know people do seek after COMPATIBILITY in their relationship BUT the fact is they are to seek if they'd complement themselves...one of the early things to do. You both ain't perfect, you've got flaws/weaknesses -- you both need to know these flaws -- to see if you both can accept the each other the way you are AND if you both can help each other become better

LEMME STOP HERE

Relationship is NOT for a LAZY PERSON, IT IS HARD WORK, if you want a serious and lasting relationship that will lead to marriage. You MUST be ready to make it work. The beginning of a relationship is just the attraction stage, you have to go beyond that to know if you both can stick together for a long time.

Yes! I meant it...YOU'RE NOT IN LOVE YET!

This is one of the biggest mistakes most of us make in our relationship. I think it's high time we consider this and take the right steps.

Okay...you might not understand what I mean yet.

Lemme use this picture (am sure you'd understand me with this);

If you're a guy and you see a beautiful lady passing by what would say or do?

If you're a lady and you saw a tall and handsome guy with a sweet voice (nice accent) passing by what would you say or do?

Hmmm...am sure you know what you'll do...right? ��

That moment, when we see this kind of people, and we feel something sweet...some of us take that for LOVE which is not it.

That's what I call ATTRACTION!

There's a big difference between ATTRACTION & LOVE - and you need to know which is which and where to draw the line.

Most of have made this huge mistake of delving into an affair with the opposite sex just because of what we see (attracted to) in the person. Get me right here, am not saying it's bad to see a beautiful lady or a handsome guy and feeling something for the person --instead, what I want you to understand is;

What you feel at that moment is not LOVE, but YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO THE PERSON which shouldn't be the core reason why you should delve into an affair with the person - being a friend is not bad.

This is the reason why most of us are having issues in our relationships because we couldn't define the core reason for being in the relationship with the person we are in it with (not truthful with ourselves), we need to understand this principle.

Delving into a relationship with the opposite sex base on ATTRACTION ONLY will bring pains because that's not a solid foundation for a long-lasting relationship.

I DON'T KNOW IF SOMEONE GETS MY POINT HERE?

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