Thanks for all d responses. I always knew this was an issue with many Nigerian parents but sounds like its more common than I thought. After giving it some thought, I do believe my BF is telling the truth and he has said he will try to talk with his parents when he gets home in Dec. I agree with those who have said that I should wait, be patient and not be involved in the discussion with his parents. I believe it is the man's responsibility to fight for the woman and my responsibility is to continue to show him that being with me is worth fighting for! I can't and won't force him to fight his parents, I don't believe that it is right for a woman to try to force herself on a man, but at the same time, there comes a time when a man must stand up for what he believes in (to his parents, family and etc). In Dec. I will find out whether he will fight for me and what will be the outcome. All I can do between now and then is watch and pray. To those who have a bias against all "foreign bred" girls, I know that the stories of what has happened to others makes it easy to say ALL are bad, but its simply not true, just like as @25omega said : not ALL nigerians are credit card scammers, some bad apples don't spoil the entire bunch.

Thanks to all for d response.

@ natasha, I am NOT saying my BF should marry without parents consent, my NIGERIAN parents taught me that marriage is between two FAMILIES, not just two people so I would NEVER want to get married without his parents consent. All I am saying is he SHOULD want to fight for me, and do as drnoel said, go to naija, speak to them and do his best to convince them while also praying about the situation and working with me to help me understand what his parents like and expect when they meet me (some of which I already know because I regularly go to naija and interact with my family as well and they always seem surprised that I am so "well mannered" and "into the culture"). In the end, I will accept that but what I don't want to accept is him just saying I've tried and I'm tired. I feel if he really loves me, he will try harder and talk with them to convince them. Thats all I want and I feel I deserve. Also, I understand it may be a long fight but I am prepared to do my part to convince the family. I feel we should both just try our best and leave the rest to go.

@lertee, I have asked him if he's sure and he says he's sure about me, just his family is the issue, I have asked him if he has someone in naija, he said no but that his family has always wanted him to come home and marry so that its not about me, just about how they feel about marrying abroad.

@ceospecial, I don't want to marry without his parents blessing. I hear yoruba but I don't speak it well, I will just continue to pray

@ITbomb, I don't believe in prenup but I have no problem signing one if that would make his family understand that i am not going to divorce him and take everything, i have my own and do not even believe in divorce

I am Nigerian, raised in America and My BF was raised in Naija and has been in the US for the past 6 years. We have known each other for about 2 years, been together for about a year and we were both planning to go home for xmas (his first time back since he left). We have talked about marriage already and he has told me that he wants to get married but wants me to meet his family first. I agree that is important and was looking forward to meeting them during xmas. Yesterday he tells me that his father is not interested in meeting any "omo america" because two of his cousins were married to nigerians raised in the west and the women recently divorced them and took everything. My BF claims he has explained to his father that I am not "omo america" and although I was raised in the US, I am very "nigerian", come from a good two (nigerian) parent home and come home often. He says his father will not budge and that his father said "i am done talking with you about this over the phone, when you come home we will talk". He says he has been fighting with his family for the last six months and he is tired of fighting with his family about me. He sounded like he's ready to give up on us and I feel its very unfair because his parents have never even met me. They want him to move back (which he won't do) and then if he doesn't move back, to marry from nigeria so no woman will divorce him and take everything. Yesterday was the first time I am hearing of it and I am very upset. I asked him if he wants to break up, he said no that he will still try to talk to his parents in Dec. but that he cannot marry without their consent and participation and as of now, they want no parts of it. My cousins (who grew up in naija) feel he is lying and just trying to find reason to break up with me. I am so hurt and confused, as he is 30 years old and I expect at this age he would be able to stand up to his parents and fight for me if he really loves me like he claims. He says he is tired of fighting them, that there is only so much you can do by phone and the rest of the fight is left for naija. Now I'm not even sure when I go if I will meet them based on his father's current opposition which is bad because I feel if his parents met me they would know that I am no "omo america" Is he trying to set me up for a break up? What can I do if anything?

I have known my boyfriend for 2 years, we originally started dating for about three months, broke up and then got back together. We have been back together for about 10 months and he claims he wants to be serious but I just don't know. A few weeks ago, we went to a concert and saw a guy friend of mine there, I introduced my boyfriend to the guy and then a couple of weeks later, I saw this same guy out with a girl at the movies. I was with a female friend of mine and the four of us started talking, the guy friend asked me how my bf was and I said fine. The girl with him asked who my boyfriend was and she said "oh yeah I know him, we work together" and she had a look on her face which bothered me but I said nothing. I later asked my guy friend about the girl and he claimed that the girl was interested in him but he wasn't so sure about her. Later that week, she got my number from the guy friend and called me. She said she was calling to let me know that she knew my bf and has known him for 6 months, never knew he had a gf, and in fact thought she was dating him. I asked her if they were going out or ever had sex and she said no but that they had been "dating" and that he was telling her that he getting older and is ready to settle down and wants to get married next year. So I hung up with her and immediately called my bf, I told him what she said and said that if he wants to date other girls he should go ahead because me I don't want to be with someone who is not serious about me. He told me that he is not dating the girl, that she is just his friend and that he loves me and wants to be serious with me. He even said how could he be dating the girl, if the girl is supposedly liking my guy friend and that the girl just wants to start trouble because she called me without calling him first and because she likes him and he is not interested in her. At this point, I don't know what to believe, I mean I don't believe he cheated with this girl and have no knowledge of any other girls, but why have a random girl who knows you and talks to you on the phone on a regular basis who doesn't even know you have a gf. I know there was a reason why he didn't tell her so I feel he wants to keep his options open with other girls, which I already told him he is free to do just as long as he doesn't expect to be dating me as well because I am not interested in games. He says he doesn't want to date other people and wants to be serious with only me, he now says he wants to take me home to meet his family in naija this xmas, but all of this may be in reaction to the fact that I told him I was ready to break up if he doesn't want to be serious. I am just confused now because I thought things were going well and progressing until this situation happened. What happened might not be so bad for some girls, but I hate infidelity so anything that suggests it could happen in the future really bothers me. If he's having so called "friends" now, what might he have in the future? and why does he need female friends anyway? I feel that whatever he needs, he can get from me and the fact that he would seek out to be friends with another woman and not tell her about me or me about her really bothers me. I love him but I am not sure I should still trust him. Our relationship is at a crossroads because I don't know whether to stay or leave.

Just wanted to update and say I did talk with my boyfriend, I asked him directly whether he sees a future with me and whether he has plans for us to be together long-term and what those plans are. He replied, "of course, I see you in my future, as my wife." He also apologized for not seeing my mom while she was in town, noted that he does think meeting parents is a very serious thing and he just wants to be fully ready/it be the right time to do so. He also acknowledged that he knows he's been super-busy with his PHD program and he thanked me for being understanding because he knows it hasn't been easy for me. He said I should try to remember that he just is trying to stay focused and get through his first year (without being kicked out of the program) so that he can have a firm career like I already have. Thanks to everyone who suggested that I talk to him about how I was feeling, it really helped and I am able to relax about the situation, for now at least.

Thanks guys for your comments, I am definitely going to talk to him as some have suggested. I am not trying to rush him or seem desperate but I do think I at least deserve to know where this relationship is headed. I have known him for 2 years and we have broken up and gotten back together now for 6 months now, when you look at it that way, I feel I should know whether staying with him is leading to marriage, particularly now when in the present relationship he DOES NOT have a lot of time to spend with me because he is in school. IF I did not think we had a future together, I would not be with him, because there are plenty of guys who would have more time to spend with me in the present but because I think we have a future together, I have stayed. That said, him not seeing my mom has made me doubt whether we have a future together and as some have suggested, it is better to know than to think, so I will ask him.

also, would him buying a house next door to my house be a "subtle sign"? not sure how to take that. He asked me about the house i recently bought and I introduced him to my realtor, then all of a sudden he decides to buy a house in the same neighboorhood and we later found out that it is the house next door to mine. I asked him if he had a problem living next door to me and he said no, why would I have a problem with that, its a good investment for us to both have houses. Not sure what to make of that?

jnr prof: He's too busy with his PhD programme to come and see your mum, but he can create time to attend a wedding outside town.............that says a lot. Seeing your mum is not a priority for him, hence his lame excuse about forgetting that she was around. The issue with confronting him is that you may end up looking like a lady desperate for a husband. I'll say you should calm down a bit, be more observant and look for more subtle hints that could be the deciding factor as to whether he has serious plans for you or not.

Thanks for all of the comments, being in the relationship, I feel that he does want to be with me but is not ready to progress the relationship forward in the same way I am. I am planning to sit him down and ask him for his intentions. My parents may be in a hurry to marry me off but the honest truth is I'm not. I think it is more important to find out from him WHETHER he see this relationship progressing and not WHEN he sees it progressing. Time is always of the essence for women, I guess, but I am willing to wait IF i know he wants to be with me long-term, guess the only way to find out if he is, is to ask him, which I will.

I'm a nigerian born, american raised woman who has been dating this guy on and off for two years now. He was raised in nigeria and came to the u.s. about 5 years ago. We dated for about 4 months and then broke up for a year because he said "he didn't know where his life was going and whether he was going to even stay in the u.s." His life began to get settled and we got back together over the last 6 months. Now that we are back together and solidly for the last 6 months, and since my mom was in town, I suggested that he come by to meet her. He said he would try and he is very busy in a PHD program where he has to study all the time to make sure he is not kicked out of the program so I understood. Then a few days went by and I reminded him that he should come by because my mom was only going to be around for a short while, he said he had forgotten she was around but that he couldn't meet her because he had to go out of town at the last minute for a wedding. I said, wow you are going to a wedding and I wasn't invited? He said he decided to go last minute and he did not bother inviting me because my mom was in town. He said he would meet her next time she was in town and that since we are moving into the same housing neighborhood in a few months, we are going to be neighbors so he was sure he would see her sometime soon. I confronted him for making excuses and said if he didn't want to meet my mom, he should just say so. He claimed that wasn't it, but I'm not sure. He knows how much my family means to me, why would he avoid meeting my mom? Is that a sign he is not serious about the relationship? He is someone I could see marrying but we have not talked about it. Why would he get back together with me after a year, and why would he be willing to buy a house in the same neighboorhood as my house if he isn't serious? I just don't understand his behavior, its confusing and it is something I would like to sort out before he becomes my neighboor, can't imagine him living next door to me and we are not together.

@Metalgoong, I agree that reverse pschology does not work on every man but does begging really work either? I feel like continually chasing a man to beg you to be with him makes a woman look desperate and pushes him away or if he does stay, i feel he devalues the relationship because he feels like she cannot live without him. Now I am all for apologizing when I am in the wrong and for making my man feel special when its warrented but I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts since it seems like you are in a similar relationship re nigerian born vs american born.

@ All: a slight update: I called him back and of course got his vm and left a msg saying that he should call me back when he can and no call yet. We'll see, not sure what else to do at this point.

All,

As an update, my BF called me yesterday and left a message, as I was en route to another city I missed his call and he left a message saying: "Hi Babe, I just was calling to say hi. I hope you are doing well, I will call you back later" I was shocked that he sounded so casual after a week of not communicating to me at all. Should I call him back today? What should I say if I do? Honestly, I still care about him but the lack of communication really hurt my feelings and I was starting to try to get over him. Now just unsure. Any advice would be much appreciated.

Some of these are good points and I have heard. @Nelton, I woke up this morning thinking exactly what you said, I have done all I can do and now if some time passes (a week or two) and he does not get over it and contact me, I will consider the relationship over and move on. I am not perfect but I know that I am a good girlfriend and if he cannot see that, then I do not need to be with him. I think there is a big difference between anger and not caring and if after all I have done, he cannot forgive and move on, then I will assume, as some have said, that he was always looking for a way out of this relationship and there is nothing I could have done to change that. When the time comes, if I have not heard from him, I will just accept it and move on.

@ violent, thanks, i can take your advice and have already promised not to call or text him again so i won't but what do i do if he finally contacts me? Are you suggesting that i ignore him to get the
"power" back? Truth be told, up until this "incident" I think it was pretty clear that he cared more about the relationship than i so now that the tables are turned, i see it is not fun so if he wants to enjoy the feeling, thats fine but am i to be left suffering forever just because i have made it clear that i would go through great lengths to have him back? or will he eventually get tired of the "feeling" and talk to me? After all, i would like to think being in a relationship should feel better than just enjoying the feeling of someone being willing to do whatever to have you back?
@Mynd_44, i have no words for you.

@ livedit, thank you for your advice, I am not going to do anything else because at this point, I feel like I have done enough. I have apologized until the point where I can apologize no more. I am truly sorry and I miss him so much but I have done my part and now it is left up to him to do his part by forgiving me. I can only pray that he will see my heart and that I do love him and do not want the relationship to end. However, if he wants to end it, then there is nothing more I can do.

@MrBrownJ, thank you for your comment, it is nice to hear a guy's perspective. I have done so much to be apologetic and even though I know he cares about me, I was very hrut by the fact that he has not responded to me at all. That does make me question how much he cares but I will wait to see if he comes around. In the meantime, I will just focus on myself as livedit has said.

@Pysam, I do not think that asking someone to not disappear without a simple call or text is self centered or insecure. I think that when you are in a relationship, it should be a joy to communicate to the other person. If you cannot communicate, what do you really have? and that has nothing to do with being "american".

Thanks iice. That is good advice. I will give him time.

@190, what is the meaning of what you said. Sorry don't understand naija slang

I am an american born Nigerian and my boyfriend of 3 months was born and raised in Nigeria. I think because of our differences in upbringing, we have many miscommunications. We have been having problems for about 2 weeks now because I felt that he does not do enough to include me in his life such as tell me things thats going on and I have spoken to him once before about this. Two nights ago, he went missing and I did not hear from him so the next day I called him again and he text me to tell me that his step grandmother who came from Nigeria for surgery was very sick and that he stayed at the hospital with her all the night before. This was the first I was hearing about this so I got upset because I didn't know what had been going on. He called me later that evening and we walked but he seemed agitated and quickly rushed me off the phone saying he was tired. I called him back and he didn't anwser so I sent him a text saying "it seems as though talking to me and telling me stuff and making time to come see me is stressful for you and I do not want to stress you out so maybe we should just be friends from now on" I only sent the text because I was angry and I didn't mean to break up with him. I text him the next day apologizing and saying I wanted to talk with him and he did not respond. Then I called him and left a msg also apologizing. Later that evening, I called again saying I was coming over to apologize in person, still no anwser. Then I went to his house and knocked on his door and no anwser although I think he may have been home. I left him 2 more voice msgs and a text to tell him I came to his place to say I'm sorry for what I did but he never responded. I left his place yesterday feeling sad and text him to say I was sorry again and that if he wanted to talk to me, he should call me but if not I understand. Still no anwser. I am sad and I love and miss him. Is he done with me? Is there anything I can do to get him back. I miss him so much. Any advice would be helpful.