₦airaland Forum

Mariangeles:
I like am like that.

IBtxo:
Make sure you start that business.

xeratek:
Also on this thread I will send 10k each to the first 10 individuals who drop their bank details. No jokes

Braveheart89:
sent

IBtxo:
50k sent to you

ChangedMan1999:
You didn't get the irony.

The irony is women are wicked and heartless creatures.

Had it been that the husband is the one down with the physical challenge and the wife is sound physically, the one wife wouldn't have looked at the husband a second a time after sighting him for the first time.

Bigpapi:
Hope you never enter market or chop for dustbin?

Stupidquestions:
https://www.nairaland.com/6839233/girlfriend-doesnt-know-mental-issues

I'm writing in response to the above thread

Dear Dude397,

The idea of revealing everything about oneself and past to one's partner seems like the moral thing to do when in a serious relationship. In this case, it is the revealing of a previous mental health that is under contemplation( Guy now stable for the past two years). In general something can be morally good to do but may come with avoidable consequence if secrecy was maintained, (especially if its secrecy isn't a case of covering something immoral, at least in this case)
Remember it is moral for Abram to tell the truth when A king asked if Sarah was his wife, but he lied and said Sarah was his cousin cos he feared he might be killed and her wife taken away from him cos she was extremely beautiful.This is taking the path of pragmatism over moral conscience. This guy's case is even of less moral stigma cos there's no one posing him a direct question of his sanity, unlike in Abrams case.

Secondly, with all due respect, it's common knowledge that women aren't especially pragmatic and emotionally strong to handle certain truth when it comes to relationship because, women are known to prioritise the financial potential, physical fitness and intellectual acumen of a man when considering him for a long-term stint. We see how women reject suitors for these reasons and are never remorseful about it.

Practically no beautiful woman with spousal options will want to genuinely associate with a man of mental or certain physical flaws except for pecuniary motive if the man is wealthy. In that case, her staying is borderline conditional to what she stands to gain, even few woman will consider u with pity. Women are extremely logical in choice of long-term man.
.
In this guy's case, as long as he's confident in his health, I feel he shouldn't tell his fiancee since he's noticeably stable for two years.
And If he's so naive he should know this today that women are expert at gas-lighting, and throwing needless emotional tantrum. So, his former mental health issue is therefore a fertile ground and straw for such display of manipulation as to break him down and to emotionally blackmail him to submission on occasion she feels slighted by him. It's a weapon women use all the time( No women is excluded in this regard)
Trust me you wouldn't want to be in that shoe where your mental health is being capitalised to knock you down every damn time for little offence by the woman you love. It can worsen ur mental health and make you lose your mind
cos it will come repeatedly at every whim.
Women have no self-control or verbal continence or moral compunction to desist from using such tactics against u even if u are now perfectly okay.
.
Let me give you a personal example.
An uncle of mine had mental issue in his mid-20s, It took over 5 years before he was stable. He stayed with us at a point. His family manipulated him so much for his health cos they out of concern want to influence all his life decisions because they felt he wasn't mentally trustworthy to make decisions, even when he was practically stable.He had to run away from them to buy his sanity and self esteem.

He started dating in his early 30s, and many ladies liked him, he was fine, never told them his mental past.I witness his marrying a Lagos single mom, who always insulted the hell out of him for little issue. I felt really bad for him. This woman will rain abuse on him nonstop for his lack of higher schooling, and for his lack of enough money, almost everyweek. Imagine if she knew of his mental past? He later divorced her (All women insult their husband, there's only grade to it, bear this in mind).
.
Remember no woman will ever reveal their paternity fraud to their husband because it's best kept secret, they never have moral conscience to reveal such immoral secret, and we have thousands of them in Nigeria today. Yet nothing is immoral about mental health that u already surmounted.
So why can't u live with ur mental past when u are even quite okay today. Why put yourself under emotional chain of your woman by telling her cos she will always use it against you to whip your self esteem.
.
And if she later got to know, it's easy to explain it away, since it's not some murder or something affecting you. At that point she wont have much issue especially if you have been normal over the years with kids.
Sometimes being pragmatic is not a bad thing, it can prevent certain avoidable headache

Kobojunkie:
I see!

You need a person who can be supportive not just one who is "homely", whatever that means. As for her being "understanding", why then have you not felt to bring up the issue till this point in the relationship?

Mercychen:
O great! Thank God.

Now, in this order you've explained and been able to convince me, ( as regards the weaning stages) about your improvement so far after the gradual withdrawal from the medication, that everything is now under control, can you explain it to her exactly this way, instead of presenting it straight up to her as a mental case? At least this way it will sound milder and easier to accept.

Let her know you're in the final stage of weaning and assure her there won't be any relapses again.

God will perfect your healing in Jesus name.

Kobojunkie:
You mentioned you have been taking your medication for years, have you ever had to replace them with a different prescription during all that time?

Mariangeles:
You should tell her only when you feel it's the right time to tell her. You will know when.
As long as you want to stay in a relationship with her, she has the right to know. Just in case you suffer an episode in her presence.

Do you still stay in the environment where people know about your mental health issues?

Kobojunkie:
You claim you caused it yourself did you have been sticking to treatment for years now. What conditions are we exactly talking of here... what are possible episodes like?

I mean depending on what exactly you are struggling with, if you are thinking of going serious with her it may be in your interest to let that cat out of that bag early in the relationship. Even with the non-genetic kind of mental health issues, you try as much as possible to make sure you have people around you that can help you maintain that support you need always, not people or someone who willl run off right in the middle of you having an episode.

Mercychen:
Oh.. I see.

So, how's the weaning been going? Have you had any forms of reaction in the first stage of weaning? Or it's been smooth sailing?.

Madas1986:
pls what medication do you use because my brother has exactly similar issue

khia:
You must sit her down and tell her the whole truth, all of it. If she is with you sometime in the future and Yah forbid, you didn't take your medication for whatever reason and you have an episode, she will be frightened, but if she has the knowledge of your plight she would understand and know what to do to help you.

I have a family member who suffers with mental health so I know what I'm talking about thru experience.

JennyOfOldstones:
You have to tell her the truth -you had a drug problem in the past and that you had to visit a psychiatrist for rehabilitation...ignore any one that says you should keep it a secret. Secrets that are kept like this will always come to light, in the worst way and at the wpest time possible. Let her know it's not genetic and maybe ask her to accompany you when visiting your doctor so that the doctor can talk to her and provide some helpful information..I feel such an approach may put her more at ease. But please always take your meds and avoid triggers. I wish you the best

Watermountains:
In all honesty bro, you need a therapist and time out for yourself to do some real life self reflecting to say the least, not some manmade medications that you could even possibly even get addicted to. Just some small constructive criticism and advices because I am a holistic health enthusiast including when it comes to all aspects of health from emotional, mental, physical, spiritual etc. Also, from what you have written that your problem is not genetic and started from weed, then it seems you could also use a detox and full inner body cleanse. Let me drop some links down for you to look into. It’s such a coincidence because I was just about to drop this two links in a topic I’m about to create. Thank me later.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rtHO4EFmbIk


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRE-v_c6jcY

MrHandsome2013:
.
How old are you?

Mercychen:
Better you tell her. If she loves you, she'll stay otherwise let her go.

Hiding this kind of serious issue from her will not be fair and if she gets to find out herself, she will never forgive you.

Just brace yourself for the worst and tell her.

By the way, does it mean You're bound to the medication for life?

Can you go without the medications, and if you do, wouldnt there be a relapse?

Are you sure you are well enough to go through the pressures of marriage?

It is well.

aprilwise:
Tell her the truth cos nothing hide under the sun for ever. If she heard it from another source it will be a disaster