₦airaland Forum

Rosemary216:
Cool... I lyk d idea. Especially prayin with and for her! Sum men fail to do dis

we have changed now

The human touch has amazingly powerful benefits to both parties — physically, emotionally, physiologically, and even spiritually. Studies have revealed innumerable benefits. Unfortunately, some men have allowed their hands to withdraw from reaching for their wives.

Here are seven meaningful touches every husband should use to reach for his wife.

1. Reach for your wife first thing in the morning. It may be a gentle pat as you're getting out of bed or a hug when you first see each other but reach for her before you get busy with the day.

2. Throughout the day, a text or quick phone call is a great touch of affection that will go a long way in letting her know she is on your mind. A simple, "I love you." or, "Just thinking about you and looking forward to the evening."

3. Write a note the old-fashioned way. We're so tech-savvy these days that sometimes an old-fashioned approach is more meaningful.

4. Whether your wife loves flowers, chocolate or shoes, sending these on "regular" days rather than typical celebration days will be a huge touch.

5. Save some energy so you can give your wife special attention when you return home. Embrace her warmly and greet her when you first enter the home.

6. Hold her hand at random times — driving, walking or just sitting at home.

7. Give her a back rub.


Bonus Touch

I want to add one more to the list that is a real standout, and it will take your relationship to another dimension.

Pray with and about her.
Pray for her dreams while praying in agreement with her.
This may take you out of your comfort zone, but I promise you this will be a game changer in your spiritual walk and leadership with your wife and family.

Reach out and touch your wife. The benefits are immeasurable.
Neil

ECOTERRORS:
While BH reign supreme, our Daura President is travelling round the world

That is how ur oga @d top travel some years back

Xiadnat:
Fabulous write up...... two opposable thumps up

I would like to add though:

Those things up there are for enhancing an already happy wife (or husband). And, it is temporary and short term happiness.


No one can truly make or keep you happy no matter what--if you are not happy within.

Thanks

Xiadnat:
Just flip what OP wrote.

10 marriage tips every husband needs to hear

1. Respect your wife
2. Guard your diick (...oh yea, and heart)
3. God, wife and children, then sex (definitely in this order)
4. Forgive
5. Communicate period (forget over, just get him to talk)
6. Schedule a regular date night (make love, not just a fvck night)
7. Never say the "Divorce word" (nevermind that...just say adultery is not an option)
8. Learn her love language ( NO. it is not sex)
9. Never talk negatively about her (that includes that she nags)
10. Choose to love (and romance her)

There you have it. 10 Tips for men.


Just flip what OP wrote.

10 marriage tips every husband needs to hear

1. Respect your wife
2. Guard your diick (...oh yea, and heart)
3. God, wife and children, then sex (definitely in this order)
4. Forgive
5. Communicate period (forget over, just get him to talk)
6. Schedule a regular date night (make love not just a fvck night)
7. Never say the "Diivorce" word. (nevermind that...just say adultery is not an option)
8. Learn her love language ( NO. it is not sex)
9. Never talk negatively about her (that includes that she nags)
10. Choose to love (and romance her)

There you have it. 10 Tips for men.

I like it

Drhenrysaint:
So for ur mind lyk ds nw u done create thread

I Dont know oooo

Guys, you might think you have no idea what your wife really wants, but I'm here to tell you that it's not that difficult to figure out. Assuming you've married a good woman who is committed to her marriage, she wants what every other good woman wants:

She wants to feel secure

I'm not necessarily talking here about financial security. Many women these days are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves financially.

However, if your wife is one of those women who has chosen to forgo her career in order to stay home and raise children, then she both needs and deserves your financial support. She wants a husband who works hard to provide for his family, who handles money responsibly and who sacrifices his own desires — like maybe a new Camaro — for the good of the family.
Beyond that, whether she works outside the home or not, your wife wants to feel secure in your relationship. You'll find that she's willing to make great sacrifices of her own as long as she feels like the two of you are a team, working together toward common goals (financial and otherwise), facing and overcoming obstacles together.
She wants to feel special
The bane of every long-term marriage is "everydayness." We all get so bogged down in the daily details of just living that sometimes we forget to step back and appreciate what we have.

Your wife wants you to see her as a person, not merely a feature of the landscape. She wants you to tell her that she's beautiful, that's she's smart, that she's a good woman and a wonderful wife and that you love her just the way she is.

You might think she already knows all these things, but trust me — she probably doesn't. And even if she does, she still needs to hear you say them because there are plenty of days she doesn't really believe them herself.

She wants to be an equal partner

Obviously, you and your wife will not agree on everything. Sometimes she will prevail, sometimes you will and sometimes the two of you will reach a workable compromise.
Whatever the outcome, what your wife really wants is to feel that she is being taken seriously, that her input is valued and carefully weighed and that, ultimately, she has equal say in the decision-making process. Nothing angers an intelligent woman — and rightly so — more than feeling like she's being ignored or patronized.

Being partners also means, by the way, that you must share her burdens: childcare, housekeeping, taxi duty. If you think your job ends at earning a paycheck, you are not an equal partner and, eventually, might not be a partner at all.

She wants you to have a backbone

Few things are more inimical to a healthy relationship than a wishy-washy husband who won't stand up for himself or what he believes — even if the person he's standing up to is, on occasion, his wife.

It's a wise man who puts his wife's happiness ahead of winning an argument.

But there will be times, however rare, when you're in the right, and your wife will not thank you in the long run for caving merely because you fear her wrath.
She also expects you to stand up for her and take her side in disputes with others, including the kids. A husband who does not have his wife's back eventually won't have the rest of her, either.

She wants your attention

As I mentioned above, your wife wants you to take her seriously when she has suggestions or ideas. She wants you to really listen and not just pretend to listen.
But she also wants you to pay attention to her in the sense that you stop what you're doing and really tune in to her. Put down the newspaper, shut off your cell phone, close your laptop, turn off the TV and give her your undivided attention for at least 10-15 minutes every day.

Occasionally, she needs even more of your attention than that. Take her out to eat and linger over the meal. Go for a walk. Take advantage of a long car ride just to be together. Few things make a married woman feel better about herself than knowing how much her husband values spending time with her.

She wants a little "me time."

In addition to wanting to spend time with you, your wife also wants some time for herself, time she can spend exercising, being with girlfriends or just taking a long, hot (and uninterrupted) bath.

You might not be able to provide this kind of time for her every day — although you can probably give her at least a few minutes. But you need to make sure she has adequate "me time" on a regular basis, at least several times per week.

That might mean you need to take responsibility for the kids (remember, you're not "babysitting" because they're your kids too). Fix dinner, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, whatever, while your wife takes a little time off. This will help preserve not only her sanity but also, quite possibly, your marriage.

She wants to be your "one and only."

Finally, a good woman who is faithful to her husband and her vows wants, needs and deserves a man who is just as faithful. That means she wants to be not just the most important woman in your life but the only woman of any real importance, excluding daughters and, perhaps, your mom (although, she wants to be more important than your mom, too).

This includes, by the way, women that you don't even know — by which I'm referring to women on a screen and, particularly, unclothed women on a screen. Nothing except actual infidelity is as destructive to a marriage, and to a woman's self-image, than a husband's pornography habit.

Your wife also wants and expects to be more important than your male friends. When the traditional Christian wedding vows speak of "forsaking all others," that is precisely what they mean: all others, including your childhood best buds, your ex-girlfriends and people at work.

There are no truer words than the old saw, "happy wife, happy life." Here's hoping I've provided a blueprint for making your married life, and thus your entire life, just a little happier.

raayah:
Any marriage tips for men?

I promise u one later

There's a blog post, written by a divorced man featuring some really sound advice about marriage. I really have to applaud this guy. It takes guts to stand up and be transparent about your failures. It's equally as commendable to stand up and say how you'd do things differently.

One thing that his post is lacking, however, is the female perspective. After reading his post, I wanted to take some time and write down some things that I've learned in the last 10 years. You see – I'm now in my third marriage. When people learn this fact about me, their reaction is usually pretty awkward. It's almost as if they're waiting for me to be embarrassed by my admission. While going through two divorces was some of the most painful times of my life, I'd only feel ashamed if I'd gone through it without being able to say I've learned a thing or two. My husband and I had both been through divorce before we married each other, and with that brings a unique perspective into many do's and don'ts of how to treat your spouse. Don't get me wrong – our marriage isn't perfect, but our failures in past relationships have shaped decisions we make about the way we treat each other, and to be honest, I'm glad I went through it. We've learned better, so now we do better.

And with that, I'd like to offer up my version of his wise marriage tips – from a woman who has triumphed the murky waters of divorce.

1. Respect your husband

Notice how it doesn't say "Respect your husband if he has earned it." A man's greatest need in this world is to be respected, and the person he desires that respect from the most is his wife. The trap that we've all been ensnared by is that they only deserve our respect when they earn it. Yes, we want our husbands to make decisions that will ultimately garner our respect, but the truth is that your husband is a human being. A human being who makes mistakes. This is the man that YOU have chosen to walk alongside you for the rest of your life, and to lead your family and he needs to be respected for that quality alone.

Take it from me – when respect is given even when he doesn't deserve it, it will motivate him to earn it. That doesn't mean you pretend that his choices are good ones when they aren't. Things like that still need to be communicated, but you can flesh out your differences WITH RESPECT. It makes all the difference in the world to him.

2. Guard your heart

The grass is not greener on the other side. Do not believe the lie that with a slimmer figure, a higher salary, a faster car, or a bigger house, you will be a happier woman. The world is full of things and people that will serve as reminders that you don't have the best of the best, but it's simply not true. Live the life you've been blessed with, and BE THANKFUL. I get that we all have struggles, and there are even times when I would love 1,000 more square feet of house to live in, but square feet is not fulfilling – relationships are. Guard your heart from things and people that will try to convince you that your life or your husband is not good enough. There will always be bigger, faster, stronger, or shinier – but you'll never be satisfied with more until you're fulfilled with what you have now.

3. God, husband, kids … in that order

I know this isn't a popular philosophy, especially among mothers, but hear me out. It's no secret that my faith is of utmost importance, so God comes first in my life no matter what. But regardless of your belief system, your husband should come before your kids. Now unless you're married to someone who is abusive (in which case, I urge you to seek help beyond what my article can give you), no man in his right mind would ask you to put your kids aside to serve his every need while neglecting them. That's not what this means.

When you board an airplane, the flight attendants are required to go over emergency preparedness prior to takeoff. When explaining the part about how to operate the oxygen mask, passengers are instructed to first put the mask on themselves before putting it on their small child. Is that because they think you are more important than your kids? Absolutely not. But you cannot effectively help your child if you can't breathe yourself. The same holds true with marriage and parenting. You cannot effectively parent your children if your marriage is falling apart. Take it from me – I tried. There will also come a time when your kids will leave the house to pursue their dreams as adults. If you have not cultivated a lasting relationship with your spouse, you will have both empty nests and empty hearts.

4. Forgive

No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. If you make forgiveness a habit – for everything from major mistakes to little annoyances (every day, I have to forgive my husband for leaving the wet towel on the bathroom counter) – you will keep resentment from growing.

5. Over-communicate

I used to have a bad habit of not speaking my feelings. I played the standard "You should know why I'm mad" game, and that's just downright unfair. Men are not wired like women, and they DON'T always know that they've been insensitive. I'm still growing in this area, and there are often times when my husband has to pry something out of me, but I'm trying to remember that I need to just communicate how I feel.

6. Schedule a regular date night

This one isn't new, but it's very important. Never stop dating your spouse. Even if you can't afford dinner and a movie (which we seldom can), spending some regular one-on-one time with your spouse is essential. Don't talk about bills, or schedules, or the kids. Frankie and I often daydream about our future, or plan our dream vacation. We connect emotionally and often learn something new about each other – even after four years.

7. Never say the " Word."

If you're gonna say it, you better mean it. Plain and simple, threatening divorce is not fighting fair. I did this a lot in my previous marriages. I'm not proud of it, but I learned better. I was hurting deeply, and I wanted to hurt back, but it never helped me feel better.

8. Learn his love language

Everyone has a love language. The way you perceive love is often different from the way your spouse perceives love. Does he like words of affirmation, or does he respond better when you give him gifts? Whatever his love language is – learn it and USE IT.

9. Never talk negatively about him

I learned this lesson the hard way too. If you're going through a difficult time in your marriage and you need advice, see a counselor. Family counseling is a great tool, but try to remember that your family members and friends are not the most objective people to give advice. The argument they are hearing is one-sided and they often build up negative feelings toward your spouse, which usually doesn't subside once you and your husband have gotten past it. Protect his image with those that you're close with and seek help from those that can actually be objective. News flash, ladies – your mother cannot be objective!

10. Choose to love

There are times in a marriage that you may wake up and not feel in love anymore.

Choose to love anyway. There are times when you may not be attracted to your husband anymore. Choose to love anyway. Marriage is a commitment. In sickness and health, in good times and in bad. Those vows are sacred. They don't say "if you have bad times." They say "in good times AND in bad," implying that there WILL be bad times. It's inevitable. So choose to love anyway.
He's worth it.

Welcoming Ramadan

All thanks and glorifications belong to our Owner and Creator, Allahu tabaraka wa ta'ala, by right. He originated creation when it was not and sustained existence without the slightest stress. Every atom in existence proclaims His glory, acknowledging His perfection and His pure sublimity.

We thank Allahu subhanahu wa ta'ala specially for the greatest fortune of Iman and for the great grace of witnessing another blessed and sublime month of Ramadan. The sacred month of Ramadan is an opportunity, a rare and very unique favour from our most Gracious Lord, and every opportunity is an invaluable gem which a believer must never allow to be wasted at all.

The Prophet of mercy, our beloved Nabiyy, Rasulu-Karim Sayyidina Muhammad Mustafa (alaihi 's-salam) mentioned that only the aged ones know the value and bliss in youthfulness, only the bed-ridden and terribly sick know the value of health, and only the dead ones can truly perceive the value of life. So, those who can sincerely comprehend the blessing of witnessing this noble month of Ramadan are those who were around the last Ramadan but are now in the grave. They longingly hope to see another of this great month, the kings of all months, but fate, in its very strange ways has sent them to the cemetery. The living in reality are not very far from the dead, we are fortunate to see another month of grace and excuse from Allahu ta'ala, we need to struggle to maximize its gains to escape regrets when Qiyama (resurrection) comes.

TO EVERY BUSINESS A SEASON

Every business has its season and every season also has its peak. The farmers give up rest when rains come, the tailors are ever awake as Eids (Festival) approach and the politicians become restless as elections get near. The month of Ramadan is the season of believers, the true people of Iman who desires Allahu ta'ala’s forgiveness, love and pleasure, and who crave the higher stations in Jannat. Such true believers would put aside all plays, amusements and distractions, reduce their worldly businesses to the minimum and focus ibadats and services to Allahu ta'ala's creation and giving up sins throughout the auspicious month of Ramadan. The saintly elders, past and present, see this as the ultimate sign of success. If we miss the other months out we have only lost something, but if we play with Ramadan sharif, we have lost everything. May Allahu ta'ala, barkat of Rasulullah (alaihi 's-salam), save us from temporal and eternal misfortunes, amin.

RAMADAN, THE MONTH SPECIALLY FOR THE BELIEVERS

It comes in a Hadith ash-Sharif that Rajab is the month of Allahu ta'ala, shaaban is the month of the Prophet and Ramadan is the month of the mumin, the believers. This is one unique month that Allahu subhanahu wa ta'ala, in His infinite wisdom and All-encompassing mercy, has set aside for His chosen friends, the fortunate slaves honoured with Iman. It is the month of their spiritual renewal, the month of their forgiveness, the month of their emancipation from the Fire, and a month of turning their misfortunes to bliss and transforming their sins, slips and foibles to blessed deeds due to the over flowing mercy of Allahu ta'ala. This great mercy of Allahu ta'ala is so superfluous and abundant that our beloved Nabiyy (alaihi 's-salam) declared that none witnessed the blessed month of Ramadan and remains deprived except the truly unfortunate, the eternally wretched.

He whose basket of destiny is woven in black
Even the zamzam will not turn it white
He who is not good for goodness sake
Will not get even a drop from a month long rains

As a matter of fact, the Arch-Angel Jibril (alaihi 's-salam) placed a curse on the one who witnesses the month of Ramadan and fails to get his ticket to Jannat, while the Sayyed of Prophets and the cause of Allah's creation said 'amin, to this Angelic pronouncement. This underline the great opportunities opened to believers in this great month.

SOME VITAL POINTS

This great month is the month of Tawba, that is a most sacred time to turn to Allahu ta'ala in repentance. Tawba is the open pool of Allahu ta'ala where only the deprived failed to swim. He who witnesses the crescent of Ramadan and becomes happy, and makes sincere intention to fast the month solely for the pleasure of Allahu ta'ala, all his past sins are forgiven. For true success and complete benefit in Ramadan, Tawba and istighfar should mark its beginning, its middle, its every moments and its end. Tawba is the concrete pivot holding our deeds down and giving it some great weight, he who neglects Tawba has been deprived of all good.

This month is the month for learning taqwa. It holds the proof that everyone of us, saints and sinners, the cautious and the heedless, the careful and the carefree, can actually overcome our menacing desires to become friends and beloved of Allahu ta'ala. It is the month of casting away passions, of turning down desires and of intensive efforts at ibadats to attain the acceptance of Allahu ta'ala.

This noble month is the month of making up for our past deficiency and of filling up our credit accounts with valuable deeds so that our salvation may be hoped. Little ibadats done in this month is rewarded manifold, attempts to fend off the most menial sin in this month is recorded among lofty deeds leading to eternal Jannat, goodnesses done to others in this month instantly open up the gate to Allahu ta'ala's eternal mercy, even the gift of a piece of date becomes a shield against the Hell-fire for the one who gives, subhanallah.

This month is the month of lovers. Allahu subhanahu wa ta'ala in a very unique way is demonstrating His avid love for the believers in this month. This is the month in which the mercy of our Karim Lord is busy looking for excuses for believers. Iblis is tied, the gates to Hell are closed, the bliss and breeze of Jannat are felt everywhere, good deeds and piety are made so easy, yet believers are rewarded in millions multiples for the most menial efforts so that their balance with Allahu ta'ala is reversed, and their state of loss transformed forever. May our most compassionate Lord grant us the ability to work assiduously to please Him throughout this month and for the rest of our stay in the world, amin.

BASIC DUTIES OF RAMADAN

Here under are the basic duties which every believer must endeavour to do throughout the blessed month of Ramadan. We should be very firm and resolute in our determination to fulfill all these activities in Ramadan Sharif. If, however we are compelled to give up few ones, we should seek forgiveness for the misses and for our lapses.

It is rewarded to join other Muslims in their efforts to search the sky for the blessed crescent of the Ramadan month. This is started on the 29th of Shaaban. Searching for the moon even without success, is rewardable, we need to keep this Sunnah alive.

All believers must be full of joy on sighting the moon or on hearing the news of its being sighted. This happiness leads to the forgiveness of past sins.

As the blessed month of Ramadan commences, start right by repenting your past sins and mistakes. All spiritual journey start with istighfar. This becomes more binding as Ramadan commences. Please start right.

It is of the recommended ibadats to recite the Fatih Surah this first night for the pleasure of Allahu Subhanahu wa ta'ala and seeking the endless fortunes in the month.

More than any other time, we need to strictly avoid sins and mixing with sinners in this great month of barakat. This is a month valued and exalted by Allahu ta'ala, the absolute Lord of creation, and sinning in this holy month is a great (insult) on the month. Please act wisely, avoid anger, useless talks, music, useless games and viewings and past times. You are warned!
Fast throughout the month unless there is a compelling hindrance recognized in the books of fiqh. Fasting is the greatest ibadat of Ramadan. The details of the rules on the Muslims’ fast are learned in the books of fiqh of the four basic schools. Be careful not to take the laws into your own hands, do not be part of the care free interpretation of Islam, follow a madhhab.
Make a personal time table, this is the only way to proper and meaningful maximization of the valuable moments of Ramadan. Every moment is a treasure, do not forget, and once they escape they can never return. The five daily salats are beautiful frames to attach other valuable adhkar, use these times for recitation of Qur'an al-majid and for repeating hundreds of salawat on Rasulullah (alaihi ‘s-salam) saying La ilaha illallah, Astaghfirullah and so many others. A life without a time table is a shambled life, please act wisely.

Make all effort to observe the nafilat of tarawih every night of this month. Avoid excessive food that would weigh you down for tarawih.eat less this month, a full stomach man is a mere toy in the hands of shaytan, act right.

Recite the Holy Qur'an from the beginning to the end at least once. Ramadan sharif is the month of the Holy Qur'an and indeed all the Holy Books. The more completion you do the more your reward.

Recite the Yasin surat everyday of the Ramadan month. The Hadith says every reading gives the reward of ten completion of the Qur'an al-Majid act fast!

If you are able, try to observe the salatu tasbih ever day or night of Ramadan. This nafila is extremely valuable in the sight of our Karim Lord.

Do not miss the early morning food (sahur) even if it is taken a handful, and eat wisely and moderately too. Surely Allahu ta'ala loves to see His servant eat the shari (Hadith ash-sharif).

Do not break your fast in a hurry. Make sure the sun has truly set. Date is the best so try to break your fast with a dry date, if not salt, olive or water have also been mentioned as every beneficial.

Your eyes, tongue, ears, and other organs should fast from haram along the avoidance of food, drink and intercourse with wives. If your fast only extend to your stomach, then you have not fast in reality. A Muslim fast from head to toe. You are warned!

What is the benefit of skipping the afternoon food only to combine two meals at night, take care.
Eat halal only in iftar and sahur and this you must do moderately too.

Ramadan sharif is the month of Dua, profuse supplication. Repent to your Lord, weep in shame, ask Him for your needs at all times. The iftar and sahur time are extra special time of Dua. Do not break your fast in negligence, make profuse Dua.

Salawat on Rasulullahh (alaihi s-salam) is one efforts that our Karim Lord would not repel. Salawat is light on our worldly paths, at the point of death, in the grave and on the bridge of sirat. Salawat becomes more valuable in the noblest month of Ramadan, make a thousand or more everyday and every night. May Allahu subhanahu wa ta'ala ease our path.

Ramadan Sharif is the month of patience, so we need to be patient with hunger and thirst. It is improper to complain of these. We need to be patient with all people, sinners or saints, and we need to be extremely cautious of sins, all sins, please.
Make Muslims happy this Ramadan, feed the needy even if a sip of water or piece of date. Reduce the assignments of those who work under you. Give them, forgive them, reply evils with good in this month of multiple gains and rewards.

This great month is the month of reconciliation, make efforts to unite the hearts of brothers and sisters and the relatives to get the best from Allahu ta'ala this month.

Observe the seclusion (ittikaf) in the Masjid covering the last ten days of Ramadan. Ittikaf is to devote oneself to ibadats avoiding or plays and trivialities. A day ittikaf takes a devotee very far from the Hellish fire. You get as much as you give, work hard.

Pray constantly for the Ummah of Rasulullah (alaihi s-salam) past, present and future. Pray for humanity, and please pray for the entire creation.

Pray and work for peace to reign in the Ummah. The ultimate goal of our beloved Prophet (alaihi 's-salam) is peace with Allahu ta'ala and all His creation. Please pray that all Muslims and non- Muslims in difficult situations get relieved. Pray that all strayed souls (non-Muslims) find the light of Iman before death. Pray, my brothers, pray very hard. This is such a month that prayers hardly passes without the acceptance of Allahu ta’ala.

Use the night of Qadr in individual ibadats. Start searching for it from the twenty first night. This is not a night for wasteful ceremonies. It is a night of acceptance. If possible, please spend the whole night in worship and Duas (supplications).
The last night of Ramadan sharif leading to the Eid day is very special too. Do your best to use it well, worshipping and supplicating. Success of all efforts and all lives is judged by its end. Be extreme careful to end the month beautifully.
Go to the eid ground early and clean, (having taking Ghusl and using non- alcoholic perfume).

Make much Zikr and Duas on the Eid ground and on the way to and from the Eid ground. This is a special day and moments of acceptance, please round off cleverly.
End the Ramadan activities in gratitude for the efforts made and turn to your Lord, Allahu subhanahu wa ta'ala in regrets and sorrow for the failures and inabilities experienced. Deeds become accepted when ended with profuse Tawba (istighfar, Repentance). This is very important, do not forget!

Meet Muslims with smiles praying for a blessed (Mubarak) eid for all. Strictly avoid celebrating the eid with music, alcohol, mixture of sexes and all excessiveness known with the non-Muslims. Our celebration is eating and drinking without forgetting Allahu ta'ala. The Eid day is for gratitude, shame in a millions on those who turn this to an opportunity to commit sins, thus destroying the acquired blessings.

Always keep in mind the fact that the blessed month of Ramadan is to learn taqwa while the following eleven months are to practice upon the lessons and drillings of Ramadan. If your post Ramadan spiritual life is not positively influenced by the whole exercises in Ramadan sharif, then you must have missed the essence of this great month. What a great loss!

Remember also that we are here to prepare for the grave, for the next world. Ramadan is a symbol of the worldly life where we live within rules and restrictions until we arrive the day of Eid. We need, therefore, to fast from harams all our lives so that at death we resume the true eid, the everlasting eid and festival in jannat. Wishing all muslims a fruitful efforts this Ramadan and a blessed Mubarak eid . May Allahu subhanahu wa ta'ala, our loving, generous and ever compassionate Lord, make this Ramadan a kaffara (expiation) for our wretched past, and honour us with a future more blessed and fruitful than our present through the barakat of Ramadan Karim and through His love for Rasulu-Karim, the rahmat on creation, Hadrat Muhammad Mustafa (alaihi wa alihi wa sahabihi salawatu wataslimat attamuha wa akmaluha) amin.

Welcoming Ramadan

All thanks and glorifications belong to our Owner and Creator, Allahu tabaraka wa ta'ala, by right. He originated creation when it was not and sustained existence without the slightest stress. Every atom in existence proclaims His glory, acknowledging His perfection and His pure sublimity.

We thank Allahu subhanahu wa ta'ala specially for the greatest fortune of Iman and for the great grace of witnessing another blessed and sublime month of Ramadan. The sacred month of Ramadan is an opportunity, a rare and very unique favour from our most Gracious Lord, and every opportunity is an invaluable gem which a believer must never allow to be wasted at all.

The Prophet of mercy, our beloved Nabiyy, Rasulu-Karim Sayyidina Muhammad Mustafa (alaihi 's-salam) mentioned that only the aged ones know the value and bliss in youthfulness, only the bed-ridden and terribly sick know the value of health, and only the dead ones can truly perceive the value of life. So, those who can sincerely comprehend the blessing of witnessing this noble month of Ramadan are those who were around the last Ramadan but are now in the grave. They longingly hope to see another of this great month, the kings of all months, but fate, in its very strange ways has sent them to the cemetery. The living in reality are not very far from the dead, we are fortunate to see another month of grace and excuse from Allahu ta'ala, we need to struggle to maximize its gains to escape regrets when Qiyama (resurrection) comes.

TO EVERY BUSINESS A SEASON

Every business has its season and every season also has its peak. The farmers give up rest when rains come, the tailors are ever awake as Eids (Festival) approach and the politicians become restless as elections get near. The month of Ramadan is the season of believers, the true people of Iman who desires Allahu ta'ala’s forgiveness, love and pleasure, and who crave the higher stations in Jannat. Such true believers would put aside all plays, amusements and distractions, reduce their worldly businesses to the minimum and focus ibadats and services to Allahu ta'ala's creation and giving up sins throughout the auspicious month of Ramadan. The saintly elders, past and present, see this as the ultimate sign of success. If we miss the other months out we have only lost something, but if we play with Ramadan sharif, we have lost everything. May Allahu ta'ala, barkat of Rasulullah (alaihi 's-salam), save us from temporal and eternal misfortunes, amin.

RAMADAN, THE MONTH SPECIALLY FOR THE BELIEVERS

It comes in a Hadith ash-Sharif that Rajab is the month of Allahu ta'ala, shaaban is the month of the Prophet and Ramadan is the month of the mumin, the believers. This is one unique month that Allahu subhanahu wa ta'ala, in His infinite wisdom and All-encompassing mercy, has set aside for His chosen friends, the fortunate slaves honoured with Iman. It is the month of their spiritual renewal, the month of their forgiveness, the month of their emancipation from the Fire, and a month of turning their misfortunes to bliss and transforming their sins, slips and foibles to blessed deeds due to the over flowing mercy of Allahu ta'ala. This great mercy of Allahu ta'ala is so superfluous and abundant that our beloved Nabiyy (alaihi 's-salam) declared that none witnessed the blessed month of Ramadan and remains deprived except the truly unfortunate, the eternally wretched.

He whose basket of destiny is woven in black
Even the zamzam will not turn it white
He who is not good for goodness sake
Will not get even a drop from a month long rains

As a matter of fact, the Arch-Angel Jibril (alaihi 's-salam) placed a curse on the one who witnesses the month of Ramadan and fails to get his ticket to Jannat, while the Sayyed of Prophets and the cause of Allah's creation said 'amin, to this Angelic pronouncement. This underline the great opportunities opened to believers in this great month.

SOME VITAL POINTS

This great month is the month of Tawba, that is a most sacred time to turn to Allahu ta'ala in repentance. Tawba is the open pool of Allahu ta'ala where only the deprived failed to swim. He who witnesses the crescent of Ramadan and becomes happy, and makes sincere intention to fast the month solely for the pleasure of Allahu ta'ala, all his past sins are forgiven. For true success and complete benefit in Ramadan, Tawba and istighfar should mark its beginning, its middle, its every moments and its end. Tawba is the concrete pivot holding our deeds down and giving it some great weight, he who neglects Tawba has been deprived of all good.
This month is the month for learning taqwa. It holds the proof that everyone of us, saints and sinners, the cautious and the heedless, the careful and the carefree, can actually overcome our menacing desires to become friends and beloved of Allahu ta'ala. It is the month of casting away passions, of turning down desires and of intensive efforts at ibadats to attain the acceptance of Allahu ta'ala.
This noble month is the month of making up for our past deficiency and of filling up our credit accounts with valuable deeds so that our salvation may be hoped. Little ibadats done in this month is rewarded manifold, attempts to fend off the most menial sin in this month is recorded among lofty deeds leading to eternal Jannat, goodnesses done to others in this month instantly open up the gate to Allahu ta'ala's eternal mercy, even the gift of a piece of date becomes a shield against the Hell-fire for the one who gives, subhanallah.
This month is the month of lovers. Allahu subhanahu wa ta'ala in a very unique way is demonstrating His avid love for the believers in this month. This is the month in which the mercy of our Karim Lord is busy looking for excuses for believers. Iblis is tied, the gates to Hell are closed, the bliss and breeze of Jannat are felt everywhere, good deeds and piety are made so easy, yet believers are rewarded in millions multiples for the most menial efforts so that their balance with Allahu ta'ala is reversed, and their state of loss transformed forever. May our most compassionate Lord grant us the ability to work assiduously to please Him throughout this month and for the rest of our stay in the world, amin.

BASIC DUTIES OF RAMADAN

Here under are the basic duties which every believer must endeavour to do throughout the blessed month of Ramadan. We should be very firm and resolute in our determination to fulfill all these activities in Ramadan Sharif. If, however we are compelled to give up few ones, we should seek forgiveness for the misses and for our lapses.

It is rewarded to join other Muslims in their efforts to search the sky for the blessed crescent of the Ramadan month. This is started on the 29th of Shaaban. Searching for the moon even without success, is rewardable, we need to keep this Sunnah alive.

All believers must be full of joy on sighting the moon or on hearing the news of its being sighted. This happiness leads to the forgiveness of past sins.

As the blessed month of Ramadan commences, start right by repenting your past sins and mistakes. All spiritual journey start with istighfar. This becomes more binding as Ramadan commences. Please start right.

It is of the recommended ibadats to recite the Fatih Surah this first night for the pleasure of Allahu Subhanahu wa ta'ala and seeking the endless fortunes in the month.

More than any other time, we need to strictly avoid sins and mixing with sinners in this great month of barakat. This is a month valued and exalted by Allahu ta'ala, the absolute Lord of creation, and sinning in this holy month is a great (insult) on the month. Please act wisely, avoid anger, useless talks, music, useless games and viewings and past times. You are warned!
Fast throughout the month unless there is a compelling hindrance recognized in the books of fiqh. Fasting is the greatest ibadat of Ramadan. The details of the rules on the Muslims’ fast are learned in the books of fiqh of the four basic schools. Be careful not to take the laws into your own hands, do not be part of the care free interpretation of Islam, follow a madhhab.
Make a personal time table, this is the only way to proper and meaningful maximization of the valuable moments of Ramadan.

Every moment is a treasure, do not forget, and once they escape they can never return.

The five daily salats are beautiful frames to attach other valuable adhkar, use these times for recitation of Qur'an al-majid and for repeating hundreds of salawat on Rasulullah (alaihi ‘s-salam) saying La ilaha illallah, Astaghfirullah and so many others. A life without a time table is a shambled life, please act wisely.
Make all effort to observe the nafilat of tarawih every night of this month. Avoid excessive food that would weigh you down for tarawih.eat less this month, a full stomach man is a mere toy in the hands of shaytan, act right.

Recite the Holy Qur'an from the beginning to the end at least once. Ramadan sharif is the month of the Holy Qur'an and indeed all the Holy Books. The more completion you do the more your reward.

Recite the Yasin surat everyday of the Ramadan month. The Hadith says every reading gives the reward of ten completion of the Qur'an al-Majid act fast!

If you are able, try to observe the salatu tasbih ever day or night of Ramadan. This nafila is extremely valuable in the sight of our Karim Lord.

Do not miss the early morning food (sahur) even if it is taken a handful, and eat wisely and moderately too. Surely Allahu ta'ala loves to see His servant eat the shari (Hadith ash-sharif).

Do not break your fast in a hurry. Make sure the sun has truly set. Date is the best so try to break your fast with a dry date, if not salt, olive or water have also been mentioned as every beneficial.

Your eyes, tongue, ears, and other organs should fast from haram along the avoidance of food, drink and intercourse with wives. If your fast only extend to your stomach, then you have not fast in reality. A Muslim fast from head to toe. You are warned!

What is the benefit of skipping the afternoon food only to combine two meals at night, take care.

Eat halal only in iftar and sahur and this you must do moderately too.

Ramadan sharif is the month of Dua, profuse supplication. Repent to your Lord, weep in shame, ask Him for your needs at all times. The iftar and sahur time are extra special time of Dua. Do not break your fast in negligence, make profuse Dua.

Salawat on Rasulullahh (alaihi s-salam) is one efforts that our Karim Lord would not repel. Salawat is light on our worldly paths, at the point of death, in the grave and on the bridge of sirat. Salawat becomes more valuable in the noblest month of Ramadan, make a thousand or more everyday and every night. May Allahu subhanahu wa ta'ala ease our path.

Ramadan Sharif is the month of patience, so we need to be patient with hunger and thirst. It is improper to complain of these. We need to be patient with all people, sinners or saints, and we need to be extremely cautious of sins, all sins, please.
Make Muslims happy this Ramadan, feed the needy even if a sip of water or piece of date. Reduce the assignments of those who work under you. Give them, forgive them, reply evils with good in this month of multiple gains and rewards.

This great month is the month of reconciliation, make efforts to unite the hearts of brothers and sisters and the relatives to get the best from Allahu ta'ala this month.

Observe the seclusion (ittikaf) in the Masjid covering the last ten days of Ramadan. Ittikaf is to devote oneself to ibadats avoiding or plays and trivialities. A day ittikaf takes a devotee very far from the Hellish fire. You get as much as you give, work hard.

Pray constantly for the Ummah of Rasulullah (alaihi s-salam) past, present and future. Pray for humanity, and please pray for the entire creation.

Pray and work for peace to reign in the Ummah. The ultimate goal of our beloved Prophet (alaihi 's-salam) is peace with Allahu ta'ala and all His creation. Please pray that all Muslims and non- Muslims in difficult situations get relieved. Pray that all strayed souls (non-Muslims) find the light of Iman before death. Pray, my brothers, pray very hard. This is such a month that prayers hardly passes without the acceptance of Allahu ta’ala.

Use the night of Qadr in individual ibadats. Start searching for it from the twenty first night. This is not a night for wasteful ceremonies. It is a night of acceptance. If possible, please spend the whole night in worship and Duas (supplications).
The last night of Ramadan sharif leading to the Eid day is very special too. Do your best to use it well, worshipping and supplicating. Success of all efforts and all lives is judged by its end. Be extreme careful to end the month beautifully.
Go to the eid ground early and clean, (having taking Ghusl and using non- alcoholic perfume).

Make much Zikr and Duas on the Eid ground and on the way to and from the Eid ground. This is a special day and moments of acceptance, please round off cleverly.
End the Ramadan activities in gratitude for the efforts made and turn to your Lord, Allahu subhanahu wa ta'ala in regrets and sorrow for the failures and inabilities experienced. Deeds become accepted when ended with profuse Tawba (istighfar, Repentance). This is very important, do not forget!

Meet Muslims with smiles praying for a blessed (Mubarak) eid for all. Strictly avoid celebrating the eid with music, alcohol, mixture of sexes and all excessiveness known with the non-Muslims. Our celebration is eating and drinking without forgetting Allahu ta'ala. The Eid day is for gratitude, shame in a millions on those who turn this to an opportunity to commit sins, thus destroying the acquired blessings.

Always keep in mind the fact that the blessed month of Ramadan is to learn taqwa while the following eleven months are to practice upon the lessons and drillings of Ramadan. If your post Ramadan spiritual life is not positively influenced by the whole exercises in Ramadan sharif, then you must have missed the essence of this great month. What a great loss!

Remember also that we are here to prepare for the grave, for the next world. Ramadan is a symbol of the worldly life where we live within rules and restrictions until we arrive the day of Eid. We need, therefore, to fast from harams all our lives so that at death we resume the true eid, the everlasting eid and festival in jannat. Wishing all muslims a fruitful efforts this Ramadan and a blessed Mubarak eid . May Allahu subhanahu wa ta'ala, our loving, generous and ever compassionate Lord, make this Ramadan a kaffara (expiation) for our wretched past, and honour us with a future more blessed and fruitful than our present through the barakat of Ramadan Karim and through His love for Rasulu-Karim, the rahmat on creation, Hadrat Muhammad Mustafa (alaihi wa alihi wa sahabihi salawatu wataslimat attamuha wa akmaluha) amin.

FreeGlobe:
baba brainless when will you form government, we are tired of seeing you all over the place

hope u still have your father alive? learn how to talk to an elderly people

Flets:
Whatz with these old APC men and young women?

He is not an APC member ooo is a PDP member to the core

God is greatest

Dr Goodluck Jonathan, the immediate past president and stakeholders in Bayelsa have applauded President Muhammadu Buhari, for pledging allegiance to all in his inaugural speech.
Reacting to the speech, in Yenagoa on Saturday, Jonathan said that he was gladdened by the posture of the president.
“Buhari said that he does not belong to any clique, and I congratulate him for that statement.
“It shows that we should all rally around him to work towards the development of the country and make Nigerians happy,” Jonathan said.
Other opinion leaders in Bayelsa also commended Buhari for the speech, describing it as `a roadmap’ to move the country forward.
The Bayelsa Chairman of the Trade Union Congress of Nigeria (TUCN), Mr Tari Dounana, told the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) that the speech indicated that Buhari was ready to bring change to the country.
Dounana urged the new president to fulfill his promises to Nigerians irrespective of party, religious and tribal affiliation.
“The president said that he belonged to everyone and to nobody. That is the kind of words we want from a leader.
“Thank God Nigeria’s democracy is advancing and we have gotten a leader that will take the issues of workers very seriously,” he said.
Mr Ezekiel Ogbianko, the Chairman of the Rice Farmers Association of Nigeria (RIFAN) in Bayelsa, also commended the president’s inaugural speech, urging him to also look into rice farming.
“All Nigerians, especially RIFAN should cooperate with the new administration to move the country forward.
“I believe that if president takes actions on all he said, Nigeria will move forward,” Ogbianko said.

Also Rev. Samuel Ayadi, Niger Delta Coordinator of Artisanal Fishermen Association of Nigeria (ARFAN), said that thousands of fishermen across the region were impressed by the inaugural speech.
“The speech raises a lot of hope and for the new president to even mention the Niger Delta issue shows that he cares.
“We, the fishermen, have showcased our challenges to him during his electioneering campaigns.

“We expect him to address pending oil spill compensations, especially the Bonga Spill incident and assist the traditional fishing sector to enable us contribute towards food security,” Ayadi said.

Mr Namso Ekpo, the Leader of Onna Industrial Youth Cooperative, a Niger Delta based group urged the new president to industrialise the Niger Delta region to meaningfully engage the teeming youths.
“The president mention

“The president mentioning the Niger Delta region in his inaugural speech means that he has done research on the problems facing the country and we await his actions to address the issues.

“We are ready to work with him to meaningfully engage the youths in productive ventures and be self reliant,” Ekpo said.

www.vanguardngr.com/2015/05/jonathan-hails-buharis-inaugural-speech/

bruno419:
No station in imo state is selling below 130....Our so called president is just eating like a hungry man....why not deploy officials to probe all these stations??

Bro reason with ur brain pls!

As a formal Military man he know how to tackle insecurity , so Mr ifeduba shut that ur gutter mouth

Their hands are not clean. instead of buying jik to wash their hands they are running away

A Nigerian minister, Segun Aganga, PDP chieftain, Tony Anenih and the Governor of Benue state, Gabriel Suswam today departed Nigeria on a British Airways flight out of the Abuja’s Nnamdi Azikiwe International Airport apparently to avoid getting caught. The three were last seen boarding the BA flight scheduled for an 8:00am departure to London.
SaharaReporters learnt that more party officials and President Goodluck Jonathan’s aides, ministers and several appointees have either fled or planning to flee the country afraid that incoming President Muhammad Buhari will probe the administration of Mr. Jonathan and jail those found guilty of corruption. Last week, the Minister of Petroleum Resources, Diezani Alison-madueke traveled on the same flight with Buhari to London, while on the six hour trip she made several attempt to start a conversation with Mr. Buhari, but the 72-old winner of Nigeria's presidential election known for his no-nonsense stance on corruption rebuffed all her entreaties. It is not known if she ever returned to Nigeria.
The wife of the Mr. Suswam, Yemisi, reportedly left yesterday to Houston in the US to avoid getting caught up in the sweep


source sahara news

prettythicksme:
Nice thread,i read it from a-z it makes sense

Thank u ma'am

rawpadgin:
why is everybody trying to be a relationship expert

I don't know ooo

Ewizard:
kul ...

Thank

olexjay:
I always learn to appreciate tinx.... @Op tnx for d post.









The fact is that I don't read it cos its too much

Welcome bros

Intimacy in marriage is often left undiscussed, or is nervously joked about, "Oh, we never have sex, but who does?" Many couples will experience at least one prolonged period of time in which physical intimacy is not part of the equation. Perhaps it's due to a difficult pregnancy or postpartum recovery, time apart caused by work schedules, other health concerns, or general marital discord. Whatever the cause, once a couple has resolved the issue, it's not always easy to just pick back up where you left off. In fact, it can feel more awkward than the first time you had sex with each other because this area of your marriage may be difficult to talk.
So, how do you cross the chasm between you and begin again? Here are a few ideas I share with my clients:

1. Acknowledge the awkwardness

This means you need to talk about it, as openly as possible. The proverbial elephant in the room isn't going to go away, so you might as well acknowledge it's there. Here are some suggestions to do just that:
Talk about what it has been like to be without physical intimacy, why you would like it again, and what aspects about it you enjoy.

Discuss whatever apprehension you might be feeling such as possible pain, body image issues, fears of repeating negative patterns and so on.
Be a curious listener and really give your partner space to share their feelings and experiences regarding sex.
Keep the conversation as positive as possible and keep in mind you are trying to move forward.

Stick to the topic and keep it short.You don't have to discuss everything in one conversation.

If you need more guidance in having these kinds of conversations there are loads of books,classes, workshops, and couples' counseling to assist you.

2. Schedule it

Before you call me completely unromantic, finish reading this section. Initiation any kind of physical intimacy can be extremely intimidating if there is a history of rejection or if it's unclear one partner is physically and emotionally ready. Often, the anxiety around initiating sex can be so high that the individuals involved would rather keep living without it than experience the pain of being told, "No," again and again.

Scheduling a time for sex takes initiation off the table. For example, let's say Kim and Mark have decided they are going to be intimate Saturday morning. This means that starting Thursday each of them would begin to mentally and emotionally prepare. Perhaps the flirting goes up, which will only heighten anticipation. Maybe they each make sure they're showered and their schedules are cleared to allow for a relaxing morning. By setting aside a time, you actually improve your chances of success.

3. Go slowly

As anxious as you may be to get back to sex, remember to take the time necessary to ensure both of you feel as good and positive as possible. Think back to when you were dating. Maybe you enjoyed a good foot rub, or neck massage. Maybe you loved gazing into one another's eyes while holding hands. There was time for kissing and cuddling. All those things can and should be brought into this experience again.

If you've scheduled your time, there should be no rush. By allowing each other the space needed to feel comfortable, stopping and talking about concerns if needed, and making real connection—mental, emotional, spiritual and physical—your goal of creating a long-lasting and mutually satisfying sex life is more possible than if you just got right to sex itself without a lot of thought.

4. Create an atmosphere

Physical intimacy is sensory at its most basic level. It is sight, sound, touch, taste and smell. Is your room clean? Are you clean? Did you check your breath? Have some mints or mouthwash handy. Also, adding a bit of her favorite cologne or his favorite perfume will help remind you of good times together.

Research has shown time after time the power has over our moods. Put on some music you both like. Turn down the lighting and/or light a few candles to create a romantic climate. Again, married couples can get lazy and forget how important some of these very simple things are to experiencing a great time together.

5. Sex isn't the only form of physical intimacy

Couples who have experienced a period without sex or otherwise often experience an overall lack of affection itself. It's important to acknowledge this and look for ways to improve. I've had many women in my office complaining that if they even touch their partners that it's automatically intrepretated that they want to have sex because it has been so long.

Both men and women enjoy touch — a welcome home hug after work, cuddling on the couch, holding hands when walking into a restaurant. If the only time you're being affectionate is in the bedroom the likelihood of maintaining a prolonged and mutually satisfying sexual relationship goes down. Look for ways to engage with each other outside the bedroom and you'll be more satisfied within it.

Breathe easy, this is normal

Many couples I see just want to know if they're "normal." But what is ? Normal is what works for you and your relationship. Normal is having to negotiate the ups and downs of marriage including health concerns, pregnancies, and so on. Not to be a downer, but there will probably be very few times in which you're totally in sync as a couple sexually. The "norm" is to have to work together to find solutions and compromises. To find things that work for you and your relationship. Working together on challenges serves to strengthen your overall relationship. And the next time you experience something difficult, because you will, you can look back and realize you don't need to panic because you've already learned how to weather difficult times.

At the same time, sex is a wonderful and awful part of marriage. It can be the cause of pleasure and happiness and the cause of the greatest pain and heartache. Being in a relationship is not for the faint of heart, but it will cause the greatest growth. I encourage you all to carry on the best way you can.

Oct 20

bukatyne:
Beautiful writeup

Thanks ma

cococandy:
I learned that I must transcend my comfortable routine and cease doing the bare minimum required to classify me as a "good husband." I don't want her to remember me as "good." I want to be remembered as "great." Performing unexpected acts of service for my wife is like pouring gasoline on hot coals in a southern California beach pit. These simple acts take me into another realm of happiness at home.

Simple.

It goes the other way too.

Nice write-up

Thanks babe

CountDracula:
Hmmm... I like ur write up

Thanks

But first ... there's a few things you've got to figure out about her.

A doesn't care about the things you think she cares about. You go into the business world everyday thinking that if you can make a ton of money that she'll respect you more. You think that if you hit the gym everyday and put on a six pack of abs that she'll somehow not be able to take her hands off of you. You think that if you hold "powerful" titles in the various organizations you're associated with that she'll brag about you to her friends and family.

To a good woman, all of this is nothing to her. She doesn't want your money, your muscles, or your titles. Remember, when you first met her you probably had none of that, and those are probably some of your happiest times.

So what did you have going for you during those early dating years?

Simple.
You served her.
You genuinely served her.

You went out of your way to show her you care. You made her feel special and deep down there's a good chance that your wife wants that more than anything else in this world. She wants to feel special to her husband .

I was talking to my wife recently and I was telling her that I didn't think I correctly understood what serving her really meant. I've always felt like I've served her during our marriage. I help her when she asks me to fix the computer or printer. I work hard during the day for her and the kids. I take her out to dinner (normally with the kids). I say nice things to her on a regular basis. I take out the trash or help with things around the house.

But as I thought about all of the things I do for her … I realized that most of the things I feel like I'm doing to serve her is actually me just serving the family. Most of the things I do are no more than the necessary routines of life. I'd do them regardless of whether she's around or not. Most functions are just basic hygiene and maintenance factors for living.

It's when I go above and beyond my routine to dip into the things that might be troubling her without being prompted that she really lights up. When I do the things she knows I really don't want to do at the times I don't want to do them the most … that is when she becomes a raving fan.
At that point … sparks are flying and other troubles seem to fade into the background.
There's so much untapped potential within every single . Many marriages fall apart because of this single principle: Two people who were once madly in love, forget what it means to truly serve one another. Other more serious issues follow the neglect of this seemingly simple principle of service. Unsolicited service at inconvenient times is the glue that holds relationships together. This type of service causes and enables a relationship to excel far beyond what it was even in those dating years. The more you serve someone … the more you love them.

For some reason, as my wife has explained to me, there is nothing that turns her on to me more than when I start cleaning the kitchen and dishes all by myself without being asked or prompted. Just a little thing and yet it remains among one of the most effective things I could have done during a day to make her crazy about me. Again, these are the types of things a person thinks of doing when they're dating but once married, life sets in and you succumb to the routines of life, you lose that unique sense of service. You fall into a rut summarized by mental statements such as:

"I already do so much for everyone"
"I normally do this for the family and you normally do that for the family."
"I do my job and you do your job."

This mindset has got to be one of the most unrecognized follies of post honeymoon married life and yet all too common. I learned that I must transcend my comfortable routine and cease doing the bare minimum required to classify me as a "good husband." I don't want her to remember me as "good." I want to be remembered as "great." Performing unexpected acts of service for my wife is like pouring gasoline on hot coals in a southern California beach pit. These simple acts take me into another realm of happiness at home.

One of the first commandments of marriage is selflessness. If you base your relationship on the needs of your spouse, you will surely find happiness. And if you truly love your wife, then you want to make her happy.

Marriage therapist believes that women have 5 basic needs. Obviously every woman is different, but years of research showed that these are what they preferred on average.

Affection

This one might just rank as high as "Sexual Fulfillment" ranks on
Women need affection in a myriad of ways. You may cringe at the term "public displays of affection" or PDA, but the truth is your wife just needs you to hold her hand. We don't want to make out in front of strangers any more than you do, but an arm around your wife's shoulders or a gentle and loving touch shows that she's your #1. Let her know you're proud to be her husband.

Conversation

Women like to talk. Shocker, I know. It's actually a basic and binding way for them to express themselves. And if you have children, your wife may just need some adult conversation. Men, when you tune out, it makes women feel like you don't care. And women, when we ramble, men tend to tune out. Strong relationships are built on deep and meaningful conversation; real communication. So if you're wife says she wants to talk, turn off the TV, put down your phone, and open your ears.

Honesty and openness

To have a completely honest and open marriage, there needs to be rules. Generally, most women feel some type of insecurity in their marriage. These days virtually everything is guarded by a password. Your spouse should know your passwords. Whether it's for a personal bank account, social media accounts, or simply the code to open your phone, you shouldn't have anything to hide. If you find yourself in a situation where you're alone with the opposite sex, send your wife a quick text just to let her know. Many may argue that these methods violate your individual privacy, but guess what? Marriage isn't about you.

Financial support

Is money evil? No. It's necessary. The love of money? That's another issue. The need for financial support doesn't mean your wife is a materialistic or greedy gal. In fact, the most successful and financially stable people are those who are known as thrifty, frugal, and cheap. They know how to pinch their pennies, and their wives are happier for it.

Family commitment

In my single days, if you would have asked me what I wanted in a guy, I probably would have said a sense of humor, a sexy smile, and a loving heart. Those are some of my favorite attributes my husband possesses, but when I saw how important family was to him, I fell hard. In our years together, my hubby has turned down career and financial opportunities to spend more time with family. He is mindful of us in his every thought and every decision. He puts family first. And there's nothing sexier than that.

Whether your marriage is on the rocks or strong as nails, it will absolutely benefit from examining these needs and applying them to your marriage. Always strive to give your spouse the very best of yourself.

According to the National Center for Health Statistics, when a marriage ends, the woman is the one who files for divorce . While a man might leave a marriage because of a lack of intimacy, meeting another woman or because he feels as though his needs no longer come first, a woman leaves marriage for very different reasons.

Here are five reasons women end their marriages:

1. A lack of emotional connection
Men feel close to their wives through intimacy. Women generally need to feel emotionally connected to their husbands
first, and then the desire for sex grows out of that connection. When women look for companionship outside their marriages, it is more often for emotional connection than physical connection. Women like to be both known and heard. The most successful husbands know what their wives like and what their wives think.

2. Differences over finances

Some may think that a lack of sufficient funds leads a woman to leave a marriage, but divorces more likely occur because of different expectations for the way finances are managed. A wife may believe in the importance of saving, staying out of debt and making conservative investments. Her husband may want to take more risks with money and spend more freely — or it could be just the reverse. The point is that spouses often don't see money in quite the same way. It's important to talk openly about finances and come to a consensus on how best to manage them.

3. A man who is rarely home or not engaged with the family

If the husband is the primary breadwinner, he may believe that the harder and longer he works, the more he is demonstrating dedication to his family. But if he works late most days and travels a lot, his wife may begin to question whether or not he really cares all that much about her. If there are children involved and the husband is never home, a wife may grow resentful

4. An inability to resolve conflict

No two people will ever agree all the time. Rather, the key is to recognize and adjust to differences instead of trying to avoid them. Withdrawing, refusing to talk about problems or withholding things the other person wants never makes things better. According to a from the University of Michigan, "a particularly toxic pattern is when one spouse deals constructively by calmly discussing the situation, listening to their partner's point of view, or trying hard to find out what their partner is feeling, for example — and the other spouse withdraws." The best way to resolve conflict is to stay calm,
listen to each other and work to resolution.

5. Controlling or abusive behavior

In any marriage, in addition to being an "us," there needs to be a "me" and a "you." Marriages work best when two separate people with different interests come together and find common ground. Love does not equal control over one's spouse. For example, many women like to be close to family and friends and will struggle if they feel like they're being isolated. And, of course, it goes without saying that physical or emotional abuse is never, ever acceptable.

Remember the adage, "happy wife, happy life." The simplest way to keep your wife happy is to make your marriage a safe place for her to be. Talk with her, know what she likes and what makes her tick. Connect with her emotionally, and you may be surprised how quickly your love life improves.