₦airaland Forum

Lungwun,

Sorry sha. I can feel the pain, but what can any (bloody) civilian really do in this country?

Maybe to laugh, because I'm still chuckling with regards your regret over not going to NDA (also happens to me) and recreating Darfu at Loius Edet - no be Ekenea comment dem dey talk

Below na from joke chain email wey I get, wey you fit take bring down ya BP
--------------------------------------------

*** Exciting Job Opportunities in the Niger Delta

Our client, a Niger Delta Militant Group with branches in strategic locations throughout all the six South-South states of Nigeria is seeking to expand its operations to Abuja , the Federal Capital territory.
This expansion has brought about vacancies for qualified and experienced young officers. The positions are:

Area Head, Kidnapping:

The successful applicant who will report to the Executive Council, and the Executive Director, Abuja, is expected to possess the following competencies:

1) Minimum of 10 years experience in militant agitation. (Membership of Al-qaeda, Hamas or other similar organisation will be an added advantage)

2) Fluent knowledge of Hausa, Ijaw, English, Italian and German

3) Expert ability to distinguish between Oyinbos and Albinos

4) Ability to swim in deep waters

5) Ability to recognise fake/marked naira notes by sight

6) Ability to easily recognise all Senators and Ministers of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Evidence of previous successful kidnap of BIG MEN must be provided (pictures preferable)

Photographer:

1) Minimum of 5 years experience taking photos in war zones. (Domestic fights do not qualify as war zones for these purposes)

2) Proficiency in the use of explosives as camera lighting.

3) Knowledge of the different skin tones of expatriates, as an aid to taking high-quality pictures, is a must.

4) Proficiency in the use of Adobe Photoshop, and Internet photo uploading software is a must.

Please include a portfolio of previous photo-samples (must contain kidnapped persons OR be taken in war-zones OR be nightshots in blackspots like Oshodi, 3rd Mainland bridge, Apongbon, etc)

Militant Trainee:

1) Candidates must be between the ages of 13 and 50, be at least 4m tall, and may be male or female.

2) Minimum of Nursery School/Kindergarten certificate.

3) Jobless university graduates, and serving policemen will be given special consideration.

4) Possession of jungle boots and face mask is a must.

5) Preference will be given to persons with knowledge of foreign European languages, and persons with the ability to swim.

Renumeration:

Very attractive, competitive, and comparable with industry standards (payments in foreign currencies). Official guns, boats and grenades will be provided. Excellent training, involving offshore secondment (Iraq , Afghanistan etc) from time to time. Regular appearance on CNN, Alaaroye, Time Magazine, The Economist and other International magazines.

Excellent networking opportunities with Nigerian politicians, oil magnates, and foreign businessmen.

Interested applicants should forward their applications and detailed curriculum militae within two weeks to:
militant_recruitment@OsamaConsulting.com

nkc:
EI

on a serious note, i reiterate no CAR is BAD, d only problem is that there are few experts of this cars, and as such, when we can't find them and we have problems we run to quacks unknowingly, and then d WAR BEGINS FOR 1 HOUR

i don't like DIY, but after learning the hard way, i so much love it, because if i am driving and i remeber i locked that allen, so so and so way, i will feel glad , because i am d warden in that area , so peeps shld either INVEST IN EXPERT MECHANIC SHOPS, THAT WILL CHARGE LIKE MAD

Where are the expert mechanic shops really? Na The Honda Place/VW Centre (both under Stallion Motors Group) you dey talk? 

If na to charge like mad and provide comparative service, good value for money, then who go dey complain?

The after sales service averagely obtained from SM group, takes the value for money policy too far. Dem dey give lower edge service, at high (cost) value, for plenti money as bill   

nkc:


i dey work on am, but u and i know say d BEARS no gree

Urghhh!

U wan spoil my lunch - wicked man!

U for know say the mention of dat word (BEARS) dey turn person belle. Wetin wrong if you at least write something wey get BULL inside

Seanpoe,

I'm surprised at the 2.295m offer for the long wait till Sept! This is familiar terrain because in April when my family had an urgent requirement to acquire a low capacity knock-about (brand new) car, I had cause to speak to most brand dealers including Hyundai.

A quote from Andy (Hyundai's national sales mgr) on 25/4/2008, gave me two offers viz:
- pay 2.295m cash and collect from limited stock, or
- pay 2.195m and wait till July (when their next batch was expected)

It is possible things have changed since then wrt stock and price. The price anyhow is currently low when compared to competing brands like Toyota (Yaris/Corolla 1.6) and Honda (City), mainly because there is/has been a promo - when the promo ends is a mystery

One thing is for sure, the 2008 Elantra model has a lot for its looks and features (alloyed rims, tape/CD, ABS, airbags. 1.6l starting capacity etc.). And the demand for Hyundai cars has apparently hit the roof; relative cost being a critical factor.

However, the reliability of its parts (compared to the more established brands) may be another issue

nkc,

Bill Gates ke?
Den ya signature go change to Cash Money Billionaire

ON THE LIGHTER SIDE:

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching the telly when he hears a
knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little
Chinese man, clutching a clipboard and yelling: "You sign! You sign!".
Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts. Nelson is standing
there in complete amazement when the Chinese man starts to yell louder.
"You sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "look mate, you've obviously
got the wrong bloke. Sod off." and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the
little Chinese man is back, with a huge truck ful of brake pads. He
thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose, yelling "You sign! You sign!"
Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he shoves the little
Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, sod off! you've got the wrong bloke!
I don't want them!" then slams the door in his face again.

The following day Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, hears a
knock on the door again. Upon opening the door, the little Chinese man
thrusts the same clipboard under his nose, shouting "You sign! You
sign!". Behind him are TWO large trucks full of car parts. Nelson loses
his temper completely, picks the little man up by his shirt front and
yells at him: "look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must
have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Chinese man looks at him a bit puzzled, consults his clipboard,
and says: "you not Nissan Maindealer?"

fyneguy:
them don turn the whole thing to stand up comedy

Fyneguy was spot on here - I don laff tire!     

I know this is not funny for many of those badly bitten for their loyalty to this (Nissan; or any) brand, particularly where the support/mtce base is compromised (quite common in Naija with so many quacks running own workshops).

In some cases, victims look back and laugh over bad experiences (like some here have done; and my case too with my second Peugeot 12yrs back - a Renault engined GTI!). For others like emmydee's friend's dad, they carry the bad experience to their graves   

emmydee:
my friends dad used to own a Maxima car ,  It was so problematic that at some point before his death, when he remembered the car early in the morning, he wept!

Quite some education with Sultaan and nkc proffering useful suggestions about car owners getting more into DIY, while also ensuring expert repairers/repair shops for all vehicles (not just the Nissan Maxima).

But one interesting part however, and my question, is: Why is it that very few people would have originated such Threads on the Toyota or Honda brands? - nkc may wish to include VW to the list   

Is there really a general (maybe Nigerian) mistrust of the Nissan brand?
Is there something more fundamental than current discourses?

Maybe one of the most loyal customers of Nissan I know has been too busy to contribute.
Fotod, where u dey?   

         

Man pikin be fear sha O!

Afraid catch me say that kin outlook no fit the profile wey person get for the computer expert (u really be expert sef?)   

PS: But somehow de hand wey wan grab the gear for de VW Passat (some weeks ago), resemble de hand wey I dey see for Pic 3     

nkc,

Shuooo!
Na u wear bones for Pic3?

Facts and figures!

Make I run, face work squarely dis morning. See y'all.

nkc!!!
Buy at N1, sell at N24, wow!

Na una dey depress dis market sha. So much money dey comot go PP
Although I get small for PP sha, make I confess small

But come O, with 23x profit, wetin dey bother u again?

As I no get ya account, I don send some related mails through OG to you

fotodaddy:
EI!!!!!!

You be real old school, so tay you no know say na "LIVE AND LET DIE", AHHHH

nkc:
na me b d yung guy, D FILM NA casino royale

nkc don come with another "VW forever" kind stunt again. Casino Royale ke? Tori Olorun!

Anyway, una don confuse me again dis kin early morning; I don scratch head tire!
But wait O, no be "Diamonds are forever" wey our Naija lady, Shirley Bassey, sing the music - whatever dem dey call music wey dey start and end film

But I sure say una remember dat film wey Voodoo dey sha. De one James Bond do gra-gra, with dat voodoo man wey dey comot from grave etc. I watch de film for 1980, and by now person get many things wey occupy space for person head

fotodaddy:
The more of the dangers you know, the better you are at guarding yourself against them.

As they say, no pain, no gain!!!

The feeling of oneness and control with the bike is more than you can imagine. They way you go on about your Audi, multiply that feeling by 1000, well thats what you'll get from a bike.

fotoD,

My reaction is not quite like that of Ololade, but for past 15-20mins mins I've been transfixed on the gory details (i.e. without the will, guts or interest to even peep into the movie clips!). My tea is quite cold now and I'm lucky I saw this many hours before hitting out at lunch.

God has been gracious to us all but as I've told you many times, abeg tune down on this hobby. Please!!!!

I think I am able to imagine the thrills and frills, but all it takes is a second. One second - 1sec! And you don't have to be right in decision making for an accident to happen, because many drivers around us are hazards in human forms     

God helps us all (i.e. both car and bike riders). Amen!

jenju:
I tell them for port, say that ya car na VIP car and na wedding gift so if them mess up na African chief go send voodoo come wound them finish! Apparently, fear catch them, them load ya car.

Dis kind voodoo gist dey remind me of one film wey dem dey call "Diamonds are forever"

nkc:
@EI

thank u very much, i indeed have found one by d special grace of God, all i can say is that she is a Virtuous Woman, Just As The Bible Says, I Will Invite You Sir 2 My Wedding.

I See Yur Car In My GPS Radar, Make I Change In Course To Abuja Port, u knw say we get port here

Make I no hear u mention Abuja port again O! See me see trouble O. Shuoo!

PTL say u don find a virtuous woman and really glad that you will soon be settling down. I fit come if the place/time of the wedding dey convenient time. Sure banker if you post two flight tickets and 5 start hotel weekend accommodation - u know say de MDX don carry all my spare coins go

If you no fit because of how your stocks dey do, maybe I fit get postdated cheque to cover my expenses

BTW de way de stock market dey go, dey fear many people O!
Yesterday was a red picture for almost all securities (no place to hide). Not encouraging to even average out because no one is sure how far the slide will continue. Conflicting info from the regulators & Govt etc., with the investors being the worse for it
God dey, and go help us face our bankers

nkc:
EI

na my magic hands be that wey dey weigh 75kg

be4 i digress, d pic u want to attach, try and resize it to 640 by 480 and see how far or a bit lower, use a resize software, or a photo editor to do it

u know say abuja dey clean, so u no go see poto poto, but u fit see abuja plate number sha , and any oda landmark wey u knw say i fit go snap with am

when u meet me, u go no say i be small boy oh, wey dey do things wey our grandfathers no fit do

i wan marry sharp sharp, make that hand fat like

if u need help resizing u can mail d big one and i can compress and send back,

Thanks wrt the hints; I'll try it later as I have to run from the office now.

Meanwhile make you watch and pray O! "He that findeth a wife findeth a good thing, " no easy to achieve O! You get to pray, before you find. No be only to look

SO make you no let the "gals in (your) radar (wey) just increase(d)" to distract you.
The real wife materials no dey hassle anybody. God don prepare your own for you. Na for you to key in - e go happen by God's grace, if you let God do am for you.

Na 14yrs experience dey talk so

jenju:
EI,

Your ride is aboard ship and should arrive Lagos in the next 10 - 15 days. Ship was spotted via GPS, on the Atlantic ocean a while ago!

Cheers,
J

Jenju,

How now? Good say de thing don entire Atlantic - for ya interest, I believe say u don do night vigils, so dat no kin hurricane or cyclone go disturb dat ship O!

I be tire when I check dis afternoon (after not checking since last Friday), and seeing no new info.
I be dey work, try find time to halla you sha. Well done jare

So when exactly wey de wheels leave Baltimore? E fit make the 12/13th departure date?

nkc,

Na dis afternoon I fit enter dis Forum since last Friday. Work and weekend engagements no gree

I nefer still see de poto-poto ! Na only bucket and water

Dat hand wey I see for inside de motor you post, e be like say de owner wan kpeme O! Na ya own?

Or maybe na excitement make de foto daddy snap picture fast, make u handle de steering

PS: How person fit post picture wey pass 200kb, if de wan u save big pass am plenti? Na .jpg file (de tin tire me small sha).

FotoD,

Sorry for wetin happen O. Thank God say nobodi wound sha, else na another tin we for dey talk.
To fix motor na small tin, not the least for a fotodaddy wey get "TOO MUCH MONEY"!   

Great that you are taking it calmly, the way it should be. Save for more convenience, these things reflect our vanities and ego trips. Nontheless, a painful experience however we look at it.
Kai! that motor wey we all dey plan for since 

Let me share two fairly similar experiences within the past decade:
1) our first brand new car and first AT, day 2 after launching   
My wife's first taste of AT. Let go her foot from the brake pedal just after starting, with gear on reverse. The jump and panicky reaction almost took down the fence   
2) My current Accord, day 3 after launching!!      
Rear impact at Aba (front of NTA), enroute Calabar week of Christmas 2006. On the way to see the last carnival by Donald Duke. A teenage local was living out his ninth life at top speed and when I stepped on the brakes to let in an Aba bus driver that strayed into my lane, what followed was sustained screeching.
Just as it dawned on me it was an external source and check my rear mirror, the impact!   
I have a good heart (as in healthy), else maybe na to faint first   
As I came out to assess damage (many secs after impact), my knees bukled on sighting the damage to the impacting car, a Peugeot 504. All head/fog lights, front grill and radiator totally damaged! I thought the fancy stuff at my rear were gone.

PS: Make people no mind Nissan and VW, as de experience make me bow more for Honda O!   
Na only one small bolt I lose. No damage to lights, boot; minimal to rear bumper's neatness   

But no wahala sha, those tins na just motor   
Just be more careful as we bless the Lord that it was not worse - Romans 8:28

nkc:
brethren

i collected my passat 4motion today,

well driving is soundless, i had to accelerate to hear, but no way, it was soundless but speed was increasing fast,rapidly,lightnly , so i had to cool down,if it is this soundless, den EI be rest assured, that you're assured( CD burning for playing in d car)

i attached 2 last pic before they shipped it, tomorrow, i will attach nigeria to compare and contrast

I happy for u my broda!

Hip, hip, hip - hurray! nkc im own don beta!

But wait O! U know say u never pass de final test for we wey dey look
U know how we do Foto-daddy im own.
Just show de Naija poto-poto, as u know say seeing na believing

Siena:
Normally, I wouldn't comment.

But, N900,000 for a '94 Honda Civic??

Not worth that at all! Modifying a car seldom increases it's original value.
As for those exhaust tailpipes, they just look too wrong, stick out too far!
Makes the car look like a wheel barrow.

Maybe that, is the trick!

I stil dey scratch head; wetin concern burning CD and VW Passat?

@nkc,

I see say u dey burn CD for 2AM, today.
How far for ya motor? E don reach?

A PAN assembled Peugeot 504 GR/AC.
Second owner.
Quite cool to pull around those good ol' days, just before petrol pump price moved from 70k per litre   

jenju:
EI,

LOL, I don monetize your own warranty already na. If we come reappropriate additional instruments into this your suggested monetization, then the whole transaction go become Charity. You be big man and I know say you go reject charity with full force. Na me wey you for give big tip, make I thank you very much.

You don see where big man dey reject charity before   
So na me wey still dey take one leg stand, go start that kin tin? See me see trouble O! 

Anyhow I trust say you fit monetise am - I go text u my account number; no be only u go dey text people your account number     

But if u no hold, den u fit package one widescreen gbogbotigbo Gb memory Apple laptop, and Sony 35" plasma TV inside the boot of the MDX, before una roll am into de ship this weekend. Dat way, all of us go dey happy    

nkc:
my blood never strong like fotodaddy

this one wey u dey talk like this?

Meanwhile de way I dey see nkc now, e be like say ya driver get to appear today O!   

When person dey talk about blood, e get as e be   
Blood of Jesus dey wash clean from sins, but when pressure come join blood of person, na hypertension O   

And na when person even think say nkc na strong man, na im, im come dey breakdown at this critical hour; God abeg O!

jenju:
EI:

I offer warranty to Abuja residents only because I must be able to verify that they carryout standard maintenance of the car every 3000miles. Our mechanics are in Abuja hence I can only carryout the said verification for vehicles driven there. Besides, your car is too new for you to worry about that. Your car's manufacturer's warranty is still active - that should tell you a lot. On the other hand I can sell you the warranty if you insist. What type of coverage would you like?

Type of coverage?
Abeg tell me wetin my options be. Thank u bros,

nkc:


just saw d comment on coverage, oya EI, which coverage, u need, South east, north south

Shuooo! I tire O!!
If na MTN or GLO coverage, or if na South South, person no come know again

PS: Jenju suppose know say man pickin need and kuku don ask for monetisation before

@nkc on May 20, 2008, 07:58 PM
JUJU

do i qualify 4 this 6months maintenance free, you're giving everybody , or i qualify for 1yr,please make it 1yr


@Jenju
Car must cost at least N2.2 or be a Toyota/Ford/Mercedes to qualify.


So Jenju, which one now?
How many years mtce free my MDX fit get.
Why u no discuss dat one with me b4? Or maybe we go settle for monetisation

@Novice1,

Abeg look no further. If e no dey online, kia kia, make u call cardaddy, oops, fotodaddy.
Na im be our Nissan expert for this forum. But u get to hold small.

If u no hold, u get to get raps plenti, because im get "TOO MUCH MONEY"      

I miss the action. Dis kin work sef

@nkc and @icemann no wan gree for themselves. But a fair fight and good for nkc to initially ice-up, else e for fit turn dirty

The Wikipedia paste was exactly the way to go, in summarising the functionality. My wife's VW Polo did not have the climatronic functionality. Bt I know it is a feature for many VW/Skoda products.

And to tink say person wan argue ice issues with an [b]Iceman[/b]n

nkc:
now back to Vw, Vw is not for everyone, its for d engineers, and i know you're one, d thing with vw is that its highly computerised more than even bmw and benz, so d electrical should be sumtin to learn how to handle, all u need to enjoy your vw to d end ,is

A BENTLEY MANUAL

, VW 4 EVER TILL EVER NON EVER wetin i dey yarn sef


VW 4 EVER

VW 4 EVER

But nna, witch wan Bentley manual get to do with dis wan again?
Abi na Bentley dey make de VW wey u and "TOO MUCH MONEY" dey drive

PS: But u go explain to us why second hand value for VW no come close at all to either Honda or Toyota. Oya,

freshmoney:
@fotodaddy, im no good make frustration destroy person entire life. Na honda talk sey make you no get enough. Abeg borne the thing. If them dash you, na so you go dey pick all them babes wey dey for Naija one by one. Work hard on your fotography, one day you go become a car owner, may be car daddy.

Fotodaddy
FotoD
Cameradaddy
Cardaddy

All for de same person!

Maybe na im make de guy dey always dey rake say "TOO MUCH MONEY".

More money for each title

viperman:
RANKING (in order of superiority)
-----------------------------------------------

1. MERCEDES BENZ a.k.a [b]merci oloye[/b]

2. BMW

3. V.W

4. TOYOTA , HONDA

5. NISSAN

, AND THE REST,

I still dey scratch my head sha.
Vman first hail Honda in last line of originating post, then he come put the same "Honda family" as bracket 4th!   

Even though I dey use Honda for the 17th month now, I think I fully agree with Vman on The Merc possibly being undisputed first. But for higher fuel cost, I enjoyed the brand some years back as my cars no 3 (flat boot) and 4 (V-boot). Big, strong, reliable!   

For nkc them associates, I go still argue say VW no comot for top 5 at all.
Maybe na bad belle because of my experience with the brand - my wife just release im 2001 VW Polo 1.6 after 5yrs of service.
If na say as na low end of VW line, say e no fit dey optimal, I for no talk plenti. But we no kuku use reach 40,000km for our own sef and many of my pallies for office get Bora (also 1.6; same engine as Polo) and Passat 2.0, yet all of us dey jam for PHC Honda Place (before PH open VW Centre) all through those years in sometimes aggravated states